Home for the Holidays Ch. 11-16

"Thank you," I said and meant it.

"You're more than welcome, Kenna." His eyes were warm; I could almost feel their heat upon me, ridding me of the anguish that I had been feeling.

He walked away and I sat back in my seat, trying to let what he'd said sink into me. When I looked up again, he was gone.

The rest of the trip, I slept. The conductor woke me when he called out the name of the city. I gathered my stuff, looking out the window to see the sun just peeking over the horizon. It was a little after five. I still had five days of vacation left. Right now, that sounded perfect. I could go home, close my door, and not emerge for those five days. I could splurge on ice cream and chocolate and try to forget my heartache.

I started walking, grateful that my suitcase had wheels. My apartment was only about three blocks away. I walked it slowly, thinking of everything that David had said. I also pondered why he looked so familiar. It was aggravating, like having something at the tip of my tongue. I couldn't quite pull it together.

It just didn't feel right, going back to that building without Nicky. He'd been my shoulder, my confidant, my strength through so many things. He'd always been there and now, now I'd lost him to that ... that ... I couldn't think of anything foul enough, so I left it at that.

My apartment door opened with a squeak that I'd been meaning to have fixed and hadn't yet. I walked into my bedroom, dropping my suitcase on the bed. Grabbing my clothes basket, I began trying to figure out what was dirty and what I could just put away.

But everywhere I looked, I saw Nicky. My bed, where he'd stayed with me all through the night when I'd had a terrible bout of the flu. He'd lain down next to me and held me. In the kitchen I could see him at the fridge, where he'd be hunting up my last beer.

He was in the living room, watching my television, crowing when his team was winning. He was handing me a tissue when I misted up over the chick flicks I conned him into watching with me. I don't think there was any space that didn't have some kind of memory in it.

"I can't stand this, I can't be here now," I said to the ghost-filled room. "I'll go grocery shopping." I grabbed for the keys to my car, and grabbed my purse off my bed.

"I'm not going to cry," I whispered out loud. I figured that was going to be my mantra for at least a few days. "When I get back, I'll do my laundry."

I hurried to the parking lot, unlocking my car and getting in. Even in here, the ghost of Nicky seemed strong. Putting the key in the ignition, I started to back out. A squeal of brakes interrupted my depression. I looked up to see the headlights of the car coming right at me. I had time to scream and then I was smashed against the door, my head slamming into the window.

Everything went black. I had time for one last thought before I was dragged under.

Nicky.

* * * *

I was groggy and wanted desperately to return to the blackness. There was comfort in the depths; there was safety from hurt and pain.

But whoever kept calling my name was persistent. I tried to open my eyes just a crack. One was swollen shut; the light seemed too bright and made my head hurt even more.

"There she is," I heard someone say.

"Go away," I tried to say, but my throat was so dry was all that emerged was a croak.

I turned my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. The blackness wasn't long in finding me and I gratefully surrendered to its sweet arms.

The next time I woke up, I could feel someone holding my hand. I turned my head. It was my father.

"Daddy?" I croaked

"You need water, baby," he said. He let loose my hand and picked up a plastic glass with a top and a straw. I got the straw in my mouth and sucked in the best tasting, icy-cold water I've ever had.

"Where's Mom?"

"I sent her back to the motel to get some sleep, baby."

"How long have I been here?" I asked.

"Three days," he said. "Three of the most terrible days we've seen. I think you scared ten years out of my life."

"Am I ... can I..."

"There's nothing wrong, baby. Here," he pulled the bedclothes up from the bottom and uncovered my feet. "Move your toes."

I did and all of them wiggled right back at me.

"My arm?"

"Your left arm is broken and you've had some closed head injuries. I have to get a hold of your doctor, baby."

"Wait, Daddy... is...is Nicky here?"

"He's been at your side since you were admitted. He feels he is responsible in some way." He thought for a moment. "You younguns know that I try to stay out of your relationships. I've always believed that it takes a while to find the perfect mate. Your mom turned me down the first time I asked her. I was so mad, I left the state. When I finally got my smarts about me, I realized that she was someone well worth fighting for, so I did. When you're around Nick, baby, you glow. Your happiness is in your eyes and his is, too. No matter what's happened in the past, let him speak his part. He deserves that much, doesn't he?"

