by BigGuy33
I liked the story, i think it has potential to be longer and more fleshed out, but awesome work.
A perfect fit for the romance category, giving way to the emotions and relationship instead of the overused sex elements. Hope to see more of the like from you in the future!
5*
Within the first page, a snide comment about marriage and "plump but pretty." How are you not aware how sexist and offensive that ish is?
about two people who found each other by accident
but
all the side drama was distracting!
8 people, 1 couple and 3 guys who pass 3 women around among themselves
detracted from the main storyline.
3 guys who have expectations for "their" weekend with the girl on offer for the current rotation can be a bit dicey.
If in doubt just ask Tommy.
They're past college age but still acting like sophomores on spring break. But it does explain why she was so immediately drawn to Henry. He was probably the first real adult man she had ever met.
Why do characters in stories on this site burst into tears at the slightest thing?
Stiff upper lips needed!
"until death do us part, and I was still alive." - Yes, but she's dead, so death has parted you.
"She says you're too old and not very good looking" - Besides being assholes, they over-reached! She MIGHT have said he was too old, but he's obviously good looking!
"Trina hears about her old friends now and again but hasn't seen most of them in some time" - With Joanna dating one of Henry's employees you'd think she would see her occasionally.
At last, one romance story, with feelings, love and without explicit sex!
Is really true romance.
I liked, believe me.
Good job!
Reads like the beginning efforts of a writer with potential. I don't see how they spent that first night in the same bed and he didn't know her last name. It could even be viewed risky, since there were 8 of them and 1 of him. He could easily be set up for a rape charge, blackmail, etc. And based on his business/legal experience, he should have thought to copy the females' driver licenses also. And he charged them no rent?
But that's just logical details. Its still a nice romance and a fun read. Thank you for your time and effort.
Not sure I would have done the same. A girl who swaps nights with 3 different guys, been doing it that way "for a long time", follows a guy she just met over to another cabin to "talk" and ends up spending the night with him? Although she says she never had intercourse with any of them, you have to admit that's an odd story and her behavior - since he didn't know her at the time - doesn't necessarily encourage belief in her version of that story. She comes across as very promiscuous.
It's not a big deal whether her story is true or not, at least not until he decides to hunt her down. He's a Dad, got a young girl at home and most Dads will be very certain of the type of woman they allow into the house. They would be very careful about who is allowed to make impressions on their daughter and this woman, Trina, when viewing all the evidence he's aware of so far, seems to be a bit loose. So I think to make the story more realistic, you should have shown the Dad being more careful and very deliberate about how and when to expose his daughter to a new woman in his life, especially someone like Trina.
One thing I've noticed in practically all your stories, the "man" (I use the term loosely because of all the sobbing and collapsing they exhibit) AND the woman he eventually ends up with, seem to "love" each other almost immediately. In this story, the protagonist spends one sexless night with a girl and then spends weeks desperately trying to find her again - only to have her show up at his house because she can't get over him either.
The daughter, crying about how she promised Mom to help Dad allow another love into his life, tells Trina, a girl she's never met until now, that her Dad is besotted with her. Then they all have a group hug while sobbing; I guess we're lucky Dad didn't faint or fall out of his chair this time, at least we didn't have to see that. I think a daughter - still missing her Mom - would be very protective of her Father and would view the new girl with no small amount of suspicion until knowing her better.
It's just a bit too much, like you're bored with this part of the story and just want to skip to them being married or something. Too quick for that kind of scene, and in most of your stories like this, it's way too quick. Perhaps it's because most of your stories are like this that I have a problem with it. I could see it happening on very rare occasions, but certainly not every time.
Here's a quick tip: Generally speaking, normal men don't "sob". We tend to hide our emotions for the most part; that's the way we are and there's no amount of Oprah's, feminists, gays, or writers of "self-improvement" books that will ever change it. The only "men" you normally see sobbing are those freaks on youtube wailing about Brittney or some buttercup weeping about the election. Those aren't men; they'll never have the stuff it takes to raise and protect a family.
Still, you're a good writer and I generally enjoy the stories. Keep it up. I'm sure we all appreciate the effort. Thanks.
