by Magicwrtr
Good story line. All of the chapters have been enjoyable, and unexpected. Please continue with this tale as your time permits. Thanks
This is quite the hot series, very imaginative and erotic. However the switches between first and third person are confusing, and some word choices are wrong, sometimes as homophones. Many sentences are run-on, while sentence fragments also abound. An editor would make these chapters much more enjoyable, but the editing would be intense.
The title says it all. But seriously, I am not seeing first person, can you give me an example? Yes I am switching back and forth between Jezebel's and Sandy's views, and that can be jarring I suppose, but its all third person. Outside dialogue I couldn't find any I's or We's, so what am I missing?
Anyway, thanks for the feedback, I get the other stuff you are saying.
I don't want to be too critical in public, and my response is somewhat long, so I will respond in Feedback.
if you like dicks that much, one of the main charactors is a shapeshifter maybe she'll spout a cock and fuck the shit out of her partner