He left and a nurse came in, taking my blood pressure and listening to my chest. She took my pulse, writing down everything on my chart. "It's about time you woke up," she said, kidding with me. "I'd hate to have a man like the one you've had here every day and not be able to appreciate it."

I tried to smile, but inside I was aquiver with nerves. Did I want to see him?

Good Lord, I wasn't ready for this. One part of me wanted to forgive him, to listen to what he had to say and try to get past it. My other side was all for telling him to go to hell.

Someone opened the door and I looked up to see my mom walking through.

She bent over the bed to hug me and then took my hand in hers. "How bad is my car?"

"It's totaled, sweetheart," she said. "But you're insured, you'll get another. We couldn't get another you so easily."

"Was the accident my fault?"

"No baby, the other man was drunk and driving, he'd already lost his license because of his drinking," she said calmly. "He was going too fast."

"Was he hurt?"

"Not even a bruise," my mother said angrily.

I moved in the bed, trying to get comfortable. My back was sore and my arm hurt. My head ached and every time I closed my eyes, I saw those lights looming at me and heard that shriek of metal on metal.

"I'm going to go get your nurse, have her get you something for pain. You should rest baby."

"I-Is Nicky out there?" I asked.

"No, he went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. Why, do you want to see him?

"No, I don't want to see him now, Momma, maybe not ever." I said letting a tear slip down my cheek.

"You just calm down, baby. I'll keep him out. You just try to get some rest. I'll get you something for the pain."

I leaned back against the pillow and sighed, my eyes closed against the light that seemed so bright. I scooted up in the bed, trying to reach the cord that would turn it off. Someone's hand came and turned it off and I sighed, looking up. "Thank ... Nicky?"

Chapter Fifteen

"Yeah, baby, it's me." He sank down in the chair that my father had just been sitting in. "How are you feeling?"

"Strong enough to kick your butt out of here," I snapped, yanking my hand away from him. I could see the hurt in his eyes and for just a minute, I almost relented. Then I remembered her and her lipstick and felt the same pain I did then, like a hand squeezing around my heart. "Why are you here, Nicky?"

"I woke up in the morning in the front room of my parents' house and you were gone. And this," he pulled my ring out of his pocket, "was sitting on my desk. It doesn't belong there, Kenna."

"Then maybe you should give it to Nadia. After what I saw that night, I know I don't want it anymore." I turned my head away from him, hoping he'd take the hint and leave.

"We have to talk about that," he said.

"No, we don't. After what I saw, I don't want to even talk to you at all. Get out, Nick. Get out and get lost." I was gritting my teeth and I could hear my heartbeat racing on the monitor.

He must have noticed it as well, because he let my hand go and gave me a terribly sad expression. "I'll leave, Kenna, if that is what you truly want, but we are going to have this out." He bent down and kissed my cheek before I could move away. "Whether or not you believe in me, you have to believe I love you more than my life."

A single tear slid down my cheek and he caught it on his finger. "I never thought I could hurt you like this. I wish you'd listen to me and know what I say is the truth."

"Leave," I said with a sob. He nodded, going to the door.

"I'll be back," he said.

I waited until he was gone before I let the tears start again. "God, help me, but I love him," I whispered.

My mother came in. When she saw me crying, she hurried to my side. I could barely breathe. Sobs shook my shoulders and I felt my mom sit down on the mattress. She reached out tentatively, careful of my injuries, and hugged me.

"It hurts so much, Momma," I whispered into her shoulder. "Why does it have to hurt so much?"

"You haven't told anyone why you left New York, baby. I know it had to be something terrible for you to run out on him the way you did."

"I-I saw him with another woman, Momma. She was in his lap his hand was on her leg and her lipstick was all over. He wouldn't even look at me, but Nadia did. That woman should be dipped in honey and then left over a red ant hill, followed by Nicky."

"Oh, baby, there has to be a reason behind that. When you had Nicky at the farm, you couldn't keep your hands off each other. You glowed. Why won't you at least listen to him?"

"What could he tell me? Oops, but he didn't have anything to do with pulling that ... that bitch into his lap. Oh, and while we're at it, I guess he had nothing to do with the kissing. Maybe as she fell into his lap, her lips bumped his and that's how the lipstick got messed up." She sat back wiping her eyes. "Nothing he could say to me would get that image out of my mind."

Her mother sighed. "Stubborn to a fault, both you and your father. It's a good trait sometimes but on other..."