5 Star until "One possibility is hiring on a full-time nanny." Children should be raised by their PARENTS, not some Slut that's been swapping men for years.
By the way, any woman that tells me shes been sleeping with 4 guys on a rotating basis but never was intimate with them... yeah right, total bullshit.
From a faithful, loving wife ( now deceased ) to a full blown (pun intended) slut is a huge leap. Then there's the train wreak of having that slut rearing a 13 year old impressionable daughter, how's that for failed parenting?
If this is romance in BigGuy33's life then I feel much pity for him and his.
He expressed better than me most of my concerns. I would just insist on the "true love" bit of your stories. Writing a romantic story doesn¡t mean that love is a kind of magic feeling that "just happen". It takes time to get to know the other. Of course there is lust and sexual attraction, but those feelings are not loved.
In any case, I enjoy your stories and they always get me engaged.
I normally don't address my remarks to commenters (everyone is entitled to their opinion) but in this case I'll make an exception. You, sir, are a bone headed, ignorant, person. How did you came up with the idea that Trina was a slut? What is she supposed to do at her age? Sit around with an intact virtue until she marries Mr. Right? She said in her comments that she hadn't had sex with any of the guys in their group. I found her honest and forthcoming without an agenda such as using him for marriage material but keeping a guy on the side which you see in many if the stories here. Try reading the story again.
This story had some potential but then got stupid and just sort of sputtered to an ending IMO. My reasons being..if he was really trying to find Trina why would you write to those young friends of hers and not go and talk to them personally. Plus the letter he received back from them sounded like it was written by a 10 year old kid! Either he was kinda dim witted or he wasn't really trying too hard. He knew she was working toward her certification to work with special needs children, shouldn't be too hard to find her through that channel. After that I just couldn't keep any interest in the story any longer. I gave it a 3 and I think that is generous!
Just because Haley is graduating high school and he and Trina have only been together five years DOESN'T preclude her being Trina's child! At this point we don't know how old Trina is, so there's no reason to think that she shouldn't have an 18-year-old daughter.
Trina was 24 when she met Henry.
Trina said she rotated with 3 guys but never had sex with any of them.
Joanna was in a relationship with Steve only and not a slut.
Trina is 11 years older than Haley.
Henry is 11 years older than Trina.
What Trina did in her past should not be held against her, she was up front with Henry from the start.
This is a good story!
"The cops say he PROBABLY didn't suffer."
Probably, LOL
Good Story, thanks.
Very nicely done, IMHO. I especially enjoyed the part where Haley told Trina how her dad felt about her.
When the daughter relates her last conversation with her mother. So bittersweet.
I have been married to my wife for 21 years. She had 3 children prior. It has always been my desire for them to call me dad. Sadly it hasn’t happened for the 2 oldest, however the youngest has called me her dad a few times over the years and I can not tell you how good it made me feel. When I read that part of the story I could certainly relate to the feeling and it brought a tear to my eye
I still remember when my wife's daughters and her granddaughter wrapped me up and called me their other dad. I had to pull over 15 min into a 5 hr drive because I vouldntbsee the road, all never forget that day. This reminded me of it, well done.
Good story! So sad 😭 about Steve especially as he was getting it together. Pity he lost Joanna.
Perfect story!!! Widower finds a young, HOT, and FAITHFUL woman to marry!!! 5 Stars!!
This has got to be the best story I've read since All My Fault. You made me cry. My wife says I've got to stop doing this. But she says at least it's better than the porn sites. 10 stars, because I can't count, and they won't change the rating system. The Bear approves heartily. It's nice to read a sweet story, where us old guys luck out. I look forward to more.
The BEAR
Like one person said they usually don't respond to comments by others, folks have a right to their opinions. I try to live by that rule as well and try to limit myself to thanking the story writer. They put a lot of thought and work into what they share with us the readers, for instance this tale. It is truly a step above so many other stories, even his own and I appreciate it very much.
