by Jackson Blacke
Has been mentioned in the New Story Reviews thread on the Lit forum (Author's Hangout).
If you're not a professional and published writer who is just in here anonymously getting a few kicks, you sure as hell OUGHT to be.
There's always nay-sayers in here it seems- and different strokes for different folks and all that- but I for one am appreciative (and envious) of your incredible imagination, prose and style.
You rule, dude!
Yes, reorder and you will understand what I think of the feedback that said this story was too long. I guess it's a product of the video games, illustrated books, shit-points on TV (exciting/interesting event in a TV prog just before the adverts, when ppl start going 'oh, shit' and turn over/channel hop)and not-planning-cos-they've-got-the-mobile-so-call-each-other-on-way-there world we live in now. Now, take it slow and take it long....just as the best partner would tell you...thanks.
excessively awesome. if warren ellis wrote porn, this is what it would look like. The elevation of drug-culture, mixed with the cautionary tale, is subtle and showy, rather than telly. A very good metaphor to sink into erotica. an edit would be great, if only to edit out word inversions and break up some of the descriptions. For instance, the dildroids (or whatever :)) are interesting, but there's some parts you can leave up to the reader's reasoning (where are the legs?) and others you could describe simply as it came up (the dicks are escaping! they must have noses somewhere to smell that phro-moan.) All in all, way to go. The future you've created is palpable, and the striations in society are intriguing, if homogenous perfection on earth is a little hard to believe. It's not obtrusive though, i resolved it as Stones idealization of some place that was way better than where he was, however, his condemnation of the lifestyle is weird.
excessively awesome. if warren ellis wrote porn, this is what it would look like. The elevation of drug-culture, mixed with the cautionary tale, is subtle and showy, rather than telly. A very good metaphor to sink into erotica. an edit would be great, if only to edit out word inversions and break up some of the descriptions. For instance, the dildroids (or whatever :)) are interesting, but there's some parts you can leave up to the reader's reasoning (where are the legs?) and others you could describe simply as it came up (the dicks are escaping! they must have noses somewhere to smell that phro-moan.) All in all, way to go. The future you've created is palpable, and the striations in society are intriguing, if homogenous perfection on earth is a little hard to believe. It's not obtrusive though, i resolved it as Stones idealization of some place that was way better than where he was, however, his condemnation of the lifestyle is weird.
I normally can't stand stories over 3pages but I couldn't drag myself away this time! Amazing plot and excellent character development.Definately one of my favorite literary pieces :)
This is one of the best stories I've read on here. Terrifying, heart-wrenching, and utterly utterly beautiful. Well done.
...fucking DARK!
I mean, it was an amazing read and you kinda warned me right away, but that last psrt before the end made my guts wrench. Which is what great writing does, so no complaint. I'm just a bit overwhelmed and sad now. ;-)