Love is Enough

TJ closed the house doors and trotted down the back hall to stage left. He waited among the lights and props crowded behind the wings and listened to the murmurs from the crowd while the house lights went down. "Are you ready?" he asked of no-one anyone could see.

He felt Gabby's cold touch and heard her close by his ear. "And how!" she said.

TJ stepped through the half-open curtains and into the light. He was greeted there by polite applause and took a couple steps toward the edge of the stage. The upturned faces in the front few rows bore curious expressions, but as always, the crowd disappeared into obscurity in the shadows behind them. He lifted his chin and talked to the unseen people in the balcony. "Thank you all for being here tonight," he said. "We have a special presentation for you before the show—a short, one-time performance by a wonderful new artist."

TJ paused while a stagehand put a chair in the light beside him, then he took a step back toward the shadows. "Please welcome Gabriella Francini," he said.

He started the welcoming applause before he turned back to the wings where Hannah waited. TJ found her trembling, so he wrapped her in his arms and held her in front of him. When he looked up he saw Mack standing and watching from the other side of the stage.

Gabby, in her rayon camisole and knickers, materialized in the light at center stage. She put her palms up with a smile and a shrug while gasps and whispers went through the crowd. Some people said she stepped from the shadows, but others were afraid she didn't.

Gabby turned her back on the empty chair and said, "When I was a girl—you know I'm not a girl anymore, but people still call me that—when I was a girl things seemed easy. I had dreams. I had goals. And my folks? They let me believe they could all come true.

"Maybe they weren't paying attention. I guess sometimes people just think their kids will want what they wanted. They shoulda slapped me down and told me the truth. At least they shoulda told me how hard it was going be, because I wasn't ready when the time came."

Gabby turned to the chair and talked to it as if TJ still sat there. "I could have been someone's wife and someone's mother. That might have been easier, but I wanted to be a star! I wanted my name on the marquee. I wanted to act, and sing, and dance.

"It wasn't my folks' fault, the way things worked out. It was mine. I thought it was easier to lie and to use people than it was to tell the truth. It was easier to sleep with the director than it was to do the work. I took one easy way out, and then another, and then I was a whore. Pretty soon after that I was a dead whore."

Gabby stopped to listen, and when the whispers quieted she went back to talking to TJ's empty chair.

"But that's just me, and what do I know?" she asked. "I know that things are different now. In my days we thought tomorrow would be wonderful. Life was exciting. We laughed at silly things.

"Maybe we were naive, but now you and your friends—you're all jaded. No-one is surprised anymore. The only things that get your attention are odd or out of place. Irony makes you laugh, but I hardly ever hear anyone laugh without making it sarcastic or just plain mean.

"There were always mean souls, but now I don't know who they are because everyone is so cynical." She waved a hand at the world and said, "I saw a man on the sidewalk. He stood in the snow with his hat in his hand instead of on his head. He wore a wet old coat and worn-out canvas sneakers, and he shivered from the cold.

"Most folks just passed him by because they were too far into themselves or into their phones to see him. One girl did notice him. She looked him over and told her guy, 'I hear they make more money than I do, beggin' like that,' and they walked away.

"What?" Gabby asked. "What? The man was sick. He was skin and bones. He was dying alone and cold.

"Something killed kindness," Gabby said. She looked down, and the shadows hid her face. When she looked up at the chair again she said, "It wasn't just cynicism that killed kindness. It was fear, too. You and your friends are afraid that if you reach out to someone, then they might penetrate that wall around you. You might feel something."

"You don't believe me, do you?" Gabby asked, and laughed at her own question. "Of course you don't. You're skeptical about everything. You don't know the answers, but you're pretty damned sure my answers aren't right.

Gabby's expression softened for just a moment, and she said, "Maybe that makes you feel like you're better than me, but to me it just makes you seem kinda dumb. I mean, everyone knows you can't always believe your eyes and ears, but we don't spend a lot of time bothered by it. Why don't you just let it go and have some fun?"

