I Love You and Want You, Mom

'Here I go again. How dare I? What's wrong with me? I'm his mother and he's my son,' I thought.

Finally, I reconsidered his offer for a massage and submitted my tired, aching, and nearly naked body to his strong and sexually exploring hands. As much as I was having inappropriate, sexual thoughts about him, I should have known that he was having inappropriate, sexual thoughts about me too. As much as I dismissed them as soon as I had them, thinking about my son later that night, I masturbated myself over the thoughts of having forbidden sex with him.

If I could have done it over again, exerting more self-control, I should have turned him down when he wanted me to massage him but I enjoyed touching and feeling his nearly naked body. Suffice to say, I should have turned him down when he wanted to massage me but his hands felt so good on my shoulders, on my back, on my butt, and on my legs. Other than feeling sexually aroused, I didn't think anything of it when his hand seemingly, innocently touched the side of my bra clad breasts or came a little too close to my panty covered pussy.

Ashamed to admit it but with him making me so horny, more than once he sexually aroused me by massaging my back, my butt, and the back of my thighs. Embarrassed to admit it but more than once, I wished he'd make an incestuous, sexual pass at me. I wished he'd feel my bra clad breasts, finger my nipples through my bra, and/or finger my pussy through my panties.

When I was really horny, I allowed him to unhook my bra. Once my bra was unhooked, not surprisingly, he seemed to concentrate more on massaging the sides of my exposed, naked breasts than any other part of my nearly, naked body. Whenever he touched the sides of my breasts, his fingers were so close to fingering my nipples. Wishing he'd finger my nipples, if only he knew that I was as wet for him as he was hard for me, I wonder what he'd do differently then.

"Oh, Jason. That feels so good. You're going to put me to sleep," I said hoping to encourage him to continue inappropriately, sexually touching me while I lay sleeping.

With me in the mood, there was a time when I had two glasses of wine and my son convinced me to allow him to give me a naked massage. It was a time when the movie, Full Body Massage that came out in 1995, was released to cable TV years later. In the way that my son had a sexual fantasy for me, and with him always comparing my body, especially my big tits, to her body and to her big tits, he had a sexual thing for Mimi Rogers.

As he did for all of his wives, Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, and Katie Holmes, perhaps because of her big tits, he especially loved Tom Cruise's first wife, Mimi Rogers. Jason was enamored with my big tits. He loved my big tits. He couldn't take his eyes of the impressions my big, erect nipples made through my thin nightgown. Whenever I wore my sheer, sexy, and low-cut nightgown in front of him, he stared more at what he could see of my nearly, naked breasts and erect nipples than he stared at my nearly, naked ass and pussy.

After downing my third glass of wine, I entered my son's room wearing a towel, a smile, and nothing else. As nervous as I was horny, as soon as I laid face down, I undid my towel. I was still fully covered but my towel was loose enough for my son to explore my naked body with his horny hands while massaging me.

I hoped my son would make an incestuous pass by sexually touching my nearly naked body. I hoped he'd cop a cheap feel of my naked ass and/or my naked tits. Then, I remember falling asleep and when I awakened, my towel that covered my naked body was positioned in the opposite way. The tag was on the outside instead of on the inside.

# # #

With me a heavy sleeper, while I lay sleeping from drinking too much wine and from being tired, my son must have removed my towel. He must have seen my naked, black ass and the back of my naked, black pussy. While I lay sleeping, he must have touched and felt my naked, black body everywhere a son should never touch and feel his mother. While I lay sleeping, he must have felt my naked, black ass, fondled my naked, black breasts, fingered my erect, naked, black nipples, and fingered my naked, black pussy. The ultimate flashing scenario, I wish I had been awake to see his reaction to seeing me naked.

Having given men my share of blowjobs, when I awakened I had a familiar and unmistakable taste and odor in my mouth. While I lay sleeping, Jason must have forced his cock in my mouth. With my lips red and a little sore, he must have humped my mouth and fucked my face. He must have forced me to blow him. Another telltale sign, there were droplets of cum on the towel and a few in my hair. While I lay sleeping my son must have ejaculated his cum in my mouth and forced me to have sleeping sex with him.

'I wish I was awake for that,' I thought. 'Instead of giving him a forced, sleeping blowjob, I would have given him a blowjob, he'd never forget.'

