Let's Make a Deal Pt. 18- Epilogue

"But anyway, I listened to what he had to say, and I agreed, but I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to keep my word about anything, not one bit more than I had to for Martha's job. I was just totally resentful of everything about it. And, having promised total honesty, when he sent me out to pick up pizzas and told me to put the change in the tip jar, I put the change in my pocket instead. After all, he'd never know! And anyway, it was only a couple of dollars, and I told myself he deserved it.

"Now, Scott's plan was to start off slowly, not actually having intercourse with us, to give us a chance to back out first. And it was obvious how much he wanted it, under the circumstances he couldn't hide it! In the end, though, Martha asked him that first evening to please have sex with her. He argued and argued against doing it! He finally said he wasn't doing it without birth control, which would mean a condom and he didn't have any. She'd come prepared with some hoping he'd take her offer and that if he did she could convince him to use them. So he quit arguing, but he told her it was against his better judgment, and he insisted on giving her a last chance just before it was too late.

"And he didn't just jump right into sex, even though she'd made plain she was more than willing, and that's all she asked for. He truly made love to her. I don't know what more he could have done for her if he'd been in love with her forever.

"So that night, afterward, Martha told me my attitude was completely obvious, and wrong. And we had a big screaming argument. She told me just to think about everything he'd said, how every bit of it was for our protection, and to think about how considerate he'd been to her. I just wouldn't listen. I was determined to prove I was right.

"Anyway, skipping ahead just two days, his plan was to make out a little, kissing and fondling. He hadn't planned to go on to intercourse, but he realized that Martha would probably choose to, she had already at her own instigation after all! But he made sure we understood that we both still had a choice at that point. And remember, we'd promised him whatever he wanted! And then he made love to her again, all the way, when she made it plain that's what she wanted. And I realized as I watched just how right Martha had been about it all. We'd both promised whatever he wanted, and he wasn't insisting on what he wanted at all! And he did his utmost to make sure she enjoyed it as much as possible. He was keeping his word to me. He hadn't even demanded so much as a kiss yet, because he'd promised me time to back out, if I changed my mind, before we actually had sex, and he was taking it slow for my sake!

"And I thought about how I'd promised honesty and then right away stolen from him, and I just fell apart." She stopped for a few moments to get herself under control. "I managed to keep it quiet until they were done, so that I didn't interrupt them, but by then I was crying too hard to talk at all. And Scott just sat me in his lap and comforted me, as chastely as anyone could ask, as if I was his young daughter.

"And I had to tell him what I'd done, once I got to where I could talk. I don't mean he made me tell him, I mean I couldn't live with myself without coming clean! And he understood why I was upset, and he didn't say it was no problem, or that I was being silly, or make light of it in any way. I'm going to leave out the details, but what is important is that he acknowledged that I'd wronged him seriously, and then forgave me. And even when it became obvious that he was aroused, wanting sex with me terribly—that's when I learned just how impossible it is for you men to hide that—he tried to convince me that we shouldn't go ahead with it then because I couldn't really enjoy it after all that emotional turmoil.

"And yes, I did learn well enough enough to see how careful you are not to do things with me that will turn you on that much, but that sometimes it happens anyway. Even if we're just walking along holding hands. And it happens to me, too, even if you can't see it the same way.

"Anyway. Do you see why I fell in love with him right then and there? Anyway, I insisted, I made him promise to make love to me and then do it, and he was right, as sex it wasn't very good—and of course I did know the difference, by then, even without seeing Martha having spectacularly wonderful sex with him earlier. But I was in love with him, and I wanted him because of that, not for sexual pleasure. I did get plenty of that later, and you need to know that too, but I think Scott's right that the details are best left behind.

"Scott is not perfect, but the worst I can say about him isn't that he accepted our original offers—and yes, I know that was really, really wrong—but that he keeps trying to do more than his fair share of everything, and pay for everything, and to take all the blame there is to go around.

