All Comments on 'Leaving It All Behind'

You took the story too far and too streamlined. You killed Joe, ok he was knocking boots with the man's wife. He had it coming. You killed John, ok he threatened the wrong daughter and PI. He had it coming. You introduced two mexicans with the sole purpose to kill David. That is when it was too much. Then there was the streamlining. The story went straight from plot point, to plot point. No build up, no drama, no character development was included in said story. Except for superficial tidbits. To me, I give this story a single star.

Too many characters, too over the top and speaking as an Australian, it's SYDNEY, not Sidney.

Won't be reading anything else you right.

Personally I don't like what happened to David at the end but that's just one of the very real things that can happen to a man in a foreign country who's at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was contemplating going back anyway and even though Joe is gone, other member might not be so willing to forgive and forget.

It's about a 2.5/5 for me, so I'll just give it a 3.

Was going to give it a 5 before got to end with David dying then it tanked. David should of ended back with the girl.

Still enjoyed it though, especially his lack of concern that she was cheating on him. Also, how is it that David knew who the local mobsters are when the PI clearly didn't?

and at the bitter end....it makes no difference,,,,,its bye bye///////TK U MLJ LV NV

Steven King (who knows a bit about writing) once advised 'kill your darlings'. I liked David but the story became much darker and grittier with his death. Your writing, while always good, has gotten noticeably better recently. I always smile when I see your name(s) on a new story. Thanks for writing. 5 stars. JPR

it belongs in non erotic. and it sucked. crappy ending too. *

Hi, thanks for the story I really enjoyed it. 5 stars from me!

Just shows how sick some peole are that enjoy a story like this on a sex site for Loving Wives.No stars

It never ceases to amaze me at these people bitching about one story about consequences ( not all deserved , but still yet believable ) on a site filled with so many simple stroke stories ! So many in fact , that you really have to search for those that aren't. Hummmm , kind of makes one wonder if there wasn't another reason for these protestations.

B&K , I always look forward to your posts, and I enjoyed this little thriller .

Thanks for sharing.

Loved reading this! Had my attention all the way through.

Didn't like how it ended for David but nice ride!

Private eyes and dark underbellies of society go together, but a little redemption makes the story fulfilling. Good writing style, no joy that I read it.

One of the very best last sentences on LW.

Its the one I wish I had written. 5*

Don't know how David could have a happy ending. I think you wrote it the only way it could go .

Everyone dies and the point of the story is what. Absolutely no need for the child rape, or was it just tontempting a chance to dangle child rape in everyone’s face? Such talented writers you two are, NOT, or as others have mentioned on the readers blog, two real sick puppies. God we can only hope you have no children.

#METOO mean anything to you ?

I managed to make it about halfway through the first page before giving up. What’s with all the cold-blooded murder in this category? Do you guys get off on that?

The nonchalant attitude of the husband in these stories always confuses me. If he doesn’t care about his wife having sex with another man, why should we? They’ve only been married for three years, so there isn’t much of an emotional investment there.

He cares so little about his wife that he shrugs his shoulders when he catches her, snaps a photo (WHY???), and heads to the “frig” to get a snack. No emotion whatsoever. But then, as soon as the other guy shows up, he suddenly launches into a murderous rampage. Say what??

This line, by the way, made me bust out laughing: “Well, cuck -- get the hell outta here before I bust you up. Your old lady and I have some unfinished business."

Anyone else hear Mr. T’s voice while reading that? LOL!!!

Wow swingerjoe take a lesson in writing

TWO other agencies couldn't find David in two MONTHS and she finds him in two WEEKS? Once she gave Bonetti the info, how long does it take for him to have David killed?

I think it's unfair that David is dead and Torrie lives!

He didn't "suddenly" launch into a murderous rampage, he was threatened!

