All Comments on 'I am the Fountain of Youth Pt. 01'

nice start lets see where it goes.

I have an idea where this is headed from this submission and the title. It will be interesting to see where you take it. This submission shows potential and exhibits skill as a writer, but could do so much more. Descriptions help the reader visualize what the writer sees in his mind as he writes the story. Such things as height, hair style and color, approximate weight, and clothing types, styles, and colors all help the reader visualize an individual. There is also what I call the tittilation factor that describes breast and penis size, pubic hair color and trimmed or shaved, nipple and areola size and color. Adding this additional information will lengthen the submission somewhat, but will make it more readable and enjoyable to the majority of the readers.

Working with one of the many volunteer editor/proofreaders here at Lit can do much to improve wour skills as a writer. It is a very easy thing to use the wrong word or tense when writing, which makes the reading more difficult. An additional thing to consider when writing dialog between persons is to consider the character's background and education level. It helps add a bit of believeability to the story and will definately keep a serious reader interested.

I believe there to be two types of readers here - 1)Those interested in only the quick stroke-off gratification and 2)Those wanting to read an interesting, tittilating story. Each potential author must consider which audience he is primarily writing for. There are several multipart storylines on this site I have been following for years so I am definately the second category of reader.

I would have to say 4* on this one. The potential is there but wasn't fully explored. Keep writing, I like your style. It is very readable, but needs expanding for the full 5.

I am hooked - I need to know more please

Very good story so far................

Your first story and it is this perfect??!!!

Tell us more in your bio, please!

I liked the story and it's a good start.

I agree with everything SSW said, you need to flesh it out more. You have to make us able to see what your seeing using details about body type, personality, etc..

Keep going this has some awesome long lasting potential, especially if you spend the extra time fleshing it out and take time to proof read your work at least three times.

Looking forward to future chapters

Your killing the set up. Love it keep it going

my brother

If you write a story in chapters at least wrap up the chapter before ending it. Very confusing ending with NO explanation as to what and why the story line is occuring.

Yes, it's obvious where things are going based on the title, but this "chapter" consists of a mother announcing to her son that he's adopted before jumping his bones. There's no development of either plot or character.

This is a great beginning, so keep it up. Then you will have a masterpiece of your own making. Thanks for the read. Don't let the knot heads influence your series. As a beginning it's better than some I've read, quite a few stinkers.

I REALLY love this story so far!!! Please continue with the story line!!!

I would really like to see where you take this story!!

A HUGE FAN!!!

where is part 2?

Like the build up. Now want to hear more

Great subject to write about but written very badly. Mostly unreadable. 2*

Really???? You start off so good and then........ WTF? Continue please

Once again, i've forgotten to check the story page. i can see you've only written the one story but hadn't looked at how many ages ago you'd written it! Years now. Fuck me runnin'! And, yeah, this part needed more to know what his magical semen was prepping for! So now we're all stuck with only our imaginations to fill in the big blank you've left us with. Thanks, dickhead.

WTF? Now i see there IS another chapter, somehow not showing up on the story page. A REPRIEVE! Halleluja!

error 404 My pleasure was very short-lived. Is the story in here somewhere. If so, i ain't got the access. FUCK!

[15.08.233]

Sexcellent Sart!

Buuuut where is the REST?????

This seems to be an intriguing concept, but I can't tell for sure.

Further cementing my belief that this site needs some kind of indicator on the list of an author's works to indicated that for various and sundry reasons that a story is 'ABANDONED'.

For this intro...I give it 11/10!!!!!