All Comments on 'Jess was a Bitch Ch. 04'

Yeah guys snowballing has never been hot or erotic. Regardless but especially with another man's sperm in his mouth. This extra swinging couple (not an open couple with the restrictions you've listed) really was necessary and unwarrented. Just a waste of time unfortunately. The previous chapters were much better. Very disappointed with this chapter.

This story took a nosedive with the direction you have taken it. Very disappointing. I don't think I'll be continuing with this tale. A shame, since I was really enjoying this series.

Hate investing so much time and emotion into a story, and then it takes this type of turn. Introducing new characters that are very difficult to like in such a tense junction is probably the dumbest thing such a decent author could do. Then the snowballing thing, it’s just uncalled for, and incredibly distasteful for many readers.

So, I guess the reasoning behind it is that the siblings realize they’re in a bind, so let’s get kinky and wild, and that will make everything better, huh? No, I don’t think so. If others like this sort of development, well, more power to them. For me? Reading your stories ends here. Sorry.

another good series completely destroyed... At least there were 3 good chapters

I almost threw up at the end. Not my cup of tea, this one should have bee under the gay catagory

And that the idea is to show Jon and Jess that unusual relationships can prosper. Not sure it really worked tho'. Still a good story overall

Love the story so far. Disagree that sno balling is gay though not my thing at all. Doesn’t sound like Jon is into it. I’ll wait and see. Besides it’s a bit rich that cum swapping makes someone want to throw up but incest is hot. Bizarre how we excuse our own kinks.

I would be very pissed if someone I was having sex with and trusted decided to insert another man’s cum in my mouth, I would be livid. Also, you should have said something about the ending of this story in the authors note.

OMG! Another guy’s cum. Fucking relax. I do agree a little weird how fast they went from moping to fucking. Jess does express the hope it’ll help Jon. Not sure about that. I give Turbidus credit for risking the backlash.

.... to quite rightly take his story in which ever direction he chooses.

Whilst this might not be to everyone's taste (pun intended) the story has a rating of 4.36 at the time of me writing this so, even though they have chosen not to comment, there are some who have liked it quite a lot. Me included and I gave it a 5 star rating.

The whole series has been exceedingly well written, with excellent descriptive passages and good character development.

All I need to know now is if there will be more, to allow us, or me at least, to find out how the siblings resolve their dilemma.

The ending was a huge disappoinment. The other couple was an unwelcomed part. But I guess needed. Just glad it wasn't the parents.

Get real. There’s no MM sex. Why would the author put it in the gay category?

Five stars until this last page then became one star, hope the next chapter can repair the story it was great till then.

In some states, and most universities, that would qualify as a sexual assault. Affirmative consent may be insane, but it's the law in California universities, and California in general, until it's overturned. And Jessica escalated the sexual encounter without obtaining Jon's affirmative consent. Not saying he'd press charges, just emphasizing the despicable nature of Jess's decision to force Jon to swallow another man's cum. One star, because there isn't a lower rating.

I fully expected some readers would be upset. First, a couple points about how I write, the most important being, I don't outline. I start with an idea. In this case the idea started when an acquaintance mentioned being in a destination wedding, arriving to find his reservation was screwed up and having to share a room with a woman in the wedding party he'd never met. That's it. It didn't even start out as an incest story. The first rough draft was exactly true to life - a man and a woman thrown together over a screwed up reservation. The rest just flowed. When I was writing about Jess masturbating on the beach I wonder what would happen if another couple walked by. Later, I wondered if they'd do more than wink if they saw each other in the bar.

Second, as noted in my bio, I'm bi but I'm in a monogamous relationship with my wife and I've never had any of the experiences I write about. I've never been in a threesome. I've never sno-balled. Only on a handful of occasions have I gone down on my wife after cumming in her pussy. Third, just because I write about it doesn't mean it's something I want to try, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. With regard to this story, I don't even have a sister (or a brother).

Next point, for those of you interested enough to still be with me. Chapter five was done before I posted this chapter. It needs editing but it addresses many of the issues brought up.

Very importantly, Jess is not a bitch and she did not assault Jon. He was surprised but did not say 'no' and did not resist. For those of you who keep reading the story, we will discover (soon) whether or not he was okay with what happened. Now, if he wasn't okay and Jess tries to make him do it again, yes, that would be bitchy and if pushed far enough, assault.