There was no child rape, just the threat of it, and he paid for his threat!

the death of the husband? and the means was so disjointed. It was not connected to the plot whatsoever. all of a sudden create these two guys and they kill the gringo two paragraphs later. What about the girl in rome? you could have used her to create a happy ending after the mobster's death. I guess misery loves company, what a miserable ending to a sad miserable story.

If the wife was looking for the money, send her to europe and let her find the girlfriend. More chance for conflict. Now the girlfriend has a real name, and can track her lover. Let her hire Hank, and he saves the gringo.

So many ways to make the story better. You need to plot out your stories better, before you start writing. 2*

As usual the cheating wife gets away with what she did.

He was still on the run because he didn't know Benetti was no longer a threat. And he'd gotten himself trained in self defense. He would have been constantly on guard for Benetti's next move. And going to someplace where a white guy would stand out and be noticed, no way. He'd have gone from Catalonia to other European countries where he could blend in better.

*Sees that the husband reacts with near indifference to the events that are the entire dramatic kickoff of the story*

*Reads how he is the type of sociopath who marries a woman he does not respect or value, and who he dismissively denigrates as a slut*

*Notices multiple pages of story are left after our hero has lashed out in violence over a cartoonishly exaggerated line of dialog*

*Realizes life is fleeting, does not bother reading more*

The part about Mexico is pretty correct. Also, he would not have been so stupid. Believe me, once you are in that mode all the time, you pretty much are always in that mode. Also, anyone who has ever been into Mexico (resorts don't count) you will know it is a complete shit hole. No one with any experience would be in white zone, always in yellow if not red, all the time. I was.

You are a good writer, I thought the story was entertaining. I do like the real life stuff you write about a tad better, but this was good.

Decent story but I have to say I didn't like him killed at the end. 4*

To the anom who complained about the child rape. Read it again, the daughter was not raped, but the mere threat of it caused the asshole to be boiled alive. We can't be any clearer where our stand is on child abuse or rape. We would personally be in favor of castration, then hanging, of any person convicted of child rape (or child porn for that matter). There are some lines that should never be crossed. Clear enough?

As to David's death in the end. We knew the scores would be higher with a happy ending, but we didn't want a Hollywood ending to a crime story. What are the odds in real life? If life were always so pat, Steve McQueen would have beat cancer and wouldn't have died at 50. The tragedies of life make it messy, but like Karin's Bill, sometimes good things happen to good people - but unfortunately, not always.

Thanks,

Bill & Kate

Especially when he was supposedly living in constant fear of people he was sure were pursuing him intent on murder. And then to have him die by being knifed made for a heavy handed "the circle closes" kind of cliche. If he had to die randomly, an auto accident or some other more "it happens every day" kind of unrelated event would have been more plausible.

I liked most of it, but the ending pissed that away.

Wasn’t bad but the end was a let down. Story was too involved to have that simple ending. 271D

It didn't have to be a "flowers and light" happy ending. Why go back to him Hank took care of John at all? Or, just have him wandering, living a lonely existence,always looking over his shoulder?

Well so much for the idea all plots on LW are all alike. Only been reading here for a few years, but haven’t ran into this one outside the thriller genre. Some like to see the bad guys get theirs, some don’t; this is fiction, so I can take it either way. At least I don’t remember any personal insults thrown your way, so “Thanks Readers.”

B&K you are really goods writers, keep giving us something to grab our attention. Four stars from me. Thanks cd

but if you're been on the run from the mob, you don't ever stop "looking over your shoulder." That ending lost a lot of the story for me. Especially since using young locals for targeting and / or distraction is a technique as old as time.

No real focus

or main character.

Nothing to celebrate

or mourn.

No conclusion.

.

Cause it was going alright, nothing amazing, nothing OMG - it was a good story. Four stars worth. I didn't even mind you killing David...but the Epi, seriously? TOTAL CRAP! Why? Dropped it to a *** (at best)

Hank protects his friends and his daughter and Karin walks the high road by turning down the cheating wife's money and telling her to go stuff it.

