Keeping a Secret

The burn at the tip of my cock was the most sobering thing I'd felt all morning. I had to take my hands away. Any longer and my boxers would have been painted with cream. I gawked at myself, amazed at just how hard I'd gotten. I stared blanky at the PC on my desk, wondering how I'd gotten so deep. It was difficult to even see Alex there. I saw a gorgeous girl, barely clothed, sucking a dildo and squeezing her tits through her shirt. I found myself wishing she were doing that to me....

A sound reverberated throughout my house. The annoying alarm buzzed and blurted from the next room over. I blinked, looking up at the girl on the monitor in my office with the dildo in her mouth. Reality came spiraling down on me. I needed to get ready for work. And there was Alex, dressed as a girl with huge tits, sucking a dildo while words appeared on the screen around him. A gnawing feeling pleaded for me to stay there, to rip away my boxers and stroke myself silly to my coworker.

My coworker.

The next thirty minutes were a blur. The heat of the shower, the gathering of the things that belonged in my pockets, my blank gaze into the microwave at the cup of processed eggs that spun like a music box ballerina... it all passed me by like a dream. Before I realized that I'd fulfilled my routine, I was climbing into my car and buckling my seat belt.

Just one glance down brought everything rushing back to me. The gaming rig sat in the passenger seat, dark and lifeless, hiding so many secrets. I went through the scenario again, replaying what I'd planned to say, thinking over how natural I would act.

Never admitting to the secrets I'd already stolen.

****

I avoided Alex the entire day.

It wasn't as if the two of us crossed paths that often. He usually stocked shelves and ran cash registers and that sort of thing. I dealt with trucks and ran a fork lift in the back. Besides, the superstore truly was a superstore, a sprawling building that filled with people daily. It was fairly easy not to run into Alex most days. Typically the guy never crossed my mind.

I could think of nothing but Alex.

Under different circumstances I might have sought him out immediately to let him know that I'd fixed his computer. However, I was not ready to see him. It was too weird, and I had no idea how to approach him. The obvious thing to do was return the computer and say nothing about what I'd discovered and act as though I hadn't prowled through his private files.

I tried to keep my mind on work, offloading trucks outside and steering the forklift through the mountainous aisles like always. A fog cloaked my mind. I felt exhausted and spacey, unable to truly focus on what I was doing. I powered through this, as it was pretty dangerous to drive pallets around in a daze. My stupor allowed my mind to drift too easily at any spare moment, though.

It didn't even feel like I was thinking of Alex. I kept seeing a gorgeous girl with black hair and huge tits. The face that kept surfacing in my mind was so feminine and sleek, with perfect makeup and plush painted lips. My thoughts would drift to her body, her panties.... My brain would go reeling back to reality then, as it made the connection between that beautiful body and the guy that dropped his computer off at my house.

Both shame and excitement coiled inside of me when I thought of how I'd touched myself while clicking through those pictures. Fluffy pink words kept materializing in my head.

I can't wait to be blackmailed. This is how I'll keep my secret safe.

A wicked part of my mind irrationally believed that exact video clip was meant for me to find it. Maybe it was the reason I hadn't given the PC back to Alex....

No. That was stupid. I just didn't know how to handle the situation yet.

The day wore on and I left work to grab lunch. I wasn't really hungry, but I needed to get out of the place for a while. I certainly didn't wanna run into anyone in the break room. I wound up at a local sub shop sitting at a table alone eating a sandwich, when my phone started to vibrate in my pocket.

Of course, it was Alex.

I stopped eating, wondering how to proceed. But why? Why didn't I just tell him I had his computer? I stared at the screen of my phone, able to see the person in the dark reflection staring back at me. The message awaited me on the screen. I knew somewhere on the other end of that message, Alex was awaiting my reply, oblivious to the perverse thoughts in my head.

I couldn't stop picturing her body... his body. The pale thighs spread open in my head, a bare set of ass cheeks jutting out behind while he bobbed his head toward the wall. A twitch in my pants reminded me of how I'd rubbed myself while watching the clips.

