Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 087

"I've heard this." Mike remembered a conversation he had long ago. "If I recall, Merlin did something about it because things weren't going well. Something about separating the worlds or something."

"It was a bit more nuanced than that, but yes." She smiled weakly, then handed him a mug of cocoa. "So let's fast forward the conversation a bit. What do you know about the gods? The old ones?"

"Like C'thulhu and stuff?"

"Not the ancient ones. Think of Poseidon and the others."

"Ah, yes, the Greek gods. Or Roman." He scratched his chin. "I never could keep them straight."

"Greek. But that makes for a perfect segue. Mythologically speaking, which gods actually existed? They couldn't all be real, could they?"

"We know that God is sort of real." This came from Kisa. "He sent one of his angels to our house earlier this year."

"Really?" Mrs. Claus' eyes went wide. "What happened there?"

"Long story, but my friend Death accidentally triggered some conditions of the Apocalypse, so an angel came looking for him. It took them a long time to find him, they actually damaged the geas because I guess God or whoever was looking so hard that it disrupted enchantments."

Mrs. Claus scowled. "Earlier this year, right? Back in March?"

He felt the moisture flee from his mouth. "Uh, yeah, that's right."

"That's around the same time the protections around here started to fail. Santa thought it was an issue of belief as he spent so much time and energy trying to repair the wards around the North Pole." Mrs. Claus pinched the bridge of her nose. "It's why he was so weak this year, the magical barrier here takes a tremendous amount of energy to maintain, especially with all those scientists who wander up. Santa keeps moving magnetic north to throw off their compasses, but their GPS units know better."

"If that's true, then I'm really sorry. You guys got caught up in my bullsh--" He felt Holly spasm next to him. "...nonsense."

"You can't blame yourself for the actions of others. But if YHWH himself was involved, it's no wonder our barrier took such a beating." She stared hard at Mike. "For such a new player to the Game, you have certainly attracted a lot of attention."

"I'm not even trying to play it," Mike said. "I would love to understand it better, but it seems like the whole thing is one big trap."

She looked like she was going to say something, then thought better of it. "Like I was saying, what happened to these old gods? Who actually existed and who didn't? Why so many discrepancies?" Mrs. Claus surveyed the others like a teacher waiting for an answer.

"They were the same," Kisa answered. "Same entities, different name."

"Usually," Mrs. Claus said, then offered Kisa a cookie. "It was never uncommon for one of the gods to go by a new name, or change their identity."

"How did you know they were the same gods?" Mike asked Kisa.

"Please. I spent so much time in the room with all the Egyptian garbage, I read plenty of those books." She licked her lips and then devoured the cookie.

"It's best to think of these gods as immensely powerful beings who rely on belief as a wellspring of magic. Yuki is actually a perfect example of this. If she wanted, she could attempt to ascend to godhood, using divinity from worship to power her spells." Mrs. Claus looked out the window. "But ascension comes with a price of its own."

"Worshippers," Mike said. "Without them, you are nothing."

"Correct. Several millennia ago, the gods started a massive fight with each other. Sometimes, when a god loses, they get consumed by another, or are forced into hiding. If they truly want to survive a war with other gods, they can choose to let go of their divinity and become a lesser deity. Takes them out of the food chain, unless someone is feeling particularly vindictive."

"Wait, is that what Jack is?" Mike felt a hand on his thigh and looked down. Holly was staring straight at Mrs. Claus, as if enthralled, her small hand now stationary on his leg. It looked accidental, but he said nothing.

"Yes. When my husband found Jack, she had barely survived an all-out attack from another god. She was actually on her way here to get his help. Many of the old gods had perished from this world already, but my husband was known to help a few, here and there."

"So who was she?" Mike asked.

"That I don't know. I trust my husband and have no need to pry, especially because that can be dangerous knowledge. He did tell me that the transition was very difficult for her. To save her life, he forced her to descend, to relinquish her godhood in exchange for elemental power. He chose ice and frost because it was so counter to her nature that her enemies wouldn't expect it. After her transformation, he let her believe that she was an iteration of Old Man Winter himself."

"Well, maybe that wasn't his decision to make." Kisa narrowed her eyes at Mrs. Claus. "Why not at least tell her the truth and let her decide how to handle it?"