Gabby stamped her bare foot on the stage and threw her hands in the air. "It's because you can't have fun with anything," she said. "Doubt and skepticism have stolen your joy. Now you doubt everything that could make you happy.

"And you know what you doubt more than anything?" Gabby asked. She pointed her finger at TJ's imaginary figure in the chair and said, "You doubt yourself."

Gabby stepped back from the chair and said, "You can be skeptical if you want, but tomorrow will come, and I'll wake to a world with kindness and hope. What are you going to find when you open your eyes? You'll see gray where I see color.

"What's left when you let fear and doubt take so much away from you? There's still love, isn't there? There has to be love—you wouldn't be human without it."

Gabby cocked her ear toward backstage then said, "Someone needs me. I have to go." She turned away, but then stopped at the edge of the light. "Even if you still have love, I don't know if love alone will make you whole." she said. "I don't know if love is enough."

The audience seemed to draw a breath after Gabby slipped behind the curtain, and then their applause began. Gabby ran for TJ and Hannah, and they met her half way, "You have to go back!" TJ said.

"Did I forget somethin'?" Gabby asked and looked from TJ to Hannah for an answer.

"Your bows." TJ said. "Listen." The applause had grown to an ovation. Gabby turned back to look through the half-open curtain, and her jaw fell.

TJ took Gabby's hand and led her back to the lights. He wasn't sure why the audience stood, but he was sure that it wasn't because of his words. The bows were Gabby's to take alone, so he dropped her hand and backed into the shadows.

Gabby didn't know what to do at first. She smiled, waved to people, and gave them a shy curtsy before she remembered the bows she practiced as a child. She covered her décolletage with one hand and swept down into a deep curtsy. When she stood again, Gabby stepped back toward the shadows, vanished, and left the audience gasping.

"Where are you, Gabby?" TJ asked, "Where are you going."

Gabby's voice came from beside him. "Upstairs. Up the back stairs, where I can be as loud as I want," she said.

"I'll be there," TJ said, "But I have to talk to Mack first." He felt cold air swirl as Gabby ran across the stage. Hannah vanished from beside him and left the stage crew gaping. TJ spotted Mack as he flinched away from Gabby's cold, and he covered the distance between them in long strides.

TJ threw his arms around Mack and said, "It was worth it, Mack! It was so worth it. Did you see her?"

"Saw her and heard her," Mack answered and pushed TJ back. "I'll never forget it, but I imagine a lot of people watching just thought her entrance and exit were magic tricks." He glanced at the cast waiting behind him and at the crew resetting the lights. "The folks back stage might know better.

"You know as well as I do that I have to let you go. What are you doing now?" Mack asked. "Where are you going?"

TJ felt Hannah beside him and realized that she had stopped with him. "I'm going to New York," TJ said. "A friend of mine has a walk-up in the Village and I'm going to stay with him—in a closet, I think—and I'm going to sell plays."

Hannah's voice came from beside him. "Damn you, TJ," and cold air engulfed him as she ran up the back stairs.

TJ watched frost swirl in the air behind Hannah then turned back to Mack. "I'll leave my keys in your desk," he said, "But please, don't change the security codes tonight. I didn't tell Hannah or Gabby that I was leaving. I need to say goodbye."

Mack nodded and said only, "Good luck, TJ."

TJ ran the back stairs to the landing below the staircase to nowhere, and Gabby appeared there. She threw her arms out and laughed into the ceiling overhead. "I feel so grand," she said. "I didn't know I could be so happy!"

Gabby squealed when TJ swept her up and turned about with her cradled in his arms. "You were perfect!" he said, "You're my star!"

"When are you going to tell her the rest?" Hannah asked. She already had tears streaming down her cheeks when she appeared on the steps.

TJ stopped and let Gabby down, but then he had no words. Gabby looked from TJ to Hannah and asked, "What?"