I blinked, tapping the screen to send a reply. The cursor in the text box just blinked back at me. The haze had never really left my mind. I still felt weak. It was as if my body was polluted by the things I'd seen, and it was poisoning my thoughts. Puffy pink letters kept flashing behind my eyes. I glanced over my shoulder. There was no one nearby in the sandwich shop. I navigated to my picture gallery on my phone and found the most recent additions.

I found the pictures I'd stolen from Alex's computer.

I hadn't dared look at them at work. I still felt some measure of shame even seeing pictures of Alex dressed as a girl on my phone. I was supposed to give the PC back. I was supposed to be done with all of this. I was supposed to only look at the pictures at night. It was stupid to even steal them. Now I was thinking of something even more horrible.

This is how I'll keep my secret safe.

I added one of the photos to the message in the feed. A shiver ran through me just from glimpsing the picture of Alex squatting in the floor with his pale thighs spread apart, his beautifully painted face frozen in silent ecstasy as his colored fingernails caressed the shape in his panties. Before I could talk myself out of it, I typed a few words beneath the picture and sent the message.

Immediately, my heart froze in my chest. I recoiled from the split second decision I'd made. The message was sent. The picture loaded into the feed, then was permanently plastered in among the other texts. For the longest time I was still, petrified by what I'd done. I read the message I'd sent Alex over and over, knowing that Alex was reading it with a similar reaction in that very instant.

"Do you know her?"

My pulse sounded like thunder in my ears. Regret filled my entire body, and I couldn't steady my breathing. Did I really just do that? Staring at the phone in disbelief, a million agitated thoughts buzzed through my skull like a hive of bees. I sent the message. I sent him one of the pictures. Alex would know that I had them on my phone! How could I be that stupid? I'd dodged him the entire day just to expose what I'd been doing on his computer in minutes.

I tried to think of why I'd truly even done it. The only thing that kept resurfacing in my mind were those pretty pink letters from the video.

Even though I cursed myself for going this route, an electric excitement coursed through my every limb. My vile curiosity was pulling me deeper. I wondered what Alex must be thinking. I stared at the time display on my phone, chewing my lip and thinking of what Alex might say.

I waited, staring at my phone for the rest of my lunch break. I realized Alex wasn't going to text back.

I was trembling when I climbed into my car in the parking lot. Rubbing my eyes, I tried to come to grips with what I'd done. I felt so off. The fog in my mind wasn't going away. I couldn't believe what I'd done, any of it. I could only imagine how Alex felt, seeing his private life had been infiltrated. I'd made things so much worse, as if seeing Alex again wasn't going to be awkward enough.

Eventually, I'd have to give the PC back to him. I could only imagine how that would go now. Even as the dread filled me, I could still feel the tingling excitement that accompanied me. As I drove away from the sandwich shop and made my way back to work, I could not ignore the erection that was pressing against my pants.

What was wrong with me?

****

The work day was drawing to a close, and I had not heard from Alex the entire time. I'd checked my phone every ten minutes, or so it seemed. He hadn't responded, nor had I seen him at work all day. I couldn't even be sure he was even scheduled to work at all. I did my best to ignore the situation, but there was a chill in my chest that spread its icy tendrils out through my body.

I was finishing up inventory check in the giant warehouse in the back of the store. The shelves towered over me, and I stood alone with a clipboard making sure I hadn't missed anything. The list in front of me continued to blur in my vision. I couldn't wait to be home. I went through the motions and traveled the lonely aisles, marking off pallet after pallet of goods from my list.

"It's fixed then, right?"

I spun to meet the meager voice behind me.

Alex stood in the aisle several feet away. Hot waves of surprise washed across my skin. I hadn't even heard him walk up.

I was dumbfounded. "D-do what?"

He shifted his weight, his fingers busily picking at one another near his stomach. I saw the uniform vest he normally wore was draped over his wrist. Alex must have been off the clock and ready to leave. His eyes peered out at me from behind his black hair. He looked like an animal braced to run at the first sign of danger.

"If... if you got it to come on," Alex said again, "then it's fixed, right?"

It took me a few seconds to register what Alex was referring to. I was still a bit shocked to see him right there, especially after what I'd sent him. I had to gather myself. I tapped the clipboard with my pen, trying to appear calm and cool, while my heart was galloping against my sternum.