Days later, I remembered having a dream of blowing my son. I dreamt of sucking his cock. I dreamt of him cumming in my mouth. I dreamt of swallowing his cum while he felt my big tits and fingered my nipples. I've had plenty of dreams of blowing my son, of him cumming my mouth, and me swallowing his cum but this dream seemed real and as if it really happened.

As if he was my gynecologist, I dreamt of him fingering my pussy, rubbing my clit while fingerfucking my cunt and licking my cunt before fucking my cunt. I dreamt of my son fucking my cunt. In the way my son forced me to blow him, he obviously forced me to fuck him too. With me such a heavy sleeper, especially after having a few drinks, it wouldn't be the first time that I slept through having sex.

'I wish I was awake for that too,' I thought. 'Instead of giving him a forced, sleeping fuck, humping him harder and humping him faster, I would have given him the fucking of his young life. I would have loved him to have given me a sexual orgasm with his cock.'

The thought of my son having his wicked sexual way with my naked, black body was as disturbing as it was sexually arousing. Only, not really sure, I more suspected that he forced me to blow him than I thought of him forcing me to fuck him. I'd never sleep through him fucking me, unless he drugged my wine with a sleeping pill. Perhaps, ala Bill Cosby, that was what he did.

Just as I was wrong to allow my son to massage me, I was wrong to allow him to give me a full body, naked massage. What was I thinking? What did I think would happen? Disgusted, ashamed, embarrassed, and feeling stupid, yet, I was sexually aroused that I may have sucked my son and fucked my son.

# # #

While wearing my short and low-cut nightgown when picking up clutter before vacuuming, I remember that summer before he left for college. He sat on the floor playing video games. With me walking around him without panties and bending at the waist in front of him, I gave him a constant and continual up-nightgown view of my naked ass and my naked pussy. With me bending in front of him, I gave him a constant and continual down-nightgown peek of my naked breasts and erect nipples. Whether unintentionally or deliberately, sexually teasing him, I gave Jason plenty to see and masturbate over later.

Then, with me wearing a short skirt while playing Scrabble or Monopoly and him sitting on the floor in front of me, while he pretended that he wasn't looking, I gave him a continual view of my panties. Not done with showing him just my panties, with me relaxing on the couch in my nightgown, I gave him plenty of up-nightgown peeks of my naked pussy. Then, with him hugging and kissing me in the morning and again at night, somehow, his stray hand always managed to slide down across my nearly, naked ass or somehow feel my nightgown clad breast.

With my son always so touchy and feely, he had a habit of always touching more of me than he should and what was deemed appropriate when hugging me. Only, I never put a sexual spin on him innocently touching me. Now, that I think of it, either he thought I was instigating his sexual attraction by sexually teasing him and by allowing him to touch me and feel me or he thought I was oblivious. Obviously, he was right in both cases. I was sexually teasing him as much as I was sometimes oblivious.

With him being so attached to me and sexually attracted to me, like mother like son, in the way that I was sexually and emotionally needy, I chalked it all up to him being sexually and emotionally needy too. I figured it was my fault that he was the way that he was because he didn't have a Dad. I figured it was my fault for continually flashing him my panties, my cleavage and bra, my naked pussy, and my naked breasts.

I figured it was my fault for allowing him to massage my nearly, naked body. While he felt my naked breasts and naked ass through my nightgown, I figured it was my fault for allowing him to sleep in my bed while holding me, hugging me, cuddling me, and spooning me. While I felt his erect cock through his pajama bottoms, I figured it was my fault for fondling his prick. I blamed myself for everything. Yet, a small price to pay to keep my son safe, I considered his incestuous, sexual attraction as a small consolation that I needed to make.

If allowing him to see what he shouldn't see of me and if allowing him to touch what he shouldn't touch of me, so what? What's the big deal? Better that he's sexually with me than with some disease, carrying whore. At least he was home with his mother and not out on the street doing drugs and committing crimes. Where most mothers fight with their sons, we never fought. Where most sons disrespect their mothers, he was always good to me and respectful of me.