The sympathetic characters are clearly Karin, Bill and Hank. Everyone else is just there for them to look for, to be threatened by, to kill or to be contemptuous of.

Dave is not written to be a sympathetic character. If he was, he would have married his wife believing her to be a faithful woman and been devastated when he learned she wasn't, Joe would have been the one who attacked Dave with the knife and Dave would have killed Joe only in self defense and/or by accident. Dave isn't any better a person than Torrie or the Benettis and doesn't deserve to come out of it any better than they do.

Hank is the hero of this story, not Dave. Dave is just the McGuffin.

instead of going to shithole countries in central America.

"Karin walks the high road by turning down the cheating wife's money and telling her to go stuff it." - It wasn't simply refusing her money. Karin WOULD have taken the money if it was just to return Dave's body. But that isn't what Torrie really wanted. She wanted the money that Dave took.

"Dave is not written to be a sympathetic character." - I disagree. Was he foolish to marry the wrong woman yes, but he still didn't deserve to be humiliated like he was. He DID kill Joe only in self defense as John came at him swinging the lamp. Even if you want to say that John was only threatening him, to say that Dave isn't any better a person than Torrie or the Benettis and doesn't deserve to come out of it any better than they do is much too harsh. Did TORRIE deserve to come out better than any of them? She was the cheater, she lied to the PI about the situation, and she still has a life to live.

An enjoyable story worth the cost of my time to read!

I did like the ending and the symmetry of the whole storyline.

Good writing - storytelling.

Please keep writing and I will keep reading!

but why kill Davis? He didn't have bad karma, and he simply reacted to a threat from the bitch's lover; either way, he sounded like a good guy, why kill him? All ended well with John's death anyway. Who was going to come after him after that?

there's commendable restraint in your writing and that makes it even more powerful.

Has a gritty, almost noir feel to it. There's a notion in the largely ridiculous BTB stories of LW about magic jesus karma where if you are a husband who is created on by some dumb slut, suddenly the world will turn you into a billionaire god with sex bunny lovers and adulation from the masses, not to mention massive suffering to everyone who crossed you.

In reality, fleeing from murder and adult charges isn't as easy as looking it up on Google and its not that hard to end up in a country where you'll die and never be remembered because people hate Americans for many reasons. The irony? The husband was a Canadian, not American. He killed a man by accident for no good reason, and died the same way.

The only shortcoming is a jelly donut ex husband turning into a ninja and taking down hitmen with ease, ruining an realistic feel to the story. But i enjoyed it anyway.

but not one of your better ones

Karin had an obligation to contact David after she outed

him. Instead he kept running and ended up dead. His bitch wife should have died before him

Not really a classic, but all the right things happened to all the right people. Well, almost. That's why its not a slam dunk 5. God, don't you hate people who score a story on its content and plot rather than on how well its written? And has there every been a more stupid comment then that last sentence? I don't care if you cook the most delicious Escargots ever prepared. If you think eating snails suck, then the meal sucks.

This story was a really good meatloaf, but not steak. Steak gets a 5. But this was really pretty decent meat loaf.

OK, dropping the mobster into the lye was pretty sweet; you get 4.6, rounded. Hope that's enough faint praise.

And thanks for allowing a meat loaf grade anonymous comment.

The "shit happens" rationale for killing David is pretty weak and the two Mexicans who absolutely despise Americans is a trite plot development. Anyone could have tried to rob him and killed him.

Then at the end, in trots David's bimbo wife to add insult to David's betrayal and death and all that happens to her is she gets kicked out of Karin's office. That's a real kick in the ass to justice.

Both of these "might as well throw this into the mix" elements leave a bad taste. It's the author's choice but when you deliberately do stuff that doesn't resonate with readers, you must expect pushback.

but i left out 2 stars bc u pissed me off by killing david, in what i might add was a extreme and badly written way. idk just seems like u rushed it and/or hated david so much u decided to kill him at the last min. any it entertained me and i guess thats what stories are for :)

You lost a lot of points for killing off David.

