by musicankane
this is much better...this is a story that fits in the series...im glad that you decided to rewrite this chapter and not end it like u were going to do previously
I was one of the people who criticized the earlier part 7. This is much better. I know it must have been tough to take all the harsh comments. I have to give you kudos for listening and responding. A lot of authors wouldn't bother.
Since your opening comments to this chapter suggest that you're lost, I have a few suggestions. First, if you're tired of the story, feel free to end it. I think people weren't upset that you were ending it, but the strange way in which you ended it. At any point you could slap "and they lived happily ever after, the end" on the end of a chapter and people will understand, so long as what you write is in keeping with the story up to that point.
But if you want to keep the story going, there's so much you can do. Look at me, I've written a story involving incest (Six Times a Day) that's still going strong after a million words. A story doesn't just have to be about the first time between people. Once I got past that part, I increased the conflict, plot, and character to keep interest. You've got a lot of potential here to do the same. For instance, this Michelle seems like a bitchy and possessive type who could use threats of what she knows about his incestuous relations to get him to do what she wants, which would be to pull him away from his sisters and into her orbit of power, the cheerleaders. Derek could be a more direct threat, also out to get Jake. The sisters could start having jealousy and competition between them. The mother could be in danger of finding out what's happening with the sisters. It might be interesting to have an all out tug of war between the cheerleaders and his sisters for Jake'ss time and affection. And so on. There's a lot of potential to keep things both sexy and interesting.
On the other hand, if you want to end it and work on new stories, that's up to you. Just make sure you give it the kind of ending the story deserves and not the strange kind of ending you tried last time. People will respect that. At risk of repeating myself, I don't think anyone was particularly upset that the story was ending, it was HOW you ended it that led to all those harsh comments.
I was one of those that gave you a hard time. I really liked this chapter and if you do still wish the end the series I hope it gets the send off it deserves for such a good set.
PS: Don't forget about The Show
moms need happiness and enjoy fucking too.let him share the cock to all the ladies and girls.you can go so many ways with this story.all women love big cocks and will do anything to get it.you got a big fan base and the story is a good one that people enjoy.if you are over work that one thing,but how many writers want a hit story and can fine one.let love the women and girls and find them in your writings for him.one,two or three girls at a time its' all good.your fans know you're a good writer just do it.
This made a lot more sense as the beginning of an ending to the story. Jake now has a lot of women to fuck. He has four beautiful sisters, anyone of whom could meet a special guy any day. I really think that the mother has to find out what has been going on between Jake and his sisters, whether or not she gets involved in the act. I don't think you would find to many people objecting to her being involved. Also, Michelle has already given him the green light to fuck his sister(s) while he is fucking her. Jake has had unprotected sex with Tiffany and she could easily have gotten knocked up. What do you think? Well done!
Nookihunter
Now we see the talent we have come to enjoy.
Possibilities:
How about having the twins hook up with a set of male twins?
Have Jake find one of those hidden beauties, say a girl who actually looks as good as the cheerleaders but has always dressed down, esteem issues.
Have Michelle decide she really needs a jock for her image.
Just a few ideas to try and help.
mcuh better last capter you wrote didn't make since thank god other people thought the same I don't know if I would call that blackmail or not he just got to fuck two hot cheerleaders in one night we all should be so lucky.
I would continue with the cheerleader thing and maybe add a lotto win for one of his sister so she can move out and get a big house and then they can go over there and party
Go ahead and wrap up the story. But for some reason you seem to think something bad has to happen. That's not what your readers want, And do you really think it's a good idea to burn your bridges behind you. A year from now you may have an idea for the story you can't use because Jake's in jail :)
I have been following the story since it started, and I am very impressed. Please keep up the good work, and maybe find a way to get Jake's mom in on the action.