"When you ascend and become a god, you become connected into the universe in a way that no other being can manage. Think of it like the ultimate high, the pinnacle of achievement. To hide her, he locked away her remaining divinity so she wouldn't be tempted to use it. But it's more than that." Mrs. Claus looked at Mike. "Ascending to godhood gives you a body and mind capable of handling that kind of magic, it's one of the reasons not just anybody can do it. When Jack descended, she changed on a cellular level. It's the same process by which gods can be animals one century and humans the next. You can't just casually become a god again. Remembering who she used to be could become a death sentence for her."

Mike leaned forward in interest. "Kind of like Yuki saying I could have burned out my brain earlier. but on a larger scale. Last spring, I almost blew off my arm, forcing powerful magic to... hurt someone." He let his mind dance away from Leeds' memory, may he rot forever. "I didn't have full control of what I was about to do."

"And that's why her secret was so important. Should she remember, it would be like an entirely new identity has surfaced, one that now fights to control a body that is no longer compatible with godhood." Mrs. Claus turned her attention to Tink, who had just stuffed three cookies into her mouth. "You're unusually quiet."

Tink grinned awkwardly, revealing chocolate chips crammed in her teeth. The hand on Mike's thigh moved closer to his crotch, but when he looked at Holly, she acted like she was unaware of her actions. There was no doubt in his mind now that it was intentional.

"So, anyway, I suspect that the Krampus knows Jack's secret." Mrs. Claus turned her attention back to Mike with a knowing look. There was no doubt in her mind or Mike's that the Krampus knew, but she wasn't about to let everyone in on Santa's secret. "And he plans to use her powers to...I don't know. I'm still foggy on that part."

"The Krampus wants Christmas," Kisa said. "That's all we need to know. You're slowly dying, this place is freezing, and Jack is in our way. Let's address the issues in order. The furnace is easy. What do we need to do to keep you from dying?"

Mrs. Claus shivered. "We need more faith. Even though the elves were made from Santa's magic, they are still separate beings capable of existing even if Santa didn't. The same is not true for me. If not for Holly, I likely would have ceased to be hours ago."

"So then let's find the elves." Kisa looked at Mike. "We saw some in the bakery. I'm sure they're squirreled away somewhere."

"I agree." Mike shifted away from Holly to see what she would do. Her hand slid from his leg, but she casually dragged her nails across the fabric of his pants as her hand slid off. "Tink can head down to fix the furnace, but find somewhere to drop off Kisa to better scout the area for elves. Once we locate them, we can figure out how to make them good again."

"Breaking the Krampus' control should do it," Mrs. Claus said. "They have been under his thrall only a short time and will tend to revert to long-term behaviors. Once free, we can bring some here, or hide them throughout the village. That should buy me and us some more time."

"Do you have a map of this place?" Mike asked.

"No, but I've got plenty of paper in the workshop. Not the Workshop, just the room my husband tinkers in while here." She stood with a groan. "I can draw something up."

"Tink go see workshop." The goblin was already on her feet. "See Santa's tools, maybe find new hammer?"

Kisa narrowed her eyes at the goblin, then looked at Mrs. Claus. "I'll come with you. That way, I can ask questions about how this place is laid out. As long as I'm quiet, almost nobody can see me, and I can fit in plenty of tight spaces, so that's not a problem."

Mike studied Kisa's face. The catgirl was up to something, he knew it for a fact. Kisa's eyes flicked his way, and he saw hesitation in her features. Whatever she was up to, he might not approve.

Still, he trusted her. She might be his familiar, but he didn't own her. There was something she wanted to do, and he would find out eventually. "You guys should make a couple of maps. That way, if we use cat radio, I have one to look at here to get a better sense of what's going on."

"Oh." Mrs. Claus looked at Mike. "It just occurred to me that we haven't discussed what to do about Jack."

"Let Mike deal with her," Kisa said out of the corner of her mouth. "He's got a particular set of skills when it comes to situations like these."

"What Kisa is trying to say is that we've been in tighter spots and Yuki and I can figure out how to deal with Frosty the snowbitch." He grimaced and looked over at Holly. "I am super sorry."

"I'm getting used to it," she told him with a pout.

