I Kissed a Girl Ch. 12

I took advantage of her position and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her onto the bed. Grinning at her startled cry. A moment later, I was on top, tickling her mercilessly.

"Susie! Stop!" There were tears in her eyes, but she was laughing while trying to fight me off.

I kept it up for another minute then grabbed her wrists, holding them over her head while straddling her waist. We stared at each other, panting. Licking our lips. Her hair was coming loose and looked seductively messy. She kept darting her eyes down to my naked chest.

I wanted to continue our play, but I noticed the alarm clock. Damn the time. Instead, I tampered down my desire and kissed her softly, cursing under my breath at her whimper.

"Rain check, baby."

She nodded and closed her eyes for a moment. I imagined her mentally calming herself. When our eyes met again, she kissed me back. Then she took advantage of my distraction and shoved me off of her.

"Speaking of rain, I have to hurry. Supposed to be thunderstorms today. I want to get to the Craigs' before it gets too bad. Plus, their daughter would have left for work an hour ago. She hates leaving her elderly parents alone for much longer than that."

I chuckled and resolved myself to watching her set about fixing her hair and finish getting dressed.

***

It was a busy Friday at the shop. The rain had been constant since nine. Thunder accented the steady pounding on the tin roof. And the radio station kept cutting into the music to give updates on the local severe alerts.

I mostly tuned it all out. My focus was on finishing the job at hand and punching out at five so I could have a nice dinner with Idgie before we continued what I'd started that morning. Two more hours to go, then I was free to relax for the weekend. Other than the make-up shower time, we had scheduled to have nothing but nookie and cuddling until Monday.

The best laid plans... That was how the saying went, wasn't it?

I took a bathroom break at three o'clock and used the time to check my Email for information from the high school. Someone was supposed to be sending me details about a project I was collaborating on with the welding students and the city for Christmas. What I saw instead were three missed calls from the same unknown number and a matching number of voicemails.

Before the first message had even completed playing, I grabbed my keys and hastily told my boss there was a family emergency. Everyone got the F-word while I drove a little erratically across town to the hospital. All for me to be ushered to a waiting room and told to have a seat. That the doctor would talk to me after he was out of surgery.

I finally listened to all of the messages. They were from an elderly sounding man who said his name was Harold Craig. The information ranged from telling me he was the husband of one of Idgie's patients, Betty, and Idgie had been in an accident; to apologizing that he forgot to tell me which hospital she'd been taken to; and then begging in a shaky voice that I call him with an update when I knew anything. Oh, and he still had her phone.

Alone in the waiting room, I felt cold and scared. But I was glad that no one could see or hear me crying. What was the accident? What had happened to Idgie? Why was the surgery taking so long?

The desire to go call this Mr. Craig grew stronger the longer I waited. He could fill in all of the missing details, which was practically everything. The ER nurse had only said Idgie had come in by ambulance. My guess was, Mr. Craig hadn't come with her in order to stay home with his wife. I had his phone number. But I didn't want to worry him any further until I knew something about Idgie's status, so I tamped down my restlessness. Barely.

I distracted myself by surfing the web on my phone. Mentally critiquing the celebrities as I flipped through outdated magazines. Reading the closed captioning of a black-and-white TV show on the silent, wall-mounted screen. Even standing at the picture window to stare at puddles in the parking lot below.

The rain eventually stopped. I was watching the sun set behind the front—the parking lot lights come on—when I realized it was after five o'clock. I snorted softly and shook my head. Guess I was officially free for the weekend.

I was turning to go sit down again when I saw a man in blue scrubs at the nurses' station. Dare I hope? I tried to act nonchalant as I took the closest chair. Just because he looked like a doctor didn't mean he had been working on Idgie. Yet the woman he was talking to pointed towards me, and the man headed over. He had a neutral look on his face, giving nothing away about Idgie's condition.

Why did it seem like he was so far away? It was like that repetitive dream where I couldn't get to Lizzie. Now the doctor couldn't get to me. Fuck.

I grabbed the arms of the chair and silently begged him to hurry. Prayed that he had good news although I'd resigned myself for the worst.

Please don't let her be gone. Please don't take Idgie from me. I need her.

