All Comments on 'Lost Empire Ch. 06'

You have a good story there

The only problem I think is you could make the chapters little longer

Like 4 or 5 lit pages

You have good content carry it forward

You've kept me interested, look forward to more. a 5

Thanks for your submission. Your plot has kept me interested, good job. If you sort out some workshop problems, it's going to be 5*.

Attempt at constructive criticism:

- the writing seems rushed; you have repetitions, gramar mistakes and general hiccups that could be corrected with one or two re-reads

- the dialogue tends to feel unnatural; you're pushing through too much information aimed at the reader, where the character would not do it

- subjectively - the pacing is a bit frantic; the character is already in a unique position, it's clear; piling on new gifts while not exhausting the possibilities of the current ones may lead to overdoing; you can take your time - you have at least my attention

Again, thanks and keep writing!

I'm impressed. I suspect that you think faster than you type. Get someone to proofread for you. If you have one, wives are usually good at that. They aren't afraid to bitch at you and love doing it! I'm a new writer and I take lots of grief for it, but I like lots of precise punctuation. It makes the storyline clear and understandable on the first pass. Good job! keep going! pn Oh, P.S. Slow down. You're going to burn out.

Can't wait for what''s next. Will Shelby be the next Emperess?

I'm loving the intrigue

My second read. Still a great story.

So one minute they’re destroying 50% of the enemy ships with impunity, then they take serious damage? This has to be a very rough first draft, surely not a finished piece.