"Yeah, it's fixed," I told him. I swallowed hard. "Turned out to be something simple. No worries there."

I did my best to keep my voice an even tone. Alex chewed his lip, his eyes darting away from my gaze repeatedly. I used this to bolster my own demeanor and tried to appear casual and confident.

Alex crossed his arms, glancing behind him to see if anyone was nearby. He took several brisk steps toward me until we were only a couple of feet apart. His shoulders were hunkered when he leaned in to speak.

"Why did you go through my stuff?" Alex hissed.

I stared at him. I could see the worry and outrage in his eyes, traced by the faded outline of eyeliner that wouldn't completely wash away. I saw her there, and it gave me pause. His lips weren't painted. His hair was long for a guy but not like it was in those photos. The white shirt he wore was tight and hugged his chest, where of course I saw no bulging breasts.

I smirked at him, using every bit of my pause to conjure up an answer. I shrugged.

"Found it by accident," I lied. "Had to make sure stuff was working and one of the windows was left open."

I saw the horror wash down Alex's face. He glanced over his shoulder again. I kept my composure, determined to see where this would go, while simultaneously screaming at myself inside.

"Look, please, please," Alex blurted, moving closer, "don't tell anyone! Gavin, please don't! I... I can pay you f-for fixing the computer! Whatever you want!"

I stared at him for a few seconds. My common sense was begging me to end the charade just tell him I'd give the computer back and keep my lips sealed. Instead I paused yet again. In that moment, Alex hesitated, too. I saw his expression shift, as though his thoughts dove to the same place mine did. It was the briefest of looks we exchanged. Alex's face flushed with color, and his lips closed as if to keep himself from uttering another word.

I mustered my nerve.

"What do you mean, whatever I want?" I pressed.

I was just as nervous as Alex clearly was. He stared back at me, his eyes finally able to remain fixed with mine. There was a flash of recognition between us. I could tell he saw me differently, even if it was for a second. I couldn't help but picture his features in another setting, back-lit by a purplish glow.

Alex blinked and he stepped forward, nearly face to face with me. I held my breath. Something fell away in his eyes, and I felt him uncross his arms and reach down. Two of his fingers found the belt line of my pants, and they slipped just inside the warmth, tugging gently down. I didn't move or react. I was petrified. For a second I thought I saw Alex shiver. His eyes slowly lowered from mine just before he quickly licked his lips. His fingers slowly wriggled, inches away from--

"Hey, Gav! You back here?"

The sound of another person's voice broke the silence, causing Alex to recoil. The two of us turned to see one of our coworkers, Darren, step around the corner of the aisle.

"Yeah!" I called back.

I lifted the clipboard so as not to appear awkward. Truly I felt as though I would collapse into pieces. Alex crossed his arms and shrank into himself. The older man jerked his thumb over his shoulder toward the front of the store.

"Hey, I think we found that pallet of bleach up front," Darren told me. "Your pal O'Brian went ahead and trucked it out to the floor."

I sighed, mostly relieved, and for many reasons. I shook my head.

"Yeah, I'll grab it," I said.

Alex took the opportunity to duck away and hurry past Darren back through the warehouse. As he left, I felt something inside of me sink, though I wasn't sure why. I watched Alex go, my mind still spinning from moments ago. Darren stared at him as well, turning back to me with an inquisitive look.

"What did 'Tickle-me-Emo' want?" Darren asked.

I snickered, if only to act natural.

"He's, uh, trying to get his computer fixed," I said. "I was just letting him know what was wrong with it."

Darren scoffed. "Probably infested with all kinda weird porno."

****

I stared out the windshield blankly for the entire drive home. Outwardly I was limp and exhausted. Inwardly, I couldn't get myself to calm down. I was feverish, even though I didn't feel sick. My skin felt like melting ice but I couldn't get the cold pit to thaw in my chest. That look he'd given me... his fingers were so close....

I pulled into the driveway, tugged the shifter into park, then glanced down as I unfastened my seat belt. I froze for a second, then sighed when I realized that Alex's PC was still in my car. It was the catalyst for all of this and I had somehow forgotten all about the thing. Apparently so had Alex, or either he was terrified to approach me again. I felt embarrassed for him, and a part of me felt like shit for taking things this far.