My chest hurt when he finally sat beside me and talked about the surgery, what the paramedics had told him about the accident. It took a moment to realize Idgie was alive. She had a long road ahead of her, but she was going to be okay. Then the doctor told me I could see Idgie although she was still groggy from the anesthesia. Even when he stood, I just sat there.

He said he'd be by later to talk to us both. Asked if I was okay.

I nodded numbly. Then I was alone again with my thoughts. The missing details now filled in.

The accident. The surgery. The cause and effects of both.

All of it left my heart thudding in my chest and tears choking my throat.

The nurse gave me instructions on how to get to Idgie's room. A fog filled my head on the elevator ride upstairs. I stood in the hallway for a few minutes, taking deep breaths and counting to ten—repeatedly. Drying my eyes. I had to pull it together before I saw her. I had to, for both of us.

With a sincere smile, I quietly opened the door and made my way over to the far hospital bed. My girlfriend had a white sheet and blanket tucked around her, her head turned toward the windows. A dull lamp was on over the bed.

"Idgie, baby?"

She didn't look my way, but the jerking motion under the covers and her soft groans indicated that she had heard me.

I gingerly reached for her right hand where it lay on top of the blanket, mindful of the IV taped to her skin. She didn't respond except for a small whimper, so I just held on loosely, hoping it would provide her some comfort.

"You don't have to say anything. Just know I'm here, baby. I'm here." I used my foot to drag a chair closer and sat beside the bed, gently stroking my thumb across the back of her hand.

After about thirty minutes, I heard her crying softly. Her fingers curled around mine. Then she pulled on my hand.

I stood again and leaned over her, smiling when I saw her shiny eyes. "There's my girl."

"Susie?" Her bottom lip trembled. "I'm in the hospital?"

"Yes, baby." I gently brushed her hair off her forehead with my left hand, avoiding the bandaged area on her left temple. I traced the lines of her face with my eyes. "But you're going to be okay. We'll get through this together. Do you want some water? Ice?"

She licked her lips. "Ice."

I fed her a couple of spoonfuls after propping up the head of the bed a little and then resumed holding her hand and stroking her forehead.

"What happened?" She closed her eyes and swallowed noticeably, cringing. "My head hurts like hell, just like the rest of me."

"Mother Nature unleashed her wrath."

She cracked an eye open. "Huh?"

I smiled wryly. "Sounds like a combination of lightning striking a tree and heavy winds."

"Oh. There were supposed to be storms today, weren't there?"

"Yes, baby." I gave her some more ice when she kept licking her lips. "Better?"

"Mmm hmm." A small smile lit up her face. "I'm glad you're here."

"Always, Idgie."

"What can you tell me?"

"The doctor will be in later to talk to us both."

She turned her head fully toward me and sighed. "How bad is it? Be honest with me. I can take it."

I caressed her cheek, trying to get a handle on my emotions while she held my gaze. Where was that hardened, butch exterior I'd perfected when I needed it now? This woman had become my kryptonite.

"Susie?" She weakly squeezed my hand. "The last I remember, I went to get another tank of oxygen out of my car for Betty. She has COPD. It was raining. And then I woke up in this room."

My voice was strangely calm despite the fear rising up inside at how close it had been as I repeated what the doctor had told me. "Mr. Craig saw lightning strike a tree before it fell across the driveway on top of your car. The paramedics found you unconscious half-buried under the branches. One of the heavy limbs was pinning your left leg. You also have a slight concussion."

Idgie stared somewhere over my shoulder for a moment, apparently processing what I had said. Her eyes flickered back to mine. "Wait, so is my leg broken?"

I tried to keep my face neutral. Maybe my lip trembled. Maybe there was something in my eyes. My sudden silence. Or just the intuition of a lover. All I know is, she saw right through me.

"Susie?" Her hand gripped mine harder when I didn't answer. She tugged me to her and slowly growled, "Why can't I move my foot? My toes?"

I'd never felt so small in my life. Not even when Mrs. Rhodes had berated me because of her wild idea that I wanted to turn Lizzie gay. I managed to choke out the truth, unable to stop the tears this time.

"You can't move them because they aren't there, Idgie. The limb crushed your bones. They had to amputate your leg at the knee."

###

Twice in the past year, I was at the bedside of the one I loved, and she was in critical condition.

In Lizzie's case, she had been dying physically inside.

