All Comments on 'Jezebel's Tale Ch. 06'

Is this one of your very first attempts at writing? I ask because this reads more like the script for a play or an instruction manual than a story. It's very oddly disconnected in terms of flow, word usage, context and tense usage (past, present, future tense). The story is okay but I feel absolutely nothing for any of the characters at all! Your other stories (the ones I've read thus far) had me enthralled and emotionally invested, while this one I don't think I can even finish reading. It's really weird. Like this story and Flame of Cytherea were written by two different people.

Obviously it was. If you stick with it though I work more on character development and emotions in this story as it goes on. But yes, this and the genie story were my first efforts at writing... ever.