All Comments on 'Just the Six of Us Ch. 21'

I haven't read it yet, but I'll go ahead and give 5 stars, and then adjust it down if it surprisingly doesn't deserve it.

Rather, you've lost the main attraction the story had, which was the tension between Mike and the voice in his head. The sex is becomming routine and uninspired.

But for all that, I'll continue to read on, for now.

Holy shit. This story is amazing. I hope it keeps going forever.

Wow, instead of the erotic 'everything in life is great' ending I was expecting, it's like a soap opera now. Hope Mike develops some super powers, beats up the guy, gets him sent to jail where the "big boys have fun with him".

You son of a bitch. I have been waiting months for this chapter and you leave me hanging! No seriously, I've enjoyed the development of the Story to include more than just sex, by the sex scenes always deliver as well. Will be waiting for the next chapter.

to damn bad it had to end there, that wasnt fair. it was just to big of an event to stall us here. lol. thats just so uncool. haha. looking forward to 22!

Can't lie love your series. The best on Literotica period, hands fucking down. Waited months and come on man...cliffhanger, we need 22 now!!! Also wondering when are you gonna have Missy and her brother hook up? Just can't say anything else besides, please update like...tomorrow! :))

I'm speechless,

Mentalcase FTW!!! :)

I'm sitting here going through the list of new stories and there right before me is a new chapter and the first thing that runs through my mind is "oh my god he's updated" and the second thing that runs through my mind is "i've got to read it now". You did not disappoint. I loved it. Well everything except the huge cliffhanger you left at the end. Of course it just means i'm gonna be watching real close for your next update. keep up the good work, and thanks for a wonderful read.

I can't believe you ended this on a cliffhanger after all that wait! Fantastic chapter as always. Can't wait for 22.

Another awesome chapter. It started with such a fuckfest, and then I loved Emma's tamming scene at school. But the scene at the pub was so eventful... Not to mention the dreaded cliffhanger. I just hope the next part doesn't take so long. As chapters go by, I like Matt even better because he makes me laugh a lot and seems a truly good friend. Thanks a lot for your effort and keep up the great work. 5 stars, of course. ^__^

Cliffhanger?! You are a crafty crafty man. Your skill has us all on pins and needles for the next installment. Kudos on a series that will be enjoyed for years to come.

what can i fu****g say man? a-ma-zing! you blew my mind once again and i cannot wait for the next intsalment.

Nicely done.

"Bringing his face close to hers, he stared directly into her eyes as she fought to hold his gaze against the onslaught of pleasure, finally succumbing as she fell over the edge, pleasure washing over her as she closed her eyes, collapsing onto him as he fell back, turning and sitting on the bed as she draped herself across him, her pussy tightly contracting and releasing on him, a massive orgasm rocking her small form."

This is the first of several run-on sentences throughout this chapter. A good rule of thumb is one complete thought equals one sentence. A collection of related thoughts is a paragraph.

In addition to run-on sentences, you aren't diversifying your descriptive terms. There are several reference websites you can consult that have electronic thesauruses for public use. My personal favorite is dictionary.com.

In spite of all of the spelling and grammatical errors, it's not a bad read. 4/5

Hurry Up with 22 after this Cliffhanger!

good god i cant wait for the next chapter

Love the story, just wish it had ended with something sexy, not scary. I don't want anyone to die or be hurt!

kinda dissapointed, first along break, then a really distressing cliffhanger...

for your sake I hope the next chapter isnt as far off as it has been of late

@Anon

I'm not much to argue bout run-on sentences and stuff, but as far as I know, prose isn't exactly bound by the strict grammatical rules of non-prose.

@Mentalcase

Waited quite a while for this chapter. When I saw your update about writing chapter 22 as "hard", the first thing in my head was, "damn, something's gonna go wrong." Well, no point as to speculating when the next one's just around the corner. Keep writing.

Seems the voice's survival instinct is at "spidey sense" levels.

Holy shit. That's awesome. And indeed I shit myself. Cannot wait for the next bit, guessing Mike's fucked up again.

