by NonStopFunGuy
way to long for a single submission and way to slow developing, couldn't finish reading it
Perfectly slow and tantalizing build up to a crashing climax. The story that is. Well, me too!
Like any good lovemaking session, the foreplay's the thing! Your skillful use of interior dialogue to build sexual tension for the main character swept me right along with her.
Suspense is the art of making someone wait for what they already know is going to happen. Possibly the most suspenseful novel ever written is Pride and Prejudice. The reader knows that Darcy and Elizabeth will eventually get together, but Austen makes you wait, and wait ....
In every scary movie, the audience knows that the hatchet/knife wielding fiend is upstairs but it is the slow way the soon-to-be-dead teenager climbs those stairs that makes your heart race in anticipation. Only after every room has been searched (with the audience biting their fingernails the whole time) does the boogie-man leap from the heretofore overlooked closet and blood sprays across the screen.
Climax: The point of greatest intensity or force in an ascending series or progression; a culmination.
The superb manner in which you built "an ascending series or progession" of sexual tension, deserves a hearty, "Well Done!"
... and thanks for the great culmintiion too ;-) !
The build up was realllly long. I nearly gave up after page 2. I decided to skim over the rest until I got to the actual sex stuff. That part is good.
but it was a little too long to keep my interest. Next time, try a couple chapters. It's easier on the reader for somthing that is essentially a stroke story.
This story was amazingly idiotic, from beginning to end. Sadly, I read it through - but, in my defense, it was like watching a train wreck take place word by word. "Could this possibly get worse?" I just had to know.
If you insist on keeping this story, at least cut out everything between the first and last pages. It's fodder that serves no useful purpose.
This boring teenage chick's interior monologue gets old after page one. For Christ's sake, get to the fucking point.
Sue
Maybe people should not be so quick to get to the point. It took me a while but it was worth every second.
i thought the writer did a good job of prolonging the teasing til they both couldnt stand it anymore. perhaps right that the second session could have been broken into another chapter. Hope to see more
Well done, even though I'm not wild about your language during their lovemaking. I never call my baby a bitch...my fuckslut, but not bitch. Bad connotations to that word, at least to us.
Luther
Loved it! The start was a bit on the long side, I started skimming through it after a while, but after that I absolutely loved it. The fucking was delicious, made me wish I was Kat!
My gosh, I was so hard during the entire storytelling it hurt. First the car/motel. Then the pool. And then that whole elongated scene in the motel room was so freaking hot. I wish the father had been more reluctant, and the daughter seduced him almost against his will, but that's a personal preference. Great job with this. I understand the length wasn't to everyone's taste, but I thought it was great.
A gem of a story. Great build up, good detail and hot, hot.
Will stand up to being read again and again.
I can't believe some people didn't like this story. I read every delicious word of it and loved it. The prolonged buildup and teasing was just great. This is one of the best stories I have read on this site and I thank the author for posting it.
-Kate
this is one of the best lead-ups that i've read. not just a straight jump into the sex scenes. great work!
At first I was kinda wanting it to get to the point, but im glad it had a build-up. Makes me wish i had a hot daughter!
That was a wonderful story, I really loved the long teasing which made the fuck much hotter!
I'm looking forward to read all your stories!
I loved the slow build up. I was dripping wet by the end.
I just wish my daddy was like yours, hmmmm. I look forward to reading lots more of your stories. Keep them cumin....
this story was absolutly PERFECT! and incredibly hott!!
Awesome work. Made me dripping wet, and thats usually hard to do! You certainly have a way with words!
This was a tad on the long side (no pun intended), but it was one of the best of this kind of story on Literotica that I've read!
i saw the length, and was like, woah, screw that.
but because i had to read the first page to get to see how many pages there are, it was fine.
ur story is fookin great, i was forcin myself to keep my hands on the keyboard, but in the end you won.
a great story.
now i shall look for more by you.