COME ON EVERYONE. INCLUDING THE MOM (ESPECIALLY AGAINST THE WRITER'S WISHES) IS TOO ANTI-CLIMACTIC & PREDICTABLE. EVERY DAMN INCEST STORY ON THIS SITE THAT HAS SIBLINGS WHO FUCK ALWAYS BRING IN THE MOM. IT'S WAY WAY WAY TOO CLICHE. A THREESOME WITH MICHELLE & ONE OF JAKE'S SISTERS WOULD BE COOL! MAYBE DOING MICHELLE & HER MOM WOULD BE FINE!!! THE LAST VERSION OF THIS CHAPTER WAS FINE. MY ONLY PROBLEM WAS WITH THE ENDING. I DO LIKE THIS CHAPTER A HELL OF A LOT BETTER BUT WE MUST STILL GIVE THE WRITER TIME TO CREATE. IF HE RUSHES OUT THE STORIES LIKE WE WANT, THE STORIES WILL SUCK. C'MON FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD & LEAVE HIM BE & LET HIM DEVELOP THE STORIES. JUST TAKE OUR IDEAS & WRITE THEM DOWN & FORM THEM WITH YOUR OWN MAGIC. TAKE YOUR TIME & GET THESE TO US WHENEVER YOU CAN & IT'LL BE WELL WORTH THE WAIT. I LOVE THIS STORY & I LOVE THIS CHAPTER & I LOVE WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH IT! KEEP IT UP DUDE!
-James
For me it wasn't so much that I didn't want an ending the the Jakes Sisters storyline, it was the way in which it ended. Not only was it abrupt, but Jake who's presumably the "hero" of the series got royally shafted.
I like the occasional twist or bleakness to a story just like anyone else; but having something just "hit you in the face" with no viable explanation? I had a similar complaint to the ending of the story called "Utter Love" which is also in this category.
Bravo much better great how you turned it around.
a few suggestions as you asked for.
1) If your tired of writing this story line, end it nice and smooth and not fast like you orginaly did, i wouldnt like it it, but it would better then how you ended it last time
2) story ideas
A) I forgot which sister told Michelle to get lost when she came to the door, but have that sister come clean to jake about what happen, kinda stur up some termoial in the house but it all smooths out.
B) building on that idea or this one by its self you could end the series with a orgy like you did in the pool party.
Again great how you turned the story around.
hope you at least do one or two more chapters of this one.
It's getting much better, though if it were to end that'd be fine, so long as the ending fits with the story. At this point seriously the only thing that can happen is a 'happily ever after' with them all going to different colleges and whatnot. I am not sure what year Jake is in high school or college for (my memory fails me) but this could easily be the way out... where they agree to meet up every once in a while and f- like crazy. Michelle could even be a girl that he winds up marrying provided you do something to her that makes her more humble.
In regards to the thing about getting one pregnant, or the mom involved, I doubt that would work. With the former, it is unlikely, and with the latter it seems that the mother is constantly away and thus most likely will remain oblivious. In response to that 'sisterly rivalry' idea, that would not work, they are all quite happy fucking him, and it is highly unlikely that any of them will attempt to have him for their own.
In any event, I see this story potentially going on for one to three more chapters, though after that it would just get silly. I suggest wrapping it up with a seperation on good terms, and leaving people with a nice clean ending.
great story line thus far.
dude leave the storyline open. Maybe you can come up with a prequel as to why he has these "POWERS" or whatever. Maybe mom or another relative can pop in. Whatever you do don't shut the door on this one. From the looks of your creativity you will probably wake up one day and yell "AHAA!!!!!!! i have another chapter!
U have to keeo writing more chapters to this series. its great stuff, everyone wants more
now ive read plenty of incest stories and i agree with everyone else, bring the mom into the picture and also have him bang the whole cheerleading squad and maybe put in that jake beats the crap out of derek, that was a nice add in to the story. and maybe u could end it with him finding some girl that is meant for him and he falls in love with her and they live happily ever after. i know that ur having a hard time doing this and i understand so i wish u good luck and i will keep an eye out for new chapters. oh and u may want to use spell check and grammer check cus there is a bunch of mistakes n these stories but i can see what u meant so no big deal. good luck
While I look forward to future installments of this series, I'm hoping you don't put Jake's mother into the mix. Just doesn't fit with the tone. So far (excluding the aborted ending), though, top notch.
One of the best yet!! you just keep cumming up with more stories soon! i love all the women he fucks but we need some girl-on-girl, or more guys, or some good pussy licking. mmmmmm. keep it cumming baby!!!
you are one of the best writers on here!!! ♥
I bloody love this story and so I want to help you. Here are some suggestionsfor where to go next.
