All Comments on 'Kaleidoscope Eyes Pt. 03'

I'm aghast and in disbelief that I've five starred this author multiple times in the past. Oh what's that ? This mushy story has had the finishing touches applied by the dreaded blackrandl1958 aka " The Marquessa of Maudlin". If the story suffers from surfeit of cliches just insert another winsome tyke in need of daddy, a dilemma soon to be resolved by generic narrator.

Flavion does have talent. Check ' Out of Focus' and 'Old Country ' for proof. Maybe I'm biased but the real barren woman involved in this story was the humdrum harlot muse so generously loaned out to Flavion by the aforementioned Baroness of Blah.

Lot of promise but just faded into mediocrity..Ending needed a little better punch.

Still better than I could ever hope to write.

Thanks.

A quality story from a long-time quality writer. Thanks, Mr. Flavain. I look forward to your next. Randi.

By the way, if you are anticipating another story from Flavian, or Qhml1, HDK, KK, Ephesus14, Markelly, Eclare, JPB or a host of other great writers, tune in December 7 for a collection of Thriller/Suspense stories from some of your favorites. "Hanging By a Thread," December 7!

I respect your previous stories but this one is so wild and unbelievable ,it just doesn’t work. He fall for a strange girl and love at first site ,knocks her up,is beat up and 5 years later this story. She become the wife of a criminal Psychopath who rapes her, turns her out and she has to have sex with hundreds of guys. Then you put then together again. A women who had hundred of sex partners. Give me a break. You wrote you own it,

The first two parts were simply outstanding. This last one was a bit of a let down comparatively speaking. Thanks for a good read when there are so many crappy ones to sift through.

I enjoyed the story.

In the scene where the gang is taken down though, Russ didn't even have to have been present. Naomi did the shooting, Ruthanne made the heroic sacrifice, the friends who would happily die for Russ made the arrests with the aid of advanced military gear that was always available to them. The wealth and political influence of his parents meant that there would be no consequences to any of them.

I prefer those stories where one man, acting alone, facing impossible odds, overcomes by sheer grit or his own cleverness.

Great story!

5

An enjoyable story. 5*, of course.

I too had trouble with this last part. Seemed like other great stories you were in a rush to finish. I wasn't hanging onto each word waiting for the next pearl, I was trying to stay focused. Thanks for the read.

....but I must agree with DixnTrixie that this 3rd part was not up to par with the first 2 installments. It just seemed to lack....impact.

So 4**** after giving the first 2 installments 5.

That said....you are one of the most talented writers on this site. Look forward to future stories!

An outstanding story in all respects!

While the whole premise is implausible At best, it is a “story” so that is ok. The first two instalments were well done and captivating, but this was a total let down. It felt like you were tired of the story and just wanted to get it done. Too bad! I believe you could be better than this, as the first parts indicated.

Sweet ending to lift my spirits. Thanks and very well done.

"I am just so much spoiled goods after fucking so many guys; right?"

More like damaged goods... but yeah, pretty much.

The sad reality is that Ruthanne would be left horribly traumatised after everything she'd been through over the past five years. The physical abuse, the gang rapes (in particular the one on the night she lost her virginity!), the meaningless sex with hundreds of men... it would all take a grim toll on her psyche.

Waving the magical therapy wand for a few months wouldn't fix that mess. There'd be no happy ending with a woman that fucked up, especially as she blamed him for years, thinking he'd abandoned her.

A decent idea for a story, but overhearing Ruthanne getting ploughed all night at the motel would have killed off any chance of them reconciling for most men. It all had a disturbing cucky vibe to it, especially as the guy didn't bat an eyelid at her fucking half the state.

Outstanding finish to an excellent series of stories. You brought everything home in this chapter and I enjoyed the happy ending. It did finish a little quickly, as I would have enjoyed seeing Boyd suffer a little more punishment than losing his left nut. In the end, it was what I would expect from your work.

Too bad all these hot shot warriors didn't think to neutralize Boyd while the copter distracted him. They'll shoot a guy in the back who Might be reaching for a weapon, but let a guy who's holding a gun on people start shooting until a civilian takes him down. Bravo 2A! Biden and Kamala and Beto will put an end to that, if they get the chance.

