I Kissed a Girl Ch. 04

I procrastinated for another thirty minutes while I made some popcorn and poured a glass of wine. I flipped the sound back on the television as another movie started. Great. "Thelma and Louise." Talk about two women who belonged together for life.

I glanced at the phone again. Oh hell. Maybe I was just making this more than it really was.

I hit the mute button on the remote, snatched up the phone, and pressed the power button once to light up the screen to dial. That's when I saw the blue box with "1 Voicemail Message" posted over the wallpaper image of the Eiffel Tower view from our hotel room in Paris.

Damn. When had that been left? I hadn't heard the phone ring at all this weekend.

My finger hovered over the button that would take me to my voicemail. I couldn't think of anyone else who would call me, but I would be devastated if it wasn't from Jenna. I set the phone aside and turned up the sound on the television again.

I watched the movie until after the bar scene where Thelma almost gets raped and Louise kills the would-be rapist, hoping that if it had been Jenna who'd left the message, she'd call again. I was getting as jittery as Susan Sarandon and Gina Davis running from the law, glancing back and forth from the screen to my phone where I'd set it on the arm rest, praying for it to ring.

The movie broke to commercial, and I let out a loud groan. What the hell was wrong with me? I jabbed my index finger at the tiny buttons on my phone until the screen flashed the list of recent calls. Right at the top was Jenna's name and number with a timestamp of six hours ago. I'd still been sleeping.

I dialed the number for voicemail and raised the phone to my ear with a shaking hand. When I heard the automated voice tell me I had one message and the time it had been left, I cursed it to hurry up. I closed my eyes and smiled a little at the sound of Jenna's voice, but my smile quickly disappeared as I listened to the message.

"Hi, Kat, it's Jenna. You're not picking up, and I'm on the freeway. Mr. Jacobs—damn, I hate calling him that; he doesn't deserve that title—anyway, Tim is sending me to California for the next week for a business conference. I'm not sure when I'll be available to talk, so just leave a message if you need something and I'll try to get back to you. Bye."

I pulled the phone away from my ear and frowned at it. I could just barely hear the automated voice asking if I wanted to keep or delete the message. For some reason, I chose to keep it. I guess somewhere deep inside, I wanted to be able to hear her voice if I got too lonely.

Having that matter resolved, I tuned back into the movie half-heartedly. I wondered that if Jenna and I were in a predicament like Thelma and Louise, would she have my back? And for some stupid reason, I pictured Lauren and Jenna together trying to outrun Harvey Keitel in a convertible through the western desert, except that they were heading towards California not Mexico.

I shook my head and snorted softly. "Get those stupid ideas out of your head, girl. You just imagined whatever that was at the bar. You were nervous about being in public like that with her. There is nothing going on with Lauren. Jenna is out west—by herself— on business. When she gets back, we'll move in together. In fact..."

The clock on the stereo showed it was only two, and the view out the window revealed it had finally stopped raining. A plan quickly evolving in my head, I changed into something more street-worthy than my pajamas and robe and retrieved three empty cardboard boxes from the storage closet. I did a quick perusal of my necessary belongings, packed them up, grabbed my set of keys and the ones to Jenna's place, and took three trips down to my car.

If Jenna wanted commitment, then she was going to get it.

###

Monday morning, I had a clear head and a smile on my face. I could imagine birds fluttering and tweeting over my head as I sat up and stretched like a Disney princess and laughed. Okay, maybe I was exaggerating, but it pretty much summed up how I felt inside. Completely opposite from my mood all weekend.

It was a little weird waking up in Jenna's bed without her beside me. Plus the sheets and comforter were throwing me off. We had gone shopping last week, and Jenna had pointed out a bedding set she'd fallen in love with. I'd secretly echoed her sentiment, but I had been too afraid to say anything at the time lest she think I'd made a decision about moving in together.

Well, now I had, and I had bought the set last night, as well as a few bathroom accessories I'd seen her eyeing. I felt a little guilty that we hadn't technically picked them out together, but I hoped she would be pleasantly surprised when she returned.

I went through my routine of taking a shower—using the new set of towels I'd purchased—and having a cup of coffee and a bagel before getting dressed. I swear I had a new perk in my step as I left Jenna's apartment and drove to the bank. I couldn't wait for her to get home.