1.) Linsey's birth control takes effect and she and Jake have an entire night of unbridled, hot, passionate, no-holds-barred fucking.
2.) Some spontaneous events i.e. one of the sisters is with Jake somwhere (possibly slightly public, possibly shopping, in the park, possibly at the cinema etc.) and decide that they have to have him there and then.
3.) Cheerleader ORGY, just get a bunch of cheerleaders and throw Jake in the middle of it all, (this would be a very hot scene).
4.) Sister group sex, each sister has had their one-on-one with jake so doing two, three or even all of them in the same scene would be a natural next step.
5.) If you are trying to end it you have to make the ending both happy and hot so more than single girls or threesomes are advisable as endings unless you make the passion and feeling of the closing scene so unbelievably hot that peoples screens melt.
6.) Holidays are always perfect settings for scenes in airplane bathrooms, hotel rooms, on the beach or in a fancy restaurant.
7.) Sports, (at the gym, in the pool, going for walks/ runs/ cycling with the sisters) could well lead to some extremely hot scenes, (this can tie in with spontaneous sex).
8.) From several of these comments you can see how outdoor sex is very welcome.
9.) Just think of a scene with Jake and/or the sisters and/or cheerleaders that you would be very pleased to be in the middle of.
Hope these comments rekindle your flame for writing this story and I await the next installments of this story.
I love all of your stories but this one is my favorite you should definetly continue.
4-27-06, MY! MY! What's happened to ya. That's way to long. Hope you have not given up on this story. Kinda left it hangin. We need more installments. Jake has to many HOT ASS sister to let this one go.
Get the PC smokin again with another Hot installment. WE NEED MORE MORE
Are you coming back for an ending on this one? I would really love to read some more of this story. Keep going and don't give up!
welp you need to finish this for real
also do you really play guitar and if so do you have any recorded and uploaded somewhere? i'd like to hear some of it
I Love your work, WHen do you intend on writing more!
Please make it soon!
Go on man dont stop now! I love your seiries come on go for it!
dude dont stop here please to god MAKE MORE WRITE MORE IT SO ROCK ALOT IM TELLING YOU
I've read the entire jack sister series and loved it but I also feel it should end I feel u should put them all together into a book hope u haven't forgotten about it because its been a long time since u last posted so end it please
having jake take advantage of the situation of michelle was brilliant, please don't stope making these, it's one of the best stories on this site!!
Nice work on this story! I thought you might want to end it with Jake and Michelle making it as a couple, and them and his sisters all living together when they move out on their own. They could be like a family living together, yet bonded like a couple is; for the rest of their lives. Something like that, anyway. Do what you think is best, however. By the way, (and I hope Literotica forgives me for mentioning another site) E-scribblers.com has an author known as Minerva. She has wrtitten a series called the "R'Place" series. You may want to check it out, because it's excellently written, and was an great inspiration for me when it comes to writting style. (Just so you know, it's purely a lesbian story, but it's awesome.) Keep up the good work!
Come on, this rocks some serious shit! Let's be having more of it... :-)
Wow dude, great piece of work. I recomend that if you do get Tiff pregnant that it doesnt effect Jake or anyone finds out. You have to write at least two more, one where he gets Lindsey and then one with all four sisters....JUST DO IT MAN!!!
Great writing. Strong story line, but you sometimes take it too quikly in places.
Your editing needs work as well, typos all over.
Aside from that, wonderful work. Can't wait for more.
ive just read all of these stories and love them!! U write so well! Please keep writing x
I hope you will put more in to this ! love the story and hope to hear lots more of jakes life before to much longer
the jake's sisters series really rocks! even the 5.1 part that didn't seem to be quite in line with the sorry was really hot! hope you continue the series man!it's a waste to leave the series hanging..
that was one of the best stories i have read on this site
hope there is more to cum
Iv just read the entire jake's sisters story its brilliant i hope it continues. You could have jake's get michelle to do something illegal or kinky. That she doesnt want anyone to find out about so jake can get free of her and return to enjoy his lovely sisters and they all Fucked happily every after type of thing. But its your story so your choice hope you keep up the great work
I love how the story is going so far. The only thing that doesn't fit is that the stories after the pool party story don't seem to take the events of the pool party into account...namely that Sandy and Michelle were both participants in the pool party orgy, so neither one should be surprised about him having sex with the other sisters. If you just view the pool party as a stand alone story, however, everything else fits into place. On the other hand, you could simply rename the pool party story and place later in the timeline after he got back with Michelle. That way there's a natural progression of her going from being shocked at him sleeping with his sister to being turned on by it.