I lugged the computer into my house and set it on my desk in my office. I didn't need the thing getting stolen or compromised in any way after all that had happened. Any other day, I'd have remained in my office working. Instead, I needed to take the edge off and relax. I kicked off my boots and went into my bedroom to change into something comfortable. I fetched a sleeveless shirt and a pair of thick sweats, changed, then made my way toward the kitchen.

Against my better judgement, which was suspect lately, I trudged over to the counter and poured myself a glass of whiskey. I eyed the bottle as I soaked up my first sip. No doubt that bottle was responsible for the haze I'd found myself in for much of the day. If so, then hair of the dog was exactly what I needed. I retreated into the dark living room, set the bottle on the coffee table, then sank into the cushions of my couch with glass in hand.

For a while I surfed through menus on the TV, blankly staring at the uninteresting drivel on the screen. I drained one glass and poured another. Before long I was flicking through my phone while some television show played to no audience in the background.

I really did try to ignore the thoughts that were swirling in my head. They were pulling me down into the dark, and eventually my trembling thumb found its way through several screens until I was looking at my photos again.

Alex's photos.

I still could not believe the way I'd acted today. I felt like a jackass for treating Alex that way. I barely knew him, but I could only imagine the turmoil he was going through. It felt cruel, and yet the longer I sat there looking through the pictures I'd stolen, the reasons for my actions became clearer to me. Staring at the girl with bouncy tits and an odd shape in her panties made the tough pill easier to swallow.

I wanted to see where it would go. I wanted to see if those puffy pink words were true. It was stupid. I wasn't even like that. And this had to be killing Alex to be outed this way.

The phone vibrated in my hand, and my heart nearly jumped into my throat. I quickly tapped the notification, eager to see what Alex said. It wasn't Alex. Dizzy was texting me wanting to get an update on the video I was editing, and that he had more material for the next one. With a bitter sigh, I texted him everything he needed to know, then set my phone aside and rubbed my palms through my eyes.

For the next hour or so, I blankly stared at the show on my TV, never seeing anything that happened on the screen. I kept thinking of Alex, the real Alex that had confronted me at work. I couldn't get that look out of my head. It was like we saw each other, just for a second, like we both... knew something. And what... what was he about to do? If Darren hadn't walked up, was Alex about to stick his hand in my pants? He'd been so close to me... would I have been so calm and cool then? His eyes had changed then, to her eyes.

I felt myself throbbing against my thigh beneath the thick sweat pants.

Just as I leaned forward to pour myself another crippling glass of whiskey, my phone went off beside me again. Another text message. I squinted at the screen expecting yet another misspelled mess of a text from Dizzy. I froze when I saw Alex's name on the screen.

"I still need my PC."

I set the glass down and clutched my phone with both hands, studying the words on the screen. My mind spun, trying to assign deeper meaning to the words, wondering what the person on the other end of the message could be thinking. It was simple, and cold. I debated with myself on how to respond. Again the sensible thing to do was agree to give him his PC at work the following day.

Something coiled inside of me, ready to strike. The warmth on my skin from the alcohol sank deeper, washing away any doubts I may have had.

I typed the words and sent them before I could chicken out.

"You could send HER to pick it up."

I set the phone aside, pouring myself another glass of whiskey. I couldn't even look at what I'd sent. It was the most blatant thing I'd said yet. I waited for agonizing seconds for a reply, sipping the burning drink while my thoughts whirled.

I sat in silence for a long time. No message came back. I checked my phone several times. The final message was my own brazen text, the dare that I'd made to Alex. Even as I stared at the words, I struggled to realize what I'd implied. Did I really mean that? In my mind, I tried to rationalize the things I was saying and doing by thinking that I was just joking around, or that I was merely teasing the situation to see what was happening. No one else that I knew would even entertain the idea of sending a text like that, or holding Alex's property like I was.

Something about those fluffy pink letters in that video clip stuck with me. A hidden part of me couldn't suppress the nagging question in my mind.

What if?

After a while, I realized that Alex wasn't going to respond. I must have sat there for an hour. At least, it felt that way. I checked my messages once more before climbing to my feet.