Next, if you read Chap 5, I agree with Jess, you don't have to understand someone's reaction for it to be a valid reaction. Having said that, there are some I have more trouble wrapping my head around than others. For instance:

- a brother fucking his sister is hot but swapping partners is 'disgusting'?

- assuming that the commentator who nearly threw up at the ending is male, I then further assume he never allows his wife/girlfriend to go down on him until he cums. Why would he ask her to do something, having cum in the mouth, that would make him want to throw up? There was not a single negative comment in an early chapter when Gloria kisses James after going down on him. There wasn't one negative comment about a male character going down on his partner after cumming inside her, not one. So, it may not be your bag, but it doesn't make you want to hurl reading about a woman sharing a man's cum with himself but her sharing another man's with him puts you over the edge? It's not even a cuck scenario. Jess isn't trying to lord Travis over Jon. I've yet to see a negative comment regarding a man kissing a woman after he's gone down on her. Swapping pussy juice is hot but cum is disgusting? Again, if you feel that way, you feel that way; I just don't quite see getting that wound up about it. I read lots of stories where I go, "uh, no thanks" without feeling sick to my stomach.

- I don't like the categories but I try to respect them. This chapter is not about gay sex and does not belong under "Gay Male". The intros and tag words should give the reader an idea of what the story is about but you can't give away everything.

Anyway, thank you for all the comments. They all make me think about what I've written. For those of you disappointed, I'd encourage you to stick with it a bit longer. I'm not saying I'm changing it to keep you happy. Shoot, beyond Chap 5 I'm not even sure where it's going yet. I will say a lot of the concerns are hashed out in the next chapter.

Peace out, ya'll and if your on the east Coast or upper midwest - don't forget your gloves and hats. It's fucking cold.

Turbidus

That's it? It just ends with Jess snowballing with Jon? What happens after? How do they live their lives after the foursome?

Why would you destroy such a good story with that fucked up ending?

Hello Turbidus!

First of all, thank you for sharing your work with the readers here. The authors aren't compensated and you certainly aren't obligated to publish anything. I enjoyed chapters 1, 2 and 3. There was strong characterization and the story was well written.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure if you are giving the concerns of the readers the weight that they deserve regarding chapter four. The most troubling part of your comment here was that we would see in chapter 5 if he was ok with the snow-balling. That's actually irrelevant. At best, it would be a happy coincidence. The point is that she didn't know he would like it, didn't ask and did it anyway.

Let's jump back a bit. When she was (seemingly) trying to determine his boundaries and proclivities she asked him about his past with his friends Mick or Jeremy. He told her he hadn't done anything with them. She asked again. He affirmed that he had never done anything with them. So now she knows that at the very least he is sexually inexperienced, hasn't shown any inclination that he's interested in other men, has stated that he doesn't want anyone but him seeing her tits and has no interest in being with anyone but her.

And she pushes another man's cum in his mouth. Not to be a jack-ass here, but that sort of undermines 3 chapters of character development. Yeah, Jess might be a bitch.

Let's take a look at things from a different perspective. Maybe she thought it wasn't a big deal. Is that reasonable or the perspective of a narcissist? According to Gallup, less than 4% of the population identify as LGBT. Wouldn't the norm be that he wouldn't be cool with her actions? Factor in that she asked about it and received what amounted to a negative and things don't look so great when it comes to her behavior.

If we step back from the snow-balling and just look at the situation as a whole, he told her twice he only wanted her. She told him earlier that day that they had to end their relationship. Does she seriously think that he's going to want to see another man ejaculate in her mouth?

Finally, she expressly states that she has never seen him drunk and has no idea how he will act. He's now getting drunk and she shows no concern about his ability to consent or truly identify what is happening.

It felt gratuitous and somehow shoehorned in to satisfy what the author would like to see regardless of how it impacted how the characters had been built.

Hopefully chapter five can turn things around.

Seems to me a DP is a pretty standard aspect of foursomes, at least as depicted in porn, having never been part of one that may be bullshit.

The two men never really do anything together. How is it gay as fuck?

And if the only option for Jon is to spit the cum back in Jess' face, I assume the commenter is okay with that when women spit his cum back in his face. Please.

I wait for chapter five. I really want to see if Jon would even try to convince Jess that they can be together... Or maybe he just continues life alone... Unmarried and all.

(Turns out, the problem is not the lengths, so please delete the previous two versions.)

No, this is actually not about whether the snowballing scene was gay or not. But I'll get to that part in a minute.

