All Comments on 'Jim Sees Dead People! Ch. 06'

Awesome! Both a Jezeblel Tale and Jim sees dead people. Who could ask for more? and not be struck down by lightning for their sinful greed that is.

This story started out passable with the possibility of being interesting, and it's just gotten worse over time. There's no characterisation, no challenge to the protagonist, and random things happen for the sake of it. The whole instantly learning to rip through reality is where the story finally lost me.

It might have been okay had you made it based on character development, or even just described it well. Hell, I might have been okay if you just described it in passing or mentioning what is in the space between worlds. But just getting a world breaking power in passing as an afterthought to skip the travelling (which you could have skipped without the teleport) is just retarded.

Nice continuation of the series.

Most of your complaints point more toward you not liking first person than my writing. You don't like when things are not explained to you as they happen. Well in first person it doesn't work that way. If Jim doesn't understand how he opens a portal, well neither will you. Jim isn't god either, so random surprising shit happens, its how life works after all. In a single point of view when he does something it has consequences, and he wont see those coming until they are there, so the reader wont either.

Thanks everyone else for your encouraging comments and helpful advice.

Thank you for your efforts! I eagerly await more!

Your fight scenes are too short.

This is like the 4th time where you've had some sort of bad guy and he ends up dead in 1 move.

The demon got obliterated.

Then the vampire master got blasted in 1 shot.

Then the elder vampire got blasted in 1 shot, after shooting Jim with a pistol.

And Mr.Super Necromancer captures him and then proceeds to get his head kicked off.

Your characters are good, the sex is hot, but your fights need work.

Like the story but bit confused on your vampires. From chapter 3 "Yes, they aren't intrinsically evil like demons, but they do live on dark energy which is generated from feeding on blood" you made it different from normal vampires, instead of simply stating they feed on blood, you specifically state they feed off the dark energy in the blood. Then you go on to say in this chapter that his blood is "amazing" to Gabby because his light energy removed all impurities... ummm... how does that make any sense at all?? She feeds off dark energy in the blood, therefore the more dark energy in there, the more tasty it would be, ergo with his lack of dark energy, his blood should've been the opposite and very bland by this logic. It's your story but logically speaking that scene made no sense at all because of you stating their need to feed on dark energy, if you'd left it alone it'd have been fine lol... I agree with the other users a bit though, even though I like the story, the fights need work and admittedly you're giving him too much powers too fast and not enough details. And while he wouldn't know everything, you could write something simple like, as he was desperately thinking of his friends he started sensing something, some twisting energy in the air and when he directed his energy towards it he opened the teleport. Something, ANYTHING, would've been better than just having him instant learn it and go poof. Still like your story however these points detract from a 5 star and push it down to a 3 in my opinion.