All Comments on 'Hot Houseguest'

Hello,

Overall a respectable attempt. Generally if a sentence begins with If or When a comma is needed at the end of the phrase or clause. For example: "If she does this, I will be happy." or "When she came home, I knew something was wrong." Commas are also needed before conjunctions (and, or, but, nor, etc.) in compound sentences. Compound sentences are two sentences put together with a comma and conjunction or a semicolon. A semicolon is generally used in short or medium length sentences closely tied together. For example: She was mad, but I was happy. She twirled; I saw her thong. Comma splices are when you join two independent clauses (basically sentences)with a comma instead of a comma and a conjunction or a semicolon (;). You seem to be in a hurry to get to the end and should control the pace of the story with sentence structure and description. More information about Jen's partner's crime and incarceration would help. Nine months is a weird sentence. Anything as per one year or less is done in jail, more than one year is served in prison except for some 30, 60, 90, or 120 day shock programs. Finally, a lot of Literotica author's think it's cool to use words such as "whilst," "arse," "quim," etc. Read those sentences out loud and you'll find they are discordant and stop the story's flow. They are a distraction which you as a writer can do without.

Best regards,

Crwth

9 months, to cover her hubby's jail term? How about another 9 months to cover a pregnancy?

Good story generally well written.

I don't know why it attracted such close attention from the grammar and language "expert" in the first comment.Firstly the story was obviously written by an English writer.Whilst, quim and arse are not discordant in England and whilst not common US usage, are not reasonably criticised on those grounds. It's quite good fun trying to guess the origins of writers which can often be done by the vocabulary but sometimes by the grammar.Indian writers will often for example omit the definite and indefinite articles( the & a )wheras writers of Easten European backgrounds will include them, possibly unnecessarily. For example, a Russian speaking or writing English will frequently say "I like the (not "to")dance".Irish and especially Welsh writers and speakers of English are easily picked by the fact that they tend to preserve the usual word orders of their previous Celtic languages

As an Australian brought up in England who worked for a period in the US I would like to suggest that the glory of English is in its capacity for difference and inventiveness ,not conformity.We might also reflect on the fact that there are 430 million people on the Indian sub continent who speak English everyday. Will they replace the US as the US replaced England as producers of 'Standard English'? After all Bollywood already makes more movies than Hollywood as well!

Pretty good. Well done.

One commenter made some comments on sentences.9 months or even 6 or 3 months are not unusual sentences in countries other than the USA. In addition there is no difference in meaning between prison jail or gaol anywhere else in the world.

I love the story! Keep writing!

The story was fine, I wish my wife brought home a friend like that.

Now to the chase: I really hope you got as much of a laugh out of the academic comments on legalities and grammar as I did. Congratulations on having a story on Lit that got more feedback on technical issues than on its eroticism.

All the best,

eff

I wonder how many men find out after they are married that the wife is a closet lesbian/bi or fuck slut. OK if like here you get another piece of tail but usually controlled by the wife so you'll always be in a no win situation. If you agree then join in - if not then she'll tell you to fuck off as she has no intention of changing.

It made me hard all the way through.... it must be a lot of men dreams to see, let alone partake with 2 women, well put together.......

Lose the word 'quim.' And the word 'vagina'—this is erotica, not a medical report.

A bit different especially the point of view of the husband when he is away - certainly a realistic attitude rather than idealistic - but hard to live with for most - how do you accept the behavior and KNOW she will be waiting when he gets back - the odds were not good - too many lose their wives without accepting the cuckolding.

Interesting idea that she really only played when he was gone - and respected him enough and loved him enough? to stop when he was around?

This is what I call a true loving wife story. Most of the loving wifes should be called cheting wifes tales.

Where is the continuing story ?

geronimo_appleby is a good & prolific writer.

Super story... great build up.. steamy finish..