I Kissed a Girl Ch. 12

The sounds of her pleasure drowned out everything else in my head. The only thing that mattered was Idgie. Bringing her up to that precipice and tipping her over. Being there to catch her on the other side.

It wasn't long before she was begging for release. I gladly acquiesced. My hips thrust faster, harder. I dug deeper. And then she gurgled out my name, her body thrashing in ecstasy.

I gathered her still-trembling body in my arms and climbed back into bed, pulling the covers over us. Her breath caressed my lips when I kissed her softly. And I moaned when her hand nestled between us, cupping my breast. I anticipated her playing, but her slower breathing told me she was drifting off.

***

The faint caresses on my chest made me think I was dreaming. Then something wet covered my nipple. My eyes drifted open. I saw Idgie's smiling face staring up at me, her head resting on my right breast.

"And here I thought I was a sleepyhead," she giggled, lathing her tongue over my nipple again.

"And I thought I was the tease," I growled. I gripped her hair at the back of her neck and gently tugged until she scooted up so I could make better use of those lips.

She moaned into my mouth, clutching the back of my arm when I wrapped my leg over her hip. She snuggled closer, rocking gently.

It took a moment to realize the strap-on had rubbed against her. That she was actually humping me.

I chuckled. "Are we insatiable?"

"Mmm." She leisurely kissed me. "Apparently."

I just stroked her side from hip to breast and back again. Letting my eyes drift closed, enjoying her moving beside me. I thought that maybe she was going to make herself come when she stilled and shifted.

"Susie?"

I cracked one eye open and saw her leaning over me. I smiled at her. "Yes, Idgie?"

"Has anyone ever used this on you?" Her fingers played over the straps of the harness, giving me delicious goosebumps.

"Mmm, no. It's kind of been my specialty. You know, being butch and all. The one with the cock."

"I see. I've only ever been with femme women before." She lay down again, nestling her head on my shoulder. "I quite prefer being with you. Sex with you is amazing."

My chest swelled with pride. I grinned like a fool, staring hazily at the ceiling while my fingers resumed caressing her skin. "I would agree. I love making love to you."

After several minutes, she whispered, "Would you let me use it on you?"

My heart pounded in my chest. I'd used vibrators and even the cock I wore for packing, though I mostly just used my fingers. It had never crossed my mind to have someone fuck me with the strap-on. I both gave and received pleasure when I had it on. Then again, no one had ever asked. But Idgie had. And the thought had my pussy clenching. I suddenly wanted nothing more than for her to give me that pleasure.

I tilted her chin up and kissed her softly. "Yes, baby. I would be honored."

She giggled, her eyes sparkling. "Just relax. I'll be gentle."

###

The sweet and tangy scent of sex lingered in the room. It clung to our bodies like a second skin from rolling around on the sheets soaked in it. Every breath I took reminded me of what we'd just done.

Idgie slept on her side, facing away from me. The sheet over her conformed to the curves of her hip and ass. Her hair lay fanned against the pillow in messy strands. How wonderful it had felt tangled in my fingers. In the moonlight coming from the windows, I could see the sheen of sweat decorating her backside. The whole package was delectable.

I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling, my chest still heaving. My brain went into overdrive, realizing my time here was done. I could return to Alabama and get my welding job back. I'd told them it had been a family emergency. They'd said they'd understood, to take my time. A hard-working employee in the trade was hard to find these days. Plus, I was comfortable there. No one knew my past. Or I could go somewhere else. Further west as I'd originally planned when I was first on my own. I'd only been a kid then. I could make it now as an adult. Hopefully.

All I knew was, if I stayed, I'd surely ruin Idgie's life. I had a fear of commitment. I knew it. She knew it. Old habits die hard, wasn't that the saying?

I wondered what Jenna would have done if she'd told Kat how she'd felt and Kat had rejected her. Or if she'd finally found Kat only for Kat to die a few months later. Would Jenna have been able to move on? I could really use her advice this time.

I decided to get up and start making plans to get my own affairs in order. First would be putting the house up for sale. Contacting my old employer.

Idgie chose that moment to roll over. She sighed in her sleep, her breath caressing my chest when she snuggled up to me.

I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes. The warmth of her body pressed to mine. Her arms curled between us, one knee sliding between my legs.