In Idgie's? It was internal, as well, but it was more an emotional process. And just like Lizzie, she grew worse each day. However, Idgie was reluctant to talk about anything and always wore a frown when she wasn't asleep. In the year that I'd known her, I'd never seen her truly miserable.

I let her pout. I understood, to a point. Losing a limb was traumatic, and I hadn't even been the one to lose it. I couldn't imagine the thoughts constantly running through her mind. She had every right to be depressed. But I wished she would at least talk about something, even if it wasn't her injury.

Frustration was only half of what I was feeling. It had been months since I'd considered running. Since she'd shown how she felt about me. I'd opened up to her in my most trying time. I couldn't understand why she couldn't reciprocate now. Even a little.

I took the week off work. Slept at home—or rather tossed and turned without her beside me—and then visited for as long as possible during the day. I ate my meals with her. Watched TV since she was never in the mood to converse. Talked with her doctor about expected physical therapy. The options for a prosthesis. It all sounded promising. The caveat? Idgie had to have the right attitude for any of it to be successful.

While I showered Friday morning, I made up my mind that I was going to ask the nurses about having a counselor come in. Idgie had to talk to someone. I was nowhere near qualified to try to understand her psyche. She needed more help in that department than I could give.

But I was determined that I wasn't going to leave her. I'd stopped running that day I'd arrived to help Lizzie. I just hadn't known it at the time. If Idgie chose to be wheelchair bound the rest of her life, I'd take care of her. It would be hard, but I'd find the strength because I loved her.

I'd told her that so many times this week. I didn't think she'd be instantly optimistic after five days, but at least I wanted her to want to recover. To live her life. So I resolved that if she wasn't going to be positive, I would be for both of us.

With a new plan in my mind, I held my head up high and headed over to the hospital. Her door opened when I approached. A nurse exited wearing a frown. She wished me luck before heading in the opposite direction. I took a deep breath and entered the lion's den.

"Good morning, sunshine."

Idgie was still on her back, per doctor's orders, with her head turned toward the door. The moment she saw me, though, she looked out the window, growling.

"Hey, she's making sounds, today. That's improvement over perpetual silence."

I removed my jacket and got comfortable in my regular chair by her bedside. Usually, I tried to initiate her in conversation despite it always being one-sided. Stupid things like how the weather was even though she could see outside. Or what should we watch on TV? Choose from the menu for her meals?

Today, I filled out the online menu with what I knew she liked and just pulled up an article on my phone.

After thirty minutes, I heard the crinkle of her head moving on the pillow. Felt her eyes on me. I refused to look up and just kept reading. A few minutes later, she huffed out a deep sigh. When I still ignored her, she sighed again.

I expected her to either continue pouting or give up and call my name. When I heard her sniffle and realized she was crying, I felt like a jerk and set my phone aside. "Idgie? Are you in pain?"

Her eyes were glossy, her cheeks red and wet.

"Is it your leg?" I couldn't help but look at the section of the blanket that dipped below her left knee. The doctor had said Idgie would have phantom pains for quite a while. They could possibly never go away completely. But given time, she'd learn to live with them.

She just turned her head away from me again.

To hell with my plan. My heart was wrenching from her stubbornness. From holding it together all week. I loved her, but I would not put up with this.

I walked around the other side of the bed, only for her to turn her head the other way again.

"For fuck's sake, Idgie! It was a freak accident. I'm sorry you lost your leg. I'm sorry that you're in pain. But giving me the silent treatment? I did not do this to you!" I raked my fingers through my hair and turned to watch the clouds drifting across the sky. "You need help! If you won't talk to me, talk to the doctor then. Talk to someone! Just stop acting like a child!"

"You're not supposed to take care of me," she mumbled.

I spun around. "What?"

She didn't face me, but at least she was talking. "I'm the caregiver."

I stamped down my groan and spoke slowly. "That's your job, Idgie. But it doesn't define you. And it doesn't mean others can't care for you when you need it. I love you. I'm here for you."

She scoffed.

"What, you don't believe me?" I was getting angry now. What more did I have to do to prove it to her?

"Why would you want to be with a deformed woman like me?"

"Are you serious, Idgie?"

"You can have any normal woman you want."

"I don't want a normal woman." I cringed the moment the words came out. "That's not what I meant."

She was silent again.

"Idgie? Please. I don't want another woman, I want you. All of you."

