by masked_maiden
I'm not really sure if I liked it or not. So, she is a mute, but a powerful telepath? She is or isn't human? She has no fear of the Centaur? Her eyes change color alot, is that a clue to her origins? Some of the grammar through me off, but not bad, it was more the story line. It has a fairly good build going, hopefully your next chapter will flow better.
This is a different. You have me interested right now. So she is mute but some kind of power where she could share vision/thoughts? Wasnt to sure about that part.
But like i said, i am interested as to how you would continue this. Please write another chapter.
Have you ever actually seen a picture of a centaur? It's half human and half horse. You must take into account all the little details that make them anatomically different from humans. Therefore in the next chapter try to make the story more "credible".
i liked it plz keep going with it think it could turn out to be a realy nice story xx
You have a good storyline and some interesting characters, but your grammar and spelling let you down. If you're not sure what to do with apostrophes and what they mean e.g. her family's well, i.e.the well belonging to her family, not her famillies (plural) well which is what you have written, get an editor who will read your story through and pick up (hopefully) on any glaring errors. You have quite a few of them! I think the centaur wanted a mate, not a mat!
Good luck!
So she apparently knew she was going to be kidnapped, and that was okay with her? Most people don't really like that, are you going to explain why she does?
...that by at least appearing willing to go with the centaur, Isabella was hoping he wouldn't take her, or would at least wait to take her away, since she had to take care of her parents. It appears to have worked. If that is the case, I do think it should somehow have been made a bit more explicit... but I liked this and would hope to see a second (or more?) chapter. --wlt
I would love to read more of this story line. Please continue it!
Someone left a comment regarding the anatomy of a centaur, I wouldn't worry about that, this is your story and you can make a mythological creature's anatomy appear anyway you like, as evidenced in other centaur stories on this site. You have peaked my curiosity wanting an explantion of some things Isabella has done. Overall it's good, although a little bit choppy. Try to work on the flow of sentences in a paragraph.
I've gotten the next chapter finished I'm just tring to get an editor to look at it to fix my mistakes then I'll post it for you all
Can't wait for the next chapter. You gave a little bit of everything, gentleness, ravished, taking, force, tenderness. Keep up the good work
you need to proof read big time. 12 or 15 errors by the time your female character gets him in the house. and your sentences are not great either.
hard to read I gave up at that point. sorry your story might even be good but the technical failings are just too much.
There are a few errors in spelling, but it didn't actually take away from the atmosphere of the story. I love the detail that you put into her face especially how he smiled at her broad nose...I could visualize your words very easily. Lol@she kneed him in that area...lol If I was him, I would have choked her out for that one!!! Very cute characters, very sexy story. I loved it, Great job!
I was so excited to read it but had to stop by the time they got to the house because of the terrible spelling...you should check out the editors and see if someone could give you a hand with proof reading...it takes a lot away from the story when you have to stop ever few minutes to try to figure out what a word was supposed to be.
Your spelling needs help,bad.And you need to know what words to use ..example,,,,,He could since (should have been sense)that there was something special about her. Just as he could since (should have been sense)that what ever was special about her could be dangerous,,and it is a blanket,,,NOT a blanked,and you used blanked often,fair plot,just need a proof-reader or editor.Gave up trying to read it.
A Centaurs genitalia is in the same place as a horse's whereas Satyrs, who have only two legs, have their genitalia protruding on the front of their body.
I'm never interested in spelling, grammar, etc. but let's at least get the animal straight! See - google - any mythology book.
Your animal fits neither description. Should you perhaps think of something else - rename the animal - or make-up some hybrid or cousin?
I have enjoyed your stories in spite of the spelling and improper word usage, I can notice them and still enjoy the story.I spell phonetically and incorectly too and leave out letters in words and whole words in sentences.Due to Adult ADDHD and mild dislexia when writing or typeing.Not when reading.
Re Centaur or Satyr Genetalia this is Fiction!!
why can't there be some intermediate creature with human placement and Horse placement Cocks and take the Human Girls Virginity with his smaller tool,and later with his larger Horse or traditional Centaur Cock.
Thats a free Idea for someone!!!! C.P.C.
Dear Anonymous,
I have said it before that I use the same idea of Centaurs as another writer on this site. Also as Centarus are mythological (I know I miss spelled that.) creatures I can have their genitalia anywhere I want and one of my reasons is explained in the story of Rodger's Mirka. I also know the spelling and grammar in this story is a problem. in all my other chapters of this story and Roger's Mirka I have used and Editor or several editors sometimes. But no editor want's to go back and fix this one if any one wants to help me I would LOVE it. just e-mail me and you will get a response.
happy readings,
masked_maiden
This story is wonderful - no fixes needed. This is YOUR story to tell and you've done it perfectly.
Yes agree...its called fantasy for a reason so u can write it any damn way u like:)