This is what seperates Good porn from cheap porn.
in cheap porn its usually just the fucking, nothing else, no extra words, no descriptions, just the essentials a bed, two persons (or more) and a lot of fucking.
good porn is much more, its a story, a great long build up that makes you WANT the climax, and only serves to sweet it, since you can in a way, relate better to the people in the story, i could relate a helluva lot more to Kat then if i had just read the last 3 or 2 pages.
When people get all "to long" and "to boring" just remember, you write stories, not scripts for cheap porn movies.
Keep up the fantastical good and amazing work, i love this, aswell as your other submissions.
-The great Dane
It's nice to see a story with substance! Great work on writing this! One of the better ones I've read on here!
this is the best story that i have read on this site to date look forward to reading more from you loved the long slow build up it was great.
I haven't been this wet in a long time just from reading a story ... normally, I get a little aroused, but fuck you made me hot! I love all the dirty talk! Take a bow baby!
Oh! I was so engrossed in reading,for the whole time I thought myself to be Kat! now both my pussy and fingers are sore and tired...damn good story... thanks
cocks--When I was one (virgin or recent virgin that is) any erect cock thrilled me to death--Or rather excited me into orgasm
The build up seemed long but once you got me there I was ready ready...my pussy was dripping thinking about his big cock, aching for him to notice her and want her as much as I wanted his cock in me!!! Thanks for the FUN!!!
My hand was buried in my pussy the whole time i was reading this story! Very hot! Thankyou!
you got me soaking wet, i couldnt keep my hands off my pussy while reading this
Loved it...my bed is wet, my hands are soaked...had to get my toy out....saw fireworks...lol...
Wow this story was so good almost got caught pleasuring myself at work
My fingers are so wet right now. Reminded me of how much I loved it when my Daddy fucked me, and how I loved to tease. Write more sweetie!!
I often have these thaughts. Very well written BRAVO!! I'm sure my girlfriend masterbates tot his every night with her huge dildo. She loves Incest/Taboo stories. I'm sure something like this happened to her, but won;t admit it. Says she don't like father/daughter stories but I know differently!!! Just want her to be honest with me.
¡Well written! The first few pages of this story describe exactly what it is like to be around a person who incredibly arouses you and not being able to do anything about it. The last few pages are reward enough since they relieve that clawing feeling - in a very satisfying manner, I might add.
Wow! Super sex! The resale value of that bed is going to be nil. The tantalizing sexual tension and psychology are very well described, especially from the daughter's hormones' (or whore moans') point of view. His eager leap into it is immature and way too sudden. And I wish I saw more of the deep familial amity which must underlie the raging lust. Does either of them give a rat's ass about dear old Mom? Still, it is three-alarm, five-star sex.
Obviously written for the more literate and sophisticated reader. Those who didn't appreciate the excruciatingly sexy build up had the option, as some mentioned, of skipping the parts which they found so boring (and which I found so thrilling.)
Bravo NonStopFunGuy---I think I'm in love.
This was a great story. Had me hot and bothered the entire way thru. Keep up the good work.
I had to start and stop reading this twice, I was so hot and bothered by it! Needless to say, it took me 3 times to finish and the carpet is a little stickier, lol. Very well written. I loved how it built up, the sexual tension and lust. I have shared this story with 3 "daddy's girls" and they all loved it too! I can't wait to see if you wrote more and read them too....please continue writing!
sitonmyfacebaby@gmail.com
Faaaar too long, i had to skip 80% of the story, was just too boring!
Don't get me wrong, i am all for slow build ups and character developement in stories, but this one was ridiculously slow!
I saved the story, re-edited it to about 30% the size and it was a much better story all over with a much better pace and it did not feel rushed or anything!
Plzz give a thought to pacing your story, and also, pointing out the obvious in that the girl is young, horny and with a firm body in every other sentence is not hot, it simply gets boring!
The buildup is why your writing is so hot!Keep it up! I would like more anal and edgey sex-use your imagination, but keep writing!
Sooooo Goood! Now Daddy needs to take her ass too and make it his!