"I'm not whole anymore. Go find someone who can fulfill all your needs."

"What the hell are you talking about? You can still do that. You just have to want to."

"Go away."

I knew she was angry and frustrated with her situation. That she didn't mean the words she'd said, either. But it still broke my heart to hear them.

Maybe my presence wasn't helping. That my absence would. At least temporarily. So I grabbed my things and left, just as she wanted.

My intention was to go home. But my stomach rumbled as I passed a breakfast cart on the way to the elevator. At the ground floor, I followed the signs to the cafeteria rather than the main entrance.

A cup of coffee, a banana, and a breakfast sandwich on my tray, I paid and sat down at a table far away from everyone else. Idgie's attitude was rubbing off on me.

***

"Where do you want to sit?" a feminine voice asked.

"Let's go over there, out of everyone's way."

My ears perked up at the second woman's voice.

A moment later, two women—a brunette carrying a tray of food with a mini-me girl in tow; the other a blonde pushing a baby stroller with another tray balanced on top—came around the post nearest me. The brunette kept walking, urging the little girl to keep up. The blonde? She stopped and gawked at me.

She took a hesitant step toward me then laughed brightly. "Susie!"

I smiled back at her, my legs suddenly shaky when I stood. "Hi, Jenna."

Then, like in the movies, we fell into each other's arms. God, it felt like no one had hugged me in ages when it had only been a week ago. I didn't want to let her go, but I knew it was because I was lonely.

Her soft hair brushed my cheek, making me shiver. I remembered a time when I loved rubbing it between my fingers...feeling it tickle my skin. It was usually when I was teasing her neck. But I smiled wider, knowing the only one I wanted to nuzzle and play with her hair now was upstairs having an adult temper tantrum.

"It's so good to see you, Susie."

"Likewise, Jenna. I see you worked everything out with Kat?" I gestured over her shoulder where the brunette had finally stopped and was looking around.

"Oh yes!" Jenna waved at her wife and tilted her head when she turned back to me, her smile drooping. "What about your friend? Did she..."

I swallowed heavily and nodded. "Fate played her hand."

Jenna hugged me tightly. "I'm so sorry."

"Thank you." Lizzie still held a soft spot in my heart—always would—but the pain wasn't as bad now when I thought of her. I had Idgie to thank for that; for helping me move on. Except even that relationship was rocky right now. Still, I smiled softly at the thought of Idgie. "But there is a silver lining."

Jenna arched her eyebrows. "Oh?"

"I'll tell you all about it, if you have the time?"

"Most definitely." Jenna parked the stroller at the end of the table and pulled back a blanket to reveal the cherub face of a dark-haired baby boy. "This little slugger is Evan. You're getting the rare glimpse of him sleeping. Don't expect it to last."

"He's adorable. I'd say he gets his good looks from you, but I haven't met Kat yet."

Jenna rolled her eyes and covered up her son again. "I remember that attempt at a sense of humor."

I just grinned and sat back down, gesturing to the empty seat between the stroller and my chair while watching Kat approach. I could definitely see why Jenna had been obsessed with her for well over twenty years.

The mysterious Kat was a very beguiling woman. She was about Jenna's and my height. Slender yet curvy in the right places. Impressive after having had two children, especially with one still so young. And even with her hair pulled back, it was evident that she had the same enviously shiny hair that fell around her shoulders as Jenna's did, except Kat's was a deep reddish-brown color. She moved with a gracefulness like Idgie, easily managing a purse, child, and lunch for two.

I was happy for Jenna. She deserved the best. As much as I'd hated how I'd left her, I was glad I'd let her go. That she'd been persistent on following her heart.

"Please, join me," I offered once they were close enough.

"Thank you. We were just trying to keep the kids from bothering anyone," Kat said, setting down her tray across from me and pulling out a chair for the little girl. "Not that they aren't good in public..."

"Stop fretting, sweetie," Jenna laughed.

"I take it you two know each other," Kat said once she'd set up a juice box for the little girl. "I'm Kat, Jenna's wife, and this is our daughter, Essie. And that's baby Evan in the stroller."

"I just met your son. It's nice to finally meet you." I reached across the table and shook Kat's proffered hand. Then I smiled wider and gave a little wave at Essie who leaned her head against her mother's arm but gave me a shy grin in return. "I'm Susie."