"I hope you still love me even knowing all that. But that's how it was, and Scott's been trying to make you think he's responsible. He's not responsible for more than accepting what we offered, and yes, I guess, for trying to keep it from being a big public thing. When Martha accepted the Lord and pointed out the consequences—meaning no more sex, which meant not even any affection that would rouse up temptation—Scott wouldn't demand that she keep on, even though we all had a deal running for a couple of weeks more. I stopped too. I loved them both too much not to support them in something so important to them. And I did believe in the end, too, I just needed to think about it more first.

"I know I'm ranting. I guess I do that sometimes. But it's up to you. If all this means we're through, if you can't take being married to me when you know I not only had sex with Scott, and a lot of it, but really loved him too, well, then we're through for good reasons. And if you need time to think about whether you still want me, now that you know the worst, I'll understand perfectly. I just couldn't stand it if you wanted to marry me only because you thought it was all Scott's fault."

3. Jack shall have Jill; Nought shall go ill;

Nobody said anything for a minute or so. Then Brian stood up and walked over to Lynda. He knelt down in front of her and took hold of her hand. "I wasn't expecting to ask you tonight, or—never mind. Lynda, I love you. Your past is in the past, and I know you well enough to trust you on this. And I trust both Scott and Martha, absolutely, on this, too. If I ever question your love because of it, I hope you'll forgive me. But you're the woman I want to spend my life with, whatever comes. What's been said tonight just helps me think that you feel the same about me. Will you marry me? I didn't get a ring yet. If you want, we can choose one together, or I can choose one and bring it to you. But either way, will you accept me now and the ring as soon as I can get it?"

Lynda was crying, of course. "Oh, stand up! Of course I will, you know that! You're what I want more than anything in the world!" She stood up, grabbed his hands, and yanked him to his feet. She kissed him, lingeringly. Scott was pretty sure she wasn't suggesting more with that kiss, not now, but it was very enthusiastic. Then she stood there for a few moments, crying into his shoulder.

She let him go, and turned to Martha, and they hugged for a moment, both of them crying. Then she turned to Scott. He hugged her, bending way down to kiss her on the cheek. He was managing not to cry too, but it was a near thing. He stepped over to Brian and gave him a hug as well, and Martha hugged him too. Martha was kind of bouncing up and down, and Scott was surprised that she wasn't shrieking from excitement. Not that she normally would—she was pretty reserved—but he could see how excited she was, and lately she tended to be emotional.

Scott said, "Well, all that was definitely not intended to entice you into popping the question tonight, but I'm glad you did. Brian—both of you—congratulations! I hope you get a date set soon. And Lynda knows really well, having watched the process once close up, that you'll want to talk to Pastor Bob really soon, to get started with him. He'll insist on giving it his full treatment, and I'm glad he sees how important that is.

Brian said, "OK, one thing I was expecting to ask you eventually, and it seems eventually has arrived. No hurry, but we're all here and I'm thinking of it. Scott, will you sing in the wedding? I'm sure you know something appropriate. And I hadn't made my mind up about a best man, but at this point I'd like you to do that, except that—things may not flow very smoothly if you're best man and singing and whatever else too. Think about it, will you? And we'll talk about it later, I mean Lynda and me."

"Play and sing I will. I'll even try to play something you come up with, if you ask, and just hope it's not too hard-edged. But I know a couple of songs, both from the same passage, that would be good if you like one of them. Is it OK to run them by you now?"

They both said yes, so Scott fetched his guitar. He got it out and touched up the tuning. He said, "I hope I can get all the words right. It's been quite a while since I played either one." He wasn't worried about the music.

"This one brings back memories to me. I first heard it when we, Chris and I, visited a church and they held communion. They did communion from a common cup, so things weren't distributed, you went up and knelt before the altar, a few people at a time, and partook one by one. This was played and sung by someone while that was taking place, and it hit me very hard."

He began Kenn Gullickson's song from I Corinthians 13. "Although I speak in tongues of men and of angels . . . " After the last refrain, "If I have not charity, If love does not flow through me, I am nothing, Jesus reduce me to love," they were all quiet for a moment.

