I Kissed a Girl Ch. 04

I snorted again and took a longer drink.

"What's so funny, Kat?"

"You seem like an expert on lesbians, yet you're a hot stud yourself. Surely you miss not being able to flirt with all the straight, attractive women while on the job."

"I actually used to be a bouncer at a popular club. It grew old very quickly trying to fight off all the women. I have a girlfriend. And she thinks it's awesome that I hang around all the patrons here most nights but I come home to her, and she has nothing to worry about."

"How sweet." I gave him an honest smile and thanked the woman who appeared beside me and set a basket of fried food and plastic silverware next to my glass.

Brad handed me a pile of cocktail napkins. "But that's not what you were really laughing about."

"Wasn't it now?" I cut the mushrooms and cheese sticks in half to cool, glad that I had a diversion, and hoped that my voice hadn't come out as shaky as it had sounded in my head.

"No. I told you I'm as good as these women at reading body language. I just can't read minds. You wouldn't look at me when you answered my question before, and your shoulders slouched. What did you find so entertaining in what I had said? And what are you so afraid to admit to now?"

I ignored him and dipped half of a mushroom in the ranch dressing before popping it into my mouth. It was hot and I had to take a gulp of my drink.

"If you spill the beans, your drink and food are on the house."

My eyes shot up to his, and I almost choked as I swallowed.

"Tell me what made you laugh, or fork over $11.95." He leaned his forearm on the counter and watched me as the corner of his mouth tilted up. He was enjoying this, but he was serious, too.

I wondered if he could see the gears turning in my head as I first tried to decide if I wanted to take him up on his offer, and then what words to say if I chose to get a free meal ticket.

"Offer expires in five-four-three—"

"Oh hell, I think your sister is in love with my girlfriend. I'm pissed that she apparently didn't get or read the private memo or whatever it is these women use to communicate with each other that they've chosen a partner. And now she's been with my girlfriend for the past week out in California and I'm stuck here all alone imagining the worst-possible scenarios. She's taken my Louise and become Thelma. I'm supposed to be Thelma!"

"Wow." He filled a glass with soda and downed half before speaking again. "That...was not what I was expecting."

I sighed and ate a few more pieces of food, washing them down with the rest of my drink. "I have been going crazy all week, afraid that I've made a big mistake. Maybe I'm just imagining it. I just can't...I don't know. I mean...they've been friends longer than Jenna and I have. It just seems natural that they would be together. I don't..."

"You don't think you're worthy enough for Jenna to pick you over Lauren."

I raised my eyes to his and nodded slowly. I felt like one of those blow-up toys you win at the carnival and someone pulled the little stopper, letting all the air out.

"Kat? Look at me. I mean really look at me."

I sat up straighter and stared into his eyes. Blue eyes. They really were nice eyes, they just didn't do anything for me. I imagined they were violet, and my heart skipped a beat. I missed those violet eyes.

"My sister has been after Jenna since as long as I can remember. Jenna has flat out denied there is anything there but honest-to-goodness friendship. They had a little tiff right here at the bar the day before you left for Tuscany. Lauren begged Jenna not to go. To choose her instead. But Jenna told her to stop fantasizing about something she couldn't have, or she was going to ruin their friendship. You were all Jenna has ever wanted, and now that she'd found you again, she isn't letting go."

I felt a tear in my eye. I wanted to brush it away, but I was too afraid to move.

"Honey, everyone here knows that you and Jenna are an item. A very hot, special item that is hard to find. So don't let the little green monster convince you of something that isn't real. Because you will only push away the one person you should cling to, and you just might slip into that available category without realizing it. And trust me. There are plenty of women here who would be there to catch you. They just aren't Jenna Swallow. I don't think you'd have embraced this lifestyle if it had been anyone but Jenna who'd introduced you to it."

So I hadn't been too far off with my assumption that Jenna had somehow told everyone that I was hers. I giggled and felt the tear escape.

Brad lifted a cocktail napkin and dabbed at my cheek and then at the corner of my eye. "You have nothing to be afraid of, Kat. Jenna only has eyes for you. Yeah, maybe my sister hasn't gotten the memo, per se, but that's her problem. Jenna is loyal and trustworthy. She's just trying to balance her friend and her girlfriend right now. I just pray Lauren doesn't make her choose one or the other because she won't like Jenna's answer. While Jenna may have been friends longer with Lauren, you are her soulmate, and that is stronger than friendship any day. She told me so."