Why had I been such a bitch to her? She was only doing what any girlfriend would do. She was my someone to fall back on, and vise versa. My Thelma to her Louise.

The day passed quicker than I had expected for a Monday. As I waved goodbye to my co-workers, I giggled like a little girl getting ready for a party. I went in the other direction as I left work, driving back to my apartment.

I had more packing to do, and I was on a time crunch. I needed to sort through everything I owned, determining what I wanted to put into storage and what I thought could be moved to Jenna's. A moving truck would meet me at lunch tomorrow, and I would need to be ready.

I'd also worked it out with a realtor to lease the apartment until it could be sold. He already had a client who was looking to rent long-term while in the city for business. It was good news for everyone, it seemed. Funny how only a couple of phone calls could change your life in an instant.

It wasn't until I had most of my apartment packed into boxes when doubt crept in. What if Jenna was upset with me when she returned? What if she had changed her mind since we'd had the one-sided conversation about moving in after making love? Especially after my behavior on Friday?

I slowly lowered myself to the couch and looked around at my life that was now either in boxes or labeled with a Post-It to get stored away.

No. I was doing the right thing. Despite my apprehension, I knew this was an important step I needed to take.

This had been my apartment with Danny for almost two years. I'd only lived there a few months before we'd met, and once we'd gotten serious, he slept there most nights. I laughed at the thought that we'd been engaged and on the threshold of marriage, yet we'd still kept our separate places. And here I was moving in with my girlfriend after only really getting to know her after four months.

I shook my head and got back to business. It was getting late, I had work tomorrow, and I still needed to get to Jenna's apartment to go to sleep as I'd already dismantled my own bed.

###

It was Wednesday before Jenna called me again. I was on my lunch break and trying to shove a small bookcase in the corner by the window when I heard the ringtone I'd set for her: kd lang's "The Air That I Breathe." I smiled and left the bookshelf cockeyed to retrieve my phone from the kitchen counter.

"Jenna!" I was all smiles, and a little out of breath.

"Hey, Kat, just checking in."

Jenna's voice sounded so far away. I felt a pang of longing for her. "Sorry I missed your call on Sunday. How's the conference?"

"When we're not in a seminar, we're hosting a booth at the trade show, and it's non-stop running in between. There's barely enough time to eat or sleep it seems. How are you?"

The background noise level increased a little and then faded away. She must have changed ears with her phone. "Same old, same old. Just working and keeping busy. Hey, I'm sorry about Friday. I don't know what got into me."

Or what got into me right now. Here I was pining for an apology from her, but after hearing her voice, I was the one giving in? Ugh. I was hopelessly lost when it came to Jenna Swallow.

"It's okay, sweetie. Not sure what was up with that, but I figured it would blow over."

I bit my lower lip for a second and decided what the hell. "Hey, I have a surprise for you when you get home."

"Oh? I like surprises. Give me a hint."

"Nope. A surprise is a surprise. You'll see when you get home. Are you flying in on Saturday or Sunday? Do you need me to pick you up?"

"Saturday evening before dinner. I have a ride, but thanks."

"Oh, okay."

"Jenna, we're going to Planet Hollywood for lunch. Come on," I heard a female voice say.

I froze with my mouth open. Surely I was mistaken. It couldn't be...

"I have to run, Kat. Lauren and I are going to lunch. Love you, bye!"

The phone went dead, and I slumped against the wall.

My daydream had been correct. Well, at least the part about Jenna and Lauren going out west together. They were just in an airplane instead of a convertible.

Somehow I made it through the rest of the afternoon at work. And for the first time since moving into Jenna's apartment, I wished I had my own to go back to. Instead, I ate a cheeseburger and fries on the drive home from work and crawled beneath the sheets once I locked up and changed my clothes.

Then I cried myself into a blubbering mess.

I knew Jenna and Lauren worked at the same place. And I guess I remembered Jenna saying they had worked together on some projects in the past. I just hadn't imagined the two of them traveling together for work.

Suddenly, I shot up straight. Had Lauren gone to France with Jenna before? Had they eaten at the quaint restaurant Jenna had said was her favorite?

