All Comments on 'Just an Average Romance'

I liked the story but had a little trouble because it seemed slow to me. I know that my attention span isn't what it should be, so I'm curious to see if I'm the only one.

I like your writing overall and feel that this story does fit well in the Romance category.

Too slow and long winded, no need to have her history take almost 3 pages, I'm sorry, I wanted to finish this but just got bored. No score.

either its no money or too much money and who controls/ TK U MLJ LV NV

I enjoyed it very much... some say too long, maybe a little, gets a little tedious; however, I enjoy the details and the building action.... please write more....

Thank you for sharing,in my opinion a good read. I feel it still has some more potential at least a couple more chapters. How ever it is your creation so it can be as long as it is, it stands well on its own at this point.

NorthPacific

... it is long and wordy. It’s also written a little like stream of consciousness.

Long/wordy - the second and third chapters could probably give all the information necessary well within one page. The whole relationship of Luke and Thad is too much. They are minor characters within the whole story. What “happens” at the end of both relationships is important. But ALL the detail leading up to it can be condensed to a few key events and results. Even the courtship is a little too long, though that’s more important, so can definitely use some detail, just not to the extent here.

“Stream of consciousness” writing is something I do, so I know about it. It takes a lot self-editing/rewrite thinking about how other writers, you admire, write. Or you can have someone else read, with good English “skills” , and make suggestions, or just give them the dreaded “Red Pencil”, and let them hack away at it. And, depending on who you get editing it might take one rewrite or ten rewrites, depending on your and the editor.’s skill.

I obviously write stream of consciousness here in the comments. Hah! I know you can tell.

Is this repost I've read this before

Thanks!

They got smarter and learning to believe and trust in the other. That BS prenuptial has to go into the garbage can. And only then can they grow.

Loved it...the whole storyline.

I admit to not having read this, not sure if I will, but I have noticed several comments regarding log sections that have little to do with the story.

This is one of my bugaboos. We're talking about a husband and wife, they obviously met, dated and got married. Unless there is something that relates to the "present" time, like an old boyfriend that has returned, or a history of cheating on him, we really don't need the details of every date they had!

....you need to get an editor. As others have stated, there is much extraneous material which detracts from the storyline. You need direction with your writing skills. including your sentence construction and spelling.

Having said that, I think this storyline is a good one and I enjoyed it once I moved past page 3.

I enjoyed it a lot...hope you’re next one will be back LW where you belong;)

great story. Nice ending. Thanks for sharing.

Would I guess that English is not your first language ? There are odd bits that 'jangle'; sometimes the rhythm of the story is disturbed. I think there's a lot of unnecessary verbiage which can make reading it tricky; I think it needs 'speeding up', because you have a good basic plot.

I look forward to reading more.

HP

I liked how it took a while to get places and seemed to ramble on. It made it feel more like a romance then just a quick "get to to the juicy parts". Also made the characters more real.

It is a pretty good story. But I, for one, don’t really like all the rambling. It just makes the story drag. I prefer a story that flows smoothly towards a conclusion without a lot of extraneous BS, rabbit-chasing, and dead-end turns. A good editor could probably tighten this story up, cut out all the deadwood, and turn this into a very nice tight story of probably six pages. That’s just my opinion.

Much enjoyed this great story.

Thankfully, there weren't blocks of monologue or narrative that couldn't fit on my screen...which is pretty impressive since I'm still using a Trident 1MB VGA graphics card on an IBM XT, rocking text mode at 80x24.

The long history of her past was not particularly poorly done, but I just had to skip all that after realizing I was climbing up a cliff the hard way. I don't realty mind it though. Uh, but there has to be a working balance between terse and attempting to describe past relationships eroticly. That's just like walking in on your nearly dead parents fucking with hats off. That's unpleasant, especially when they cheerfully ask about you joining them. Not that it ever happened to me...

Yeah, I liked that things didn't pick up like magic. Things defied the quantum nature of ...nature, eschewing discrete states and instantaneous transition between them by showing what happens as the transition takes place. The formula chosen has lots of freedom. Nice story.

My big complaint is that this was too long. Definitely should have cut some of the pre college stuff. Those parts were unnecessarily long. My second very minor gripe is I have friends (both male and female) that have been turned down from a proposal. Leaving to lick your wounds emotionally is not uncommon or unreasonable. That line of his irritated me because of that but as I said a small thing and personal to me and my friends who it happened to. Overall very good story.

Thanks for the story. I found it on the website and couldn't stop reading it. 5* I will now go on and read your other stories. Thanks for your time and efforts.

