All Comments on 'Into the Sunlight Ch. 02'

much better and more believable.

Charleshia? Hahaha.

You have a tendency to involve too many characters in a scene. It’s confusing for the reader to keep track of who’s who. Also, when the characters are not all in the same place, you tend to list their whereabouts & activities in a single paragraph. As a reader, I don’t need all that. I get it. People lead busy lives when not with their families.

You lost me at that comment "she acted like a lady even tho she was black"... And the sad thing is... 6ou dont even realise how racist it was...

As to the story... The premise is ridiculous... There's no requirement that veterans shoot only to wound when protecting their families from armed intruders... Thats nonsense... She never would have been arrested... He was holding a gun to a childs head for crissakes... This was dumb as hell... And poorly written...

-jaye-

Continuity issues

In the last chapter, Cynthia was released on bond and joined her husband at the hospital. In the beginning of this chapter, she was held in jail, unable to see her husband for quite some time. Later in the story, Charleshia was released when no mention was made of an arrest at that point.

I agree with another commenter that too many characters are involved in a scene. In one paragraph, I counted ten different names. I had to think back to recall who everyone was and their relation to each other.