When I think of all the times he must have been staring at my panties in up-skirt peeks and of my naked pussy in up-nightgown peeks, I gave him plenty to masturbate over. When I think of all the down-blouse views of my cleavage and bra, I gave him plenty to see. When I think of all the down-nightgown views of my naked tits and nipples, I gave him plenty to masturbate over. At least he wasn't out there on the dangerous streets of Detroit. Instead, of sexually assaulting someone and/or raping someone, he was home ogling and groping his mother.

If I knew he had incestuous thoughts for me then, I would have been upset. Instead of feeling the sexual arousal that I feel now, I would have been embarrassed and ashamed. I would have thought I did something wrong as a mother. Blaming myself, I would have thought that I encouraged his sexual attraction to me.

Now, over the uncomfortableness of being sexually attracted to my son and him being sexually attracted to me, when sexually thinking about my son, it made me dizzy with incestuous desire. I'm so lonely, horny, and sexually frustrated that if he were here now, especially with his wife not home, I'd show him how I sexually feel about him. I'd allow him to strip me naked, make love to me, and fuck me. Then, as I did that one-time years ago before he was married, I'd suck his cock and allow him to cum in my mouth again.

"Jason? Where are you? Come home. Come home to Mama. Mama needs you. Mama wants to have incestuous sex with you," I said for no one to hear.

# # #

The thought of him dying in a car crash without me ever telling him how I truly felt about him made me sick. I told myself that if he safely came home, I'd tell him about the forbidden, sexual thoughts that I felt for him daily. I hoped that I could ease my guilt for sexually teasing him and incestuously enticing him by him telling me that he felt the same way about me. I hoped that I could ease his guilt for him having those same sexual thoughts for me my telling him that I felt the same way about him.

Yet, now that we're older, perhaps he'd want to act out those incestuous thoughts with me as much as I'd like to act out those sexual thoughts with him. Now that we're older, maybe he'd finally have sex with me again as a way to remove the forbidden, sexual lust once and for all. If he's willing to have sex with me, I'd willingly have sex with him. If he's willing to make love to and fuck his mother, I'd willingly make love to and fuck my son.

'Who am I kidding,' I thought? 'I just want to sexually take advantage of my son now in the way that he sexually took advantage of me when he drugged me and had sex with my sleeping, naked body.'

Where is he? When is he coming home? If only he was here now, with his wife and children not home, I'd sexually seduce him. I'd have illicit, incestuous sex with my son.

"What's wrong with me for having sexual thoughts for my son? We all have forbidden and inappropriate sexual desires, yet I should be above all of that. I'm his mother and he's my son," I said for no one to hear while trying convince myself that what I was sexually thinking was not only wrong but forbidden.

'Maybe because my son is different is the reason why I'm sexually attracted to him,' I thought. 'Every man I've known has taken advantage of me. Every man I've known has physically, emotionally, and financially fucked me over after having sexually fucked me. Jason is a good son and a good man. Even though he forced me to have sex with him while I was sleeping, he'd never hurt his mother.'

I realized that, including my son, every man had sexually abused me. Every man just wanted to see what he could see of my naked body. Every man just wanted a blowjob. With me always so horny while hoping that this man or that man was different, I accommodated them by sucking their cocks while they felt my naked breasts and fingered my nipples. Yet, obviously too much to ask, no man wanted to assume the baggage of a single mixed-race, black mother with a mixed-race child.

After meeting Jason's wife, Tamara, and shocked to see how much she physically resembled me, it was more disconcerting that my son was having sex with my clone. No doubt, whenever he had sex with his wife, I wondered if he thought of having sex with his mother. How could he not think about having sex with his mother when his wife looked so much like me? We more looked like mother and daughter than we looked like mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Now making myself crazy with incestuous desire, with it being years since I've seen his cock, I wondered what my son looked like naked. With it having been six, long, sexually frustrating years since we had sex, I wondered again what his cock felt like in my hand, tasted like in my mouth, and felt like in my cunt. It made me wet to think about his face buried between my thighs and his fingers rubbing my clit and his tongue licking my pussy. I wondered what it felt like to have sex with my son.

"Lick Mama's pussy, Jason," I said for no one to hear. "Fingerfuck my cunt. Give your mother a sexual orgasm with your fingers and tongue before giving her a sexual orgasm with your cock. Make Mama cum. Make me cum, Jason. I'm so horny for you. I need to cum."

