All Comments on 'Ice Cream Man'

trash...she cheated on you and you killed her.

Wow you're a wimp...

This needs, it just screams, to become a series.

Nice. Very nice.

Это полное дно ! Сточная канава литэротики !

One stupid story.

Very tongue in cheek. I loved it.

This reads like a summary of a story. What a coincidence that his wife met Mr Big. How did that happen? Only married 3 years, why did shd need to cheat? Was he not getting the job done? I'm not a great fan of really long stories but this could do with a bit of fleshing out.

That was cold. I agree with the idea for a series.

I like how realistic it is!

um sure makes perfect sense

The Parlor is an organization that is so secret even our top heads of state, the FBI, and the CIA don't know we exist.

You've probably seen or heard of our work. There are many books written about our missions and several movies.

I am aware cheating on your husband is morally wrong,but for ICM to declare Mary as an enemy who probably didn't know about Mr.A's crime ring,and basically blew his Wife up in yacht explosion is just wrong.Mary may have been a bitch for cheating but she didn't deserve to die so gruesomely and have her body parts scattered all over the ocean as fish chum.

This story is just vile,pure and simple.

Awful. Seems like a poor ripoff of Saddletramps Camp series.

You go from one great story to one that is crap.

Sorry, but this James Bond stuff was just too far out there. Poorly developed, lacking in background or any other type of decent development it felt like you had a semblance of an idea, sat down at the word processor and banged this out in about 15 minutes. I noticed that you posted 2 stories today. Both were mediocre poker. Try and take more time with your stories. Write them, put them aside, think about them and then revisit them. Maybe find an editor. While both stories had potential, both fell short of being interesting or entertaining.

As others have said:

.

Very tongue-in-cheek and many of the usual LW tropes parodied.

The extreme B (vapourisation), compared with the standard BTB process, does rather eliminate the possibility of a funeral, no matter how much he now had available to spend. Maybe a memorial service?

.

Lue

I enjoyed this story, despite being so brief. I would like to see more adventures of the Ice Cream Man.

Lol, at least he didn’t go get falling down drunk when he found out or planned suicide.

I wish you had written it. This was just a summary, or a book report. Maybe someone will write the full story so that we get to know and understand the characters, the plot, the motives and the methods, the who, what when where why and how. Especially the why. He married that badly? He didn't convey all that much surprise.

Anyway, thanks for the effort. Next time you kill a predator, let the killing last long enough so he knows who's ending his life, and why. Much richer and more satisfying.

Thanks for the effort.

Sounds like a fantasy of a 15 year old boy. Plot does not cause me to suspend my disbelief. The only good thing was equating revenge with ice cream.

R.

So a billionaire plies his trade by seducing 30 something women, one at a time, grooming them for a couple of months, before passing them along. Occasionally killing one whore to convince the next whore to join the stable?

That sounds like the actions of a street pimp who is really, really bad at math. You can't be a billionaire pimp if you suck at addition and subtraction so much you think that

Excellent BTB

Scores 5/5

2*. Can't give more than that for an outline. Good outline though.

The story was a snuff story, there was no deterrence value no connected consequences to send a message to other wanna-be rouges. That Parlor does this for a greater good for humanity is commendable butttttt, slicing off $2B to each Parlor member sours the heroics. There sort of was a message that rouges can run but can never hide from the Parlor. Mary was just a stupid pawn being played by a rouge king, but her husband willfully murdered her. I was unaware adultery in our society gets the death penalty.

/

The only redeeming quality is IF this story is the first in a series of "Parlor Tricks". Otherwise, there are just too many dangling open ends barely giving it a 3.5-3.8 *. Hooyah, but no salutes.

Please set up a negative one star star. Or, at least, a ZERO!

Boom goes the bitch.

Can I get this guys contact info, I could use a loan.

Redo1984 🤘

Cheating wife's deserve to die

5 stars for the idea, but I sure would like to see this story fleshed out further. Or maybe you could do an origin story like this for each team member as a lead in to a series. Kinda like some of Saddletramp's stuff. Either way, you gave me a smile big enough to raise my wife's eyebrow! Thanks - that was unexpected.

Hot to the point. BTB - Boom to Bitch.

I thought this was going somewhere. The whole offhand discovery of his wife's adultery seemed so unemotional as to be pointless. Apparently he cared enough about his wife that he could have accidentally backed over her pulling out of the garage and not bothered to stop because he had a meeting to attend.

To give this some kind of traction, I was expecting him to have set things in motion to blow up the yacht with her on it, only to find once they were underway, that she was also an undercover operative that was hired by another super secret agency to take this bad guy down. She was waiting to get him sufficiently far out to sea before she forced him to move his money to benevolent places and then bump him off. The Ice Cream Man would then have to scramble to save her, ... or fail and lose her at the last moment because he didn't love/trust her enough to confront her.