I collapsed again, hot tears smearing across my cheeks as I rolled my face back and forth against the pillow. A dull ache started in my chest, and I gripped the sheets. I felt the urge to scream and let loose against the pillowcase. I let myself have a hissy fit, pounding my fists into the mattress, kicking my legs against the comforter.

I was so fucking fed up with getting screwed around by my lovers that I was ready to join a nunnery.

Maybe Jenna wanted both of us and figured she could have me on nights and weekends and days off, but she could be with Lauren at work during the day and on business trips. But I wasn't having any of that. No way. I wasn't sharing my girlfriend with another person. If that was the way she wanted it, we were through.

Problem was, just the thought of not being with Jenna made my chest hurt more.

At some point, I fell asleep. I woke once in the middle of the night after dreaming of Jenna and Lauren sunbathing on a private beach where Lauren asked Jenna to rub suntan lotion on her back which led to Lauren losing her bikini. It just went south from there.

I sat up, panting and brushing my damp hair out of my eyes, trying to convince myself it wasn't real. I just couldn't get back to sleep after that because I was afraid I'd dream about the two of them again. But then I didn't want to stay awake, either, because all I could think about was how stupid it had been for me to move into Jenna's place the way that I had.

Eventually, sunlight peeked through the slats of the wooden blinds. I had dozed a couple of times but had never really gotten into the deep sleep I was used to. I was so exhausted I considered calling into work and saying I was sick, but I'd been gone so long on my fake honeymoon I didn't want to push it. I lay half-alert until the alarm went off, and I managed to get through a shower without falling asleep under the hot streams coating my face and body.

Work was abysmal with hardly any customers. I hated days like that. The clock never seemed to move, and all I wanted to do was crawl back under the covers for a couple of days at least.

When my lunch break came, I went to a restaurant instead of going back to Jenna's. I was having trouble calling it 'home' as I wasn't sure if I was going to be staying there much longer. Although, I was going to wait until Jenna returned and we could talk this out first before making another drastic change in my life without thinking it all the way through. I was certain that if I did go back there, I'd end up falling asleep and not waking up in time to return to work. It had happened once before, and I had spent the rest of the day feeling as guilty as sin for causing my coworkers to pick up the slack in my absence.

Thursday night, I crashed after work without eating dinner. I'd picked up some pills at the pharmacy to help with insomnia, took two with water, and crawled into bed in just my underwear.

I slept like a baby.

###

I woke feeling refreshed on Friday, amazed that I'd made it through the week without Jenna and through the night without dreaming about her and Lauren.

The morning sped by, and I spent my lunch hour making finishing touches around the apartment. I reviewed the placement of the smaller pieces of furniture I had brought over and merged with Jenna's belongings in the living room—a coffee table, an ottoman, a padded storage bench that was perfect in the bay window alcove—and finally put the small bookshelf into place as I'd abandoned it since Jenna's call on Wednesday.

Before I went back to work, I loaded the dishwasher and set it to run. I'd do a load of laundry tonight and finish unpacking the rest of my boxes. I'd have the place all ready for when Jenna returned, even if it wouldn't be until late tomorrow. And even if her surprise would be short-lived once I conceded that she could have Lauren. I was even prepared to grovel with the realtor that I'd changed my mind about selling my place.

As everyone was leaving at five o'clock, some of the girls asked me to join them for a drink. I declined. I sat in my car instead, watching everyone drive away to meet up with their spouses and families or significant others for whatever their Friday nights would consist of. I considered picking up fast food, but that meant I'd have to eat alone. Again.

Knowing I couldn't stay in the bank parking lot forever, I started driving. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I figured it didn't matter and I would decide what to do when I got there.

After thirty minutes of roaming up and down the streets of a neighborhood I knew was safe, I sighed and decided I should just go back to Jenna's. But as I turned a corner to head back towards her apartment, I saw a neon blue sign and pulled the car over into an empty parking space.

"Maggie's, huh? If I didn't know better, I would think someone is trying to tell me something."

I shook my head and headed into the lounge.

"Evening, Kat. What brings you in here?" Brad asked as I slid into a chair at the bar.