You said you were looking for some new ideas, so how about continuing with Jake's plan to get out from under Michelle's blackmailing sceme. Maybe he could use her desire against her, and set it up to have his buddy Chris film her doing something really perverted...something that could ruin her status and get her kicked off the squad if it ever came out. That way he could simply counter her ability to blackmail him with his ability to blackmail her.
Seriously, though, I love these stories, and I hope you keep at it. I'm looking forward to reading the next one.
much liked these stories, I have 5 older sisters and wish they had all fucked me but I only have a 6 inch dick
Dude this story rocks, keep on writing and i'll keep on supporting.
your story is too good. I think you should lead the story to the end where jack, his four sisters, michelle, amber, tiffany live together as husband and wives and all the girls will be pregnant with jack and have his daughter and sons. then jack will have sex with his daughters and sons have sex with their mothers, aunties and sisters and they all impregnate them again.
Hey, I'm a huge fan of the series. A few grammatical errors, but grammatical convention isn't nearly as important as writing style. Also, thanks for leaving the Mom out, I've really never liked incest aside from siblings and cousins.
Anyway, keep following the pattern. At every point in the series, there has been something wrong, or some sort of a problem that had to be resolved. The whole blackmail thing has sort of reached a resolution, or at least Jake is content about it now- maybe you could do the next story about him trying to break free of it? The sisters are a nice touch, of course, but make sure you don't rely on them too much in the future, or you may get repetetive.
The only problem with this scenario is that it best suits a short series, and it will be difficult to continue breathing new life into the series. Maybe you could try having him use his powers of seduction to manipulate others? It could be anything from doing something illegal and seducing a female police officer to get out of it to seducing a teacher for marks, priveleges, etc. Anyway, you've done an excellent job on the series thus far, I look forward to the next installment
Write more! There were a few grammar mistakes but overall awesome!
Definately a much better story arc than the direction 5.1 was heading. There were still some spelling and grammar errors but thos ewere getting better as well. Keep adding more realism to it. I think Jake's reactions and overreactions were well placed. Keep up the good work.
Please...if Ch. 7 is not really the end, could you post (or write) the remaining chapters? It's a really great story yet it ends way too easily.
Thanks...and keep it up (the good work, that is)!
Really enjoying this excellent story, hope there is more to come. Thanks for sharing it with us all.
I love how you made it more real like. With his sister taking birth control. What if like one of those football player catch him with another girl and the football player will keep itt secret if he is allowed to join. that would be intersting.
man!!
do continue this shit!!
cant wait til u bring the next chapter (Y)
I'm with the others here I'd like to see where you can take this story further. Keep up the good writting
I love the entire series and I really hope you rake this further i would love to see more adventures of Jake, his sisters, and others because i can tell you know how to write a good story. In closing cant wait for the next chapter if there is one.
A really great story so far. A bit of advice though. The revenge/taking advantage of michelle then ruinning her rep doesn't seem to fit jake's character. I would suggest a gradual forgiveness, and perhaps consider adding her involvement with the sisters like chapter 5.1, albiet less drastically.
I have just discovered this series and hope you revive it because it has been great so far.
Since one of the jocks mentioned jake not cheating, you should involve tiffany and jake at school, kind of showing off to the others
Umm, WTF is up with 5.2? Is it like an alternate thing in the story? Does it come b4 or after the pool party cuz I don't really understand it's really confusing
I just finished the entire series and enjoyed it very much. Though you were trying different directions for the story to go I enjoyed them all. I can understand why you ended it since you sort of went as far as it generally could go. Nonetheless, thank you for an entertaining story.
I can understand getting blocked on a particular storyline, and then going on other projects. This story has way to many loose threads, too many directions it could go. Bring it to a conclusion would take at least two more installments, probably more.
