by ohnudeone
Wished it had been longer or that it had turned out differently.. Enjoyed it nonetheless!
Les you are a lucky man to be able to move on with a new life i know what you felt when you lost your wife i lost my dad not ot long age i loved him too i still look back its hard but just think about Cindy and the good times you had and the good times ahead you will have you need some corrections in your speeling you type to many words in your sentences.
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga.
Less fantasy and more realism would have made this story much more erotic. I'm hoping that the next chapter will be better.
Story is ok, but you really need to get someone to check your prose, it's littered with mistakes.
A simple tip for writing dialogue is to say it out loud. Does it sound realistic? If it does, it's good, if it doesn't, say it so it does and write that! This story was ruined by dialogue that made the characters seem like they were recent immigrants who could only speak textbook English. I liked the story! People rarely say, "do not", they say "don't" and "I'm" rather than "I am". Get an editor and I think you will rate 5/5 more often
Pretty good; but needs an ending. Desperately needs a grammarian and spell checker.