"He's leaving," Hannah said. "I heard him tell Mack. TJ knew that Mack would fire him if you done your show. He planned all of this knowing he'd have to leave."

Gabby looked shocked when she turned to TJ. "I couldn't tell you," he said as tears appear in Gabby's eyes. "I was afraid that if you knew, then you wouldn't do it. You wanted center stage for so long, and I wanted to give it to you."

"You didn't give me a choice!" Gabby said. She swung her arm and slapped TJ across the face with her open hand. She turned away, clutched her hands around her shoulders, and said to the wall, "I would have chosen you."

TJ touched the reddening bruise on his cheek and said, "There wasn't another way. Eventually something would happen and the Trustees would make me go. I thought that might happen when you talked to Zoey last week." He turned Gabby around to talk to her, "I was afraid I would never see you on stage, and I couldn't stand that.

"I won't be gone forever," he said, "I'll be back."

It was too little or too late. First Gabby faded away then Hannah, and they left TJ standing alone.

* * * *

The theater buzzed with excitement that night: in the house, in the lobby, and back stage, too. No-one wanted to leave, so it was late before the place was empty and the doors were locked.

TJ found the book he left in the box office and carried it to the stage. He waited on Scrooge's bed and flipped through its pages. He'd stay there until morning if he had too, but he didn't have too.

Hannah appeared first. She settled on the edge of the bed and looked curiously at the book. "What'cha got?" she asked.

Gabby materialized, standing beside the bed, and TJ motioned for her to come to him. He laid back on the bed and pulled both of his ghosts close. "It's almost Christmas, and if you let me, then I want to read you a story. But first," he said, "tell me what you're going to do while I'm gone."

"Tomorrow," Gabby said and snickered in TJ's ear, "we're gonna close Karen in the john for a while and see if Zoey did her work. I guess it'll be our Christmas present to Zoey. I feel like I owe her one."

"After that, dunno," Hannah said. "Probably what we done before—hit the gin bottle and talk."

"Maybe we'll play a few tricks on fellas, like we used to," Gabby said then asked, "What are you goin' to read to us?"

It's The Gift of the Magi TJ said. Gabby curled against his left side and Hannah against his right. They pillowed their heads on his shoulders, and TJ began, "One dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all. She had put it aside, one cent and then another and then another, in her careful buying of meat and other food."

TJ read it all, and his ghosts groaned and laughed when it was done. Then they fell still in his arms, and their breath came warm and even against his skin.

12.

TJ waited in the sunlight at the front of the theater and inhaled the slowly warming air of a summer morning. The rubble from the ruined hotel was gone, and a breeze rustled leaves on the trees along the side streets. It had been months, but it seemed like a lifetime passed, since he saw Hannah and Gabby. He was nervous.

Mack slapped TJ's shoulder and gave him a rough handshake before he let him in. "I know you didn't come back to see me," he said, "But I'm going to make you tell me what happened."

TJ settled into the chair across from Mack and laughed, "I worked my ass off is what happened. I've never talked to so many people, and things happened too fast." he said. "I didn't get much sleep. I slept sitting up most of the time with buds in my ears and my laptop on my lap,

"It turned out to be all about grants," TJ said. "I haven't really sold a play at all, but I got grants. I have one grant to keep me working, and two of my plays got into a program that subsidizes companies that want to produce them."

TJ checked the time on his phone and looked up at Mack, "I have some things I need to take care of here. I don't have much time. I fly back to New York in a couple hours to catch a flight to London. A company there is going to do one of my plays," he said.

Mack watched and waited until TJ asked, "How have they been?"

"You mean the things you need to take care of?" Mack asked. "They've been quiet, except for that first day you were gone." He sat back in his chair and looked over TJ's head. "What was it?" he asked himself. "Oh right. One of the girls in the cast got closed into the downstairs bathroom, and we couldn't get her out in time.