She made a soft cooing sound when I pulled the covers tighter over us, wrapped my arms around her, and tucked her head under my chin.

Fuck it. My plans could wait until the morning.

***

The dream was familiar:

I was standing by the kitchen door in Lizzie's childhood home. Across the dining room, I could see Lizzie going up the stairs. A sense of urgency passed through me: I had to get to her.

Despite knowing the scenario that would follow, something in me hoped it would change.

Every time I tried to move forward, her mom held me back. Always with a nagging voice over my shoulder that she wasn't going to let me turn her daughter gay. Eventually, I broke free. But then the room stretched out, like in a cartoon. Mrs. Rhodes caught up and dragged me to the front door. I begged Lizzie to turn around before her mom shoved me outside and slammed the door in my face.

That's when I would wake up. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. Usually in tears.

Tonight, I took those initial steps from the doorway to the dining room table. There was the usual resistance on both of my arms. The feeling of someone tugging me backwards. I persisted and wasn't surprised when the hands fell away.

But when Mrs. Rhodes didn't spew her hatred at me? When I hurried past the table and the distance to the stairs decreased? When Lizzie looked at me after I yelled for her to stop?

Something in my brain told me this wasn't the same dream, but the rest of me kept moving forward. I was suddenly at the foot of the stairs. Running up them. Spinning Lizzie around when I met her midway.

"Susie?"

Lizzie tottered for a moment before I yanked her into my arms, trying to stop myself from trembling. I was crying so hard I couldn't speak.

"Shh." She untangled her arms to embrace me as well, rocking me slightly from side to side. One hand gently guided my head to her shoulder where she stroked my hair.

I felt her rest her head against mine. I clung to her arms, my voice croaking when I spoke. "Don't go!"

"Oh, sweetie. I have to. It's the only way."

I gripped her tighter to me. "Then I'll—"

"What?" Lizzie laughed and kissed the top of my head. "Run away?"

"Humph," I grumbled.

"When things get hard, you're gone. I know." She tilted my chin up. "But why on earth would you want to run now? You've just had the most incredible sex with a woman who thinks the world of you."

I blinked away my tears. "But what if—"

"Stop." Lizzie adjusted to cup my cheeks, her hands warm. Comforting. "You won't know unless you give her a chance."

"I'm afraid."

"Of what? Falling in love? Love hurts. We both know that."

My throat hurt when I swallowed the lump there. "Of replacing you."

"Shh. It's time to let me go, Susie. Here's your chance to be happy. Go after it."

I sniffled, blinking rapidly because she was fuzzy again. But it didn't clear my vision this time. "Lizzie?"

"Don't give up just because everything seems stacked against you. Remember Lloyd Dobler? He didn't give up on Diane."

I scrunched up my nose. "Our movie?"

Lizzie nodded and kissed my nose.

"I don't understand."

She smiled at me. "Be Lloyd."

"Be Lloyd?"

"Be Lloyd," she repeated, and then she released me and continued up the stairs.

***

Heaviness on my arm prevented me from bolting upright in bed the moment my eyes flew open. My body tried, though. I flopped back against damp sheets and sucked in gulps of air, trying to rationalize that it had been a dream.

It took a moment to orient myself.

Idgie lie curled up beside me, her head weighting my arm. Moonlight made the closed curtains glow a soft blue. The scent of our lovemaking met my nose when I took deep breaths to calm down.

I was in my room at Lizzie's house. Her house in Massachusetts, not in Indiana...as adults. No, wait, my house now. My body trembled slightly at that fact.

I eased my arm out from under my new lover's neck then grabbed a T-shirt and my boxers from the floor. Dressing myself as I padded downstairs, I struggled to not trip over my own two feet in the semidarkness. I had to search through the rack by the TV several times until I found the correct DVD. A light would have helped, but I was too stubborn to turn on the table lamp.

My chest tightened when the opening credits to "Say Anything" came on the screen. I curled deeper into my usual corner of the couch and pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders. The same blanket Idgie had thrown around me hours earlier before she'd proven to me that she wanted me as more than a friend. Before she'd given me a reason not to run...even though I was still struggling to listen to reason.

I kept imagining Lizzie sitting beside me as the movie started. Remembering all the times we'd watched it while she was sick with her first cancer. And again a couple of times while I was out here on the East Coast before she'd succumbed to be bedridden for the second and final time in her life.