Glad your style works for you and your fans. Had to laugh when you wrote, "I gave Naomi the short version of how Sandy Crawford and I had met in 'The Sandbox' and how I had met his brother, and then, how Sandy and I had come to work together for the same company and have the same boss: my mother." That must have taken about 3 or 4 hours? You couldn't even introduce the idea without a wordy complex sentence. You might want to work on that.

Anyway, very overwritten, contrived, and tedious for my taste. But thanks for the effort.

Biden, Kamala, and Beto couldn't wipe their own asses with written instructions. They won't be putting an end to anything, especially the 2nd Amendment. How's gun control working out for the Dems in Virginia? Keep your politics to yourself.

First installment got me really interested. Second installment quality went down dramatically, and several things didn't make sense. And this one was really bad. Besides it being completely predictable, it was completely cliche and just bluh. Like something put together in a few minutes to just end things.

1. I realize this is LW, so to get on the good side of some readers the author needs to have the MC "moral signal" by saying that he doesn't mess with married women, but really in this case caring about the "sanctity" of Boy'd and Ruthanne's marriage?

2. Russ knew Ruthanne was an eighteen year old virgin when he first got with her, and that she was a pastor's daughter, who wanted to save her virginity till marriage. So, being the supposed moral guy that he was (see 1 above), he fucks her within one hour of meeting her knowing he will leave town that day. Remember when he got together with Ruthanne it was to fulfill a bet, and take her virginity, and leave town.

It was not to fall in love with her. Yes, a real moral guy.

3. Ruthanne, being saving her virginity for her marriage, decides to give it up within an hour of meeting up, to a soldier passing through town?

4. Why the whole bet by Boyd's crew to get Russ riled up to seduce Ruthanne? I know it played a crucial part to the story, but where was the logic of that? Did they see Russ as this total Casanova that would cause the fall of the "Princess" where no one else in town could? It was just weird.

5. If you're getting electric shocks when you touch someone, it doesn't mean that it's your soulmate. It means you need to ground yourself, cause it's static electricity.

6. As mentioned in my comment to the second installment, Russ feels abandoned by Ruthanne because she decided to marry Boyd. How can he feel betrayed by her when he doesn't contact her for well over a year after that first night? Plus, he says he loves her, and he knows she was raped, knows her name, but he doesn't contact her at all (not even a phone call) to even ask how she fared after her rape! Yes, true love and caring, and completely logical for her to feel abandoned and betrayed by her when she didn't wait for him to return, when and if it suited him.

7. Why does Ruthanne feel abandoned by Russ? She saw Russ get beaten half to death in front of her as she is being raped. Why doesn't she wonder if Boyd killed Russ, and that's why Russ never came back for her?

8. In the second installment Ruthanne says she wonders if Herman is fucking her mom because of the look her mom has in her eyes, just like hers when she looks in the mirror. In this installment Ruthanne says not only that she KNOWS that Herman is fucking her mom, but the very specific reason why, which is to control her father, and that they do it in their marital bed. Editors didn't catch this!?

9. Herman is a resource for Boyd. Boyd has to pay him something, even in a hicktown. Why is Boyd spending that resource in just hanging out with Naomi and Mara, when he no longer cares or wants Ruthanne and Mara? He isn't visiting them, knows Mara isn't biologically his, has no relationship with her, and doesn't even want Ruthanne anymore sexually or otherwise. Why would he care if she leaves?

10. In the second installment Ruthanne says part of the reason she fucks all those men at the motel was to get back at Boyd because he doesn't come home anymore and he is fucking all those women he traffics. You'd think she would be grateful that Boyd was leaving her alone, just like Malena was very grateful for all the whores trumpy paid for and fucked on the side, so that she wouldn't have to touch him. For all those that say that Malena was upset after trump's philandering revelation (flicking his hand away, etc), it wasn't that she found out that he was fucking other women for money. It was because he was supposed to not get caught at it and embarrass her.

11. I anticipated Chaves would play a part in his rescue along with the Crawfords, yet there is no interaction between him and Russ afterwards. Flavian doesn't even have Russ nod his head and tell Chaves thanks for saving me again. Why have the whole Chaves angle if that's not going to be expanded on to some degree and a little backstory to why he was in Boyd's crew, but so ready to turn on him both times. Plus, since Chaves saved his life 5 years ago, why did Russ have animosity towards him?