"It's not stubbornness, Momma. It's self-preservation. If I let him back in, I'd lose my heart as well."

"Baby," she said, pushing some of my hair back behind my ear, "Everything is not always what it seems. Look at Bekka and Steven. Did you ever think he could fall in love with their baby? He even changes dirty diapers with a smile on his face."

"Good for Bekka. I'm happy for them, Mom. But what does that have to do with me?"

"Oh my, your doctor didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what? What's wrong, Mom? Did they find something bad like cancer or something?"

"No baby, it's not life threatening." She paused as if trying to decide how to tell me.

"Just spit it out, Mom."

"We haven't told Nick yet. We thought you might want to tell him."

"Tell him what. Mom, are you trying to be cryptic? Because if you are, you're doing a fantastic job of it."

She closed her eyes and I had a feeling this was going to be bad. "Mom, just say it, you're scaring me."

"You're pregnant, baby."

"I'm what?! How the hell did that happen? No, don't answer that, I know how it happened. I..." Oh holy hell. I couldn't articulate. "Are they sure?" I asked.

"They did a pregnancy test before they took you to x-ray. The doctor told us because you were so out of it."

"I'm pregnant," I said staring down at my stomach. "Did you tell Nicky?"

"No, that's for you to do."

* * * *

The next day I was out of bed and sitting in one of the chairs when my father came in. I managed to get up shakily and hug him. "How are you feeling, Grandpa?" I joked.

"You're going to keep it then?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I want to keep my baby."

"I'm happy to hear it, baby. You know we'll do everything in our power to help you."

I know, Daddy," I said, sniffling a little.

"Are you going to tell Nicky?"

"I'm hoping to never see him again."

"He's out in the waiting room."

"Oh, God," I said. "You want me to let him in here after what he did to me? How can you want that, Daddy?"

"Because you don't know the entire story. You have to listen to him, honey. He loves you." I stared into my father's face. He was sincere and positive of the rightness of what he was advocating.

"Did he explain it to you, Daddy?"

"Yes, I talked to him. But it's his story to tell and not mine."

There was a knock on my door and I turned my head to see who it was.

Shock barely describes what I felt. "What are you doing here?"

"I was wrong about you, Kenna. I can call you Kenna, can't I?"

I shrugged, I didn't care what she called me, as long as it wasn't done close by. "That still doesn't tell me what you're doing here, Mrs. Grenfield. Did you come to gloat? Is that what you're doing? Did Nick tell you I was in the hospital and you wanted to come and dig that knife a bit deeper in my back?"

"No, God, Kenna, no. Please, can I explain?"

"Daddy, will you help me back to bed?" I said, holding my arm out to him. Instead, he swooped down and lifted me in his arms, carrying me back to bed.

"Whoa, Dad, I think I'm a bit too big for you to carry," I said as he set me gently down.

"The day any one of you girls gets too heavy for me to carry will be the day

they lay me in my casket. Now, I'll let you two talk this out. If you need me, you press the nurse's station button, okay?"

He turned to Mrs. Grenfield. "I don't know you, but I do know you were part of the reason my girl here was so hurt. Don't upset her further, understand?"

My daddy towered over her and Mrs. Grenfield nodded quickly, scooting past him and sitting down in the chair I had just vacated.

"So explain." I said, pulling the covers up and over my legs. I was pretty klutzy because of the cast and she got up and helped me. "Thank you," I said grudgingly, angry that I'd needed her help.

"This is so hard for me," she said. "I love my son so much that when he left to move to Michigan, so far away from his family and friends, I'd have done anything to get him back."

"Including Nadia," I said.

"Yes," she said, unable to look in my face. "I'm mortified that I sunk so low, to be a part of something that terrible. Well, I think you know what happened."

"No, I don't. Why don't you explain it to me?" I said.

"Yes, I'd be interested in that explanation myself," said a deep voice from the

door.

I looked up to see Mr. Grenfield standing there. I sat in my bed and watched as Mrs. Grenfield seemed to crumble under his stare. I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

"James," she said, her tone pleading. "I am so sorry."