Stacy should have dropped her as friend long ago. Jeff was an idiot for marrying Mary. She will never change. She will bitch at Jeff everyday since she is so insecure and immature. If Jeff is late getting home or goes out one evening with the boys, Mary will assume that Jeff is cheating on her and castrate him one night. I feel really sorry for Jeff.

New to writing? Let us suggest a novel (no pun) idea - add the latest in politically correct BS to "spice up" the writing. It will bring in them young people who look to literotica for their reading entertainment and let them know You care as well about this country staying so determinately right of center. Socialism CAN work if we just give AOC's ideas a try! Just trust Nancy, Elijah and the Dems who have worked these long years gettingted over and over to promote the socializing of America. They deserve a socialist America, dammit!

Get a life.

Chapter 5 reader is thinking: "This can't go on much longer can it?"

Chapter 7 reader thinks... IBID

Never got to the end. Too much writing about nonsense shit. Author NEEDS to learn "conservation of words" and "direction of ideas". Did we NEED to hear every kiss and fondle of her grade school teacher/lover? How many emotionless dates can she go on before we get to the man who is so broken he actually "proposes" to her but becomes further broken (and the reader still doesn't know why) by her breakdown.

Too immature - overall.

No real world could exist if people acted like this.

Try again... maybe not.

Perhaps it would have been better suited to the Romance category,

I would not of married her without the prenuptial. No way....

I agree that this moved a little slow at times, especially the long description of the relationship with Thad. Often less is more.

I know that it sometimes difficult when people call about details, but details matter and errors distract readers. There’s a lot of sloppiness here. Just on the first page I noticed the following:

+ He played football for three years, but attended a game to watch when he was a junior (I.e., his third year)?

+ "That is still better than a degree in ancient literature. That will only get you a job flipping burgers." Actually, no. Studies have shown that liberal arts majors (literature, history, philosophy, etc.) actually get good jobs with good incomes after graduating.

+ “... the usual five or six years that the average student takes to complete an undergraduate degree.” Not so. According to the most recent information from the National Center for Educational Statistics, 40% of full-time students graduate in four years, another 12% in the fifth year, and 4% in the sixth year. (Note: these data include only full-time students who graduate from the school in which they first enrolled; in other words, students who transfer aren’t counted as “finishing,” so actual completion rates are higher.)

+ “She had been on the dance team and played clarinet in the band ...” You couldn’t do that at most schools, because both the band and dance team perform at halftime.

Picky? Maybe, but they took my attention away from the story while you’re trying to make me believe in n the world you’re writing about.

To be upset because her long term boyfriend asked her to marry him on her birthday. The aspect of her getting her trust money on her birthday means nothing. She could have asked him to sign a prenup anytime up to their wedding day.

Stacey made her choice, let her choke on it

And Jeff decided to make a life with the woman who ruined his best friends life, fuck him and his hope to rebuild his freindship

Ouch! Man, that’s harsh!

A third of the story was basically Stacey's limited past sexual experiences, which made for a boring read.

He had NOTHING to apologize for. This woman publicly roasted him due to her inflated ego. Otherwise, everything seemed to flow logically.

I tend to agree with Anon 09/09/19. Far too much of this story was irrelevant padding that contributed little to nothing towards the overall story. They were just random details that didn't really add anything of merit. Stacey's dull, unfulfilling sexual past was commented on so much that I was expecting a large portion of the story to detail just how much better love making with Mark was. When that didn't come to pass, it was obvious that it was just thrown in there for the sake of having some sex in the story, i.e. wasted space. Likewise, a good portion of Mark's moving around fixing stores later in the story could have easily been removed. After the details of the first store had been shown we had enough of an idea of what he was about that the rest were extraneous.

Overall it was a sweet story about two people growing up and learning to trust one another before becoming a real couple. It could have been cut down to three pages and still have worked, though. Other than some minor drama when she first shot him down at her birthday party, the story lacked any real emotional impact. We're told Mark was traumatized and had bad dreams but nothing was really shown to let us know how he overcame that. Their eventual reconciliation and the efforts they went to in order to rebuild their romance went largely unsaid and before we knew it a year had passed and they were engaged. It ended on a very flat note. Good story idea, and I commend this author for trying his hand at a straight romance but it could have been done much better.

Not sure how I missed this one.

Not a bad little tale. Had all the right pieces even if it was a bit long in some.

I gave it a 4 mostly because I felt like more effort was put into telling about Mark’s job(s) than into the main topic - their relationship.

Anyone who proposes marriage to a woman without any advance discussion about children, finances, lifestyle, religion, is a fool. Would you just walk up to an acquaintance with a partnership agreement and say, Mack, you're a great salesman, would you please go into business with me? Something as serious as marriage deserves a LOT of discussion, planning, and understanding. So your characters present like high school kids.

