All Comments on 'Invisible Me Ch. 01'

Could have been a really hot story, but all the wrong names and wrong words are just too damned distracting

That was hot. Yeah - Jason/Steve at one point - but - I loved the premise and the story was well told.

I'd love to read more about this group of characters.

Did you really proofread it through even once? That is what an editor is for. A decent story with an outstanding premise, brought down from a possible 5 to nearly a 3. As it is, it is only ramblings.