Lynda finally said, "If the other one is better than that one, I don't know what I'll do."

"Well, in fact I actually do like it better in some ways, the music particularly. It doesn't stick to the text the way the other one does, or maybe just doesn't take the passage as far. I really know it only from one recording, and I don't think it's as well known, or maybe I just didn't run into it. I did finally track down some information, a while ago. But anyway, here it is."

He played through it once, chords with melody picked out, and then sang. "Though I may speak with bravest fire, and have the gift to all inspire, but have not love . . . " By the end, he was beginning to choke up with emotion. Again, no one said anything. Finally Lynda said, "Wow. That one, I think?", looking at Brian. He said, "We can keep thinking in case there's something else, but that's perfect."

Martha said, a little hesitantly, "I know that melody, with different words. Peter, Paul, and Mary, originally, but I've heard it other places, too."

Scott smiled fondly at her. "Right you are! Good catch! The basic melody is very old, and has been used for quite a few things, but today it mostly goes with words that are also very old. "The Water is Wide" is the most common name I've met, but I think P P and M called it "There Is a Ship." And I think the oldest version of those lyrics that I've met called it 'A Ship Ther Is', with 'there' spelled just t-h-e-r. It's also called 'O Waly, Waly' as well. Lots and lots of versions. I think the melody of this song usually follows the traditional tune a little better, but I did it more like my source. I like the way he sings it.

"Those lyrics are by Hal Hopson, the other one is by Kenn Gullickson, and I think the two songs date from around the same time. Personally, I think I really prefer the first one, as a song, just because it's more of the passage. But yes, I think that one's probably better for a wedding, and I love it too, especially the music."

After a moment, Brian said, "I thought of something earlier, and I'll probably forget if I don't bring it up now. Back when Lynda was, um, making her statement, I realized that the whole thing was almost a perfect model for how salvation works, for the gospel."

He looked somewhat nonplussed when both of the women burst into laughter. Scott managed not to laugh, but he knew he was grinning big. He said, "Girls, don't laugh at him like that, it's rude." Lynda was hugging Brian, which may have helped reassure him.

"Brian, that's a very good point, and they're not laughing at you, just at the situation. Here's what you need to know. When Lynda asked me to explain the gospel to them, I realized the same thing, and I explained it to them in exactly those terms. In fact, I sat Lynda down and asked her questions that brought it all out, and she explained that she'd realized she had wronged me, and that she was really guilty and that it had to be dealt with, not just that she needed to stop feeling guilty, and that she was able to put it behind her precisely because she trusted me when I said it was dealt with and over with. And of course I hadn't set it up with that in mind, but when she asked about the gospel I had realized that for these two I couldn't ever come up with a better explanation.

"In fact, one more thing that came out when she described it to you, that I hadn't put together then, is that she fell in love with me as a response to that. And of course, our sins against God are a much bigger thing, and when we really see them rightly, and then understand that we're forgiven and how and why, love and gratitude should be our natural response. I'd guess Lynda, at least, made that connection right off. I should have, but I didn't think of it. When I had asked her when and how she fell in love with me, she said pretty much what she said to you just now, so I'm surprised I missed it."

Scott put the guitar away, and they talked a while longer. Scott had a thought. "Brian, what I gave you earlier was a summary, you understand that. And I see no good and lots of harm if we were to give you details of the 'who did what to whom when' sort, so I hope you aren't at all curious that way. Lynda actually said more of that than I wanted. But I expect that there will be occasions when some of what we talked about will come up, and I've just thought of one. Lynda, you remember that phone call when we were on our honeymoon. Sometime tell him the background for 'discuss, don't dictate.' I don't know whether you'll have that problem with him, but if you ever do, reminding him about me may help."