That being said, and taking into consideration that several years have passed since chapter 7 was posted, PLEASE (pretty please) come back to this and finish it!
you to have keep on writing this its the best story i ever read keep up the good work cant wait for the next chapter
I think the series went great! he should get involved with the other cheerleaders and have a little bit of the chapter 5.1 in it. it would have been great right after this one since michelle knows
Ever consider continuing the series would really like to see if the sisters and michelle get together
I can't remember how long ago you wrote this chapter, but the blurb at the beginning states that you are having writers block. Consider the following suggestion:
Keep it simple. Jake is not a rock-star character living some glamorous life style. Okay yea, he is sexually involved with some really hot sisters and now some girls at school.Yet, at the end of the day, he is just a high school kid who is serious about his guitar. By sticking to a tale that represents him true to this original identity, with respect to how he has progressed, I think this series can continue well. I mean, it just wouldn't fit if he became the Ron Jeremy of the town, just banging whoever, whenever, with everyone falling over.
As a character, he is in the process of evolving into this empowered person. Actually, this was the first time he sort of turned the tables and used his sexual prowess for something, as opposed to people acting on him. He has transformed from scared, to shy, to hesitant, to confident, to unsure, and has finally reached two different sorts of repose. On the one hand, he deeply enjoys what he has with his sisters. His relationship with them is on a different dynamic that he hasn't felt before with them. It is loving, caring, understanding, while being very sexually active. Above all, it is real. On the other hand, Chapter 7 shows some signs of Jake "falling down the rabbit hole". His intentions with Michelle appear to exploit her influence over his teenage world. This specific relationship does not seem to fill Jake with care or Love; but rather, with power. His involvement (really a continued involvement would be better) suggests that this feeling of power (and perhaps pride?) has swept him off his feet and drifted him away from what he was really seeking. Namely, a relationship based on strong emotional feelings. So which way does he go? what does he choose? Certainly, he could try to play a sort of balancing act between Michelle (with the possible involvement of other girls) and the 4 girls he has waiting for him at home, but that surely can't go on forever. With time, the character will most likely have to pick one or the other.
Additionally, this introduction of Derek seems potentially interesting. He clearly has a grudge against Jake and playing this out could be worth while. Jake's deal with Michelle might be a catalytic piece of information. It is also worth noting that for people to really consider Jake special they have to have sex with him (besides his genuine, good heart-ed mother). Michelle and even his sisters (to a degree) were intrigued by the foremost thought of his huge dick, but were never really hooked until they had it.
These are just my thoughts and I hope my evaluation didn't come off as too critical for a sex story. Take it or leave it. But either way, I hope you actually continue this story. I would like to see more from it, and I think a lot of other people would like to too. Besides, Jessica said it herself, if Jake ignored her, she'd have to kill him. All of us readers certainly agree; it would be such a waste for her to feel neglected.
The series is absolutely awesome and its a really bad that you aren't continuing it. I would like to seriously request you to please try to keep writing as its obvious that u have a thing for it, to say the least. Moreover the idea of anonymous given on 03/03/11 is good and I also totally agree on your thoughts for the 'mom'. Hope you write the story real quick, if you ever do.
Thanking you for your work and waiting in anticipation,
ankit241192
i would enjoy if u kept writing this series is very interesting and i liked reading it
I understand you are having a hard time with your muse at the moment. May I suggest that you continue it with jake and one of his sisters getting closer. The relationship he has with michelle getting deeper or more using of each other. Have a djessica graduate and move away. Just continue their lives as normal. Put him in a band.maybe have him meet someone new. Just toss in some conflict to be resolved. Maybe even use the idea sarah had in chapter 5.1 with the porn. But without the other siblings being aware. Have one of hashes friends find three site and toss in some more blackmail. Just think of ways shit could hit th fan for these guys. And resolve it an chapter or so later. Just gave fun. Do what you think would be sexy.
Love the story. Here's just a few ideas to take it further:
It's gotten a little crazy with the high school drama, and I can't help but feel like Tiffany is only in it to get pregnant (seems like a "cheerleader" type thing to do). I could see Michelle breaking his heart this way, and would hate to see her manipulation done in that way. I just see her getting pissed because he came in Tiffany with her sleeping right there and decide that he "cheated" on her.
