All Comments on 'Life as a New Hire Ch. 18'

Wanted to acknowledge the excellence: largely setting the stage for the broader conflicts, but a welcome arrival. Looking forward to meeting the rest of the Illuminati.

Great back story over all the societies. Can't wait to see where his next adventures take him.

Impressive ability to switch from detail to big picture without it becoming dirge-like. I am a bit confused by the timeline now though!

Wow man eagerly waiting for more update...just no history this time please

Although I have immensely enjoyed the first seventeen chapters of the story, I resent the time I wasted slogging through the first three pages of this chapter (I wised up and skipped page 4).

It belongs in the massive slagheap of Deleted Scenes/Director's Cut masturbatory (and not in a good way) nonsense, and could easily (and mercifully) have been replaced with "Through centuries of machinations too convoluted, arcane and just plain boring with which to subject my readers, [outcome]".

If the next chapter is anything like this, I will - sadly - have to bail on the series. Someone wake me when the original author returns.

-Rei

Since this is coming out in serial format, remembering who is who is a problem, so remember which organization is also going to be an issue. While this might not be the most enjoyable chapter, I'll probably need it to understand future twists and turns. This is the best series I've read on Lit, so please keep the chapters coming.

makes the story... enjoying this as much as your previous contributions. It's not always about sex. Can't wait for the next chapter.

But you can apparently make most of the people happy all the time. I noticed some comments claiming this chapter less than previous chapters, but I couldn't be more thrilled with each new chapter as they come keep it up ^.^

I must say there are very few authors I continue to read here. You surprise me every time I turn around and draw me in with your stories and characters. The fact I have cursed you quite a few times, because of your one two combinations in the advancement of the plot speaks volumes to me. The quick wit and viper like bite of some of the comments of you characters leave me laughing to the point i have to suspend reading till i get myself back under control.

The fact you have several other stories I am hoping you continue make me want to scream sometimes.

That said excellent story thus far and I hope it continues for a long time more

Love the story so far and really happy to see chapters coming out daily!

That was a change of pace. No less interesting, but very different.

He is what I would call a convergence. Many primary forces focused on one point.

Or in a simpler term, Cael is in for a shitstorm.

Val

We are getting to the point (like in CCSC) where there are so many female characters, that I have to really think about each backstory when a name comes up. Mentally reviewing the character from previous chapters.

Is there a way to get an appendix chapter to make it clear to the layman (me) who is who?

Val

A reader has gone way beyond the call of duty and created a list of characters up to Chapter 16. I have been lax in posting it. The best I can say in my defense is that the past few days have sucked for me, culminating by me accidentally ripping of my left pinkie toenail last night - blood everywhere. I'd like to claim I bleed for me work. In actuality, I bleed for not watching where I'm going while making my bed. Sigh.

I had a lengthy discussion with FS about this chapter a while back as I was giving him some thoughts on previous chapters. I looked and looked for an alternative to this chapter coming out with its lengthy divergence into history, but the harder I looked and tried to make up an alternative that would still allow FS to give out the history he felt necessary to have some of his story ideas make sense the worse my ideas got. Sometimes a lull with some backstory and an influx of machinations allow a story to morph into a better form of itself.

I hope everyone allows FS the time to flesh out these organizations into what they need to be in order to make this story even more riveting and with even better plot twists and "gotcha" moments than it already has had.

As a reader, I tend to picture the author as the protagonist. So, with your recent bed mishap, perhaps Cael will face a foe that is also this difficult. A old futon maybe? Those are a bitch to move!!

Can't hardly wait for the next episode.

Better the enemies of Cael run too the hills, because I seen the next scenario :

In his unorthodox style of resolving problem Cael will bring an army of Runners in his house and after this he will bring the female side of his Illuminati family in his house too being a world force.

I'll be updating what I sent you by the weekend.

Maybe giving a Chapter where they first appear as well.

Oh wait, that means I'll have to re-read this series! Again and again and again!

how horrible for me. . . ;-)

NR

I have to say that I enjoy the addition of new charcters with ties to càel. It really has made the story more Intresting along with the addition of other secret societies has made it a better story. Well done FS

FS,

If I was your editor I would tell you to take this entire history lesson chapter and sideline it. Leave it for your own personal notes, not to be read by any reader. It was entirely unnecessary and above all BORING for the readers. And I love reading history.

The way you should've done this chapter was a conversation between Pamela, Katrina and Cael about what it means to be related to grandpa Cael and the Illuminati. The only relevant part of the whole story was that part. Instead you went on a personal rant about the history of your world. That's fine, just keep it to yourself and bring in tidbits here and there as they become relevant to Cael and your story.