How we'd both giggled and swooned at Lloyd's constant attempts to woo Diane. How we'd sung along to the song he played on his boombox—a scene that had become iconic through the decades. We'd cried a little when we thought he was going to lose her...and again when he hadn't. Then we'd fallen back dramatically on the couch or bed during the closing credits, saying we'd take an average, romantic, and persistent guy like Lloyd over a preppy jock any day.

Idgie joined me on the couch about twenty minutes in. She didn't say a word. Just sat there beside me, the lights from the TV flashing over her face whenever I glanced her way and saw her staring ahead.

I found myself scooting closer to her. Laying my head on her shoulder. She wrapped her arm around me, and we both sighed.

When she went to adjust her arm several minutes later, I lay across her lap, my head resting on a pillow propped against the arm of the couch. Her right hand settled on my hip, stroking absently. Her other hand brushed at my forehead, playing with my hair.

I was so engrossed in the movie and the relaxing sensations running through me, I didn't realize at first that she was stroking my mound through my boxers. Her fingers were very light and subtle, but her movements were erotic, nonetheless.

At my soft grunt, she whispered, "Shh. Watch the movie."

I bit my lip and tried to focus on the TV. But in my head, I was less concerned about Lloyd and Diane's predicament than Idgie's fingers that were pressing a little harder...moving a little lower.

Her hand suddenly disappeared, making me growl softly. But then I gasped when she slipped under the elastic waistband. Her fingers maneuvered to stroke my mound skin on skin. Her hand in my hair resumed playing there, too. Tugging gently. Lightly scratching my scalp.

I was spellbound, letting out shaky exhales. My pussy clenched. Hard.

She kept the pressure and location the same for several minutes. Torturing me.

I was used to being the one in charge in a relationship. Maybe I needed to lower my defenses and give her a chance to take that lead position if she wanted it. I'd been fighting so hard for so long. I was exhausted. But I wasn't ready to beg. Yet.

My legs fell open when I shifted more onto my back. A silent but all-too-clear signal. I felt her chest shake slightly, as though she were laughing internally.

We continued to watch the movie—or rather pretend, at least in my case—while she teased me with her fingertips. Making me stifle my moans with big gulps of air. It took everything in me not to push her hand down further where I ached for her touch.

As though planned, she dragged out her foreplay to the most opportune moment: when Lloyd went to confirm his dedication to Diane with the iconic scene. This time instead of singing along, I punctuated the room with gasps and growls while Idgie finally stroked my clit and slid a finger inside me.

Fuck! Her fingers were so skilled! She knew just where to touch me. It was so amazing, I wanted to cry.

"That's it, baby," Idgie whispered. Her left hand continued to stroke my hair.

I gripped the pillow under my head with both hands, clawing the fabric. Whimpering. Shaking. Allowing myself to hump her hand. Crying out her name when I came.

And then I was panting. Blinking sweat out of my eyes. Glad that I was already lying down.

Her hand remained between my legs for the duration of the movie, occasionally playing and pleasing. I just laid there in pure bliss. Thanking Lizzie for her words of wisdom, though the details of the dream became murky the longer I remained coupled on the couch with Idgie.

###

Later that day, Idgie and I sat on opposites sides of the same table Jenna and I'd used at Darla's Bar. Idgie had insisted we get out of the house to have a meal. I'd obliged as long as I paid. Two beers later and our bellies full, I thanked her for the brilliant idea.

She shoved the empty, stacked baskets between us aside and crossed her arms on the table. "I think we should talk about it. Don't you?"

"What's that?" I took another sip of my fresh beer, lowering my eyes.

"Whatever it is that's made you so melancholy today. It's different than it has been the past few weeks. Improved, which I'm happy about, but you're still not fully here mentally. I thought you were coming out of your shell last night. Is it something I did? Something I said?"

My head jerked up. "No!"

"Then what?"

I worried my bottom lip.

Idgie shook her head. "I thought I was learning to read you after all this time. But you're still an enigma, Susie. I can't figure you out. Each time I get a peek, you shut down tight again. I wish you wouldn't. I wish you could trust me."

"I do trust you, Idgie."

"Then explain what's going on in your head. Open up to me. Please."