He told Brian, "Well, I'd planned to ask you some serious questions, like about whether you had a past of your own. But you preempted those. I do have a fatherly interest in Lynda, but since you're now engaged, she's the one you owe those answers to, not I. I expect that you don't, really, knowing you, but if you do and you haven't discussed that with her you need to do it. Again, details like I gave you shouldn't be part of it, unless you're likely to be interacting with any old flames. In that case, maybe you should be a bit complete, even if it was all as completely innocent as I'd expect."

Lynda jumped in. "Scott, we've discussed it, when I told him I had a past that I wasn't ready to discuss, and that he needed to know it before we went any further. In fact, this is just a guess, but I'd bet that when he started to say he hadn't meant to ask me yet, that's exactly what he was thinking of."

She looked at Brian, who smiled at her and said, "That's exactly right. I'd have had a ring ready, if I'd known what was coming tonight."

Lynda came back over to him, and gave him a hug, and said, "Thank you!" She stepped a bit away, but took his arm and held it. She asked him, "Is it OK if I tell them? There's nothing but good in what you told me. Really." When he nodded, she said, "Way back in high school, he had a friend he liked to do stuff with, who happened to be a girl. You told me what Pastor Bill teaches about dating, you said you were in complete agreement too, that it's fine to do stuff together but to avoid getting romantically involved until you're really ready to be looking for a husband or wife, and even then only when you're pretty sure the person is possible on other grounds, right? And they were doing it that way, they both understood that. Anyway, they'd gone to something together, something they'd both wanted to do, and he'd paid for dinner for the two of them, nothing fancy. So he took her home, and she gave him a hug—I'm sure just a friendly one—and a kiss on the cheek, just to say thank you. And they found themselves kissing each other a couple of times, more than they should have. Though I'm sure it was really very innocent. But they both realized what had happened, and broke off, and apologized to each other. I'm guessing it kind of hurt their friendship, just that they both were embarrassed and a little afraid it would happen again, so they kept their distance more than they had before, and just lost being comfortable with each other. I know that hurt him some, and he remembers it as a warning, which is part of why he's been so very careful and correct with me."

She squeezed his arm and looked him squarely in the face. "Brian, we still need to be kind of careful for a while yet, but I completely trust you about this. If I don't kiss you very often like I did a minute ago, it's not because a kiss like that is inappropriate for us, now, but to avoid pushing us both on beyond that."

Scott said, "There's really nothing wrong at all in what Lynda just told us. You were heading toward a problem area, you both realized it, you both agreed to pull back, and that's just what you should have done. I'm sorry to hear that you felt uncomfortable enough afterward that it hurt your friendship, but that's understandable enough."

He went on, "Anyway, I wanted to offer you one piece of serious advice, assuming that you weren't sexually experienced, and I'm glad to hear you aren't. When a man and a woman, both inexperienced, first come together, there's inevitably a sense in which they're fumbling around. I've even heard it given as a proverb, 'Disaster is two virgins in one bed,' though that's way too strong. In particular, usually neither of them really has a clue about what will make things good for the woman. This has advantages in one way, potentially very big ones. There's no baggage from previous experience. But as it is, Lynda will likely know much better than you do how you can please her, and you'd do well to listen to her. And, both of you: Your goal in this is to please each other. That comes before your own satisfaction.

"By the way, though, one thing I learned the hard way, when I was married to Chris, and still have trouble with. Um, this applies to lots of areas, and to both of you, but I'm thinking right now of sex and of you, Brian. Pleasing her often means giving her pleasure, yes, but you really need to listen to her tell you what she wants. It may not always be that. And women don't always think like men on this.

"Anyway, what I was getting at a moment ago was that you have the mixed blessing of a woman with enough experience to know how her body works, at least a lot of the time. Let her tell you what works and what doesn't, at least at first. She may sometimes be wrong, even about that, but, well, a lot of Chris's and my problems were at root that I thought I knew what I was doing, and I thought she was enjoying it the same way I did, and that proved to be dead wrong. And then, what I said a bit later, I was trying to do things to bring her pleasure, and that turned out not to be what she wanted, and she was hurt that I cared more about giving her pleasure than about what she wanted. It was selfish of me."