Really, what did he do? Poorly written to tie up a loose end, is what this reader thinks. Had to deduct two stars for that.

Nice story otherwise, I guess. It would've made for a better story (and more points) to have Torrie go looking for her husband, by herself and wind up as a sex slave or dead.

I had the same feeling as other readers...Why the need to kill David? I could understand it as part of a dark story, everyone losing someone: David death, Bill's cancer kiling him and Hank dying in action...I saw that this ending needed that David died, but why in hell would he have chosen to go to Mexico, a violent and dangerous country, near the States, if Europe has a lot of hidden paradises? 3*

Wow, a very interesting and entertaining story. A plot with an original twist or two.

Enough character development to make a reader like/dislike the characters. I didn't want to stop reading.

Really good BillandKate 😉👍. Gave you 4*s. The only disappointing aspect was Torrie not suffering more, ha,ha,ha......

AMerryman

It was interesting but not very satisfying.

Just killing off David by some random assholes felt like a big FU to the reader.

Probably the least narratively satisfying ending I've read this month.

If the author honestly thinks that's a good conclusion, then I'll have to avoid their other stories.

Enjoyed the story for the most part. The ending was very weak, killing off Dave madeno sense in the story. Give us a rewrite, let Dave live, return home, and someway join in Karin's firm, along with Hank and Phil. Using John's offshore money they can expand the company and give you many more adventures to write about. Bill can pass peacefully and Hank and Karin can marry and raise the children. As an addendum, let Dave find a way to make Torrie's life a little slice of hell.l.p.

Decent tale. I know I, like most readers, like a short tale all wrapped up in one story but in this instance more detail and another chapter with more information would have made it a five star tale. Still a good read.

Four Stars

a fat cock smoked, a cornhole buggered, betrayed!

With the bizarre ending and hard boiled operatives (Hank, the illegals and the crime bosses) this is Noir This type of fiction traditionally ends bad. Think of D.O.A, Sunset Boulevard..etc... B&K is a fine writer try to offer something a little different. It was a little short and unsatisfying with David's death, but still worthwhile. For the one bombers: Poor treatment of good writers will result in a exodus of good writers and we will be left with illiterate cuck shit.

catch a bloke shagging the missus, said bloke threatens you with a lamp presumably heavy? you grab what's handy (kitchen knife) and stab the fucker. SELF DEFENCE!?

stay and fight, why run from mafioso nonces?

Hubby had used many aliases. The police are unlikely to search very hard for an expat’s identity. Hubby died where he stood. He almost certainly avoided interaction with the local police anywhere he fled. They would not be likely to know where he had been rooming. He probably did not carry his REAL ID documents on his person OR in his room.

In other words, the chances Sweetie would hear of his demise were slim to none.

4*

This was a good one until the end. BUT it was a different twist to a story on this site. 4*

Liked the story. Sucks that David got killed, so 4 stars.

Why couldn't husband have prevailed and wife get mugged?

The fucking cunt got to live but David died. 1*

She got dumped hard :(

@Anon - who the fuck is the cuck you're talking about?

Dude, I think you should lay off the LW stories for awhile - you're seeing cuckolds everywhere, even when there's none!

Get some help, buddy - you need it.

I like Mob Stories as I have a few friends associated with a Mob. They are not killers, but they have "roughed up" a few guys here and there. Perhaps with a few mob members, stories like this and Hollywood might be relative, but most of the ones I have met are actually very business and investment-minded vs. the Hollywood stereotype. The fact they are in the Mob will actually make them a target for harassment more than people fearing them for retribution. I will admit, if you wrong the "Mob", chances are you will get yours, if you wrong a mob "Worker" or "member" you may get away totally free, at least for several years. The one thing the Mob has is a very good memory. You may wrong them and go 20 or 30 years without paying a "Fee" for your actions. But make no mistake, that "Fee" will come due someday, WITH INTEREST. The Mob these days is smart enough not to do things that will draw attention to themselves. The 2 Mob members I know are actually in Investment Banking.