"Don't be sorry to me, be sorry to your son and to Kenna here, who was a guest in our home until you chased her away. Do you see those bruises on her, and the way she's moving? That's your fault, all of it. It comes back on you, because you couldn't cut the apron strings when your son wanted to go off and do his own thing. You couldn't let go of controlling him, or treat a beautiful young woman with any kind of respect or cordiality in our home. You've turned into someone I don't know, Helen." There was disgust in his voice, and in his face. "Now, tell us the rest of it."

"The drink," she began, her voice a little above a whisper, her eyes on her husband. "Nadia spiked it."

"With what?" James asked, anger overtaking the disgust.

"I don't know with what, I swear. That 'date rape' thing, I guess."

"And you knew about it? You'd better hope your son forgives you because you've committed a crime, a very serious crime." His eyes flashed with fury.

"I didn't know she was going to do it until after he drank it. You'd gone up to bed and it was just the three of us. I didn't plan it, James, I didn't know until after she gave it to him. You've got to believe me. I wouldn't hurt our son that way."

"You and I will discuss this at greater lengths later," James said, his blue eyes steely gray as he stared down at his wife. "But for now, I think you need to apologize, not only to Kenna but to her family and to your son."

Tears started streaming down Mrs. Grenfield's face. But she nodded and Mr. Grenfield moved towards me. "I'm sorry, Kenna. I'm very sorry for the manipulations of my wife. Trust me when I say, she'll never do it again. I hope you'll give Nick a break and let him have his say." He leaned down and kissed my cheek.

I felt tears welling and I nodded. Wiping my eyes with trembling hands, I stopped Mrs. Grenfield from leaving. "I forgive you, Mrs. Grenfield. I understand how hard it can be for a parent to realize that their son or daughter doesn't need them every second of the day. I do hope that someday we can get past this and move on."

"Thank you, Kenna," she said, wiping her own eyes with a wad of Kleenex.

They left and I was alone. I let out a long breath and tried to get comfortable on the bed. For some reason, I couldn't get comfortable. After a few moments reflection, I thought I knew why.

Gathering the hospital bathrobe I'd been given and belting it around my waist, I pushed my IV stand out the door and down the hall. I was shaky, each step becoming harder than the last, but I finally made it to the waiting room. There was no sign of the Grenfields, but Nicky was sitting there. He had his head in his hands, leaning forward to brace them against his legs. He looked so sad, it tore at my heart.

"Kenna," my father said and I saw Nick's head come up. He was on his feet in a second. "What are you doing down here?"

"I need to speak to Nicky, Dad."

"Here?"

"No, I thought Nick would help me take a short walk and then get back to my room. That is, if he wants to?"

"Yes, he definitely wants to," Nicky said, hope shining in his eyes.

We left the room, Nick putting one arm around my waist and the other pushing the unsteady IV pole that had given me so much trouble.

"Did you know your mother was coming to visit me?" I asked.

"Mom, here? I didn't even know she was in Michigan. What did she want?"

"My forgiveness." I stopped walking and turned to face him. "I should have never doubted you. I feel like an ass. I was so wrapped up in my hurt and anger I never once thought about you and what you were going through. Nadia spiked your drink. You wouldn't have touched her if it hadn't been for those drugs. How could I doubt you? I feel terrible."

He wrapped his arms around me, careful of my bruises. "I would never hurt you like that, Kenna. I love you, I want to marry you."

He pulled my ring out of his pocket and slipped it on my finger. "No more doubts?" he asked.

"None," I said. "Though your mother might have some problems with your father. He didn't look too forgiving when they left my room."

"They're both here? Why didn't they stop and see me?"

"I think your mother came to apologize, Nick. I think your father came here to hear her apology and then to take your mom home. I think she's going to have to do a lot of groveling for your dad before he's through. And me, I owe you an apology as much as she owed me one," I said, but his fingers came up to cover my mouth and I stared up at him.

"You owe me nothing, baby. It was a mistake and we are both thoroughly over it."

"No, wait a minute, Nicky." I still had one thing to tell him. "You need to hear this."

"Okay," he said, "but let's walk back toward your room." I nodded my assent as he pushed the stupid IV pole out of my way.

"I don't think there's any way to say this but just say it," I said softly. "Nicky," I said taking a huge breath. "I'm pregnant."

Chapter Sixteen

Nick's face was priceless. For almost an entire second, his expression was blank, as if I should say it again. Then it cleared and a huge smile grew upon his face. "You're sure?" he asked me, carefully letting his hand slide to my flat stomach. "My baby is growing inside of you?"