The nonsense with the body lotion was totally, totally boring. This story is really boring as hell except for the actual sex scenes. What was nonsense with the guy at the pool? Nothing came of it. She looks at her father's giant (wow!) cock every other paragraph.
Susie
Laguna Beach
YOU KNOW I HAVE TO AGREE WITH SUSIE FROM LAGUNA BEACH THIS IS A LONG BORING STORY ABOUT FUCK ALL NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG I LIKED
THE SEX PARTS OF IT BUT THERE WERE A FEW PLACES THAT WERE NOT WORTH READING YOU COULD SHORTEN THIS UP QUITE A BIT,AND PAGES 5,6,&7
I DON'T LIKE THE NAME CALLING AND ABUSE AS DADDY IS ALOT BIGGER THAN
KAT SO YOU CAN CUT THAT OUT ANYTIME ,I'M ABOUT TO START ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR STORYS AND IF ITS THIS BAD I WILL KNOW HOW TO READ THEM OR NOT AT ALL I GAVE THIS STORY A 4 STARS ONLY BECAUSE OF THE SEXY PARTS AT THE BEGINING OF THE STORY.........................."R"..................................
The story should have been edited down to fewer pages. Unless the length of the story was some sort of clever metaphor for the massive 8" long Daddy cock, there was no need for all that extra fluff. However it was well written fluff that had me very wet and my hand buried between my legs:) It totally redeemed the boring parts and make me want to take the time to comment. Typed this shit on my iPhone too. Keep up the good work! :)
This story drags, seriously, way to much. You go on and on and for the length bore the reader before even getting to any major point. Give it up or be more concise.
i like how there was an actual lust build up to this story, not just a father daughter fucking...by the way , i notice the huge amount of females leaving coments and now i realise, us men arent the only ones that think about incest...
thanks for this great build up before the actual act...
There seems to be many unhealthy writers on this site. Asylums for insane would do well to look for their inmates on this site. "1*" !
made me sooo wet and made me cum. loved it write another story sequel. would loved to get fucked by a daddy.
This is one of the best stories i have read on here and ive read quite a few. Loved the built up to the sex not just 3 lines into the story they are having sex. It made me so horny im gonna have to play with my pussy till i cum...maybe a couple times.
in diesem Fall hat es sich gelohnt, die Geduld zu bewahren. Eine sehr gute Geschichte!
Looks like most of the comments saying it's too long came from males and most of the comments saying it was just right came from females.
Hey guys, doesn't that tell you something?
I'd venture to guess that the guys who thought it was too long mostly don't, or haven't, had a lot of sex, and especially repeat sex. I know there will be some exceptions but I would expect they would be a very small number.
Oh yeah, I forgot to say it was a very HOT story, I really enjoyed it, EVERY page of it.
Yeah, for the people who thought it too long, I disagree. I pulled me in. When I saw it was 7 pages, I thought I might be skipping to 'the good bits', but I read word-for-word. A few typoes, that would be nice, fixed, but heck, it was a gorgeous story.
Wow! What a great story! I'm so turned on that as soon as this comment posts I'm going to climb on top of my daddy and show him how wet and hot this story made me. Awesome! Thank you
"Really?" Kat smiled, knowing she wasn't weird for masturbating two or three times a day, even on school days. "Me too, you won't have to ask, just fuck me anytime Mom's not around!"
@@@ hehehe, sounds like me from about the age of thirteen to ...ummmm...uuuuhhh...hmmmm... Well a long time anyway ;) @@@
Well the end section was kinda long, but otherwise it was just great! :)
I gave up. This is way, way too long and going nowhere. This desperatly needs extensive editing. 7 pages? Should be 2 or 3.
Just like the other story I read about Caitlyn and "Daddy", I gave up after page 2. WAY TOOOO MUCH DETAIL of boring stuff. I guess I can delete you from my list of "authors" to read. Yes I like a build up but 7 pages?? Time to move on and find someone who can hold my interest.
As others have commented, too much character development for a story of Daddy-Daughter incest. It was interesting to read about Kat oogling her Daddy's hard cock, but that's not what I'm looking for in a fuck story.