# # #

In celebration of his birthday, Jason was out drinking again. I took my grandchildren trick or treating while Tamara passed out Halloween candy to the trick or treaters. As usual, when my son didn't come home, my daughter-in-law was home alone with the children again. Suffice to say, she was frantic with worry. Yet, this time, tired of his shit, and with her too angry to be there, she went home to her mother and left me there to face my son.

Unbeknownst to Jason, instead of his wife waiting for him, I was there to celebrate his birthday and to take the kids trick or treating. He didn't know that I was sleeping over. Unbeknownst to my son, an effect of being alone with my son, I was as horny as I was sexually frustrated. As long as he wanted it and as long as he made the first sexual move, I was ready to finally give him sex again.

I was still up watching television but turned it off when I heard truck pull in the driveway. I remained motionless while he fumbled to put his key in the lock and open the front door. Trying to be quiet but being the noisy drunk that he couldn't help himself to be, with him not turning on a light, he must have thought his wife and kids were sleeping.

He didn't know that I was laying on the couch in the dark, living room watching him. Too hot for a blanket, it was an unusually warm October night. He didn't know that I was sleeping in my sexy, short, sheer, and low-cut nightgown.

Hoping he'd turn on the light, encouraging him to sexually seduce me, with my nightgown already raised to my waist and my naked pussy exposed, I was ready to flash him. I was ready to confess my unrelenting, incestuous, sexual attraction to him.

Knowing how much he loved my big tits, before he opened the front door, I pulled my breasts out from the top of my nightgown. Turning them, twisting them, and pulling them, I fingered my nipples to erect them with one hand while rubbing my clit and fingerfucking my pussy with my other hand. Ready to have sex with him, I wanted to make myself good and wet.

Hoping he'd turn on the light, with my nightgown to my waist and my tits on display, I pretended I was sleeping. Fully exposed to my son, should he turn on the light, he'd not only see my naked breasts but also, he'd see my naked pussy too. Only, with him not turning on a light, he didn't know his mother was there. If he thought I was anyone sleeping on the couch, no doubt, he'd think I was his wife.

As sexually aroused as I was horny, I was hot for my son. Desperately, I needed to get laid. It had been a long time since I had a hard, erect cock in my hand, in my mouth, and in my pussy. All the men that I dated, needed a blue pill to have an erection. All the men that I dated didn't care about my sexual needs. They just wanted a blowjob.

Instead of just sucking him, I needed to feel my son's lips and the weight of his naked body on me. I needed him to make love to me before fucking me. I needed him give me a sexual orgasm with his cock and to cum in my cunt before I sucked him and he ejaculated a second load of cum in my mouth, his mother's mouth.

'Happy Birthday, Jason,' I wanted to yell out my birthday surprise as soon as he walked in the front door.

# # #

Instead, I remained quiet while watching him fumble around in the dark. With my eyes already accustomed to the darkness, I could clearly see him with the help from the glow of the full moon. Then, nearly sitting on me, he sat on the couch to remove his shoes. Obviously surprised that he thought his wife was asleep there, I felt his hand on my leg before feeling his hand on my naked thigh and before he touched and cupped my naked pussy.

'My son cupped my pussy,' I thought. 'I can't believe he cupped my cunt.'

My sexual fantasy come true, I couldn't believe he was cupping my cunt. Then, teasing me, he ran a slow finger the length of my pussy slit. A long time coming, I felt his finger part my pussy lips. As soon as he applied a little pressure with his index finger, he entered me. My son's fingers were inside of my wet cunt.

With his fingers now deeply inside me, he rubbed my clit and fingerfucked my pussy. He continued rubbing my clit while fingerfucking my cunt. My son was masturbating me in the way that I couldn't wait to masturbate him. If only Jason knew that he was masturbating his mother, what would he say? If only my son knew that he was masturbating his mother, what would he do? Would he continue to masturbate me or would he recoil in embarrassment?

"Oh, sorry," he said under his breath. "I didn't know you were there," he said with a dirty laugh while continuing to finger my pussy and fuck my cunt with his long, stiff fingers. "I didn't mean to awaken you," he said rubbing me faster and fingerfucking me deeper. "I didn't realize it was so late. Because it was my birthday, the guys kept buying me drinks," he said slurring his words.