You see, I'm actually the guy who first requested you don't just turn this into another shitty "family orgy". Here's the thing about that, however: the emphasize of that comment didn't actually lay on the word "family" alone.

Wanna know why I actually specified only "family orgy" still? Because up to that point, you simply hadn't introduced any other characters that could have been used for that specific kind of... development. Nor did it seem you really had the intention to introduce more. It was a fairly tightly focused group of people. So of course I didn't expect you to pull some random retarded swinger couple out of your ass to do the very thing I specifically prayed you wouldn't!

While the family thing would've certainly been one issue, introducing any third or even fourth party (even if temporary) to their relationship at all was actually another! Why? Because I knew it would fuck up the tone of their relationship, and moreover, the tone of the story as a whole. Which is incidentally exactly what it did!

You can't just make a story all feels and then randomly fetishize the fuck outta it without making it feel jarring and/or the character development so far feel inconsequential or even worthless! I'm not saying you can't make a fetish story with feels, but you at least have to set that shit up!

And you already set and solidified the tone in the first two chapters. That is, a story about a pair of siblings using their newfound love for each other to fix their broken family. And that's actually pretty fucking sweet and heartwarming.

Unfortunately, then you started slowly wandering down the cheesy melodrama route (which is actually one of the two methods I see mediocre and below authors most commonly use whenever they run out of ideas for how to continue their story. Especially on amateur sites such as this.), though it can still be decent so long it matches what was set up so far. Followed by making random sex/fetish things happen (which is incidentally the second method), usually involving some sort of third party to pop in and essentially 'force' progress. All to give them some sort of epiphany on how to proceed or just make things magically work: "Woooooo ghost wisdom! Space genies! What glorious twists!!" And that's the problem: It's awkward! It's forced! It's out of place! It doesn't fit! It simply doesn't belong!

There was never a need to make some sort of special thing (big or small) happen to make things work to begin with!

For example, instead of trying to have the parents just perfectly make up in one day only for you to stand before the problem for how to actually continue the story, you could've have stretched it out more. Have Jon and Jess do a series of little things for their parents over the course of their vacation. Have it switch back and forth between the two couples and have the siblings use what they learn in their own relationship to teach their parents how to communicate. How to be family again. And how to love again.

All while they figure out what they've been missing in their own lives. Maybe explore their family backgrounds on the side as well. Heck, visiting various places on their vacation could have given the siblings plenty of backgrounds to get kinky in as well. And that's implying there was even a need to keep the story going!

Really, you had plenty material to work with already. There was simply never a need to do... 'this'.

Now, onto the other elephant in the room: I certainly don't plan to explore the philosophy behind the question whether swallowing another mans cum is gay or not (like, really?). But have you ever considered that the problem might not be with your partner making you swallow jizz, but rather, your partner making you swallow the jizz of some random stranger you aren't even comfortable with in the first place? Think about it: this is not you ingesting the bodily fluids of your partner or even your own, but some random fucktard you literally met just some hour ago and probably even wish you hadn't! In fact, you actually had snowballing in previous chapters, but oddly enough, nobody in the comment section seemed to mind...

Curious, don't you think? It's almost as if... slurping some random strangers bodily produce is a completely different concept from slurping your partners, or even your own! How biased indeed!

And lastly, regarding this cheeky little snippet of yours: "- a brother fucking his sister is hot but swapping partners is 'disgusting'?"

Is it really such an odd concept to you that to the majority of people, imagining their partner with someone other than themselves will simply make them uncomfortable?

And to give a fetish analogy: that's like asking why someone who is fine with watersports suddenly has a problem with copophragia.

Completely different territories, dude.

So, at the end of it all, how exactly do I feel about all this?

You know, I probably should be mad. But frankly, I don't think I really care anymore.

Why? Because in this chapter you've kinda shown that you don't really care either.

You just don't seem to actually care about the characters you create.

So... why should I?

It's like you're simply more interested in writing with your dick than with your heart.

And it kinda shows in your feeble attempts to justify yourself as well: Oddly enough, you seem more interested in arguing about whether certain sexual practices should be acceptable or not, and not at all about whether it even has a place in the story or makes sense. And I think it's a shame as well. Because I don't think you're fundamentally incompetent as a writer. You've at least shown that you can come up with witty dialogue. Which is a pretty important part of keeping characters themselves interesting. You just need to do something with it. You know, keep characters as actual characters and not just mere names on a sheet of paper to knead and fold to force into whatever situation you can come up with.