"Really?" I wrapped my hands around my empty glass, feeling a little giddy at his words.

"Yes, really." He quickly finished his soda but slowly lowered the glass to the counter, his eyes back on mine. "What was this big mistake you made?"

I giggled again and hiccupped. "Oh, well, I moved myself into Jenna's apartment this week. She'd asked me a couple of weeks ago but I hadn't given her an answer. I was going to surprise her when she got home. But then I was questioning my decision, feeling a little stupid for not thinking it through before I acted. Especially if she really wanted to be with Lauren. I was ready to let her go, even though it hurts like hell to think of her being with another woman."

He stared at me for a second longer and then said, "Don't move." He came out from behind the bar and disappeared through a door.

I nibbled on a cheese stick while I waited, wondering what he was doing. Then I replayed his words in my head and sighed long and loud, not caring if anyone heard me. Jenna thought I was her soulmate? She told him that?

Brad returned a few minutes later with a brown paper bag and a small Styrofoam container. "Let me box up your food. Go home and get some sleep. Put the contents of the bag in your fridge first, and read the directions."

I reached to open the bag. "What—"

He put his hand on mine. "Don't open it here. Just do what I said. I'm glad you stopped in tonight."

I stared at his hand for a moment and suddenly wished it were Jenna's. But I was glad I had stopped in as well, if only to vent my frustrations and get a little reassurance. "Thanks, Brad. For everything."

"Don't mention it. That's what a bartender is for." His smiled brightly at me and shooed me away with his hand. "Don't forget to read the instructions. Have a good night, Kat."

I shrugged into my coat and thanked him one more time before grabbing the paper bag, surprised that it was heavier than I expected. I drove with the bag on my passenger seat, and I was tempted a couple of times to pull over and open it. But I reigned in my excitement until I could get home and discover the surprise, concentrating on the evening traffic instead.

Twenty four hours from now, Jenna would be on her way home to me. I just couldn't wait.

###

The Saturday morning sky was overcast, matching my mood. What was with Chicago weather this year? I knew it was the Windy City, but this was feeling more like Seattle with all the rain.

I sat in the oversized chair by the fireplace, curled up in a blanket over my sweatpants and sweater, sipping a mug of hot chocolate. In my other hand was a sheet of paper that I'd found in the bag Brad had given me.

Everything on the list was doable. Well, everything but the last item. I just didn't know if I had the guts to go through with it. But his P.S. at the bottom made me smile: "You are a very strong woman, and I'm rooting for you."

It was touching. And encouraging. Yet, I still procrastinated.

After a shower, I ran to the store for some chicken breasts, teriyaki sauce, rice pilaf, French bread, and the items to make a simple salad. Jenna had said she loved that meal when I made it before. But I still had to figure out something to have for dessert with the bottle of champagne, the only contents of the bag Brad had given me besides the list.

An hour later, I put the groceries away and turned to stare in the decorative mirror above a hallway table. I wondered how I'd feel after completing the last item on the list. I knew that no one would know what I'd done, but would they be able to tell something was different about me?

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Oh hell. Fine. I'd do it.

###

Sometime in the night, I woke to use the bathroom. Jenna had not come home. I crawled back into bed and cried until my body shook with the sobs. I missed her so much. And despite what Brad had told me ...what I had done ...I still had my doubts about her feelings toward me.

The air held traces of the sweet-scented chicken and rice that I'd eaten alone against the backlight of a dozen taper candles. So much for a romantic welcome-home dinner. I'd had the uncontrollable sobs then, too. My hands had shaken so badly as I'd boxed up and stored the leftovers, I was certain I would drop them on the kitchen floor. At least the cheesecake I'd purchased hadn't been ruined since I'd left it in the fridge. For over an hour, I'd sat in Jenna's oversized chair, watching the rain as it pelted against the windows, the occasional thunder and streak of lightning breaking up the steady sound. Visions of Tuscany and Paris had flitted through my brain, increasing the longing for Jenna's return. My chest had grown so tight with worry and confusion for my feelings, I was afraid that something was physically wrong with me.