"I hope not." Mrs. Claus moved in front of Holly and knelt down. "Hmm. Eyes are still clear, complexion good. The last thing I need is for you to come down with Naughty Sickness. We need you at your best, so please take some time to relax."

"Yes, ma'am." Holly watched Mrs. Claus lead Kisa and Tink up the stairs toward wherever the workshop was. Once they were gone, she moved to the table and picked up the tray and thermos, then disappeared through the kitchen door.

Finally alone, Mike let out a huge sigh. This whole situation was poised on the edge of a knife, but it wasn't the worst thing he'd been through. At least they knew their enemy and had the start of a plan, which gave him an advantage. The incident with Leeds had caught him off guard and nearly broken who he was. Months had been spent dedicating time and energy to controlling his magic and strengthening his body just for an occasion like this one.

Now, if he didn't think of all the times his magic had gone haywire on him already since arriving at the North Pole, he would actually feel confident in their chances. Looking down at his belly, he gave his magic a little stroke and watched as it manifested as a glowing orb only he could see. Being able to visualize magic was going to be a game changer in a lot of ways.

"Why are you such a troublemaker?" he asked his stomach. His magic, realizing that it had been awakened for nothing, swirled around and popped out of existence, but not before forming into a shape that looked remarkably like a hand with a middle finger raised.

He made a note to bring that up with Yuki, then noticed that Holly had left a couple of mugs behind. Deciding not to be the terrible guest he already was, he picked them up and carried them into the kitchen where he assumed she was probably taking care of leftover cookies.

Stepping through the door of the kitchen, he was surprised when Holly nearly tackled him. Despite her small size, she was able to press him up against the wall by his hips, her fingers frantically working to undo the drawstring of his pants.

"Holly, um, the mugs!" He had nowhere to set them down, and she had caught him completely off guard.

"Fuck your mugs." She groaned after swearing, her eyes rolling back in her head. "Oh, gosh I love that word so much. When it leaves my mouth, I can feel it reverberate through my whole body."

Suddenly worried about her, Mike tried to move away, but Holly yanked his pants down, revealing his cock. Gasping in awe, she used both hands to lift it, contemplating both its length and girth.

"Are you okay? Is it Naughty Sickness?"

She lifted her eyes to meet his, a lascivious twinkle in her eyes. "This isn't Naughty Sickness at all, Mike Radley. You see, there's something I want that only you can give me, and Tink said you would be happy to oblige. What I'm about to do to you is one-hundred percent me."

With that, she opened her lips wide and tried to fit the head of his cock in her mouth. Her already tight lips stretched wide when his cock expanded, and she made a gurgling sound as she barely managed the first inch. Surprised by her behavior, it took him a moment to notice that she now had a hand down the front of her tights and was frantically masturbating.

Her technique was terrible, but she absolutely made up the difference with pure, unbridled enthusiasm. His cock practically vibrated as she continuously moaned into him, the narrow tip of her tongue dancing across the edges of his urethra.

She had been getting a little handsy with him out in the living room, but he thought back to how she had calmly watched him fuck Kisa. Clearly, there was something more to Holly than originally expected, and he was now determined to find out what.

"Here, at least let me set these down." With two mugs in one hand and a third in the other, he didn't think dropping them on the floor was a good idea. He did a stiff-legged waddle toward the nearest counter by the sink with Holly crouch walking backward to avoid breaking contact. Once near the counter, he heard the sound of footsteps just outside the door and moved so that his waist was hidden from view.

Holly chased him, and resumed blowing him just as the door opened. Mrs. Claus had an odd look on her face as Mike quickly set the mugs by the sink and turned on the faucet to rinse them out.

"Problem?" he asked, putting on his best poker face. Holly, to her credit, stopped moaning. She did, however, intensify the tongue play on the head of his cock.

"We're gonna be a while in the workshop," she said, then walked toward the counter, her eyes on the thermos that Holly had set there. Mike saw her eyes dart to the dirty mugs in his hands and he quickly rinsed them and dried them out with his shirt.

"Here you go." He slid the mugs across the counter, and she took them, letting out a yawn.

"Thank you, Mike. For everything you're trying to accomplish here." She stood there for a moment, as if lost in thought. "I almost feel like you were meant to be here."