"It worked out. The company had an understudy and, except for the program change announcement, no-one in the audience would have known the difference. I couldn't prove it, but I bet your friends had something to do with that.

"Since then though, we know they're here, but they've been quiet. No, that's not quite right," he said. "They've been sad. We can feel it." Mack leaned over his desk and handed TJ a ring of keys. "Go find them," he said.

TJ took the keys. He walked at first then ran to the dungeon and started calling for Gabby and Hannah.

"Do we have to do it this way? And now?" Gabby asked. "It hurts." She slouched in a seat high in the balcony with Hannah beside her.

"If we don't do it now, it'll just hurt more," Hannah said. "Do you want to let TJ live his own life, or not?" she asked.

"I want TJ to live like we never could," Gabby said, "But this feels like dyin' all over again."

TJ stepped out to center stage and stood under the yellow light that always hung there, and Hannah and Gabby sunk into their chairs as far as they could go. "I know you're here," TJ said. "I can smell your perfume.

"I can't be here very long. Can I see you?" TJ asked and waited without an answer. "I missed you. There wasn't a day when I didn't want to be here with you. Mack said they all feel like you've been sad. Are you mad at me, too?"

Hannah couldn't stop herself from crying. She and Gabby covered their mouths so they wouldn't sob out loud, and the only sound TJ heard was the hum of the ventilation fans.

"I want to buy a house," he said. "I can't do it right now, but it won't be long. I want you to come live with me. I'll take you there, somehow. There has to be a way."

TJ stopped and listened, and the silence sunk into his bones. His shoulders drooped and his head bowed. When he looked up again he said, "If you won't come out, then I guess I'll leave. I don't know what I did to you, but whatever it is, I'm sorry. I'll come back again when I can."

He walked to stage right and stopped before he disappeared into the wing. He looked out at the empty house and said, "I want you to know. I want you to know that I love you both, and I will always love you." He turned into the wing, and a few seconds later the stage door slammed behind him.

Neither Hannah nor Gabby could see through their tears, but they could feel the touch on their shoulders and hear the quiet man's voice when he said, "He meant that, you know. TJ will love you forever."

"How do you know that?" Gabby asked and looked up at the man they'd seen only once before.

"The same way we know that you both love TJ as much as he loves you," he answered. He looked from Hannah to Gabby and said, "TJ wrote in your monologue that he didn't know if love was enough to make him whole. Love is enough, and it's enough to make you whole, too.

"Come with me," he said. "You're done here, and you'll be with TJ again soon enough."

* * * *

TJ boarded late. He was exhausted when he made his way down the aisle and found his seat, and he was happy to find that the seat next to his was empty. He would have room and seven hours to sleep before he reached Heathrow—if he could sleep. His mind had spun through thoughts of Hannah and Gabby since he left the theater, and it was only now starting to slow down.

He turned off his phone and slipped it back into his jacket pocket. TJ waited until the plane was high over the Atlantic before he laid his seat back and tried to sleep. The sounds of the engines, of conversation around him, and of the flight attendants going about their work were all fading to meaningless noise when his phone chimed.

TJ fumbled for the phone that he was sure he'd turned off. He found a message on its glowing screen, and a hand on his arm made him turn. A white-haired man in a dark business suit sat beside him in the seat that had once been empty.

He spoke in a quiet voice. "You can't go back to the theater to see Hannah and Gabby," he said. "They won't be there."

TJ didn't doubt what the quiet man said. "You've taken them away?" he asked.

"They're done here," the quiet man said. "Because of your love for them and their love for you. Don't worry about Hannah and Gabby. When your time comes, you will be with them again."

The man faded from view as quietly as he arrived, and TJ looked back at the message on his phone. "We love you too," it said, "and we always will." The message was signed with a heart and a flower.

*****

The author would like to thank several people for their early feedback on this story. They are, in alphabetical order: BentonVirtus, Casiyessie, Dream_Operator, Etaski, Handley_Page, MindsMirror, RubenR, and xelliebabex.