Keep up the amazing writing dude.

don't kill off any of the girls or let that red-headed a-hole anywhere near them!

Dwayne is either going to die or go to jail forever for that shotgun crap.

As always great job, the chapters keep getting better and better, can't wait till the next chapter. Thanks for your time and effort.

Waiting sucks but I understand. Great job.

Another great chapter! Thanks again and I can't wait for the next one.

I know you've set everything up so that the vehicle with all the ass kickers is now disabled and red is on his way to go catch the girls up and more than likely have a huge gang rape, but just please don't. I think after 21 chapters with these people that if someone gets raped now it would be like hearing your own sister got raped. Crossing my fingers and checking daily for 22. Keep it up your doing fantastic.

When you first had the car continue after the girls vehicle after shooting out Mike's tire, I was worried that you were going to setup some kind of assault on the girls while the 3 fighters were out of commission. In a way, it's kind of weird to be glad the car turned back around towards the wrecked truck and those who presumably can't defend themselves at all, but I was.

As for the rest of the story, I find it interesting that the way this is heading, at least Matt, Missy, and Sally are all going to figure out what is going on with our happy fivesome (or sixsome, sevensome, do they ALL have voices?). Matt/Missy figuring it out could lead to some interesting situations with them both hitting on members of our favorite family. Somehow, I don't find either of them being disgusted by it (assuming you don't kill one of them off in the next chapter). Not sure how it would go with Sally. The evidence has been thrown in front of her enough that she is going to have to guess it soon. She seems so damn horny, I'm afraid you'll rehash an old storyline (Ashley) and she'd go with the whole blackmail idea. I hope that's not where you're going.

All-in-all, an amazing job again. Glad chapter 22 is almost done. I hope you're working on 23 already. From what your blog says about chapter 22, I think you're going to need 23 fast to keep your skin intact. :-)

Please do not let anything happen to them at least let mike fuck the frat boys up because if anyone got hurt other than the frat boys it would feel like someone in my family was hurt which is not good.

Needs more voice. I feel like voice is the neglected one of the 6

You got me hooked like a fiend on this story! Please keep it coming and soon... this junky needs his fix of more Just the Six or Us! My inner voice demands it lol. Serious like 5 stars and thanks for sharing your work.

Please don't tell me that the first time that you have Mike nail all of his sisters in one day he gets into an accident and loses one of them! That would just suck to the nth degree. I like cliffhangers but not when I have to wait a long time to get them resolved so I am begging you to get the next chapter submitted as quick as possible. You're killing me smalls, just killing me! 5 Stars!

He better not fucking die, and matt better be okay, you fucking bastard. I'm genuinely pissed that they had a car wreck.

On a slightly different note, that's how you know you're a good writer. Excellent work. But they better fucking live, this ending has got me pissed. A good pissed, not a this story sucks pissed, a sympathetic for the characters pissed.

You seem to be running out of good ideas so resort to a group of lads shooting there car with a shotgun? Come on that is an awful plot.

Need more and need it soon. 4 months was too long to wait. Of all the stories on this site this is my favorite series. Keep up the great work.

Please add more conversations with Beth about the Voices. His is getting neglected and hers needs to get involved. Perhaps the 2 voices might fall in love.........

Just love the plot, I've been re-reading this chapter again and again. Continue putting new twists in the story. Keeps it interesting

JUST DON'T SERIOUSLY INJURE HURT OR KILL ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

IT WOULD DESTROY THE ENTIRE STORY FROM THAT POINT FOR ME(:

that was an unexpected ending! but thats what makes a good story,unexpected things like this! keep up the good work!

Finally theres some more action.

Not that I didn't love the other kind of action. Didn't get repetitive like other sories.

But this kind of action also fits perfectly and makes the whole thing much more interesting.

I did miss 'the voice' a bit, though. It was pretty silent this time... ;-)

Thanks for writing/sharing. Very good story, with just the right amount of stroke vs plot. I like the D/s thing going on with Emma. Personally, i'd like to see that developed!

How you do it is beyond me. You keep getting better and better. Keep it coming ( no pun intended ). I cannot wait to see more...

Way to end it right there. I can't wait to see where u take it next.

