All Comments on 'Little Sister Susie Ch. 01'

Once story house, but she went upstairs to shower?

edition = addition

This is a Unstory... So unreal that it hurt my eyes...

PLEASE throw away your pen.....

I enjoyed the story but do have to ask how do you go upstairs to take a shower in a single floor house? Keep up the good work and let someone proofread for you. It really does help.

Even though this story was very choppy and needs some editing, with a bit of cleanup and smoothing out it could be very good.

The comments of "going upstairs" in a single floor house and "My Dad" instead of just "dad" were problems for me.

Go ahead and rewrite this and then rebmit.

Very good story, I hope you will continue to write more chapters to this story.

It was a fun story. yes there was some problems with consistancy, but who's perfect.

A 2nd story shower? Also girls don`t have adam apples

"Do you like what you see?"<p>One of the most overused dialogues in erotica.<p>Writer, ask yourself... do you talk like that or know anyone who does? I doubt it.

Why is it necessary for them to call each other "sis" & "bro" in every sentence they say to each other?? My whole life, I have never called my sister or brothers these names.

I just want to know what happened to the pizza they ordered?

Loved the heat but hated the mistakes . Never sacrifice quality for quantity (haste makes waste).

Very nice story, except...women don't have an adam's apple... That's why they call it Adam's, and not Eve's lol.

Good story anyway, keep it up.

dude, your sister is a dude! girls dont have adams apples!

Early in the story you stated you had a one floor house, then later on saying she went upstairs...Proof read after writing helps a lot!

This is pretty much how it was the last time we fucked. I had just gotten out of the hospital after a long stay. Since I could barely walk and needed a bath she stripped down and started to wash me. It didn't take long before we were back in bed and me pounding her delicious pussy doggie style.

Our moans and screams probably alerted the neighborhood! Fuck my pussy Big Brother, fill me up with your incestuous cum! Well cum I did, shot after shot. So much it oozed out the sides and drenched the sheets. I recuperated at her place for a couple of weeks and we fucked like rabbits the entire time.

If you've got a brother/sister and you're both willing what are you both waiting for??? Get in there and start fucking! Incest IS best!!!

Girls DONT. Have adam,'s apples

about time you listened to the readers and deleted this trash and rewrote it. this needs a good editor badly you should be ashamed of yourself for posting a first draft. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND EITHER DO IT RIGHT OR NOT AT ALL. NOW REWRITE THIS CRAP AND USE A GOOD EDITOR THIS TIME.

two sets of tits equals four tits since a set is two so she had four tits that would be interesting to see.

Total fucking rubbish by a total wanker

You're happy to fuck your little sister but were concerned about her having a beer at 19 years old? Talk about anal.

Wish you were my sister Susie im 31but my Sexy sister Susie is only2an ahalf yrs younger than me her beautiful butt is 29 not 19,a 69er eating susies perfect vagina My face inbetween susies perfect thighs an knee highs,Suzi if you are a kelly meet me at parents on Thursday 31st of dec for a Dream Iv had since 14

Women get raped because of what they wear?

One story house and sister goes upstairs to her room? Come on get together

Well I enjoyed it quite a bit, unlike all the English teachers commenting I thought it was fine except for the upstairs shower in a single floor home and his sister's Adam's apple. I can't believe people bitch about the grammer, it's a sex story and FREE.

A Sequel, with the writing edited, could get you past all the critical comments so far.

Please write chapter 2 and 3

Hey,

to all the negative comments given by editor want to be's, You get a life, what the hell do you think you're reading, a best seller novel/book? This is a free posting/reading site. The negative responders are taking life/fantasy to serious, get a life and if you're going post a negative comment then be a stand up person and give your name and contact info... Otherwise shut the fuck up! You are the losers, just enjoy the story and the effort that was given to bring us that story. Most of you that gave a tongue lashing mention the the Adam's apple statement!! Well if you read the story to that part you pretty much read the whole story! I would suggest to all the English, Punctuation and spelling monitors get a clue and your head out of your ass or at least off your shoulders! From now own at the first error you come to just stop reading, find another story and keep your asinine comments to yourself. You're just showing your ignorance to keep ready something that you don't like... If I pick up a book and start to read it and then find out I don't care for I have enough sense to stop reading it. I guess all of you "NEGS" are to stupid to understand that....

Nice little story, and these two seem to have been made for each other. And Susie is already looking forward to getting her ass reamed. that's what little sister are for, isn't it? thanx for the read.

This was a quick little story -- I couldn't believe how quickly you transitioned from Suzie walking in Mark's door to him sucking on her tits when they were wrestling on the floor, and how quickly he got to fill her mouth and her pussy with his cum blasts! And it looks like he is soon going to be pumping her ass full of cum too. Nicely done!

Damn!!! You should have continued this!

What about the pizza?

We learned that Susie or later known as Sue,was a Wild Child and finally the parents got sick and tired of her antics and so Sue left to go live with her brother Mark who she always was in love with.But learning that Susie was nothing short of a slut or too far as a whore with lots of guys fucking her on a daily basis.

So to think Susie or Sue is now a changed woman after having sex with Mark after one night is now a devoted Wife/Sister who makes breakfast for her Brother claiming she loves him for so long,and yet she had countless sex partners that she gave her mouth,pussy,and ass to on a regular basis is just a load of shit.

Susie sounds like your typical Town Bicycle of everybody gets a ride.Susie doesn't love Mark she just needed a place to stay till she finds other guys to fuck and satisfy her whoreish cravings.Susie should be out on the streets where she belongs.

Would have loved a brother! I would have fucked him