Finally, I had given up and slipped beneath the sheets and comforter feeling anything but comforted. I'd pulled on the sheer two-piece teddy I'd purchased for the occasion. I'm not sure why I decided to wear it. Maybe some macabre thought in my head said I needed to punish myself for thinking she'd rush home to me.

I fell asleep again, but I was roused from a myriad of strange dreams by a loud thump followed by laughter and voices. Fully awake now, I lay facing the doorway that led into the living room. I was glad I had decided to leave the door partly open. It allowed me to hear the conversation clearly, especially since they had no reason to think they needed to speak softly.

"You should have let me get the cab fare," Lauren said.

I cringed at that voice and gripped the sheet.

"You got dinner," Jenna said. "It was only fair."

My nipples tightened at just the sound of her voice. She was so close.

Light suddenly spilled through the crack in the door.

"Yeah, well, you win this time." Lauren giggled. "How about I make us a drink?"

I rolled over to face the wall, feeling the tears well up again.

"It's late."

"You know you want a drink. Just a small one."

"Fine. A small one. Then bed."

I clenched my eyes shut, silently praying that Jenna didn't mean Lauren would join her.

The sound of cupboards opening and closing then the clink of glasses filtered their way into the bedroom.

"Do you smell something?" Jenna asked.

"Like what? Smoke? Fire?"

"No, not fire." Jenna was quiet for several seconds. A glass clinked against the marble countertop. "It smells like...I don't know. Something sweet. But yeah, also smoke, now that you mention it."

Another glass hit the countertop, a little louder this time. "Do you think something's on fire? Where's your extinguisher?"

"No, I said it's not fire. It's..."

I could imagine Jenna walking through the open kitchen, her eyes grazing over the adjoining living room, trying to put a finger on what was off. I wondered how long it would take her—if at all—to notice the extra furniture, the rearrangement of her own. How would she react?

Once more, I regretted my decision to make this big change without consulting her first. At least to see if she was still on the same page as me.

"What's wrong, Jenna?"

"That smell. I've smelled it before. Those candles have been lit. I could swear my chair..."

"Jenna?" Lauren's voice had softened, much like mine did when I tried to console Jenna after a hard day of work. I had to force myself not to leap from the bed and confront them. Especially when Lauren said, "Honey, what's wrong?"

No one called Jenna 'honey' but me!

"Lauren, I think it's time to call it a night. I'll call you a cab."

"But I just got here. And we haven't finished our drinks. Besides, I'd hate to make a cab come back out at this time of night."

"Lauren—"

"No, Jenna, I'm not leaving. I'm tired of getting pushed aside. You know how I feel about you."

"Don't do this, Lauren. Kat and I—"

"Forget about Kat. She doesn't know what she wants. Hell, she was riding a dick just a few months ago. She's not even a real lesbian. She just thinks she is because you helped her out one time. But I am. I'm the real thing. I'm just what you need. We're good together. This week proved it."

"Just stop—"

"Stop it yourself. Quit hiding behind that silly high school crush. You're a grown woman now. You need another grown woman beside you. Yeah, Kat will take it hard at first, but she'll go running back to her men soon enough."

There was a loud slapping sound.

"Why the hell did you hit me?" Lauren gasped.

"I told you to stop it." Kat's voice was a low growl, but the sound still carried across the living room and through the door where I lay holding my breath. "You are delusional, and I've put up with your fawning way too long. You are my friend, Lauren. Period. Nothing more. It's up to you to decide if you still want that position or not. But you're going to have to decide that on your own. Now, please leave."

"You have no idea what you're missing out on!"

Loud footsteps echoed across the distance, followed by a slamming door. Then there was silence.

I took a shallow breath and tried to slow my heart rate as I waited. Surely Jenna must have realized something was different by now. But was she upset?

After all that she'd said to Lauren, she hadn't really said much about me. She hadn't proclaimed her love for me. That stung a little. Oh hell, it stung a lot.

I strained my ears to listen for her approach. And when it finally came—her soft footfalls on the hardwood and then the carpet of the bedroom after the door creaked open—I tried to lay as still as possible. Would she believe I was sleeping?

Nothing happened for the longest time. I had that slightly unsettling feeling you get when you know someone is watching you and you don't want to turn around to prove it. What was she seeing? I wished I could read her mind.