Well done! Thank you for posting this very well told and always exciting story. The characters were believable and well sketched! Rarely do you read such good stories on "LW" !!! Bravo!!!

What with the special forces unit all over the place in those black suvs, Rusty helpfully spreading the plans of the operation to the town whore and anyone he came in contact with it seems...nice tight undercover operation...our hero just can't seem to keep his mouth shut, telling everyone his life story..amazed he made it out alive..series started out pretty decent and went downhill quickly in pt. 2 and 3.

@Anonymous Re: "You let Herman" - Yeah, I guess Boyd wasn't Black.

Great story, all the way through!

As I said in comments to part 2, I loved part one. Liked part 2 but what happened to the severe retribution aided by his military pals? I was expecting blood and thunder with the perpetrators being castrated and more. I also thought turning her into the town pin cushion was unnecessary. Who in their right mind would want to partner up with her? How many std's has she contracted? However, having said all of the above, this is still one of the best stories published in weeks so still a high score. Looking forward to your next story.

No, pretty stupid story. Final straw due to genetics only he can get her pregnant. What a crock.

Kind of odd special genetic match between them... probably didn’t need deus ex machina to get her pregnant, but all’s well that ends well. No animals were harmed in the making of this story.

I waited to comment until the last chapter. First glad to have you writing again on the site. I re read several of your stories and really enjoyed them again! Interesting story well worth time to read. The story had some nice twists and I have not checked but it appears you do research for your stories (Eyes, medical and military vehicles). If you don’t research then you make it very believable and overall that is the most important for my enjoyment.

I saw several detractors (of course Anonymous for the most part) but overall you got praised. I well go back and add my 5 stars to the other chapters along with this one.

You hit me perfect reading time for your writing style. Just what I was looking for in a good story to read.

Please do keep writing and I will keep reading.

High score in spite of you writing MC as a dumbass who would leave his pistol behind and then just stumble into an ambush.

26THNC... From one veteran to another ....fuck you and die . Although you probably are 1 of those of chicken hawks that didn't actually fight just your ancestors did when your Dumb as shit rednecks trird to leave the country to defend slavery

Biden and Harris are going to win in a massive landslide. And there is nothing you can do to change that

We are about to hit 200000 dead will probly end up 275000 dead by Election day with 30 million jobs lost all because trump Is too stupid and ignorant to understand basic science

And now the truth is out from 4 star general John Kelly mad dog mattis and HR mcmaster. Trump hates veterans

You are a sucker.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Useful_idiot

Had to keep reminding myself

Ok to seduce virginia but not marrie!

Training didn't take

Carry your gun but not when you know a shit storm is here

Nice job. Not what I read Literotica for, but nonetheless a great story with a happy ending.

Good story, and well written. I enjoyed it. The only real inconsistency is Russ not carrying his weapon to the arbor. He’s ex-army, and had the weapon before learning he had a daughter. He knew that Herman would likely accompany Ruthanne, Naomi, and Mara, to the arbor. There’s no way would have left it in his car.

But it seems like there’s a few harsh critics in the crowd. Oh well, to paraphrase Harry in Va., ‘Fuck ‘em’. You can’t please everyone so just write a story you like, and tell those that don’t like it to piss up a rope. But I thought it was a good story. Someone compared the writing to WEB Griffin, and I can see that, particularly with the military and helicopter involvement. Thanks for the read.

Suspenseful , eventful , gripping and not too unrealistic ! Shiskabob and eggburt give it 4 bones up !

Really well done. Excellent in all measurable categories.

Excellent story, really liked the character and it had some suspense and drama included. A good story to read with some characters that could be developed into stories of their own. Well done!

This is a fantastic story! Totally hit out of the park. Beautifully delivered storyline charactersAnd all the details well researched. I Couldn't help but wonder if you've not had combat experience. Your commentary about the military especially Afghanistan is incredibly detailed And seemed reflective of somebody with 1st hand knowledge.