Just... put more thought into things.

Thank you for the time you took to express your feelings.

The only quibble is I do care about my stories and, weirdly, about the characters. Personally, I still see Jess and Jon as sweet. Of course, I can imagine people find the idea of their lover being with someone else as an issue. Can't you imagine people having a problem with incest? I suspect someone in an incestuous relationship is more likely to be looked down upon than a "swinger". The story line is compacted. That's always an issue.

Again, I'm sorry if you don't like the direction the story took. I, honestly, don't know where it will end up. I don't know if Jon and Jess can find a way to have a life together. In real life I don't see how they could but that's the fun of fiction, even fiction you personally find jarring.

I try to be laid back about comments. Not every author allows them. I'm okay with anonymous comments when they address the reader's concerns. However, enough is enough. Comments that are just ugly or directed at me as a person, as opposed to the writing, will be deleted.

Turbidus

You Yanks are a whiny lot of wankers. A little spunk between mates and you're wailin' for your nanny. Grow a pair and then a bit of fun between the lads won't set you to weepin'.

I just stumbled across this story. I don't get all the excitement. I wouldn't want some guy's cum in my mouth either but the characters are interesting enough I'll continue on to the next chapter.

Don't like shitty comments don't write crap turdibus

If you want to take the time to explain why the story was crap; I'll read it, just as I did the longer anonymous comment. Negative critique is not a shitty comment.

If you just want to write shitty comments and can't explain why you don't like something, you're a waste of time.

I've never attacked someone for a negative review.

I wasnt a fan of the sharing of Jess with others, but as usual you do pretty damn good work. Keep em coming

You have to find a way to keep them together, no matter how difficult it gets

I'm gonna stop reading at this chapter, it was going great, but then the couple showed up. The story could've great going forward without the couple. So on to the next story.

Some people DO mind FF sex, if it doesn't fit the story. IMO this is one of those stories that would have been better without it. Bad enough last chapter they dreamed about it while proclaiming their love for each exclusively. Jess was cheated on by Alex. She should be ashamed and appalled by her behaviour. The way you are writing is very inconsistent. The characters change from one page to another for little to no reason.

I can't say that I was really surprised in this chapter as the way the story was going I had actually expected Jon and Jess to involve one or both of their parents in their relationship from the way they were interacting with their mum and dad. But I thought the story was safe from even that when, at one point, Jon thought about how old his mother looked as that seemed to end that possibility. I was surprised, and disappointed, with the inclusion of a second couple in their relationship. It was completely unexpected especially after Jon's 'gut clenching' reaction to Jess's comment about 'spoiling her for other guys' in chapter two or three. This chapter really didn't make sense to the overall story. I really thought the story was safe from adding extra people to their relationship.

I love reading sibling incest love story's and have done so for the past few years like many other readers I get disappointed when a story I start to enjoy ends up spoiled for me because the author includes someone else in the siblings relationship. I do my best to avoid reading those stories by checking the tag lines for the story/series or even jumping to the last page of a story just to see how it ends. While an author invests a lot of time writing a story a reader also invests time reading a story. I don't object to authors taking a story where they want it to go I just wish that they would warn readers up front the direction the story is going.

Whilst Turbidus did warn a the top of this chapter I'd already read the first three chapters and was into, and enjoying, the story now I've stopped reading it, didn't bother reading this chapter thanks to the commentary and won't read the rest of the series now.

It would be helpful if authors were more descriptive in the tag line in the stories list e.g. the tag line for this story is 'Jess and Jon confront a crisis' been better if it said 'Jon and Jess have a foursome' at least then we would have known the direction of the story.

Turbidus, you have done an interesting job of alienating me from your main two characters, I am now in little danger of identifying with them.

They, and the dramatic situations, are interesting enough to continue to read, though.

I wonder where you are going with them, I will ride for a while.

You done fucked up your own story.

Incest does not and will not share. Read up yourself about it. You obviously know nothing about the dynamics of incest.

How do l know?

Well guess. I told my story here years ago.

Disappointing this divergence, but it’s your story, this chapter gets 2/5

Get it back on track

@wargamer

I’m glad you’re comfortable enough to share your own personal dynamic with the rest of us but I assure you, you don’t speak for everyone involved in an incestuous relationship. Just like ANY other relationship, sometimes sharing occurs. Physically I mean.

I’m just mad that they seemed so in love with each other and had to share people I don’t like that dynamic in incest stories