by CheeseCake4u
Good story, interesting and hot. Maybe a little too rough/harsh at spots, for example if they're selling the girls then whipping them bloody (and scarred) sounds a bad idea as does permanent alterations (if their master wants it they'll do it).
But other than that a nice self contained story, good job :)
5/5 stars
This is pretty well written, but I do believe it belongs in the BDSM section. It would have belonged in the non-consent section if she had not given up on escaping.
Your English is fine CC!! :)) but Laura's going all gush mush and gaga over a female slave trader captor Ben?!:o ;))..who trains her through quite intensive BDSM,24*7 restraints etc?!:o;))adapting so fast to a 24*7 BDSM slavery life after an utterly free one?!:o;)).....Way too over the top, super absurd!! ;));));));))
I thought this was very well done. As I know you are not a native English speaker I must advise you to eliminate the words penis and vagina from your vocabulary. Absolutely no one uses these words outside a classroom and reading them totally ruins the flow of your stories. Beyond that, you are quite good at this. Consider adding chapters to some of your stories.
I greatly enjoyed this story. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I needed to read it a second time to notice any faults in the writing (though I still didn't spot a lot).
I would love to read the story if you were to continue with these characters; perhaps they could be out somewhere and run into people she knew as Laura.
As I was reading this story In the first few chapters I was thinking that Bunny was going to out smart Ben and take control of him and he would be her slave in the end. That would be a great new story.
Preliminary comment: If the guy makes himself the Master by ENSLAVING the woman, thus depriving her of person hood , then why does he give it back to her by given her a name , such as BUNNY? This was the first stumble for the story and unfortunately a too common mistake. Bunny is a name! Therefore she is a person with a different name by being name, not a slave. If you have a master...Then on the other side you have a slave, very simply put.
Bunny or slut, or whatever can be used from time to time but not as a name but a qualifier. Not using slave destroy the whole necessary ritualistic talk for this type of story and its eroticism. After all, what is erotic about Bunny, anyway, used as a name. Where is the proof? Notice the bad guy tells her she is not a person anymore but does not say she is A BUNNY, but simply Bunny, a name.
Anyway, keep writing and improving. I agree with Wandering about this silly notion of quick auto-submission. She was complying from the very beginning not verbalizing anything that might try to given her information from the beginning or remotely intimidate her captor or merely verbalize her fears and panicking? It is only a natural human response.
I disagree with the previous comment that naming her bunny is too humanizing and therefore makes her not a slave. I would contend that the act of striping her of her human name and forbidding the use of the word "I" is not at all diminished by renaming her. Logistically speaking in a setting like this one where there are multiple slaves the trainers and suits would need some way to identify which slave they are discussing. I suppose a numbering system or Handmaids Tale-esque "Of-Ben" type identifier attaching slave identity to the trainer would work also but I prefer the renaming to bunny. People often name possessions ; cars, dolls, pets, and historically speaking, real slaves dating at least as far back as the ancient Greeks and Romans not to mention fiction ones common in modern vampire stories. I think the naming shoes ownership and control.
I thought this was a great story and I hope my Master will read it also. Bunny did submit quickly but given the constraints of a 5 page story it helps the narrative to move forward.
I did notice a few instances where you used "sighting" in place of "sighing" and once "now" instead of either "know" or "no" (I can't remember the context without looking back through the story). Maybe these were only typos but since you mention not being a native English speaker and asked for mistakes to be pointed out it seemed worth mentioning. Otherwise your english is wonderful, likely better than mine and it is my first language.
loved the story
Kitten ;)
Thank you so much for this story. It had all of the slave training kinks that I like, but then humanized every thing at the end. I loved it.
Very well written, even though there are some spelling issues.
Would have loved to read more of it.
Ofcourse you cannot read this category through the glasses of conscience. It is supposed to make you hard/wet and horny as hell. This one sure did. Obviously I don't wish it on anyone and strongly condemn sex slavery and all related crimes.
These are nothing but a huge black spot on humanity. I mean we have high intelligence yet some people are worse than worst of the wild animals.
Praying for a better and brighter future for the world free from these evil clutches so our children and grandchildren can lead the safe lives they deserve!!
As for this story, 5*s no doubt. Served it's purpose.
The story was very good, and if you still write these, and I’m not too late, I’d happily be a proof reader for you. It’s a very good story and it isn’t boring, but it also isn’t too short.
An extremely entertaining story! You have nothing to fear in the areas of quality and realism. Thank you for such an entertaining story
That was a refreshing story... Loved from the beginning to the end.
I want more. I loved this story so much and would love to read more about the two
Well written and enjoyable -- though (and this is strictly a personal preference-- would rather Ben watched her driven off, then comment something like - time to start looking for the next one
I know my Master has trained me to love pain as well as pleasure, it’s impossible to have one without the other for me to orgasm
This story kept me up forever,I couldn't stop,and now I'm super sore from all that masturbating