Like the Devil With a Deal

"I suppose," I said, "It's a nice thought."

"Right?" Brian gave me a hearty slap on the shoulder. It felt like getting shoved by a gorilla. "We get married and we get locked into who we are. Who we think that's how it should be. But the truth is, you can have everything you want. Trust me, Kate's feeling the same thing. Even if she isn't willing to say it. You just have to be willing to take risks. Are you willing to do that, Andy? Take a risk to get what you truly want?"

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," I said, cagey.

"I'm talking about a party, man!" Brian said, and he threw back his head and laughed. "Going out, having a good time, the whole thing. Vanessa and I both think you two would have an amazing time. It would mean a lot to us if you showed."

I knew my answer was 'no.' But I couldn't form the word in front of Brian. I was weirdly anxious about disappointing him. So, instead, I deftly deflected. I told him that I had to talk to Kate first, knowing that my wife would decline for me.

Problem solved.

*

That night, as we ate takeout Chinese over the kitchen table, I told Kate about Brian's invitation. I relayed what he had told me -- how he liked us both and wanted us to come to their place. I stayed mum about the other things he'd said about marriage and change. I guess because I still wasn't sure I understood what he meant.

I expected Kate to flat out refuse, but instead, she put down her chopsticks and paused, lost in thought.

"I do like them," Kate said, finally, "Vanessa's so glamorous and amazing. And Brian's so good... I mean, such a good guy."

"So, you want to go?" I asked, my mind scrambling with surprise.

"Do you?"

"I don't know," I said, "I do like them, and I guess it could be fun."

Another long pause while Kate twiddled with her lo mein. She let out a deep sigh, then said, "I don't think we should." I felt myself relax as my universe reordered itself to its normal disposition. "Not unless we can bring Tara, too."

And just like that, everything was upside down again. Tara? What did Kate's younger sister have to do with any of this?

"She's been dragging since that whole thing with Jesse," Kate said, "I think a night out might help her feel better about stuff."

"Maybe see that there are other possibilities out there?" I asked, "Be inspired by what's going on around her?"

"Something like that," Kate said, blushing slightly. It wasn't like her to be so sneaky and I kind of liked seeing it in her. "I think Tara would have a good time."

"So wait, are we actually considering going to this?" I asked.

"I think so?" Kate said. She seemed to be rolling the idea around in her mind. Seeing how it bounced and settled. "See what Brian says about Tara."

Like me, I think Kate was just pushing the ball forward, hoping that someone else would block the way. But it didn't happen. When I texted Brian about bringing one more, he wrote back a simple, "Can't wait to see you there!" and an address.

And so, somehow, we'd agreed to go to a party that weekend. I spent the rest of the week feeling like something was growing in my stomach. I told myself it was anticipation. Excitement. But looking back I know exactly what I was feeling.

It was fear.

*

Saturday evening, as we got ready for the party, we both started to feel the jitters. Kate showered and put on a very cute red and white polka dot dress that showed off her figure. It wasn't tight, but it flared nicely at her chest and hips, accentuating her perfect, figure-eight figure.

She did a little spin and caught me staring from where I was sitting on the bed. "What?" she asked, smoothing her dress back down like she'd been doing something naughty.

"You just look good, that's all," I said.

Kate looked down at herself, dubious. "I'm not all that," she said.

"Are you kidding? You're gorgeous. Every guy at that party is going to be jealous of me, having you on my arm. You're so beautiful. And your body. I mean, you're amazing."

"That's sweet of you to say, honey," Kate said, "But it seems to me that all the girls will be jealous of me with my tall, handsome husband by my side."

"Maybe we skip the party," I said, "Stay here." I was only half-joking. Staying in the bedroom was becoming more and more appealing.

Kate rolled her eyes at me. "My sister is coming," she said, as if that that answered everything.

Kate swished past me to do her makeup in the bathroom while I got dressed. I kept it simple -- a light, navy sweater and a pair of khakis. I ran a hand through my light brown hair, checking myself in the mirror. Trying to see the man that my wife had been gushing over a moment before.

My lips were too thin, and my eyes were a pale, listless green. I could see the beginnings of a widow's peak on my forehead. At least I kept myself in pretty good shape. I'd been a long-distance runner in high school, and I'd kept the knack of it as I got older.

