All Comments on 'I've Got a Feeling'

Amazing story. I bow before the master brain that created such a beautiful story. Plot, characters, surprises. This story had them all and in multiples. Don't miss this read. And complement the writer by telling him how you feel about his story.

THC

Beautiful and interesting. 5* ~~JB Edwards

There were too many, unnecessary, insufficiently thought things.

* The girl was "strange" (just say no to spoilers), just because. It does not add to the story.

* Her mother was going to get married without telling her, just because. Ok, the groom did not want to tell her, but there was a huge party so she would have known anyhow. It's not like they were going to elope.

Not your best story

That’s a story I would love to see a part 2. Well done!

A very nice story, strange ending, but a good read. Enjoyed it!

I liked where the story appeared to be going. Then the dimensional shift. That threw me and took me a few minutes to absorb the shift. That ending is what dropped the story from a 5 to 4. I will say that when I see you as an author on a story, I know that 9 times out of 10, I will enjoy your writings.

Another winner. Thank you very much

Deserves a second part. A series perhaps.

One of the effects of the invitational is that it is a spoiler all of its own - I spent most of the story wondering who was going to be the alien.

You did have several points of view - I can handle it, but for a mystery, it tends to multiply the possible unreliable narrators.

To the author - there is a bit of writing styling you use that is starting to get on my nerves - I'm not trying to cast shade here. If you are interested in more discussion of it, you know where I can be found.

Sincerely,

Green-something

The biggest bone I could throw you is how well you hid Monica's provenance; the other might be showing Gary to be such an unusually gallant and caring man that went above and beyond to help those kids (Frankie and Brent).

The rest proves harder to quantify, as there's a lot of back-and-forth that at times seems to get concluded hastily. Some of Monica's and Gary's overgeneralizations about the other are prime examples; another would be them marrying to show up James as a con, trying to bamboozle Sherry out of her trust for his kids. Too many times, these things get resolved quickly and very conveniently.

Probably the best thing would have been for this to be double the length, and to explain Gary's "hiding" himself (the 6-pack and great form) far earlier in the story, then reveal Monica more and more. You handled her "adjusting" the pool, repairs and property well enough, leading him to suspect something wasn't adding up and creating suspense and curiosity among us readers. However, in what proved the most rushed was the ending, where he somehow had sex with her and the experience ended seemingly as quickly as it began.

Definitely 4 for needing more development and exposition, although pretty intriguing on the balance.

Excellent story! These are the stories I look for. I wish every author here wrote stories as good as this one! Loved it bunches, all 5 pages and everything in between. But stories like this gives the writer the tile of an Author, others are just story tellers. 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS and a BIG thank you.

WOW! What an imagination. Wonderful story.

I’d really like a second chapter. Where is their relationship going?

5 Stars.

WOW!

Sigh.

There was a play called "Yes"

It received a one word review of "No"

My one word review of this piece is...

... MORE!

A sweet side to HDK... who would have thought? I think you killed the theme of the event. 5 stars.

Hooked

Good story, but uneven. Gary's motivation for hiding his physique and avoiding involvement with women is weak and not well established, Monica's being from another dimension is totally out of left field and, again, unsupported in the earlier parts of the story. Dropped a five - star story to four stars.

Good story, as I always expect from you. Glad to see a new story from you.

Loved the story but wish there was a part 2. That's why I only gave you 4 stars.

Nice misdirection in the end! It fits the theme.

5

this really could use another chapter

It was a good story until the last page

So far, this is my fav "Surfing with the Alien" story. Only criticism is I want more of it! 5 stars.

So far, the only story I have been sad didn't go longer.

2nd time I've read it and it won't be the last

That was sweet, original and had that special HDK vibe. Well done once again.

Another master class from Professor HDK. Thank you, kind sir. Randi

Good story… we could/would like more please. Thank-you

DITTO for part II. Somehow, I instinctively knew she helped hold the new , heavy, equipment up, but I hadn't made the telekinesis leap. But I knew something special was happening, hadn't connected it to the yard improvements, furniture movements. Almost thought that maybe her girlfriends (in all senses) had come over and helped in her room, before they enjoyed life a bit, as more than just friends. Was wondering where THAT would lead, and then the shop accident changed what I was envisioning. But, it still might be, as we have NO romantic life background on her yet. Definitely want more, but now that they are intimate, where does it go next? Her controlling girth or length, or her tightness or wetness? Controlling how his orgasm feels, or mentally probing his butt/prostate while gettin' jiggy? Her powers somehow transferring, in part, to HIM via the mind meld/physical connection? The realization that her home dimension mom and dad had each carried one side of the telekinesis gene and made her with the power by accident? Or maybe, her real dad had HIMSELF come from another dimension with that power to her first one realm, and she inherited it? I want more, plus the sex side is still WIDE OPEN for exploration and expansion, both in the realm of just them and how they learn and expand their pleasure;, and on if they bring anyone else into their relationship. Can she make a third wheel orgasm by the power of the mind? Would she? Can she make his body fill multiple locations at once, or any other wild concept not yet imagined? IDK, I'm just full of questions I want explored.