What a way too leave it pls don't leave us hanging 4 long

but if the redhead ass doesnt get beat intoa permanent coma soon I may have to stop reading lol joking very much looking forward to the rest of this storyline

blizzard....yes thats what this story is turning into...another awesome edition...but mind you MR.MENTAL if you make us wait that long for 22 i will get you ( or something like that ) ;-)

THE... FUCK...

EPIC scale fail ending bro. Cliffhangers are fine with me. But the lead-up to this was, in my estimation, quite abrupt and heavyhanded. We go from "everyone's dancing and happy! yay!" to "oh-shit-we're-all-gonna-die!!" in less than 2.5 seconds. High acceleration is a positive in a car, man. Not so much in a long, extended tale. We need LEAD-UP to the cliffhanger to make it truly tense and satisfying, in a cathartic sense. All this felt like was, to use an apropos expression, blue-balls. Interest, some emotional investment, a bit of excitement perhaps...then BAM! Shit hits fan, never having crossed the room to get there. I always enjoy your stuff, and this gets five regardless, but it just wasn't...quite THERE, especially considering the long lead-up. I understand you've had RL shit going on, most of it extremely fucked-up and sucky. But I'm just critiquing the way you led-up to the ending, and ended, this chapter. Not bashing you for having difficulty writing due to RL shittiness. :) I get the impression from your tumblr posts that the next chapter also has a cliffhanger, and I'm betting it's leagues better than this one, partially because this one was a possible consequence of lopping the chapter in half ;)

-Anubelore

I meant to put this in my first response. Alas, while I try, I am not, in fact, perfect. Hence this addendum. ;)

I was quite pleasantly impressed with your descriptive methodology in the early sex scenes. The detail dropped off rapidly after Danni and Mike did it, but it was impressive nonetheless. Try to sustain it throughout though, because it truly IS important to the enjoyment of an erotic tale.

Also, the "sweaty and shiny" cleavage bit was an inspired shot of descriptive adrenaline. It really made a difference to the scene, small detail though it may've been.

I know you struggle with writing detail into every sex scene, because they get monotonous after a while. But if it's truly that difficult, take them each as a separate project. Write in the quick "he slid into her, pumped rapidly, she came, he pulled out" bits you usually do (yes, I'm being snarky :P) as placeholders, then come back LATER, and write them each, one at a time, with breaks in between, because well written sex scenes really ARE a big chunk of the backbone of an erotic tale, and you've built some HOT characters to play with. It's a shame to see them not exercising their full potential in the love scenes. Beth (for example) should be a writhing, rippling, exquisite-bodied SUCCUBUS in her scenes with Mike, especially that damned shower scene. I understand the difficulty of doing so when the male portion of the scene cannot cum, but the point stands.

I hesitate to mention another author as an example, but take a look at Dezurtdawg's work, for an example of what I'm talking about. The dude is obsessed with adultery, but his sex scenes are, almost absent exception, spectacular. dr_mabeuse also writes some damned exceptional love-scenes, for example in his A Good Student series. Subtract the BDSM, and you have hot sex. Just a couple suggestions :)

At this point, you may be wondering why the hell I care enough to write like the long-winded bastard I am, just to critique your work. Well, I enjoy your work, I see tremendous potential in your writing, and yes, I am a nightmare for an editor. But everything I edit usually ends up better, according to my "clients" as it were. So, take my suggestions with the usual grain of salt, but know that I only make them because I'm trying to help, not hinder. ;)

PS: Zexx is also a great editor, especially judging by the excellent writing he himself has produced. Color me impressed, but tell him to remember his bullwhip next time, and that editing does not flow well while writing one’s own story at the same, or closely-adjacent, times. My GOD I talk too much... ah well.

-Anubelore

Have been reading since the start and although I would not be as overly effusive in my praise as some of your groupies, I have found it to be a pretty good read. Until now. This 'action' aspect of the story reads as contrived, you are trying new things,which is fine, but it comes across as straining. I feel you have reached a point that many authors do, and that is it is time to wrap this puppy up, but you don't want to, understandable it has done well, but all good things come to an end. I hate to break it to you, but your action descriptions are lacking. And if Mike goes out and single handedly kicks all these frat boys asses then it will be another fight scene and it is not your strong suit. This is a stroke series ( more plot than many, but end of the day it is stroke) stick to it. Close this thing out and start something new.