Along with everyone else thank you so much for a very well written story add to those of you who are detractors, Please relax get a massage

OK, again, not much going on in the third part either, all sort of predictable. A little too much sugar in the end.

Again, all of this is way too long for what it is, like 10 pages for something that could have been done in 5 with a little more care and a little less useless stuff.

The ovarian cyst and chemicals to "explain" behavior is just plain stupid. Why was that needed when there was enough trauma without any need for "extraneous" explanation.

Not bad.

So many authors on this site have zero idea how sexual trauma and extreme past sexual endeavors affect women. For some unknown reason they appear to think a woman can just change her stripes after a bit of therapy or some love from a good guy. Even with her medical induced nymphomania, a woman with this kind of past is going to be incapable of pair bonding. And I mean that literally as in it’s a documented phenomenon. People don’t like using the term damaged goods but the sad reality of the world is that she is and nothing will ever be able to change that. For all this site likes to rehabilitate former sluts, it is something that never happens in real life as they always revert to their old ways.

Also, what is the fascination with having the male characters be completely celebate when not in a marriage or refuse to break a marriage vow even if it isn’t their own. I’m not saying the men should be cheaters, rather I am saying if no one else respects the vows then why should they? The way these men are portrayed does not make them appear strong moral people, rather it makes them appear as timid and passive. Of course to make up for this, the author always tries to make them into a sexual god but that always comes across as forced and not believable.

I get that these stories are supposed to be fantasy and fiction, but these characters come across as caricatures rather than a look into a window of someone else’s life. This is why the best stories involve flawed men as well where the hero is himself not a perfect person.

Huh! Well, to paraphrase Shaw, Those who can, write. Those who can’t, bitch. Ignore the peanut gallery, Flavian, it’s a very good story. Hell, Hemingway would’ve been ripped to shreds around here.

Haha I can imagine the first time the author found his wife fooling around.

"I can't help it Flavian! They've just found out I have an ovarian cyst!"

"Oh? Oh! Well, carry on then!" Thinks: "I'll insert this real condition in my story!"

Wonderful story beautifully crafted and excellent.

Their editing team has really outdone themselves on this story. I know that if I were you I would be equally grateful for all that they've done they have really really helped the story a lot. I think it's wonderful when a writer can create a beautiful concept and then other people helping throw it out to really bring the story to life.

For those negative comments on your story as one man wrote below even Hemmingwat would have been shredded on this site

Too many inconsistencies for me to really enjoy. The two that got me skimming through the second and third chapters came in the first chapter.

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The main character is brutalized in Simonton, but in the opening scene doesn't realize he's there. Haaaaaaaaaaa. Haaaaaaaaaa. A normal person, not a fictional idiot like the main character here, would forever remember that area. He would avoid it, taking detours both to keep from encountering any of his abusers and to avoid memories of his trauma.

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A super brave, highly skilled soldier with plenty of motivation never goes man hunting? Do you not know how easy it is to murder people? The mob does hits on high ranking Mafia captains in neighborhoods controlled by the mafia. Political figures have been gunned down in D.C. neighborhoods - crimes unsolved to this day. There was a hit in my small, southern town on a prominent man of the community who got in big with gamblers. Some guy drove into town, pulled up to the target's house, walked up to the front door, knocked, then shot the main target as he opened the door, followed by the target"s guest who just happened to be visiting that evening. Both the main target and guest were shot in the chest and then the head. The hitman then walked back to his car and drove away. Cops estimate it was probably no more than three minutes from the time the guy pulled up to the house until he was back in his car driving away. The shooter was neither caught nor even identified. So now consider how much damage a sufficiently motivated man with a grudge could do with a rifle and a beat up pick up truck to a group of small town gangstas. But our main character, despite having all the motivation in the world, does nothing. Sounds like a weak assed wimp to me.

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Like I said, I skimmed the rest of the story, more out of curiosity than enjoyment. I'll just ditto Siamnuke's comments regarding the actual, real impact of gang rape and forced prostitution and the unrealism of the wimpy main character's ridiculous celibacy. This author seems to believe that male chastity is the cure all for female sluttiness. I have no response to that level of delusion.

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I understand suspension of disbelief, but if you are going to write something this unrealistic, put it in sci fi and fantasy where it belongs.

