All Comments on 'Kyle and Melinda'

I have hopes you will write more to this story. It seems like this could be very very entertaining.

Very nice. Hot as hell but also about closeness. So hot!

Good start but we need more.

For me, the sex isn't half as interesting as what might transpire between Melinda and her fiance, the fiance and Kyle, etc. There's the promise of some absorbing, compelling conflict here. I hope you fulfill that promise.

Work on your dialog. It comes across as awkward and stilted. And there's an awful lot of it. You could easily have substituted some dialog for more "narration". And taking a more narrative approach would also have allowed you to flesh out the story with more details, especially visual and textual details.

This was obviously an amateur attempt, but you can't get better without practice. Consider this practice, and try again.

But spoiled by the crap about being on the pill

This is story land no real babies

B b b b boring!

Your story has many good possibilities and please work to open that up. It's hot when siblings want each other sexually. Some physical details about what they look like and other details will bring a stronger sensual image to readers. Since they have had sex now, show how they can go the distance and get better at it, etc. Please write another chapter soon and you will get better. Thanks !

What you have written is good, and very sensual. I hope in (the/any) sequels, you'll fill in the back-story: How much younger is Mel than Kyle? What has been their relationship growing up? How much sexual experience have each of them had (so there can be a comparison with their chemistry together)? That's what I mean by "bubbling underground." This is just a fuck-story, but there's so much more it could be! (And BTW, Thank You for not having an unbelievably large endowment on him.)

nice very nice