Fuck all the haters who nag and bitch and whine about other people's writing when the truth is they cant even compare. So I say keep up with the good writing, and to anyone who doesnt like it feel free to STFU and read something else!

Ahhhhh, cliffhangher, next chapter ASAP! Have no clue where this series is headed, but hopefully will head toward positive direction.

Fuck all the haters!!!! I like were the story is going. Please don't listen to other people and wrap it up. It just keeps getting better and better. Keep up the good work!!!

I really enjoyed it like always, although I must admit I am skimming through most of it in the last 3 chapters in the sex scenes. But I am still enjoying the story. Keep it up. Can't wait to read the next chapter.

Can't wait for Ch.22 to come out. Keep up the amazing work.

I have really enjoyed this story, not just being a love story but the physical conflict too.

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU, DWAYNE! You killed my boner. I hope you get gang raped in prison!

MMOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR, please.

And, I second Anonymous' fervent wish that Redhead gets ass-raped in prison.

Dude! Amazing! But with that end of this chapter you CAN'T have us waiting. Great plot, I can't wait for next chapter!

Omg no how the hell cud that happen.....plz don't leave the story like this I'm seriously upset rite now I wana fuckin kill Dwayne...he'll fuckin pay!!!!!!! Other then that, sir u have written a story that is fuckin spectacular u r a writing genius! I wish u the best of luck:)

Need to know more! damnit, hurry with the next one.

I want to see "Dwayne" getting what he has coming... like getting gang bang in jail. All in all this the best story I have read in Literotica so far.

Better not take 4 months to get to the next chapter at a cliff hanger like this one...

suck! You better get us the next chapter quick, now! (I think most of us are happy to be patient, normally)

My only piece of criticism I think is worth mentioning is that the rain was too damn cliche. I understand foreshadowing, but it really didn't work for me in this instance.

Also agree with a previous commenter that the tension between Mike and the voice either needs to come back, or get resolved. Don't let it drift away, cuz then the title won't make sense any more. =)

That said, I've read all 22 chapters and quite enjoyed them. Keep it up.

If you want 5 stars for this chapter, make something grotesquely terrible happen to Dwayne asap.

seriously that jerk needs to get put back under the rock he crawled out of. and i love this story xD

This was yet another GREAT chapter to the story. Keep up the good work, and write the next chapter immediately,NOW.5***** toby9790.

I just started reading this series last month and I have to say it's one of the best... my favorite character is the voice, of course, please don't keep him so quiet. I will continue to follow these characters to the end

It's fucking awesome but god damn nOw I'm gonna be upset if you kill someone

PLEASE ! ! ! !

do not make me wait another four months for the next installment! This has been good so far, keep up the good work!

Thank you?

no fair

I know stories need them but dammit I don't have to like them! Also, one of the best series I have read so far.

This is evil why yo gotta put in the biggest cliffhanger of all time

A cliffhanger like that after the long wait? I hope you know there's a special place in hell for authors like you.

Keep up the awesome story.

This better be a joke. You can't leave us with this.

Il be back in a few days but I wanna see the next chapter of this awesome story

Seriously?!!???! I've read this story three times this summer waiting for an update and THIS is what you do to me?!!?? Muthatrucka!!! Ridiculous!! I don't know if I can handle another 4 months to update!!! Seriously!! I need an update!!!

I need more

im sorry i didnt rate each chapter.. i was so wrapped up in the story i just blazed from one to the next.. did the whole thing today...

Great story.. writing .. the whole package.. screw them naysayers.. you got something really good here.