Couldn't get past page one of part 3, this story just keeps getting more painful and senseless to read. Ugh! Less than ⭐.

The guy remembers to take his M4 on a little bird, but forgets his Kimber in the most important "take-down" of his life??? Too much bullshit to make a ridiculous story work.

Heck of a tale! The good guy wins, and has a second child with the love of his life, after she saves him and he saves her. Nothing wrong with that.

A good tale. I loved it.

Saying so, I do not believe it:s more than a tale. Too many things just can't be.

Ruthanne lost her mind, I do not believe it's because of phisical conditions which were miracly solved. Anyway she will need years of therapy.

How did they think she is infertile if she had a child?

How did Naomi recover from her continues rapes?

It was a 5 ( with a few head shakes) until the end, when it all fell apart as the author drove the story onto the rocks of a maudlin and painfully contrived reconciliation,

Don’t do that! 3 stars

3 stars only because he let ruthanne take the bullet where his alertness for being a soldier of all things.

I despite writers who are incapable of self editing. They are always narcissistic dick breaths.

I enjoyed the story. The deus ex machina at the end with the genetic matching was a little too contrived and pulled me out of suspension of disbelief.

Good story. Not sure that all the neurotransmitter elevation after the second gang rape after Mara was born or the ovarian cyst (increased hypersensitivity) was necessary. She had been raped multiple time and held hostage by Boyd for like five years, four in marriage to the psychopath. Seems to over trivialize her emotional suffering. Could have left one or both of the physical factors out. Let her PTSD and untreated rape percussions be the reason for her behavior. It adds tension. Can she get better? Get effective therapy and medication? Will she get the itch? Or more likely will she still devote herself to her man, the only man that ever gave her orgasms and love? The preacher is a conundrum. He knew his wife was being raped by Herman. He knew his daughter is dealing with horrible demons. He has a concealed carry permit for a handgun. Yet did zilch. He let his wife be raped for years? He could have plotted from the inside and talked with Sam or someone else to distract or get RuthAnne to join them. Then executed Herman while fucking his wife. God would look differently on such a violent act given the circumstances. As a side note I don't see how the ovarian cysts affect hypersensitivity of Ruth. She has never had an orgasm except the times with the MC. She has desire, it's payback, she has low self esteem, etc And to the commenters who think she is not worth a reconciliation... Recon what? She did nothing wrong. This is about starting over in a terribly, dark story of twisted romance. Great study 5++++ !!!

Overall, very good but just way too long.

Great story. Intense. Ruthanne did nothing wrong. She survived repeated rapes the only way she knew how. What I didn't buy was her father and mother standing pat with letting Herman rape her mother repeated while living in their house. He had a concealed carry permit. His wife clearly knew how to use a gun. What is Boyd going to do to them once they get fed up with the regular rapes? Kill RuthAnne? Kill Mara? Bullshit. Kill one or both of them? Sure. He might. But then he loses RuthAnne, whether right away or via physical violence. Not to mention if it was my wife and daughter and granddaughter in this guy's clutches, I would plan to kill Boyd, but first kill Herman as he raped my wife. Then Kill Biyd or go out swinging.

Calling a brutal gang rape non-consensual sex is like calling victims of sex trafficking illegal aliens.

This is a good series but it reeks of too many war stories, too many "Gee, look what I know!" factoids and too much irrelevant back story. Tom Clancy only included details like this when they were germane to the plot. Writing like this comes off as pretentious on one end and silly frat-boy bonding on the other. The good, creamy center where good writing and enjoyable reading lives is seldom seen. The litmus test? When you begin to bore the reader with a too-complex, hard-to-follow plot line and too much slow-moving, rambling section. Finally, never, ever, ever have a character refer to his penis as, "Little (His Name). That's an automatic Man Card forfeit. Truly, your editors are not up to it as evinced by their own bloated works. Get a real editor, clean this up with literary prejudice, and it's commercial grade.

Very nice indeed. Thanks, Flavian, for a great story. And unlike ‘some’ people, I actually enjoyed the military parts of it. And I liked that Boyd and his three stooges got at least some of what they deserved. Again, thanks for the great story. It’s certainly 5 star worthy.

Very well done!