I do like the way that the sisters and Jake can continue to get closer and learn the deeper things about each other. Maybe something with them where Jake continues to be the hero (against Derek, out for a little revenge?).
Please remember to edit the stories before you post though. Makes it a little distracting (and it's probably just me) without it.
and at this ending, jake has to go help ""MOM"" unpack?? she is the only one we know very little about,,,your reluctance to involve mom in incest is your choice,,and so you leave her out entirely?? too bad,,as matriarch she should have some involvement here!
anyway!! i have enjoyed this very loving,caring, romantic tale of sibling sex!! you have made us involved in their lives by making their characters very real and emotional!
i would reallllly like to see this story go on,,,,,its only limited by your reluctance,,,bet you feel that you cannot top this but i bet you can!!
hoping to see "Jake's sisters ch 8-9-10-11-12"
i agree with the pregant thing but would like to see the smart sisters
be management and him be a rock star with the 7 string
I like this series and hope that there is more to come. Personally I'd love for mom to get involved and someone to get pregnant but it's fine if it doesn't happen and I hope that Jake and Michelle become a real couple.
I would like for you to do more. I wouldn't mine if the mother got in to it as well. and like the other one said having his sisters hand his management. he needs to get all of the pregnant , one at a time.
thanks for the work.
I agree with you no mom but story is hot keep going. someone needs to get pregnant in the story though or all of them or something
THIS IS UP THERE WITH PREGNANT POND FARM JUST AWESOME.
I DID NOT LIKE THE FACT THAT HE TOLD HIS FRIEND AS WELL ALSO I DID NOT LIKE THE BLACKMAIL THING NEITHER. THE GIRLFRIEND SHOULD JUST BE THE SIDE SHOW TO THE SISTERS ONLY. I THINK THE SISTERS SHOULD IN THE FUTURE BECOME PREGNANT WITH JAKES BABY HOWEVER IT SHOULD HAPPEN AFTER THE ALL GET MARRIED ONE BY ONE AND THEN THE FINALLY SHOULD BE THAT JAKE HIMSELF WAS A PRODUCT OF HIS MOTHERS' RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FATHER WHO COMES FROM A LONG LINE OF INCEST AND THEN HE PREGNANT HER NOW LETS GET TO WORK LOL
I Agree with everyone that says this Story should continue! I mean I've read it from beginning to end and to leave it at the point where he "gets" with Michelle and Tiffany then just abruptly leaves. Just to go and help his mom get unpacked wtf is up with that. But maybe the girls that he's "Gotten with" should end up getting knocked up starting in reverse with Tiffany and ending with Sarah!
The entire series is nothing short of HOT!!!
But I agree with others, get a spell checker and grammar checker, because some of the mistakes took a little away from your otherwise AWESOME WRITING!!
this is really good keep it going as for ideas make a chapter where they just go about basic everyday stuff but with him groping them and/or getting bjs and fucking them through everyday stuff like out shopping and is sqezing his sisters ass or watching tv ang groping there breasts or at a resterant and fucking them driving in the car and getting a bj waking up and fucking his sis while shes cooking or doing laundry you know that kind of stuff trust me ive read a lot of stories and the ones that have this stuff always get lots of hits
I like reading your stories, you keep my interest peaked as to where you'll take the story next.
Keep up the good work and hope to see another soon.
brilliant story.i have read all chapters and all of them are just outstanding.the storyline is very beautiful and i just wish this story never end.i just want to continue reading it throughout my life.please please please write the next chapter soon.
I sure hope you continue this story one of the best I have read
I truly like this story line and hope that it will be continued, but seeing that it has been 5 years since you've done anything here, it is unlikely that we readers will ever see an end to this story. Damn shame about it - it was such a good story to die like this. : (
Bring the mom in, - either go the family history of incest route, or the "magic" Jake route. The Feehan family magic concept would work well with Jake being the link to the next generation of four sisters with a birth mother - a long lost sister the Mom gave up to adoption years previously. A plainer thinking girl with a desire for a large family and suffering from a bad childhood after fostering.