"Oh, my Kitty Kat," Jenna finally whispered behind me. Her voice cracked as she said my name.

I heard her circle the end of the bed, and the mattress shifted as she sat beside me. I kept my eyes closed and forced myself not to lick my suddenly dry lips. To not reach out and touch her even though my fingers itched to bury in her hair and pull her mouth to mine.

"Whatever have you been up to, sweetie?" Her voice was tight. I could tell she was holding back tears. Her hand brushed hair back from my forehead. "I was giving you all the time in the world, but it was killing me. How you torture me so, Kat. Are you really sleeping?"

I couldn't feign my innocence anymore. I swallowed and rolled onto my back. "Are you upset?"

"Absolutely, positively, no. I am speechless, Kat." Her lips brushed my temple. "I couldn't have imagined a better surprise to come home to. How ever did you do it by yourself?"

"I called a moving van."

I finally opened my eyes and stared up at her. I choked back a sob and wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her to me. I had to kiss her. I had to feel her lips against mine before I said another word. I was like a starving child in need of nourishment, and there was only one thing that could appease my hunger.

Jenna moaned against my mouth. She crawled on top of my body, deepening the kiss.

I sighed and held her to me. At least until she shimmied her body between my legs, and I cried out.

"Kat? Are you okay?" Jenna sat up in a hurry and snapped on the bedside lamp.

Her hair was a little messy from my hands kneading through it, and her lipstick was smudged from my kisses. She looked gorgeous. God, I wanted to fuck her right then and there. But...

"Well, um..."

"Kat?" She glared down at me with one eyebrow raised.

Her eyes slowly lowered from my face, apparently taking in the sheer, navy top that lay over my swollen breasts, my nipples hard and begging for attention. The material would normally hang down to my hips, but our movements in bed had pushed it up to reveal my flat stomach. And the edge of the matching thong panties.

I lifted my hands above my head and worried my lower lip.

"What have you done, Kitty Kat?" Her voice was raspy now, and damn seductive. She traced the edge of my panties and then hooked a finger under each side, sliding them down over my hips.

I shuddered as her fingers glided against my skin. I could feel the heat and moisture gathering between my legs, and I licked my lips.

Her eyes jumped up to mine, and then they focused again down below where her hands were gently parting my thighs. I imagined it was like opening a present on Christmas morning to her. I sure as hell was enthralled in the revealing process.

"Oh. My. God."

That's all she said. But her heavy breathing, the way her hands crept up and caressed her breasts through her shirt, and her tongue darting out to lick her lips showed more than she could ever have put into words.

I smiled and raised my knees up so my feet were flat on the sheets. "You like? A little birdie told me that it has always been a fantasy of yours."

"A birdie named Brad?" Jenna was gasping as she stood and removed her clothes. "I never told another soul. Funny what you will tell a bartender when you're drunk."

"You realize it's still very tender and won't be completely healed for at least four to six weeks?" I arched my hips up to her.

"Can I touch it?" She held out a shaky hand when I nodded, her index finger extended. Ever so slowly, she ran her finger down the top of my shaved mons to my clit where she paused. After a few deep breaths, she lowered her finger and gently lifted the silver ring and ball away from my swollen skin.

I bit my lip, cringing slightly. It hadn't hurt as much as I'd expected. I think I was more afraid of someone putting a needle through my skin down there. Now? It wasn't as much the after-pain but the fear that there would be pain that prevented me from relaxing.

I remembered how pretty it had looked at the tattoo parlor when they'd shown me the finished product in a mirror. A 'clitoral hood piercing' they'd called it. It glimmered in the light, and the way it would lay—especially when I was fully healed—allowed it to press against my clit.

I felt sexy just thinking of it being there. I giggled. Before Jenna, I would have never thought of getting a tattoo, much less a genital piercing. Now I had both. She'd flipped an erotic switch in me, and it made me all warm and gooey inside.

While the piercing was very arousing for me, it was apparently for Jenna as well. Brad had written in his note how she had marveled at pictures of women who had one. That while she'd never had the courage to do it herself, she'd hoped that someday she'd find the right woman and she'd get to experience the pleasure of a ring through her partner.

He'd encouraged me to take that step and be that woman for Jenna. The woman she wanted and needed. Not that I wasn't without the piercing, but I felt it would bring us that much closer together.