As I was pulling my shoes on (brown loafers) the doorbell rang. Kate went downstairs to get it. I heard Tara's voice echo up the stairs as she came inside. There were the usual ecstatic hellos and high-pitched giggles. But then, oddly, there was a strange sort of silence. As if they had suddenly both left the house. Sensing something was up, I quickly finished tying my shoes and hurried out of the bedroom.

As soon as I came down the stairs, I understood what had happened. Tara, Kate's sister, was standing in our living room as expected. But behind her was someone I didn't anticipate: her husband Jesse, looking morose as always. I looked over at Kate, standing off to the side. My wife shrugged, as if she'd already resigned herself to the situation.

As soon as she saw me, Tara ran over and wrapped me up in a hug. "Andy!" she cried out, like I was some celebrity she'd dreamed of meeting.

I'd always been attracted to my wife's younger sister, though I don't think either of them knew. Unlike Kate, who took after her dad with darker coloring and a fuller body, Tara looked a lot like their mother. She was a slim, slip of a woman with poker-straight red hair that went down to her shoulders. She had thin, pink lips and bright, emerald eyes, with a dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose.

From description alone, I'm sure it's hard to understand why I was into Tara. Kate had the sexier body, no doubt. But something about Tara was straight up hot. Her bubbly personality, the way she moved, her lascivious little grins. It's nothing I can quantify, but she got to me at an animal, instinctual level. As if I could feel her pheromones crawling up my skin whenever she was in the room. I knew nothing would ever happen, but I couldn't help but hold Kate's redhead little sister in my fantasies.

I realized our hug had been going on for a while and so finally I stepped back. Tara sensed it too and gave me a shy smile, her cheeks flushing slightly.

"You look good," Tara said, eyeing me up.

I could see why she appreciated my outfit as Tara was wearing practically the same thing: a thin green sweater and a pair of dark jeans. Sensing that the moment was only getting more awkward, I hurried over to shake Jesse's hand. He gave me a firm grip, but the look in his eyes spoke only of escape.

Jesse was a tall guy (I had to look up to meet his eyes and, as I said, I'm over six feet) with messy, dark brown hair, and tattoos sleeved top to bottom on both arms. I'm told he's handsome, but I found him gawky and odd. The fact that he stank of cigarettes only made him more off-putting.

Unlike the rest of us who'd dressed up, Jesse looked like he was going to spend the night working on his motorcycle -- he had on a dark, stained t-shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. I doubted he'd washed his hair in weeks. His look matched his 'dirtbag' personality to a tee.

We spent a little time standing there, talking in the living room like some higher being was forcing us. We were all familiar with each other, but everything felt off. Even the way we stood, a strange distance between us that was neither close nor far -- arms stuck at our sides like they'd been tied there -- spoke of the tension. The whole room seemed sticky with it.

Finally, I worked up the courage to announce that we should head out. While Tara and Jesse took turns using the bathroom upstairs, I grabbed Kate and pulled her into the kitchen. I didn't even have to ask my question.

"Tara told him she was going out and he insisted on coming along," Kate said, her voice a harsh whisper. "I know, I don't want him around either. But what was I supposed to say?"

I thought of the fiery woman who'd come back from brunch a month before, ready to rip apart every man she met because of what Jesse had said to her baby sister. That girl would have given Jesse a piece of her mind, plus a knee to the balls. But my usual Kate was back, and she was going to go along to get along.

"We'll drive him to the party," I said, "We don't have to spend time with him."

"I know, I just feel bad for Tara," Kate said, "She needed a break from all of this. Promise me you'll take care of her, OK? Make sure she has a good time."

I drove everyone to the party in my Audi Q7. Shockingly, we had even less to say to each other in the car. Even when you're going 55 mph, it's impossible to escape your problems. By the time we got to our destination, it felt like we'd been driving for hours instead of twenty minutes.

As we turned onto Brian's street, I realized I'd made another error in my expectations. Up till that moment, I'd been imagining a small, quiet evening like we usually had when we met up with other married couples. Sure, Brian had said this was going to be a different kind of party. But I assumed he meant that it was catered or something fancy like that. The reality was far more ridiculous.

Brian's place was raging. The house was lit, multicolored like a concert stage. I could feel the beat of the music through the car. Even finding parking was an ordeal. We ended up squeezing in about three blocks away. As if I wasn't already intimidated enough.