"Uh, yeah. I think I know what you mean." He tried to keep a stupid grin off his face when Holly started playing with his balls. It was clear she was screwing with him, and he didn't want to end up on Mrs. Claus' bad side once again.

"Listen, before I forget, there's something I want to tell you." She set the mugs on the tray next to the thermos. "It's about Holly. If something happens to me, Santa, all of this...please take care of her. She can be a handful sometimes, all of the elves are, but she has a really good heart. The elves, they aren't created equally. Some are very driven by their work, others want nothing more than to please Santa. But Holly? Not the same. Don't let her size and elven nature fool you, she's a woman to be reckoned with."

Holly paused for a moment, one hand tightly squeezing the base of his shaft. Her grip was strong despite only being able to get her fingers around his girth.

"Yeah, um...I can see that. She's very...enthusiastic."

"Always has been, bless her heart." Mrs. Claus contemplated the tray, her fingers tracing the silver filigree along the edges. "But that's something all the elves have. Each one is like a tiny piece of my husband, let loose on the world to do good things. Do you have kids?"

He nodded, silently cursing the fact that the woman was feeling chatty while the equivalent of her daughter was trying to inhale his boner. It was the plot of a cheap porn, and he wasn't amused. "A horse boy and an omelet on the way," he told her.

She laughed, then realized he wasn't joking. "You are an odd one, Caretaker."

"You have no idea." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, which caused Holly to make a tiny sputtering sound as his cock went further into her mouth. Mike covered it up by faking a cough of his own. "It's so dry up here," he complained, desperate to avoid Mrs. Claus' wrath.

"I can get you some water," she said, then started to move around the counter.

"Nope, I'm fine." He grabbed the thermos and poured himself some more hot cocoa, then slammed it. The hot beverage trickled down his throat just as his glans popped past Holly's tonsils, causing him to moan and choke at the same time. "Yeah, that's really good," he said with a raspy voice, then put the cup back on the tray. "Tink can use that one, we're married."

Mrs. Claus looked like she had a lot of questions for him, but just shook her head and picked up the tray. "We'll be upstairs if you need us," she told him before leaving.

"Will probably be up in a bit," he said, then checked on her aura as she walked away. It was already unraveling again.

"Gah!" Holly pulled her mouth off his cock, a large gob of spit hanging from her lips. She wiped it away and looked up at him. "Knowing she might catch us made me so scared I got horny!"

"Yeah, about that." He knelt down and picked her up under her arms, then set her down on the counter. "I thought this sort of thing was bad for your kind."

"Heh." She leaned forward and grabbed him by the cock with both hands, stroking him to keep him hard. "Let's just say that elves react poorly to naughty behavior they aren't accustomed to. I had a bit of an...awakening some years back. I've spent the last couple of decades educating myself on certain topics."

"Certain topics?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I've been watching people fuck." She grinned as if drunk. "And before you ask, yes, that word is still hard to say, but I am so horny that I don't...fudging care."

He almost laughed at the slipup, but kept his face neutral. "You've been watching people have sex?"

She nodded eagerly. "Here's the thing, Mike. Sex is taboo, but not by law or anything. The other elves just don't do it. Finding a willing partner has been very difficult, and ever since I watched you pound Kisa in the Cocoa Lounge, I decided that I just had to have you. Your cock is huge, it probably won't even fit, and all I can think about is spending days trying to make it happen."

"That's a long time," he replied.

"I've been celibate for so long that everything up here looks like a dick to me," she told him. "Do you know how many tools I've borrowed just to get myself through the night?"

Oddly, that reminded him of a comment Tink once made about fucking her own hammer. "Maybe Santa should branch out, start giving grown-ups some toys of their own."

"I've put that in the suggestion box," she declared, letting go of his cock to pull up her skirt. "Every year, actually!"

Seeing those candy-cane tights, he felt his resolve weaken drastically. He put his hands on her upper thighs and used his thumb to tease her groin through the thin fabric.

"Oh, wow," she muttered. "Your thumb is almost the size of...elf dick."

"I imagine the average human cock looks monstrous to you."

She nodded, her eyes suddenly wide. "It's actually a little scary," she whispered. "Thinking about that big thing inside of me."

"Do you want to be scared?" he asked, dropping his voice an octave. He could sense it now, her desire for authority. It wrapped around him like a perfume, and his magic reacted.