There! Maybe I should just cut and paste that one paragraph and call it a completed story.....?

This is like a Will E. Coyote and Roadrunner cartoon 🐺.

All action. A little thought on how to destroy. No emotional effect 😶.

Seven minutes later.....on to the next story,😃😏.

DocWords better luck next time.

I'm on to a better post as

AMerryman

Zero emotion. Clichés everywhere.

Nope, not for me.

Meh

Yawn. Now it is time to write a story with some characters, some excitement, and some problem resolution.

Great grammar & sentence structure. Thanks.

Keep 'em comin'.

and to the point

This story had all the elements of a great plot. However, to me, the lack of emotion or even much dialogue between the characters, meant that I wasn't invested enough to care about his success or her death.

Also, what bothered me near the start was "This leads me to our story today." No! This is not our story. This is your story and I'm the reader. This broke the fourth wall, the invisible barrier between the reader and the writer, for no real gain. It is a tool that many writers employ but beware of using them carelessly. What you are telling the reader is, "I know you're out there watching me. I'm talking to you. So enjoy this..."

If you're going to do this, you had better be the trapeze artist who is going to pull off a five rotation somersault before hooking onto the catcher. Otherwise, readers, expecting something spectacular, have a tendency to go 'so what?'. At that point, you've lost them. Most want to feel like they are almost part of the story, watching it closely and getting to know the characters intimately. Few want to feel that they have been written into the story in some way.

Thank you.

This is a story of a cheating wife...just blowing her up kills the story...no fun here.....

I know this is fiction, but even fiction needs to be believable. My problem with this story began right off the bat. Hardly anyone knows about this highly secret organization, but someone provides them a budget, they somehow have access to a very wide assortment of the latest technology that would make James Bond jealous (even Bond had a tech expert whose job was to know what he needed and supply it, but these three somehow find their own), and an apparently wide variety of people and agencies refer cases to this group no one’s heard of. Between them, just three people know enough about almost everything to plan, recruit others with all the necessary skills, and carry out all kinds of very specialized and secret assignments. I’m afraid I started checking out just a few paragraphs in; I finished reading the story, but most of my interest was already gone.

You write clearly and don’t distract your readers with poor grammar or misspelled words. Take it to the next level by making your stories believable and characters ones that readers can identify with and care about.

I agree, I mean just look at what massive failures that stories with characters like Frodo, Spider-man, John Wick, Jon Snow etc. have turned out to be...

Out of curiosity, do you think sarcasm should be believable too?

I agree, I mean just look at what massive failures that stories with characters like Frodo, Spider-man, John Wick, Jon Snow etc. have turned out to be...

Out of curiosity, do you think sarcasm should be believable too?

You spent half a page describing an imaginary agency, and added in, 'Oh, by the way my wife is cheating..... Boom.'

You spent so little time on the wife, the affair, the discovery, skipped the confrontation and went straight to Boom, that I didn't care one way or the other. I didn't get invested in any character, good or bad, because they barely existed for a few sentences. This was a literary shoulder shrug.

So far your worst story. No likeably caracters to rushed MC a soziopath no wonder she fall for attention. No need to pay for furneral. Now you know she was his secound wife. No inch better as Mr A.

Love it!!! You play, you pay!!!

Catering to the BTB crowd with an explosion, yet no real explanation for how it got there. On that basis alone, it's pandering drivel.

Bye, bye, you cheating bitch.

Bye bye Mary , you cheating bitch! lmao!

Bravo. Short and sweet. Mary got what she deserved.

5*

bj

Good story.

Too fast she needed to suffer longer.

It's a bit mental, that story.

Not much of a story. 2 stars

The Parlor, huh? I disagree with BH54; I gave you five! You aught to write more Parlor stories; get your boy laid often. Good story line. Keep writing.

XYZ

Really liked the story, and I know she cheated on him. But Mr A did do his thing on her, so it was like she went looking to cuckold him right. I believe instead of only giving her 30 seconds notice to die, he should have give her at least 3 minutes to RUN to get off the Yacht..

That was great!!

Too cold and mostly boring narrative. Another Ho-hum story above a guy with secret, powerful resources.

LOL

Great quick story!

Story gives me a sinking feeling, but it was a blast.

It is an outline to what could be a great story. Still 4****

Well that was over the top. Quite silly actually.

I love stories like this, but unfortunately they're too short. Therefore only 4****.

Over the top, but not ridiculously so. Probably due to how short and rushed everything was. I'd be willing to be lengthening the story would sort that out quite a bit. One of these days, I'd like to read a story about how the wife is taken and sold into slavery, and the husband just leaves her there.

blast of a story.....

Meh. Nothing to see here, folks.

JPB

I forgot. Three stars.

JPB

Cheating sluts of her kind are disposable. Kabooooom!