A good plot idea, but the execution suffered from juvenile and foolish behavior. Is this really how you think intelligent mature adults would act?

Oops, guess that's the problem.

Thanks for the effort.

I've read all your stories and found them very well written but to me this story stands heads above the rest .I really think you nailed it

Too long,could have been told in slot fewer pages.Too much spent how how she fucked Luke and That,that was totally unnecessary.

Far too long,nine pages that could have been told in five maximum.Too much dialogue about time with Luke and Thad.

A good plot but as others have pointed out, too much time was spent on the Luke and Thad affairs, which caused the story to drag. Nothing was said of Mark's disastrous affairs, beyond a mention, which would have helped in understanding Mark.Still and all, an enjoyable read but an edit would have cleaned up the writing. Just sayin'. 5*s.

Too long. Spent way too much time with inconsequential characters in the first half. Having noted that it is still a good story

Way too long. The 2 pages in the beginning about he HS boyfriend should have been trimmed to 2 paragraphs.

Good story but too long

Very long story. The first couple pages about her previous boyfriend could have been reduced to a couple paragraphs. TMI about those BFs. Good overall story though.

A thank you for a really great and touching story about true love finding its way through the real life trail’s and tribulations of life. Yes, I agree that some parts dwelled a bit long, but we were not totally upset or turned on the overall story. The immaturity, self centeredness, and spontaneous actions of two trying to be in love was nicely developed into the overall story. Also the effect and persuasion of “friends” helpful meddling was so true to life.

We also liked the realism of how much each of us go out of our way to be stubborn and convinced we need to isolate and/or run away to protect ourselves from ourselves.

A real love story that could have used a bit more developed ending of marriage, family, children, parental and friends acceptance and support.

Thank you again for your lit work and our enjoyment.

It is appreciated.

SW

Wow a reall good story! Thank you!

Nothing wrong with a stab at romance. You just wrote another tale worth reading. I enjoyed it because I chose to stick with it and got a good story. BUT you nearly lost me with the ,boring,long drawn out needless info about her and his early life and affairs. It is Way too dragged out. All that background could/should have been given with one third the effort and writing,not pages of it. If not for knowing your capable good writing, I would have been onto your next story. I am glad I stuck with it. 5 stars. JZK

Enjoyed it, and I don't normally do any critics of stories, but this one was about 4 pages to long... some of the content was just unnecessary filling and didn't enhance the story at all, could have and should have been left out.

Sorry disagree with the ending,he should not have gone back to her.What is to stop Mary from still running him down?.Stacey always seems to agree with her,no basis for a loving relationship.

Dude, I stopped reading after page 3. Your story sucks. After reading several of your stories, only 2 of them are worth reading. Stop writing as you suck at this.

I enjoyed it so so much , thank you

9 pages of bullshit that could be fit in 2 or 3. Jesus christ padding

Too long, although I liked the story concept! Way too much in the beginning about Luke & Chad. It should have been 3 sentences about Luke and 3 more about Chad. Done! Even the rest of the story was somewhat inflated. It really should have been reduced from 9 to 5 pages.

Great story, well developed characters, but last page, felt a bit like an exam, when you're told you have five minutes left, I did enjoy this.

Loved it. It's a five from me!

Too much up front about Luke and Thad. First 3 and 1/2 should have been reduced to 1/2 a page at most.

Too long suffering. Tax protesters are simply assholes that want a free ride, so that seems inconsistent with a person who is all about accepting responsibility. The Mark character has two personalities: one is analytically decisive and accepting of responsibility and the other goes off like a MAGA bomb. Just an average story drawn out with filler.

Overall, a good concept by the execution failed. There was way too much time spent on Luke & Thad. Their parts in the story should have been much, much shorter. Mary was a terrible friend. Both of them should have dropped her. As far as the ending, given how long this story was, it just seemed to die at the end. Too short on the end.

I loved this story. Ah, the bumps and bruises of an ongoing relationship and marriage. I remember it well. My wife and I have been together for over fifty years. It has not all been a bed of roses. There have been trials and tribulations but we have been blessed with two fine sons and now, four wonderful grandchildren. We love our life together and are very thankful in these times to be fully in love with each other after fifty years. We know how precious this is. Thanks for the story and reminding me how lucky I am to have found my wife in college so many years ago. Five stars, for sure!!!!!

Wayyy too long! The endless drivel of the mundane details was endless. Dude 3 pages max would have covered it.

Endless drivel is a compliment.