With a deep sigh and some more liquid courage, I gave in. I silently begged for Lizzie's help from beyond the grave. "I've told you about how I met Lizzie. Why I left my hometown and travelled for so long. How I met Jenna. The women in between. Since."

"Yes, but your past doesn't matter to me."

"It does to me. Or at least it did. It was why I'm used to running. I guess it was a way of believing I had control of my destiny. To try to move on from Lizzie. But she kept popping back into my life. I've always loved her, even if she didn't love me in return."

"I can see that." Idgie gently took my hand on the table and squeezed it. "So what has changed?"

I smiled softly. "Lizzie."

Idgie tilted her head. "How so?"

I took in her wavy black hair, which she'd left loose around her shoulders. I liked it better that way than pulled back like while she was working. It reminded me of a wild mare, happy to be free. The true spirit of her released. Much like Lizzie had kept locked inside.

"She was the reason I've never had a legitimate, full-on relationship with someone. In the back of my mind, I'd convinced myself that I would never get over her and didn't deserve to love anyone else. For anyone to love me."

"Susie—"

I held up my free hand and continued, managing to keep any tears at bay.

"The day Lizzie died, she set me straight. The longing I have felt for her all these years? It would fade in time. That I was worthy of being loved. Loving another." I looked the woman across from me deep in her emerald-green eyes. "I may not be successful, but I promised her I would try. To love you. To let you love me."

"Good." Idgie moved to the chair next to me and kissed me softly.

I vowed I would give her the chance she deserved. I owed her that much. I owed it to myself, too.

###

Before we knew it, three months had passed. It hadn't taken much to slip into a routine with each other. One where we weren't nurse and caregiver to someone we both treasured. Maybe the shift to a deeper level had come naturally because we'd already had a relationship where we'd depended on each other.

Her two new clients were both home-palliative-care patients who only required daytime assistance while their family members were at work. A good change, in my opinion, after doing hospice for so long. Constantly being around dying people had to drain one's spirit after a time. It also meant she could be at home at night and on weekends to decompress both physically and mentally.

I got a part-time job welding. When I wasn't working, I was going through my new house. Deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. Making plans for redecorating down the road. It was both exhilarating and exhausting. And maybe a little scary knowing I had all these options available to me now. I had to keep myself in check that the power didn't trump common sense and practicality.

No more was the house's atmosphere dark and gloomy. There was laughter and music. Mornings with breakfast together. Evenings lounging on the couch. Nights wrapped in each other's arms. Talking over mundane things like the bills and chores on the weekends. Taking turns cooking for each other. Being 'domesticated,' as Idgie called it. I quite liked it.

But I kept waiting for her to find some reason to bail on me. I wouldn't have blamed her if she had. I didn't deserve Idgie. Whenever I admitted that to her, she would pat my cheek and say, "I know." Which made me blush and grin.

###

On a dreary autumn morning, I woke to see Idgie was already bustling around the bedroom in her bra and panties. I shifted to my side to watch her pull her hair up into her standard ponytail, fascinated by the way her body moved. How her muscles and curves put on an effortlessly graceful private dance.

"Perv," she laughed when she noticed I was ogling her. She leaned down and kissed me.

"Your perv," I growled against her lips.

She grinned wider. "Damn right."

"Fucking-A." I stroked her ass when she stood and turned.

"Behave!" She batted my hand away, but she was still grinning.

I hugged the pillow tighter and snuggled under the covers, sighing. "I'm sorry I overslept. We said we were going to shower together this morning. Give us both a little boost to get through the day."

"I know, sweetie. But you looked so peaceful. We can do that this weekend."

I laughed this time, knowing that if we had time for that shower, we'd just end up in bed together again afterwards. Her letting me sleep in was probably a good thing. Neither one of us would have probably made it to work.

"We'll have plenty of time to get dirty while cleaning each other later."

"You know I love enjoying your body up close and personal in the shower rather than from across the room through the doorway," I grinned, licking my lips at the memory of the first time I'd seen her naked.

She shook her head, pulling on her scrub bottoms. "If you hadn't barged in on me, I was going to give up that afternoon and leave you to mope around the house on your own."

The moment I tried to retort, she leaned down and kissed me soundly, silencing me.

"I'm glad you invaded my personal space," she whispered, caressing my cheek.