What utter nonsense! If you want to write Sci Fi then do it, but don't hide it under the Romance head. The story had a somewhat silly premise to start with, but ended up being completely ridiculous. I can't understand why the comments are so laudatory and the rating so high, but my 2* was higher than it deserved. At least I didn't waste much time reading it closely after the alien aspect of Monica was revealed. And this author was such a solid performer in the past.

Great story with equally great misdirection throughout! I was expecting the reveal but, until close to the end, not the reveal we got. Equally important was what the revealed about the other person, and that the behavior observed was because they were nice, sweet, and caring, and not because they were "something else." Overall, it definitely meets the challenge criteria, too. Thanks for a great tale and for participating in the challenge.

I almost passed on this story and I'm glad I didn't! I was hooked on it after the first ten minutes. Great story and definitely needs a part two.

Ssa

Outstanding. Was sad when I came to the end Hopefully you'll add some more chapters to their story.

Definitely different!

Cheers

SAGE

A very well told story until the inter-dimensional aspect was shoe-horned in. Too bad the contest mandated that. Would have been a 5 except for incongruous fantasy elements near the end. 4 stars.

Beautiful story! Gary is such a sexy attractive, muscular man underneath his bulky clothes. I like to imagine him as a hairy-chest masculine man so deeply in love with Monica. Give them children together of their own! Please write more about them!

2nd story I've read from the event, and like the first it was really going good places and then the ending just came out of nowhere. The children weren't very believable. The whole thing with the mom and the conman was weird. The red herring with Gary made sense & works but it's a shame you couldn't have kept it up longer. And agree with some others that Monica's abilities were out of left field. Maybe explicitly link that to her literally thinking she's above others?

All in all good bones but feels incomplete.

Great idea and well executed. It could have ended very badly, but you made it work. Well done and thank you

so like HDK

Gr8 and thank u for ur stories

There is so much more I would like to see/read. Failing that I can take comfort in having read one great story.

Great story and a fun read!

Awesome story! Hopefully you will have follow ups of these characters!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

What a load of bollocks by this cuck author!

Entitled rich bitch is an alien

I really enjoyed this, like other people on here, I would like to read more about their relationship.

Wishing for more!!!

There's good stuff in here. Too many directions in one short story. The beginning is a nice start on a sweet romance. The trust problem, the adoption, the attempted swindle. A nice novel could be built out of that. A totally different sci-fi story of a super-girl child fleeing from elsewhere and her romance with an unassuming guy, a diamond-in-the-rough, another story entirely. I'm no editor, but! Work them out, don't rush things..

I liked it. Didn’t expect where it was headed. It felt like a story about romance following an arranged marriage. It was, but never a clue that Monica was “ out of this earth”. Nicely done.

Hope there is apart 2.

Loved it.

Loved it, HDK! Great story!

Good story that deserves to be rewritten with out the "alien" twist. What I mean is go back to the factory accident and write a new ending that’s not ‘weird or rushed’.

I loved the story up until the alien ending began to form. I would love to see this story with a more "normal" ending. It was a 5 star story up to that point.

I like your writing style, ad the plot kept my interest...all the more amazing since I wasn't crazy about the alien twist. But it is your story everything held together, and it flowed well and rewarded me for the time spent. Nice job!

I love all of your stories. This was another great job. Looking forward to more of it.

5 Stars and Thank You

Interesting twist for the last part, but it ended much too quickly. A lot of story left to it.

It’s rare I get the treat to read an extensive story from you like this. Brilliantly crafted tale with several intertwined plot lines that surprise d me as they came together. Master craftsman! 5*

Wonderful story, hatred to see it end. Five stars.

some stories seem to go on forever then ones like this too fast because it is so very good

Now I admit that I get a lot of grief from some readers for ending some of my stories abruptly. But the last four or five paragraphs were woefully short. It was such a good idea that deserved at least another page

That was another awesome story from HDK, the storyteller of Literotica. 5*, of curse.

Please give us more! You have actually left us wonder what is next!

A Part 2 or an epilogue just give us more. I feel you can give us more.

It is a really great story!

So far read 2 of your stories. YOU do have a wild imagination.

I agree with a few who comment here. You kind of rush the ending.

Was something about to burn in the oven? LOL

I will peek at a few more stories of yours.

And sign my comment in here.

Red8_2Play

So now that you have written another story are you going to finish the Lady in Red story line?

I agree that the ending was rushed. However, when I find myself reading a story from someone with your talent, I prefer the story never ends.

Great story. Truly hope to read more stories written bt you. You're one of the long-time talents that has been sorely missed.

Thank you.