Gone are the days of the 2-bit hustlers on the street corners shaking down businesses for a few bucks here and there of Protection Money. They have gone somewhat Legit if you want to call Bankers and Wall Street Players, Legit. Some of them are more crooked than the Mob ever used to be.

When you think about what action John Benitti was taking, it really isn't any different than many of us might do if someone killed our Brother, for many different reasons. Does a guy deserve to get killed for banging some dudes wife and lipping off to the husband? I guess I would be more prone to going after my wife if she did that too me, rather than the dupe banging her. Granted, there would be a severe beat down and the chances of him ever using his Dick for Sex again might be severely limited or non-existent and I have other ways of exacting revenge that can cause hurt and pain for years to come, so I am not so sure I would kill him. If I did, I would have to kill my wife as well and make it look like they did each other "in" during a spat. Or even a Rape scenario where the guy rapist was done and the woman reached for a gun and shot him in and then did herself in for the emotional pain of knowing she would be found out.

Either way, this story needed an ending where the Husband doesn't die. I'm not sure who goes to Europe to escape and then to Mexico. Mexico, away from the Tourist areas is one of the most dangerous countries in the world. If someone even thinks you have money, they will kidnap someone you are close with. He could have easily disappeared from Rome by going to Russia. I will read the alternative ending story now, let's see if it got better. Sorry, 2 stars for this one.

This story went from a five to a one when you murdered David! The only reason for doing so was to piss off your readers....or at least that is the only thing it accomplished. I have read all your stories here in Literotica and your one of my favorite writers however you missed on this one.

Why? Because even when the husband was a killer, he killed both times in "self-defense (ok, I admit the first one is tricky (maybe a crime of passion?). He deserved better. After reading Cumminginsiderher great comment about mobsters, I know another thing that bothered me about the story: the hollywood stereotype.

I know the real hero in your story is the detective, but even so the wronged husband deserved better luck. The way you pianted his death, almost as if he were relieved doesn't quiet fit the psychology of a guy who did so much to survive en get on with his life. It's 2 star for me and that because the good writing

Eventually everyone lost. Great story telling , just different.

A little too messy for my taste. And I found it highly unlikely that a man in David's position would allow a couple of punks to surprise and kill him. Not since he was being as careful as he was. It just didn't seem to fit the scenario you laid out. Overall, badly done.

....it's a story of Karma. He killed someone with a knife and was murdered with a knife. Justice? Who knows? But balanced was returned to the universe.

You two miserable pieces of offal! Why not Jewish Gangsters, like Bugsy Siegal, the thug who created Las Vegas, Arnold Rothstein, who transformed the thuggish crooks into big business crime and who supposedly had the 1919 World Series "fixed", Kid Cann, who ran Minneapolis organized crime for 40 years, the Jewish bootlegging operation caled "The Purple Gang" in Detroit, the Bugs and Meyer Gang (Bugsy Seigal and Meyer Lansky, which became "Murder Incorporated", and on and on and on. Or how about MS-13, and instead of John Benetti, how about a "Jesus Morales", or even a Muslim Brotherhood gangster (you do know they are operating in the United States, don't you) of "Abdul Rahman bin Omar al-Ahmad" or Mr. al-Ahmad?

Or perhaps Israeli or Russian Mafia?

Bigots!

Get a life you wap prick. There are all breeds of gangsters.

Hey guys, lay off the authors a bit. I am Irish and the Mick gangs are just as infamous, especially here in Chicago. I knew a couple of the murdering scum myself.

But lets be honest, though there are gangsters of every stripe, the Italian mob have done a lot to make itself internationally famous. Employing them in a bit of literary fiction does not make the authors bigots, just socially aware.

