All Comments on 'Just a Kiss Ch. 01'

An incest story without sex, only feelings, and a promise of love, I love it!

I can`t wait for the next chapter.

5* for you!

Great Job!

I see a lastling love affair, maybe Mom and Lucas have sex adventiously?

Don didn't do you ANY favors. I hope you didn't pay him for his "editing" because if you did, he ripped you off. I had to stop reading 3/4 of the way through the first page, as your dialogue just wasn't real. It didn't flow, it didn't feel natural because you used perfect diction. Then, it switched to somewhat natural in the middle of the first page, and then it went back to perfect diction. People don't talk like that, unless they're from a different country and they're trying to make sure they get the words out right. It's too bad, too. This story had some decent potential.

Is correct to a certain degree. It seems you're opposed to using contractions during conversations. As it stands it feels sterile to read. Utilizing perfect diction outside of conversation wouldn't be so bad, perhaps it would lend to the third person perspective, but the interactions between Luc and Liz feel robotic.

Good back stories and working in their first physical intimate contact was nicely done.

The confusion, inner termoil, reflection, and story in and of itself is good.

I vote 4 stars.

A laudable beginning. I felt it was worth the read. It'll be interesting to see where this goes. Keep it up.

who, incidentally, has a fine poem about true sibling love. I think the best kissing between a brother and sister isn't the common peck on the cheek variety. It isn't even the passionate smooching of Liz and her big bro. It's when a sister plants great big kisses on her brother's heavy hanging balls and he reciprocates by heartfelt kisses on his sis's adorable little coochie. Then they take it from there.

A bit stilted, and emotion is stated more than demonstrated, but the idea is there, even if we need to fill things in via our imaginations. I would like to see it rewritten in first person, either from Luc's or Liz's viewpoint as they talked about their feelings. Very good. 4*.

I agree with the previous comments regarding the dialogue. Also, the subject matter of their conversation isn't natural. Most families don't talk openly about their sex lives. Sure, they talk about relationships, but talking about how they please their partner is unrealistic. That's when I stopped reading.

As previously stated: stilted and without 'flow'.

No one speaks like that. Story didn't feel 'real' either.

4 for effort.

to what I expect to be some very hot and passionate sex between brother and sister. Looking forward to the next installment - please don't keep us waiting!

(5 stars)

Wel, Irish Mike doesn't deal with a lesbian sister in a hetero world. If a bro can accept her as a woman, the conversation can be free, hell, even enlightening. Kind of like television, a lot of the dry moments have been skipped (good thing) in order to get to the saucier parts.

Maybe a chapter with the two girls alone exploring their love and a desire to add a man. If we can talk about how we're growing and what our bonds are maybe Liz professing her love of her brother spices up her own relationship. Girls have fantasies. Lesbians have fantasies.

This can go many positive ways.

Good start and it does seem possible. Some people don't know the feeling described in your story. I love it.

Great start but please dont make the mistake of bringing in another male that would ruin the story.

Very good story! Please continue.

I like the potential but gave the story a 2 because it is not erotic.

Four stars for a good story. Now write the sequel.

Keep writing please😃

Glad that you teased all but didn't show all the first time. Dont rush it. Great opener, thanks

Keep it coming. 5 stars Thanks

As I am a novice with no formal writing education I welcome constructive criticism. How ever I did take exception to the unfounded acerbic attack on Don who took time out of his busy schedule to freely work on my story within the agreed upon scope. Anything outside of that scope is my responsibility. That being said, I am grateful that you took the time to read it and offer your advice.

I would also like to thank the other readers who offered words of encouragement and enjoyment of the tale. Coming soon will be Part 2 of Chapter 1.

It's annoying trying to reply to "Anon" when there are possibly 4 of you posting comments on this story.

Anyway, you are right. I don't have a lesbian sister, though I fail to see how that is relevant. Liz didn't even tell her brother she was a lesbian until after he started talking about fuck buddies. Regardless, my comments were meant to help the author, not demean him or be nitpicking.

Can't wait to read the next part leaving it with so much curiosity on what happens next

Excellent beginning. I hope you continue!

Please continue this story.It is by far the best I have read so far.

I can't wait for the rest of it.

Continue with this story. We are loving it

I loved the story would really like to see what happens between Liz and luc.

Can't wait for part of this

...but completely, 100% unconvincing each time anything to do with music was mentioned. (Without big-noting myself, believe me, I know the music business inside and out)

My only criticism is the same that a few others have made. The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. Please start being less formal and use contractions. People just don't talk like this in everyday life. I like it so far but will probably lose interest if the stiff dialogue continues. It makes your story harder to read.

A few inconsistencies are difficult to work around.

Her name is Elizabeth, I call her Liz, and in the next paragraph and many to follow she remains Elizabeth.

He lived in a soundproofed condo with open beams and bare brick interior walls?

The text is not conversational. It is stiff or stilted. There is no flow.

Finally, they had not seen each other for a few years, had lost touch, and he didn't recognize the now older and more mature (lesbian) woman who came to visit him. So they talked for a few minutes and kissed?

Good but slow hope it gets better soon.

REALLY GOOD START AND A GREAT BUILD UP. I LIKE A GOOD STORY THAT TAKES YOU ALL THE WAY TO THE END AND YOU STILL WANT MORE. KEEP IT UP.

I'll agree with the previous comments about the dialog and descriptive errors (bare walls are not sound proofed). Brothers and Sisters would NOT address each other formally in a conversation. They're always going to have a pet name for their sibling(s) and that's what they are going to use.

The story was entertaining right up to the point where Lucas began flirting with his mother. I'm not here to read about a family orgy with the mom fucking her son and the father fucking his daughter. 😤 But you're clearly heading in that direction. You set us up for Lucas to be so in love with his sister that she has to be his soul mate but then a few paragraphs later Lucas is grinding pelvis with his mother and calling her hot? You totally DESTROYED the love story. Lucas isn't in love with Liz if he wants to fuck every female he sees, even his own mother.

I was going to give you a three but in retrospect you deserve 1/5.

I'll agree with the previous comments about the dialog and descriptive errors (bare walls are not sound proofed). Brothers and Sisters would NOT address each other formally in a conversation. They're always going to have a pet name for their sibling(s) and that's what they are going to use.

The story was entertaining right up to the point where Lucas began flirting with his mother. I'm not here to read about a family orgy with the mom fucking her son and the father fucking his daughter. 😤 But you're clearly heading in that direction. You set us up for Lucas to be so in love with his sister that she has to be his soul mate but then a few paragraphs later Lucas is grinding pelvis with his mother and calling her hot? You totally DESTROYED the love story. Lucas isn't in love with Liz if he wants to fuck every female he sees, even his own mother.

I was going to give you a three but in retrospect you deserve 1/5.