A couple of the folks from 4 years ago have taken stupid to a whole new level. Now I know the inspiration for Ron White's 'Can't Fix Stupid' comedy line! Fortunately, many more seem to be level headed people who know a good story when they read it. Thanks Guy! An inspired story.
somewhere east of Omaha
"Trina has told us she has no interest in further contact with you. She says you're too old and not very good looking." Haha damn, should've added "And you stink, too!" for good measure. If Henry fell for that, his perception stats would have to be abysmal.
Well there are a couple of 4 stars behind me of your stories but this really moved me and you are back to 5. I think something got in my eye when the kid called Trina mom. One of my older daughters is a single mom with a 30 year old, my grand daughter. The other day after helping her out she called me dad and said I have been more of dad to her grand dad over the years, there goes that dust in my eyes again. Keep writin!
Wow!
I was flabbergasted by some of the earlier comments.
I went back & reread parts & Trina didn’t come across as a slut, but one of the better woman in the group. I guess not everyone can read carefully.
Lovely 5 stars tale. Well done & I hope for more this well written.
Bill S.
I read the last comment and revisited the comments from 5 years ago. I may be mistaken but there were about three or four in a row that seemed from the same writer (and if this wasn't fiction, from one of the clowns Trina had been with).
This is at least my third trip through this tale, it still is a favorite. Thanks BG, still a five star tale!
somewhere east of Omaha
I enjoy the story so much, I'm surprised at so few comments. It's telling how ALL I've read have been positive. A favorite!
short and sweet. excellent story. Haley's part is excellent in the beginning and near the end with the casual "Hi Mom" heartfelt and a really good teenager.
A short story should be like a night gown, short enough to be interesting but yet just long enough to cover the essentials. This was! Warmed through with emotion, spiked with a bit of lust, rather like a good egg nog with just enough rum to give it some depth. Well done.
about the 3td time I have read all or parts of this and my eyes still water. thanks
Great story, i loved it! It made me tear up. I could visualize this as I read it. iMHO it would make a great movie. I'd like to give it more than 5 stars+ !
Gruh!! I hate it when MC's are barely into middle age and call themselves old. 35 is NOT old, dammit! And eleven years difference is not that much. Yes, if she was 12, *then* it's a big deal. But when she's 24 and he's 35, not so much. Plus, if your first child comes with their own body double, don't have MORE kids. Who really needs more than 2 these days, away?
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I’m a romantic at heart, enjoyed the emotion of the daughter fulfilling her promise to her mom.
I rated this at four stars.
But then realized I had no reason to not give it five. So, I did.
JPB
A lovely and touching story.
You write really well, and you get pretty good details into the story
Very good story. I enjoyed very much. I was somewhat disappointed that the story was short of details and failed to delve into interesting areas that would give depth to the story. The story as presented seemed to be more like a very good outline rather than a fleshed out story. I still enjoyed just wanted more. Like what precipitated Haley’s acceptance of Trina as her Mother figure.
Still a good read. Thanks for sharing. John
As someone else said, why is it always twins. I agree, these stores have a far high rate of persons having twins than anywhere on the planet.
The story was just run of the mill. Ok but not good.
Excellent Romantic story and the way the daughter was included into fulfilling her promise to her mom was a really nice touch and tugged at my heartstrings. Well done keep up the good work.
It started off good till the kid came into the picture, kids don't act like that. Then all three of them were crying when she should up at their home, sounds creepy.
Excellent! 2nd reading for me and still good. Amazing what a child can understand at 11 yrs. old when her Mom passes and only 13 when Trina appeared at Henry and her house. "I promised Mom" Not sure what story "all right" read or his reading comprehinsion.
Had t9 w8pe my eyes a rew times. Couldn't help it. Just a hopeless romantic, under certain circumstances, real or imagined. 5.
Great story - one of the top 20 on Literotica. Great author, great plot and great style. Brought more than a tear to my eye (but no sobbing!). More please
I agree with anonymous from about a month ago, it really isn't very nice to make older peoples' eyes water excessively. Other than that comment, a very nice tale indeed.
Anyone with a beating heart would have feel the incredible emotions in this tale. Thank you BigGuy - 5 stars
somewhere east of Omaha
What a lovely and unexpected love story! I really enjoyed it and gave the story five stars.