All Comments on 'Lockbox'

Well done!

Interesting take, but anyone that prepared would have been videoing the entire thing. Just in case something like what happened - happened.

Definitely no Larry Legend, that one. Was a fun quick burn.

Good story!

5

Nice twist - thanks for sharing!

Thanks Bebop. Always love seeing cheaters get burned.

Killian

Loved it, now please post some new longer works:)

congrats on a shit story

Nah, but I enjoyed you writing it!

Bebop3, a great story you really twisted the plot a female Detective screwing over the cheating husband throw in physical abuse adding the gun. Not to mention the arrested girlfriend busted for drugs, he can only moan opps!

Loved this story and the twist. Great job 5 stars

I love a lot of your work, and I get that this is a "750 word" thing, but my initial reaction to this is that it left a really bad taste in my mouth. (Metaphorically) If I reverse the sexes, then the detective becomes a monster, doesn't he (actually she, but I'm talking about the hypothetical sex reversal)? Idk. I'll reread this tomorrow, maybe I'll feel differently.

A nice twist nicely done.

Very good. Clever story

It was okay, but the reason why it works much better the other way around, is that the entire system is rigged against men.

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When the wife leaves for the rich guy, she can ream the betrayed husband in the divorce and use the biased family courts to make sure he has zero access to his kids. It's much, much, harder for the reverse to happen, because the courts side with the wife in the vast majority of cases... even when there's evidence that she's a cruel narcissistic whore.

The husband being betrayed is an underdog story. In this one, the husband was going to get fucked by the system even before the cop framed him. Now he'll do hard time for assault and attempted murder, whereas a woman in the same scenario probably wouldn't even get a custodial sentence.

5* Melissa's use of the notes to wind Larry up for his tape is so neat; an original twist.

I went back and read what Larry said, leaving out her handwritten notes (which would not be on the tape, of course) to find out just what would be recorded.

A note to anyone else planning to comment - please do that before you hit the keyboard.

Beautifully done, thank you.

Here is one guy I haven't missed. Always up on some kind of a soapbox. Always acting like he knows so much more than anyone else. This is typical.

Love'd it!

Typical cop. Frame and murder someone. The writer is the typical bootlicker.

Nicely played. Well done.

Not so much a gender switch but just bizarre

First person provided an interesting look. Made the reader work a little. Thankyou.

What’s the betting that if the genders were reversed you’d get a better score ? Gave it a five to help it along.

Ah nice twist.

This time the bastard cheater was the husband.

Nice thinking for the wife. Great plan.

That should teach the bastard cheaters out there not to mess with a lady detective.

Nice one Bebop3.

I did enjoy the story. I loved it. I may be a BTB fan, but that's because I want a lying, cheap, vindictive cheat to get what's coming to them.

These days, that's pretty much not a gender issue.

Typical 750 word effort

More of an outline or concept than an actual story

Dang- the things we learn, the education we receive by reading these stories. 'How to thwart a hidden recording' should be the sub-title here, and was quite clever.

Quick & dirty... Love it!!!

I liked it. Nice gender switch.

Why is it the majority of negative commentators are named Anonymous? Didn't their mothers like them?

Clever, but suffers from the brevity. For example, I know nothing about the kids (e.g., number, age), including how they’re being cared for with MC working at least full time and Larry rarely home. I join the chorus of folks who are glad to see you writing here, but hoping for more of your typical stories.

I don't care who the traitor is... whether it's the husband or the wife.

What I hope is that the tramp gets what he deserves.

Although it is violent, it says a lot about what can happen when a traitor spouse decides to be a son of a bitch.

I liked this one... it was fast, practical and to the point.

But that's just my opinion.

For a 750, this was succinct, but more to the point, fun!

Fucking GREAT!! Short, sweet and to the point.

Good, but not up to normal Bebop standards. Why? This superb author excels at characters, dialogue, and plot. 750 words allowed for a good, if thin, plot, but the characters didn't have room to develop.

Still better than much of what's posted, but…

Suffers the 750-word limitation of needing more.