Keep it up.. cant wait for the next chapter and after.....

great story. my advice for later chapters:develop the relationship between mike and missy/ dwayne get his ass kicked or in jail/ get matt involved a little more. you are a fantastic writer. and a little shit for leaving us with a cliffhanger after the wait

I got hyped by this ending, but I just hope that you know where you're going with this. I mean, you did say that you had many ideas and that Ch. 22 isn't far away, but still I'm nervous about this... Cliffhanger...

dude I'm dying here you've got to finish this

This story. You have it. I've read this series at least 4 times now completely. Keep it going, I am legitly at the edge of my seat wanting to know what happens next. Best series and best writer on the entire site hands down.

I think that I see where this might be going, but it's just a random hunch and it's kind of fucked up. I'm thinking that it's a little too serious for this story, but this story hasn't really had a 'huge' twist yet. Not as big as this ending, which will have a meaningful continuation. Anyway, my idea involves one of the sisters dying, possibly a brutal death (considering how this "Dwayne" character has acted so far), so I'm not sure that the writer would go that way. Perhaps it's just another "incident," one with more suspense. Either way, I love this story :-).

its been more than three weeks since you said it would be out at the latest. i have waited patiently as we all have but you have made your point by making us wait. just release it already!

Mike should be unconscious after the wreck, but have his inner voice take control for a while. He can beat the living snot out of the red-headed stepchild, or something.

I like that idea, "...but have his inner voice take control for a while." Not bad, I thought that it would be pretty entertaining. :)

IM a TRUCKER DRIVER AND THE INTERNET ON MY PHONE IS MY ONLY PLEASURE THIS IS MY FAV STORY JUST EFFIN RELEASE 22 ALREADY

Loved this right from chapter 1 'till now......not sure about the ending so far, too much like a crime novel now and not so much erotica. They have to be OK, then you can get back to Mike and his sisters............

This is one of the best stories I read on here. Not just sex sex sex, but an actual storyline.

Only thing is, I think the writer died. From the comments I see on here, it's been 4 or so months since the last one.

R.I.P. author.

That is a strange joke, or perhaps a very bad mistake, I do not know. Obviously, the only logical conclusion would be that the author is dead... lol, sarcasm

The author is not dead.

Just wait for it.

i hate you

leaving it like this, FINISH IT!!!

*perfect kill* *fatality!*

Like the goofus that I am, I checked back every day for chapter 21. It was worth the wait. And I DID NOT CRY at the memorial...

You posters here have to believe that mentalcase is not going to pull a "Lost" on us. I firmly believe that this story will have a happy ending. Most everything else about this story is happy and loving.

I have faith in you mentalcase, don't let me down.

--Smile--

Thanks again

I hope Mike, Matt and Emma leave nothing but bodies when they catch up with those fuckers!

That redhead prick just stooped to a new low, I hope he gets into an 'accident' and never recovers.

Title says it all.

Seriously. Blow his motherfucking head off.

I can't believe that after what happened to Danni, that Mike would have Emma prance around campus flaunting her braless tits and pantyless ass. there are a lot more people in the world like Red, why would they try to draw attention to Emma from any other potential creeps. She is going to be the prey for a stalker in no time. I can't believe that only a few months after what happened to Danni and just a week or two after the repeated incident with Red, that they would dare draw any outsiders attention. You would think they would take more precaution to be safe.

Loved the story up to this point, then it got stupid. I had to stop reading at this point to make my complaint, but will go back to reading the rest. Hopefully this was just a bad part of the story and is not repeated or broadened.

...but Dwayne lost the right to call himself "human" about an attempted rape and a half ago. I've never understood why "good people" (meaning Mike and his) hesitate to do what is necessary, especially to protect themselves or their loved ones. For #@$@'s sake, wild animals are smart enough to know that, should someone go after your pack, your mate, or your cubs, you end them. Why does Mike hesitate? His conscience is in a prime position to get them all raped, killed, or both.

This has gotten out of hand with this Dwayne guy. I dont know what the hell you are planning author but it better be good and it better not involve any more deaths in the "family". I dont know if i'm pissed or just been mind-fucked by the last few paragraphs.

Dude, you're good with the build up. Can't wait to sink my teeth into the next chapter. Won't say I'm happy about this turn of events, but, that's because you've got me emotionally invested in the characters... a good thing.

Good work, man.