Can you imagine how fun it would've been to introduce each group slowly? A female assassin tries to kill Cael and he figures an Amazon was at fault. Nope it was the multi gender assassin group. Now you have a fun chapter where Cael learns about them. Same with quasi allies Egyptians and the seven pillars etc. Rather than preaching at us you could've introduced them when they fucked with Cael in some way.

A big part of the fun for readers is putting together the big picture without being told the big picture. All you did this chapter was tell. There was absolutely no showing. It made it extremely boring. I've read every story you've written here and this chapter was easily your worst and the hardest to get through. Reveal your plot and overall world with conversation and action. Not preaching.

That being said, I love your work and continue to check here for another chapter every other day. I won't stop reading even if every chapter is like this one, I'm hopelessly hooked.

PS: To help with the extreme amount of characters you have, give a short one sentence re-introduction every time one of them comes back in or give them a unique physical feature as you talk about them like: Elsa walked in, her face in her permanent scowl. I had asked her once why she scowled all the time, even when having an orgasm. The pain she had inflicted on me had not been worth it.

Examples: Brooke, the socialite I had helped mentally recover from a one night branding. Odette, the naive little gorgeous blonde who had somehow moved into my apartment, sat waiting for me. Oneida, the sexy amazon who I had somehow bullshitted my way into saving from herself, tried to talk to me.

PPS: What happened to the no-fraternization rule? It may no longer be in effect because he is house Ishara but you have to mention that somehow when he starts banging random Amazons.

I talked with my new, new editor about the above comment. We both shared a perspective on this chapter that, having written several chapters ahead, I hadn't appreciated. Chapter 18 was what he described as a pit-stop for what happens in Chapter 19, 20, and 21. Those chapters are a complete story arc for this tale, covering important growth for multiple parties. Had I broken up the 'history' in Chapter 18 for these later chapters, I felt it would slow the arc down when it needed to keep running. I hope others will feel the same way after further chapters are revealed.

Great chapter! Keep them coming please!

Also I liked the little history lesson other wise I would be a little lost. I am not up on my evil organizations so...

Ok this has a lot going on in it and sounds more like something I would watch on HBO or Showtime than read on Literotica. I still have a lot of reading left, but I wondering what the fuck is going on here.

I have tried several times to get an Id and for some reason it never works. This chapter was beyond boring, I bookmarked it, to refer back to when I am having trouble falling asleep. I just hope this isn't the beginning of the downhill slide of this otherwise, so far, Great Story. This is 1!

I enjoyed the history dump. I'm invested enough in the characters, that I was more then willing to read this. I expect it will allow the next several chapters to flow really well. Great story, easily be a great book.

I love me some backstory

wow mind = blown (excuse my noobness)

... <beriew2002@gmail.com> your email address reads as invalid. I've tried to respond twice. Anyway, thank you for your comments.

James aka FinalStand

After reading though this story for the....sixth? time. That is still my favorite line. I'll bring it up when I actually get to the end(ch45 I think) but I swear Cael's major changes from Business to Liberal Arts and I don't ever remember you saying you made that correction, but of course I could be wrong

You've got great writing talent and I've loved the story up til this chapter, where there was very little quality content as far as I'm concerned though I know some appreciated the history. I'm not against backstory, but this literally felt like a few pages out of a random history book and wasn't like the previous chapters. It was a lot of information and groups you were trying to shove down our throats at once and it got very boring unfortunately. For something like that I'd have recommended either less groups, less detail or spread out the back history and not dump it all in one chapter. I ended up skipping most of it, I'm here for the plot, the humor, a bit of the sex and more humor. You've delivered in that in spades for all the other chapters thus far, and this one had some too but way too much information dump takes this from a 4-5 star like the others and places this at a 1 star for me.

I apologize, but it will only get worse for you from here on out. There is going to be a whole lot more of the Secret Societies and things happening around the world.

Character motivations are all out of whack here. Why the fuck is Cael not plotting to kill all these psychotic bitches? They murdered innocent babies, enslaved men, and yet he continues to help them ? Worse he feels a sense of loyalty to them? This story started off as him being surrounded by enemies, to which the logical conclusion would be him bringing them down. Now he'll be helping them fight other societies? What? I hope shit changes and Amazon's start dying.

... though the 'body count is in chapters 24 and 25. The Legacy of the 2nd Betrayal keeps playing out ~ the Amazon betrayal of the men who stayed loyal. That stain is a HUGE part of the story and the path of redemption of the Amazon People is still playing out in the latest chapter. It comes up again as 'recently' as Chapter 45.