The crowd was still thin with it just being after work. I noticed a clear, plastic advertisement holder sitting nearby and saw they served appetizers until seven. It was mostly fried stuff, which made my stomach rumble just thinking about it.

"Hi. I'm hungry and lonely. Can I have a SoCo and Coke and one of the combos of mushrooms and jack-sticks with ranch dressing?"

"Lonely, huh?" He smiled at me and scooped some ice into a lowball glass.

"Yeah, Jenna's out west at a conference for work." I thought I'd leave out the fact that she was with his sister, mostly to see if he'd bring it up himself. "She'll be back tomorrow night, but it's been a long week without her."

"I can imagine." He poured more than a shot-worth of alcohol over the ice and then filled soda up to the rim of the glass. After adding a lime and a tiny straw, he set it before me. "I'll call your order back to the kitchen. Be right back."

I swirled the straw through the dark liquid, blending the soda and alcohol, and watched him as he picked up a phone at the other end of the bar. My gaze traveled around the rest of the room, noting that the dance floor was empty and dark...and there wasn't any music playing. They must amp up the atmosphere later in the evening like most bars and taverns. In the three times I'd been in here, tonight had been the earliest...and the quietest.

Brad refilled some drinks at the other end of the bar and then walked back toward me, flinging a bar rag over his shoulder after wiping at a spot on the counter.

"Are you getting the lay of the land a little better now?" He retrieved the rag and ran it over the drink ledge, lifting up a mat to clean underneath it.

I raised an eyebrow at him. Surely he had cleaned before going home last night and there hadn't been enough customers today to get the bar dirty already. "The lay of what land?"

He shrugged and kept his eyes diverted. "Being a lesbian."

"Ahh. Touchy subject for you?" Hell, it was a touchy subject for me most of the time, but I felt at ease here. Maybe that's why my subconscious had led me back.

"Not at all. My sister has been a lesbian for more than a decade, and I work in a bar that caters to lesbians." He lifted his eyes to mine finally. "I just never pegged you as one."

For a long moment, I held his gaze. I felt absolutely nothing, and he was a very good looking guy. I snorted softly, smiling. "Me either, until I ran into Jenna again. Do I really stand out that much?"

He shrugged again. "You looked like a fish out of water the first time you were in here. Pun intended. Then the last time, well, you looked like a lost kitten."

"And now?" I watched him over the rim of my glass as I took a sip.

"You've got some cajones, coming in here alone."

I sat back and crossed my arms. "And why is that?"

He held up his hands, palms facing me. "Don't get offended, but a hot woman like you showing up here alone will attract a lot of attention. It did the first two times."

"I was alone then, too."

"Not for long."

I guess I must have had a confused look on my face because he laughed.

"You wouldn't have noticed it, but from my vantage point, when a woman who is not a regular visitor to an establishment like this ventures in, she stands out. Especially when she is unaccompanied. The women here are just so used to noticing that they don't make it obvious. They don't want to scare off the newcomers."

I raised my eyebrow again. "And when I'm not alone?"

"Word travels quickly among these women." He gestured around the room with the rag. "They know who's available and who's not, mostly just by reading body language. They knew the second you walked in, dripping wet like a poor, discarded animal, that you were ripe for the taking. But the second time...you were still nervous, but you had an agenda. Plus they'd heard the gossip that you and Jenna were a couple. Now? You just showing up alone...and looking depressed like you do? It gives the message that you might be returning to the available status. So they're going to take notice, even if you don't realize it, and even if you're not available. They're curious why you're here without Jenna."

"Interesting observations. I told you, Jenna is on a business trip. And I'm not depressed."

"I know that, but they don't. And you are depressed."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Honey, you couldn't look any closer to a soulful puppy dog than if you were one."

"Fine, I am, but whatever. And what's with relating my moods to all these animals?"

He shook his head and laughed. "Lesbians are nothing like straight women who go looking for a stud. If a straight woman doesn't get a bite on her line with the first guy, she has plenty of others to pick from. Not so with this crowd. Available women are a dime a dozen around here, and everyone is respectful of each other when a couple forms. If they know you're taken, they'll keep their distance but remain friendly for the most part. But if you're unattached...that's a different story entirely. Don't be surprised when they approach you. Not if, when."