After we got out of the car, on our way up to the house, I grabbed Kate's arm and leaned in close.

"We don't have to stay long, if you don't want to," I said.

My beautiful wife nodded, her lips pursed, like I'd just shared the secret escape route. We weren't even at the party yet and she already looked nervous.

While things were clearly happening inside, the well-manicured front lawn was surprisingly empty. We stepped up to the stone stoop and I rang the bell. Kate, Tara, and Jesse all crowded close behind me. I didn't think anyone was going to hear the door over all the noise, but I felt weird just walking into a stranger's house. As we waited, I glanced over and noticed a pair of empty stone planters shaped like upside-down pineapples flanking either side of the steps. I don't know why that detail caught my eye.

I was about to give up on my sensibilities and throw open the door when it popped of its own accord, revealing Vanessa. Her face broke into a wide grin as soon as she saw us.

Like I said, Brian's wife was a very attractive woman. I wouldn't have been surprised to hear she had been a model at some point. Tall -- about the same height as Kate -- and skinny, she had long, golden blonde hair that ran in ringlets down to her chest. Vanessa was wearing a tiny green, strapless dress that showed off her trim body perfectly. Around her neck was a massive bronze necklace, laden with four surprisingly large, differently-shaped chunks of smoky quartz.

Vanessa clapped her hands excitedly as we came up to the door. "Ooo, I'm so glad you're here!" I felt myself warm with her compliment.

Vanessa quickly brought us inside, like ushering us into her private speakeasy. The place was clearly anything but secluded. Crowds of people, like herds of buzzed buffalo, migrated through the house carrying drinks, lost in their own conversations. Laughing and gabbing so loud it almost made the pulsing music seem quiet.

Despite the dark and the throngs of people, I could tell the house was expertly designed. It looked like someplace out of a magazine, with hardwood floors and classic furniture. In places, there were little playful pieces that offset the more regal setting. Bright spots of color that shouted that all of this was not to be taken too seriously. The home was the perfect evocation of the people who lived there -- elegant, yet playful. Debonair but never debilitating.

But before I could really get a sense of the place, Vanessa grabbed both Kate and Tara by the wrists and led them into the house.

"I have to show you around," she said, giving Jesse and I a wink as she went.

Suddenly, my wife -- my safety stone -- was gone. Jesse and I were left standing there in the entryway, staring anywhere but at each other. I felt stuck to the wall, magnetized, like I was back at a middle school dance.

Fortunately, almost immediately after Vanessa took off with our spouses, Brian swooped over. He had on a blue-striped button down and dark jeans. The perfect mix of casual and coiffed. He greeted both of us warmly.

"Nice tats!" Brian said as he shook Jesse's hand. My brother-in-law shrugged.

My muscular co-worker then led us around the house like a guide through the jungle, through the packed crowds in the living room, past a staircase, and into the kitchen. It was a massive open space with marble countertops, walnut cabinets, and Vulcan appliances. Clearly this was the engine room for the party, and alcohol was everywhere. There was even a keg in one corner, and another guest was standing behind the island and mixing drinks like it was a full-on bar.

Brian went straight to a nearby cooler that was resting on the floor. He knelt down and grabbed a bottle of beer, cracking it open before handing it to me. I turned to hand it back to Jesse, but he was gone. I supposed he'd dropped away at some point on the journey over. I guess I was supposed to wonder about him, but honestly, I was glad my greasy shadow was gone.

"See? I told you," Brian said, clinking his own beer with mine. "Nice, right?"

"It's a lot," I said.

"Hell yeah!" Brian said, clapping me on the back.

"Won't the neighbors complain about the noise?" I asked.

"Are you kidding? They're all here, too," Brian said, pointing around the room.

We stayed in the kitchen, drinking and doing our best to talk over the cacophony. Brian plied me with beers, and we talked about work stuff. When that topic ran out, we moved to sports. We didn't have much else to say to each other, and it was a stark reminder of how surface-level our friendship was. Like a particularly fickle houseplant, it withered once it was out of its narrow comfort zone.

On the other hand, standing next to Brian was like getting to share the spotlight with a celebrity. Everyone who came by had to say hello and chat for a bit. I got the standard guy nod from a whole town's worth of people: businessmen, cops, politicians. All of whom seemed to know Brian and want a minute of his time. And, since I was standing next to the prince of the party, all assumed that I must be important, as well.