His warring emotions do keep coming up - and it is very much a matter of context. It is easy for an outsider to go "oh shit, the Amazons are fucking evil. Kill them all." Then what do you do with Lorraine and Europa? You might be able to 'redeem' Aya, but the others are too steeped in the culture and the key word is 'culture'. The difference is this isn't as if your high school buddy went on a killing spree in a day care. Your buddy grew up in your culture and you have every reason to judge him by your experiences and beliefs. Condemning him is easy.

How do you explain to Europa that her mother is evil for having Europa's father killed when Europa's grandmother had her grandfather killed and great-grandmother had her great-grandfather killed and down the line? It is EVIL, but how does he explain it to her? Worse, she has an entire upbringing which reinforces these cult-like beliefs. Do you just kill a 13 year old girl instead?

In the same way, Buffy was wronged by men in her 'normal', pre-Runner life. That doesn't excuse her radical lifestyle change, but it explains how she came to make those choices - to hold male life to be effectively valueless.

As I said, Cáel continues to grapple with his role within Amazon society ... and in some ways it gets worse. Later in the story he has to grapple with the reality the man whose life he saved is committing genocide by means of biological warfare. The various Secret Societies go to war and NONE of them are GOOD GUYS. NONE of them. It turns out, most of the governments aren't that nice either ~ making decisions based on political expedience instead of saving lives in other countries.

Finally, this is a story about the redemption of the Amazon People. It is not an easy path and it is littered with corpses. It is not about 'putting women in their place'. The Amazons remain Amazons ~ a female warrior society. It is about letting go of hate and learning how respect is genderless.

James aka FinalStand

I've skipped every single woman that isn't an Amazon and it seems now I'll have to start skipping all this massive info dump lmao

"As I said, Cáel continues to grapple with his role within Amazon society ... and in some ways it gets worse. Later in the story he has to grapple with the reality the man whose life he saved is committing genocide by means of biological warfare. The various Secret Societies go to war and NONE of them are GOOD GUYS. NONE of them. It turns out, most of the governments aren't that nice either ~ making decisions based on political expedience instead of saving lives in other countries.

Finally, this is a story about the redemption of the Amazon People. It is not an easy path and it is littered with corpses. It is not about 'putting women in their place'. The Amazons remain Amazons ~ a female warrior society. It is about letting go of hate and learning how respect is genderless. "

This totally sums up what I feel when I read the story in a way I haven't been able to put into words before. Especially the last paragraph is fantastic.

My favorite parts: "this is a story about the redemption of the Amazon People." "not about 'putting women in their place'." " It is about letting go of hate and learning how respect is genderless.".

TL:DR; Awesome comment that it could not not comment on.

The E&S were really left out.

All the others had a war with this person, a deal with that, a crisis from this...

They just weren't mentioned. How did they avoid getting stripped of power or how did they maintain enough strength to be able to do what happens later on?

Seems they were the one left out

JC

"Ngozi" is a name used by West Africans, Nigerians to be precise, not central Africans, and there are no war lords in Nigeria.

Thank you. In some areas I clearly could have done more research, but didn't. The actual war lords I was referring to were from Niger and Mali, not Nigeria. My bad for not making it clear.

Thanks again for the correction and take care.

James aka FinalStand

This chapter is when this story goes from entertaining to insane. Not just one, but 5 conspiracy groups? Way too much crazy to introduce in a single chapter let alone a single paragraph

I apologize for the story running off in a direction you disliked. I wanted to introduce other conspiratorial groups to expand the world the Amazons lived in. This does take up more of the direction the story goes as well so ... thank you for giving it a read this far.

Take care,

James aka FinalStand

Glad to see you are still around james... I have been away and loved rereading you stories again..... looking forward to anything new you have written in the last 4 years....

Flymaster60 (Mike)

This story is f@cking fantastic. And I love the background of the story arc!

And not in the least: it’s witty. Thanx

A history lesson about secret societies most of whom l’d heard of.

Fascinating stuff. Cael should take some of the warning seriously his stubbornness could get innocents killed or worse maimed.

5/5

Still enjoying this but it's hard to keep up at times

Still going strong .

Will this be on the test?

I'm loving the story overall, but the history of societies in Ch 18 was both boring and unnecessary.

I love the Cáel story but the history lesson is not helping makes a great story a heavy read I’ve read this story twice now and now skip the history lesson and go to the cael bits only would be good if he featured more than the history but your story your rules