by kathrine_zuta
Hello, kathrine_zuta, and may I be the first to welcome you to Literotica. With work of this standard you are going to be very popular indeed! Well done - five stars.
Very nice start. Good detail but a tad fast in the submission. Need to draw that out a bit.
Short, to the point and no wasted words. The story had a clean flow and the end of it was tantalizing enough to keep the reader wanting more.
I felt the change from "normal" mom to sub felt somewhat rushed, like someone flicked a light switch, and Rebecca was very blunt in steamrolling Jeanette, especially after the genuinely well planned small steps before. Even if Jeanette HAS a secret sub side, she hasn't acknowledged it yet. Outside of erotica logic, anyone would have bolted the moment Rebecca had pulled the "mistress" card.
Apart from these nitpicks you have crafted a compelling read. Allow your characters some time. Let Jeanette struggle against her urges, and above all, avoid the sledgehammer. You've set up Rebecca as a sly temptress. Having her fall into Dominatrix tropes spoils the setup, I think. Velvet glove vs. Iron Fist and all that.
Thank you everyone for the wonderful comments, I am glad you liked it.
Good basis for a story, you pulled me in and I differently want to know what happen. But it's been more than 18 months are you / will you finish the story?
Like the way you write. I hope you continue, the characters are intriguing.
Story was a bit fast moving and left me wanting more, but nothing in five years?