I appreciate the effort, but it was poorly thought out and played. If Elly bought Moly and Coke she bought them to use with Larry. So why not just have Elly and Larry busted on drug use? What was the benefit of her playing dumb, then setting up some supposed violent assault? Both their finger prints are on the gun, and since she handed the gun to him both prints are the same age on the gun. And when the cops come where's the gun, in the safe? But the husband is beating her, blood everywhere, well, except on the gun. And this super cop physically overwhelms her armed husband and beats his face into the table until he's unconscious, but the gun is found in the safe, with no blood. Yeah, a great idea, but you should have given it more thought. Thanks for the effort.

Frame and murder. Taking "white knight" defense of women a little far, are we ?

And because of the existing matriarchal privilege in family court, this falls flat on its face.

Clever turn of the table. And yes, the gender reversal vis-à-vis the prevailing LW trend is a refreshing and appreciated balancing of the scales. Thanks for a fun scene.

Wow loved it very very very good please don't listen to the unhappy people

enjoyable but somehow I feel she wouldn't get away with it and at first reading she didn't appear to be the type to do this as I felt she wouldn't need to risk a thing. She would no doubt win out in the divorce.

This one is more common in real life.

Good story! This site needs to stop anon comments; too many cowards blasting good stories from behind the proverbial " bush ". Of course they need to give cuckold stories it's own category too and that hasn't happened.

Liked the twist in the story. Like even more the whining of the twisted losers who didn’t get their daily dose of revenge porn.

Nicely done. *****

Perhaps your next one could be about negative people tearing down the work of other more talented people. Just a thought.

Well done and imaginative.

Good try. But didn’t work.

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2 **

I liked it

Cleverly crafted story.

Well done.

Too much to quick.

What story?

Crooked cop worse than a cheater.

As always, excellently done. 5*

Not much depth, but nice twist on the plot. Like others, my bias caused me to rethink everything a few sentences in, but that's on me and thank you for making me shift perspectives. 4*

Not sure of why people are complaining! Someone was about to pull a fast one, only to find that their intended victim was not taken by surprise, but was prepared. And where did someone decide that she had murdered him? Knocking him unconscious and setting him up, in the situation, was pretty clever! LOL No one has a sense of humor anymore!

P.S.

its a btb'er, so i like it but i still don't get all the passive aggressive comments. She killed her husband and nothing. no any violence is wrong or is it only wrong against women? Or is it wrong because the husband was a willing cuckold? who knows with most of the cuckolds on this site.

Excellent, perfectly wrapped up in 750 words.

Nice switch. That trope is so ingrained that I expected it to be a marriage between two women. Well done!

Really, really average.

It’s a good introduction, could have been great, but not as a 750 word snip.

Typical waste of time 750 word bullshit.

This was a nice play on the 750 word storyline. It didn't need another word in my opinion. Full stars awarded!

This one was hard to track the logic until the end. But if the dick(cop wife) is never around for the kids how is her setting up her philandering husband for a big fall beneficial to the kids?

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The story is interesting but for one point, the kids. At least the mommy-husband took care of the kids while she did long hours at being a cop. The writing was different but the goal of raising kids was missed, or I missed how the kids came out better...

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3***, hooyah

Nicely done. Her dumb ass husband was obviously no match for her. He thought he was clever and planned to use the recording to hurt her, he grossly underestimated her. Something extra sexy about a gal with brains.

Pretty good, but lost a star...... 750 words just isn’t enough BeBop3.

Cheating is cheating. Getting hoisted by his own actions is great. Some will scream she didn't fight fair. No, she just fought by his rules and beat him at it. Putting our first responders and defenders of the constitution in a good light is just the bonus.

I would have preferred it a bit longer and tossed the 750 words, but still good.

Great 750 story. Glad he got what was coming to him

What you wrote is good and creative. How did these two morons get along long enough to have two kids?

A: this is supposed to be erotic. B: this is supposed to be about sharing wives and swinging. C: these quarter page stories just plain suck

What story?

I love it! Great twist and, as always, well written. Welcome back!! I'm always looking forward to seeing your new ones. Thank you!

Terse and nicely written. Good job!

I hate these 750 word stories, it is always inadequate. But 5 ***** for a quick read.

Well done, B3.

I routinely read all this writer's stories from top to bottom. For the first time, I'm sorry I even opened this... whatever it is-it surely isn't a story.

I wanted to give you 5 stars, but just couldn't do it with all the questions generated. I know you were going for the 'female-outsmarts-the-cheating-husband's-recording' thing, but you left me feeling sorry for the kids: neither parent deserves to raise them.