The second time she looks over at her Daddy's hard cock in his sweatpants or shorts, she needs to reach over and lightly stroke it to make him cum in his pants, then lick up all the cum.
The last couple of pages were much better, after Kat comes out of the bathroom in her thong and gets Daddy to admit he's hot for her.
an ongoing debate, but I am half-way through page 4 and have found the slow build up to the sex here well done. The use of changing locales, presence of third parties, I am thinking of the pool, and expression of Kat's casual attitude towards partners in the past created an array of scenarios that gave the process enough movement to keep it interesting. The author pulled off the difficult, make the slow dance towards sex an act of sex itself.
The "slowness" of the story is like a buildup and constant tease, the anticipation of when the action happens. Would love to see a sequel where they have a threesome with Kaeli and Kat loses her anal virginity as well!
Literally one of the best of this genre I've ever read. Reread it dozens of times. At first I thought it was too long as well, now I think each section is unique and interesting enough from the others to stay engaging.
I mostly liked this story, it was pretty hot with the build-up and when the action started. I like a slow build-up but this was a bit too long. I also wonder about a dad calling his daughter a bitch? And since I don't like hairy pussies I didn't like being reminded several times of Kat's pussy being hairy.
called her a bitch he's a cunt then told her to shave ? must like prepubescent girls or porn stars who shave because it's easier to clean the cum off between takes
loved it until I found out he was fucking someone else and wanted to share Kat with her and then the bitch thing was too much.
Take this story further. I know this story was written in 2005. It is a hot story and to this day, in 2021, the story has resurrection potential. Since she has a great body and is really cute and seems to be a willing exhibitionist, I can think of several ways to breathe new life into sequel stories. I love the older guy with a "much younger girl" theme. She's an adult who looks younger than her actual age, but even at 18 y.o., she is still underage for a bar. Dad could slip the bouncers of a strip club a few bills to overlook her age; get an alcoholic drink or two containing an aphrodisiac into her and show her off and allow for some guest photography . The guys would love this little hottie. Another scenario would be one where he has a buddy that he owes a favor to; this guy is a glamour-boudoir photographer . .. Dad sets her up for a photoshoot for what she thinks is to be her h.s. senior portrait photos. She is unaware she will be displayed before a male audience that dad has invited to the party. A couple of laced drinks and she is willingly following commands and posing like the model her dad wants her to be . . or another scenario, he takes her with him to visit some of his coworkers who are having a little get-together and tells her they have a pool and so he gets her into a really revealing swimsuit he bought her specifically for the occasion and has her wear it to the party; he doesn't tell her that not only is she going to be the youngest girl there but she will be the only girl there. :-). Things are bound to get suggestive and out of hand, especially with the music and the alcohol . . . you know. . . chicks on booze and all. --- Anyway, just some thoughts. I am sure you can come up some good renditions without my input. :-)
She is a true bitch. He fucked her pussy so hard, and she still want more
I know and understand this so well.
My dad's huge cock is the one by which I have judged and measured every other cock. No man has ever gone as deep or wide in stretching my pussy as his did and does. None is more satisfying. Knowing that his huge purple tip is kissing the deepest part of me and opening me up, and feeling that love tool massaging my pussy clutching walls is almost more than a woman can take. He gives me multiple intense orgasms. I was 30 years old and married, but my husband could not satisfy me. We had been married three years. I went to visit my dad and slowly seduced him. I have never had more amazing orgasms nor gotten wetter than the past 10 years with him. We live 20 miles apart, and spend portions of 3-4 days a week together.
I couldn’t read past page 2.. you obviously have no clue about anything. A man with priapism is in a life threatening condition.. the southeastern portion of the us is covered by mountains … the breast stroke is one of the most energy intensive stokes and causes a lot of splashing… I realize this is fictional but if you’re going to write, get the story right.
Excellent creative writing, "couldn't put it down"! And so close to real life (from my experience) although a few more negatives could have been included to highlight the positives - they can get somewhat petulant and have tantrums too!!