To the authors, next time make the bad guys Irish. We Micks are not nearly as sensitive as the eye-ties.

Yes I realize this is erotic fiction. Or at least it's supposed to be. But this was such a trainwreck I had to laugh. What a completely unbelievable mess. Just awful.

Why shouldn't the widow want the money back? KR already proved herself to be a superior detective, only makes sense to hire her for this too.

Should have been the heartless Cunt wife. I did like karin telling the Cunt to get her ass out of my office and never see your sorry ass again. Oh and for the anon who thinks the Cunt should get the money. Your a mindless moron. The cheating Cunt started this whole thing. She should be the one dead.

Fucking pathetic.

Nope, just the opposite. She wanted David to live and that's why "Leave it All …" was written with her ending.

"BIGOTS"????!!! Like WTF???

I've read a lot of silly comments by posters, but to equate this story with the authors BillandKate as bigots is CooCoo for CoaCoa Puffs. These are a couple of entertaining, talented authors that write very clever LW's stories. This is a story of betrayal and a man stumbling through that experience the best he can. A story that is a slur against Italian people or their culture? That is wrong on so many levels it's borders on lunacy.

weaknesss is that the one leaving it all behind was hardly the MC.

I've enjoyed your stories immensely. In fact I've read most. This is a comment on all more than this one. After reading the first one there was a pull to read more. They have a easy reading quality to them. You don't repeat things too often and they generally end on a better note than they begin. This isn't always true in real separations but we all need hope, right? The only criticism I have is maybe that I've had to backtrack sometimes to keep the characters straight. This may also be influenced by binge reading and poor memory. All in all, keep up the great writing. I have enjoyed your stories with and without the sex. Thank you

A few smal potholes in the plot,

but nothing serious.

It seems strange to me, after discovering the cheaters,

so sit down with a drink and wait for them to finish.

But then, people are strange, real ones and fictional.

I do, however, agree with first comment.

Character descriptions are lacking.

4 out of 5 from me.

The Reason David got so Careless .. We had been Drinking and He told Me about the Money and How to get it .. After I got the Money those 2 kids who had Killed Him came up Missing .. As for His Wife she is not getting a dime from Me ..

You don't suppose they know how to check a set of fingerprints in Mexico? I would expect they'd be on file somewhere.

Maybe I'll like the other version ending better, I'm with the group that didn't think David should have died but then again I didn't think he would have gone to Mexico either what with all of Europe so close by. I did like how Karin reacted to Torrie; "How about you get up, walk your ass out of my office, and never let me see your sorry ass again.". Yeah, I buy into the idea she was picked up in a bar, taken to her home and fucked by Benetti in the marital bed because she was afraid of him. All pigs fed and ready to fly... Signed: BTW

did not like ending. Alt is much better.

Bad ending

Reading again. This one is a little more intense than your usual work. I can’t help but wish Torrie had joined the Benettis.

Grenat story. too bad for david.

Thanks for thé story.5⭐

Most of story was ok except the ending

Again that "wife didn't cheat, she was seduced" shit. Did not expect this from B and K. Thoroughly disappointed. The husband had to die and the wife was just "a tool for strong, dominant men"? 1 star for this rotten stinking pos.

u r a fucked up couple

3 because the story was great until the ending, no reason to kill off David and the wife escaped consequences.

Story ending was like real life sometimes. The other part rated a high grade probably a five.

I'm' grading the ending to this story a (-1). So actual grade is a 2.

Maybe some brilliant author writer would get permission to write a better ending. RCD

Karin is a great character, but Hank is the man. Great story, tough ending for David.

Not a satisfying ending at all. Easily predictable that readers would not like it. So why did B&K choose it? Because they truly enjoy antagonizing their readers.

Was a good story up to the end. Weak ending.

Half baked story with many loose ends.

Lousy ending. Don't see it being possible to find him. Just ridiculous. Bury BOTH bodies and be done with it.