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If Elly, the husband's girlfriend, was seen buying drugs, why wasn't she arrested at the time? Or is the wife setting her up to be falsely accused? If it's real, why not make it part of the recording? Why hide it unless it's a setup?

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I'm really tired of the hollywood trope where 120 lb women throw 200+ lb men around the room. I don't care what kung fu they know. Physics reigns supreme in this universe, and that means women can't do it. And that includes grabbing a man by the hair and slamming his head on the table multiple times. Besides, what did that gain? He's not dead, so it will still be her word against his - the recording is useless because both got their heads slammed on the table, DNA is everywhere in that kitchen.

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Sounds like neither one is home with the kids; they're the ones being short-changed. Plus, you chose to make your protagonist a cop and, right now, in this country, people don't trust cops any more than they trust the bad guys. That mistrust of cops, especially when you show her faking and destroying evidence, will cost you a point or two also.

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Well written, as all your stories are, but honestly, I don't believe, or like, either one of the parents. I was left feeling sorry for the kids. 4 stars.

Very well written. I loved the MC. That's how it's done!

I find this a great (if unbelievable, but what isn't here?) little tale. The (perceived) wronged party gets justice. Frankly, I'm surprised by the current 3.85 score. This deserves to be much higher.

Darn, This one went by so fast I had to go back and read it again. Well done, that'll teach the SOB, LOL.

Well, that’s 37 seconds of my life I will never get back.

Well written, but did she shoot him or just give him brain damage?

NICE twist.

Not bad. 4 stars.

Definitely a 5. Love the originality!! The use of italics was confusing at first, until I reread it and realized that she was communicating to him using that. If he is recording, his outbursts will lack context to set it up. A good detective will jump on that. Overall, excellent!! Enjoyed the read!

Loved it! I also appreciate the Tag warning me, that I can't expect any Ninjas in this story.

That bitch needs a permanent vacation in the abyss

I liked it ! I am sure the misogynists on hear will claim hubby was a saint,she was a slut,etc ,( among other things,either they lack reading comprehension or don't bother to read the story,). For a 750 word special, this is a classic.

For all you anon types complaining she was violent and he was the victim. He threatened to have her branded a child molester by the girlfriends sister, you don't think that is violence? Only reason for a longer story was GFs sister gets busted for drugs, too,since she was willing to lie according to hubby.

And yes a 120 pound women could get the drop on a man. If the guy is sitting there, not expecting it, a woman could do that. Not to mention a female cop likely had taken self defense training

What story ❓️

This was a scene.

You write very interesting, entertaining stories.

This isn't one of them 😕.

Thanks.

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AMerryman

As a reader, 750-word stories are so, so hard to get your head wrapped around in a writing exercise. You did this pretty well given the limitations.

I would have put in a short pre-face about the fact this is a limited 750-word exercise up top. Then started with the 750-word storyline. As it appears now, no one knows those limits are in play except over on the source page that brought me to your succinct storyline. I think that lack of a preamble is a draw-back factor. Still, from experience, that might not ameliorate some groans about 'no story' comments.

You conveyed the intent well, the mood was clear, and the role reversal was a nice touch. The title threw me off a bit. I was expecting some sort of real estate lockbox situation like the kind placed on properties for sale. So the opening with the detective coming home scenario caught me off guard, until the context became clearer. Needed his fingerprints on the weapon - sly devil detective.

I am not familiar with your other works but will be checking them soon. Also, I don't understand the story tag references; an inside joke of sorts, perhaps?

I liked the work. 4 stars.

I really liked it. It took me a moment to get who was who, but then it was off and running. Great one.

Thank you, sir. 5*

Quick and dirty, all's fair in love and war.

Fantastic! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

great little story and love the tags.

Loved in Jason!

Loved it. That's my kind of woman!

You call this shit a story?

More of a script maybe, a lousy one at that.

How nice that you put in an afterword instead of giving away the story in a preface like so many other writers.

Well done!

A clever well written flash story.

A lot of facts missing,

but what was said, was well said.

Top ratings from me.

Excellent! Best 750 word story I've read to date.

Love this spin on the usual story

I gave this 3 stars, for the attempt of writing. To me, this was a so-so story. Maybe, it would've been better if it was longer & dealt deeper into the whats & whys. Bob