G

I agree with many others quick ending but it gave me a smile so all good! Interesting story with several twists. Enjoyable reading time and well worth time!

Yes 5 stars

Please do keep writing and I will keep reading. Of course sharing your wonderful writing as well!

I gave this story 5 stars, but I agree with the other readers. I would enjoy seeing this story continue. So please do come up with another chapter of this story.

green117, it wasn't several points of view, it was 3rd person POV. Third person allows the narrator to tell what different characters are thinking/feeling.

The person from another dimension thing ruined the story for me.

Ending was not an ending; the story went from a sweet romantic comedy to a Syfy. I wish it would have stayed as it started out and it could have if it was something else that stopped the machine just inches away from crushing Gary, a safety chain, another machine taking most of the hit, anything. Monicas fear for her husband still could have come out and the revelation that she really, really loved him could have been the ending. And they lived happily ever after with 6 kids and 15 grandkids.

In fact, at first I thought that Gary would turn out to be some kind of non-binary humanoid. Judge for yourself: merciful, like Mother Teresa, shuns women, reflects on some of his incomprehensible secrets, owns real estate, clearly above his rank and income. But if Monica was so "capable and exalted", then where did all this obvious arrogance and bitchiness come from at the beginning of the story?

A very good story. Wasn't expecting the scifi bit until it happened even though Monica was making changes.yes, it would be nice to have some drama and a continuation of their story in another instalment but I don't think that will happen.

Where in the name of scifi did this come from? It starts out as a poorly crafted story that sounds like an 8th grade person wrote it. While waiting for either the two main characters to either fight and split up or finally fall in love.

We get a couple of paragraphs of 'Whoops I tossed it into the science fiction realm'. But just prior to that there were small hints it might be in the magic realm.

Really needs to be pulled and have an actual direction determined and the story tell moved up to the adult stage.

WTF did I just read? Why do you have this habit of stilted and robotic dialogue? It doesn't come off as natural, it's stiff and not believable. If that's your natural writing style, so be it....but it almost comes across as smarmy.

Way to ruin a pretty good story total BS at the end negative 10

Blue collar salt of the earth guy vs Uptown rich kid style. Decent for what it was. Although the story went a bit off the rails in the last act. Would have worked better if you had sprinkled in some hints from the beginning. Or just left it out. Honestly, I figured Gary would be the one with the past. Trust fund baby that got out from under daddy's totalitarian thumb. Or witness protection for a mob hitman or something. You know, believable ;-)

Lost me at the end. WTF?

You people need to get the fuck over yourselves, it's fiction for Christ's sake!! If you don't like it, don't fucking read it!!!

5 Stars as I did not see that one coming .. Needed another page I thought

I agree with Rbtctrl1958! You people really do need to get over yourselves.

Very good story. It would be even better without the "alian" twist. Thank you for a good read!

Huh? Like 2 different stories wrapped into one. Not my favorite way of story telling.

I still think this story needs another chapter. 5 stars anyway.

The alien ending...kinda ruined it. I definitely read a story with the same or similar twist on here before, as well.

4 Stars' as I did not care for the ending .

Definitely needed more to the ending. Or maybe a whole follow-up story.

Fun though.

Weird story and didn’t see that ending or how if came about

Another read. Forgot the ending and jut as enjoyable as before.

A good story, although it took a different track with a 90° turn. Also, the ending seemed incomplete.

Excellent story, but it does feel as though there's a page missing. A follow up would be very nice.

Loved the first half and build up. Not so much with the sci-fi but thanks for your story (& all your other ones too). I’m a fan.

If you have an open mind, this is a super good read.

I enjoyed this up to the machinery falling on Gary bit and how it played out after that. I'm a huge sci-fi fan so the subject matter isn't an issue it's that it didn't feel right for the story. Wish I didn't feel like that as it was a very good story up to that point. BardnotBard

[29.01.24]

Top Tier!

11/10!!!!!

Fun, loving, well written, great flow, thank you.

Weird.

Rushed after the workplace incident and doesn't read as complete. Guess the writer was losing his mind

You took a good story and made it trash

Was going well then spun off into the weeds.

4 Stars `in this one from GW .. I am not much of a Sci Fi guy .

SciFi funny romance? Good *****

It started off with the same premise as a blackrandi story, or at least I think it was. Two ragamuffin orphans needing a home, but that requires two parents to be adopted. In that story it was the ex wife who became a changed person and fell in love with the MC again.

While that story was nicely self contained with the amicable divorce and reconciliation arc through the shared love of the poor needy orphans, this story felt lacking and perhaps more suited to a longer novella and romance arc.

Which we didn't get, I assume that was mostly down to the author getting bored and wanting to kill it as quickly as possible.

What a wonderfully unexpected story!! 5 stars

I will say that the description resulting in Gary's dawning realization that his wife was not human seemed to come almost out of nowhere. The "meat" underlying the logic was pretty thin.