All Comments on 'Initiation Ch. 03'

Hot story though.

You seem to jump back and forth between his point of view and hers without any warning. It makes the story very confusing. I'm afraid this only deserves one star.

Rule #1: Spell check and grammar check. You wrote "brother-in-laws" instead of "brothers-in-law."

Rule #2: Get an editor. I posted eight stories before I realized that I needed help. The editor would have told you that you need clearer transitions between Mike's storytelling and Jenny's storytelling.

Rule #3: Revise your story after it has been edited, and only then post it. This will save you from the grief I and other readers are giving you. But most of all, keep writing.

I used the plural since there was more than one, I have tried without success of getting an editor but will try again.

Kind of goes against the no sex outside fhe family.