But when I finished my fourth beer, reality finally set in. Like I was shaken out of a dream, I blinked back to consciousness and realized that I'd been standing in the kitchen for almost an hour, and I hadn't seen Kate. The house was pretty big, sure, but Vanessa's tour couldn't be taking that long.

Hurriedly, I told Brian I was going to go find my wife. He gave me a knowing nod, then raised his beer at me before he was quickly pulled into about four other conversations. The man was the life of the party, and it was hard not to be envious of him.

That feeling was mostly overwhelmed, however, by my worry about Kate. I reminded myself that she was a big girl who could take care of herself. But she'd seemed super nervous going in and I couldn't help but feel like I was letting her down.

I fought my way back into the living room, assuming I'd find Kate there since that's where almost everyone else was. Instead, however, I immediately noticed another familiar face: Tara.

My cute, redhead sister-in-law was sitting by herself on the couch, idly holding a half-empty beer bottle in her hand and staring off to nothingness. Tara must have been pretty out of it, because she didn't seem to notice me until I sat down next to her. Finally, she turned my way, gave me a tight, pained smile, and clinked my beer.

"Have you seen Kate?" I asked her.

Tara shook her head. "I think she's still getting the grand tour. How many bedrooms does one house need, seriously? I told them I needed to use the bathroom and snuck back down here."

"How are you?" I asked. We practically had to shout to hear each other, so instead we moved closer, till we were both nearly whispering in each other's ears. It felt almost intimate. Like we were a couple, getting ready to canoodle on the couch.

Being so close to Tara -- smelling her strawberry hair, seeing the tiny freckles on her neck -- it exacerbated my already underlying desire for her. I let myself be slowly swallowed up in her presence.

"I'm fine," Tara said, flatly. I gave her a knowing look and she took a deep breath. "Kate told you about the whole 'sharing' thing, huh?"

"No secrets between husband and wife," I said.

"Or siblings," Tara said.

"No doubt," I agreed, "You know Kate's not being mean or judging. She's legit worried about you."

"And you?" Tara asked. For some reason, the question struck me strangely.

"I want you to be happy," I said, "That's the only thing that matters to me."

"Jesse makes me happy," Tara said, "Sometimes."

"But maybe not happy enough," I said. Not a question.

"Well, we can't all marry Prince Charming," Tara said. She slugged my shoulder, playfully.

I looked around, like maybe this handsome gentleman that Tara was talking about was standing behind me.

"Oh, come off it," Tara said.

"Seriously?" I said, legitimately surprised. Being silly aside, I truly didn't think Tara could mean me.

"You really don't see it?" Tara said, "You're amazing. I see the way you take care of Kate, how much you love her, and I get so jealous. You're funny and fun. It doesn't help that you're really fucking handsome." She paused. "Sorry. I may have had a little too much to drink."

"It's OK," I said, now even more aware of how close the both of us were on the couch. I felt my erection fill my pants and it was both wonderfully welcome and excruciatingly embarrassing. "More than OK. I guess I still see myself as the awkward guy. Too little up here," I stroked my hair, "Too much down here," I rubbed my stomach.

"Not even close," Tara said, "When we first met, maybe? But sometime in your twenties you, like, blossomed. I can't think of another word for it."

I smiled to myself -- that was exactly how I'd described Kate earlier. Maybe both of us had grown into something more. I didn't see it in myself because I was too busy being entranced by my wife's transformation.

"Well, if you're that drunk, I guess I can confess," I said, "I've always had a bit of a crush on you."

Tara blushed.

"You're always outgoing and energetic," I said, "I guess that's why it weirds me out that you've been so quiet today."

"What Jesse said? It really hurt. We've been married for less than two years, and he's already bored with me. It sucks," Tara said, kicking her skinny legs out like a pouty little girl.

"I get that," I said, "The hurt part. Not being bored. Not with you."

"Thanks," Tara said, perfunctorily, "The way he keeps trying to explain it, I don't know. sometimes I think maybe he's right and I'm the one that's twisted. Like he says, it's only sex, right? I mean, do you and Kate ever..."

"No," I said, "Whatever you were going to ask about sex, the answer is no."