All Comments on 'Lying in the Sun with Ellie'

This was one of the best i've read. You HAVE TO do a sequel!

The build up was superb and the climax just about perfect. This tale begs for a sequel or two.

A very acceptable story but just a tad confusing with the switching of "I watched her" and "he watched her" . I'd love to read a sequel .

you have been writing here for over 2 years and still haven't learned to usw an editor way to many wrong words missing words extra words and miss spelled words please never ever post a story without going through a good editor first if you really care about your stories and the enjoyment of the readers then you will get an editor and do a rewrite on all of your stories before writing any more

You have to make sequels!!!

Thanks again for another great story. Don't worry about the critics who seem to read stories just to pick faults. I LOVED it.

The buildup was good, the description of the sex was good, but . . . there were too many distractions. In one section, several paragraphs were repeated; as the previous comment mentions, there was one place where 'he watched him' instead of 'she watched him.' These types of errors interrupt the flow of the story and make it only a 4 star effort instead of 5 stars. By all means, get an editor; your writing is good but it could be much better.

weirdly, I actually read your previous stories just this past weekend. In those there was a lot of repetition that has already been commented on, but there was much less so in this one.

I really loved the hesitation and unsurety (word?) of the two characters, and it really felt pretty realistic.

Just from my own perspective I would have preferred it if Ethan had taken the (sort of) dominant lead rather than Ellie - but that really is just me :)

'uncertainty'

Many of your stories seem to be retelling the same tale, only with different locations and people in them. Maybe for your next story you should step back and try something completely new. Have your characters use the term cock and pussy so they don't sound like 8 year olds talking about that scary sex stuff. Have the women be confident and not worried about orgasm or being wet or having small tits. Let the men be men and not worried about upsetting the females after every comment or action, it just gets frustrating to read that over and over.

You have a talent, you just need to step beyond all these literary crutches that are in all your stories.

"My penis was all cute and tiny"--really? You'd better stop trying to narrate as a male if your word choice is like this. No way any teenage boy or any man would say this, let alone think it.

Very Nice premise! I enjoyed it!

It was a bit rambling with redundant, repetative phrases that made it annoying at times.

I say another chapter is in order with them consumating their love for one another at the secret place in the woods!!!

Thanks for writing!

I have read most of your stories and have loved them all. Yes, they do tend to have similarities, but each story (for me at least) is captivating.

Wonderfully well written. You really captured the intimacy that only young lovers can know and the fact that they were siblings made it so much more intense.

There should be another chapter to this story

addieQ

Over the years I've read a lot of different types of stories and I have to say that "Lying in the Sun with Ellie" was one of the very few that I could not walk away from until the end. It was almost as if I was there in Ethans place. What made it even more intense is that it reminded me of an incident years back with my late older sister as we were growing up. You must have a follow up.

What could have been a good story was ruined by over punctuation, repetition (how many times can you use the word beautiful in one story???) and a totally unrealistic dialog. This felt like i was reading a pre-teen's work.

Ignore the person who posted before me, if they didn't like it they shouldn't of continued onto section 2. You write a fine story and it was just perfect. I loved how emotional everything was. Keep on writing!

I am the author of this story, and I get totally lost during the writing process. It is a curious sort of compulsion, that slips into a dream like state.

Thanks for the nice compliments.

AQ

I thought it was very erotic but the peeing turned me off like a switch. If that had been said in the beginning Id of looked elsewhere.

Not having a sister, it let my imagination run wild with what could have been. Wild enough that I stroked my cock and let my minds eye be led to your secret place. I exploded when Ethan did. I do hope you will continue this story with her giving him her virginity. I like how you didn't get too lost in size and shape of equiptment. Not being an English teacher, didn't care about the "errors".lol My cock doesn't care what word would be proper in what place.lol I would like to know more about you and if you have a brother. One who you gave your pussy to or wanted to.

Unlike most incest stories, the boy/girl relationship had been thoughtfully carried out. The character's are not already engaged in this behaviour and it is refreshing to see the slow transformation and progress of the plot. Again congratulations on a story well written.

This was such an awesome story. Great progession to the story. This is one of the few stories that kept me so into it.

Maybe your lines were a little too repetitive, but overall, it was a good, hot story.

Congratulations on writing an incest story that's actually believable, just about the first one I've seen on this site. These kids are innocent--no, naive--and tentative. That's realistic. She's not just a bored little hottie, and he's not just a stud. The characterization is pretty good, too, except for the slip-up with his description of his penis coming out of the cold water.

I would have to agree with the people who have said that the slips in grammar, voice, and repetitiveness (was that just a computer error with the "paste" function?)were intrusive and bothered me. But then, I'm an English teacher.

I second all the positive things that have been said about this story. I realized after I had finished it that there was a detail near the beginning that "doesn't fit." Have you ever gone into a cabin in spring when it's been closed up all winter? It smells moldy, everything's covered with cobwebs, if you left sheets on the beds they stink of mildew, and there may even be telltale signs of rodents. But these kids apparently just came in at night and hit the hay. MY cabin wouldn't be usable that way, and neither would theirs. Now . . . all this doesn't mean it's a bad story or anything like that; it simply means that you have to think through a lot of details better when you write.

The story was awesome although there were alot of repeated phrases and grammatical errors. Other than that, the story was fantastic.

This story is fantastic & so natural,, there is a definate need for ch 5 where they become lovers

If you continue this story. Don't have them go on to having sex. It would kill the erotic and loving mood. It was hot enough without actual sex.

not enough background as to their relationship before this. no character development. this chapter was rushed repeated and to long as it got boring. as per usual for this writer NO END we once again get left hanging. the best thing you can do is delete all stories and have a good editor help you rewrite them. since you admit you have trouble writing because you go into a trance it is all the more important that you use a good editor before posting.

This was an OK story.... I thought it could use a bit of pruning and tightening up.... certainly better than a lot of the stuff on here. I wasn't going to comment, though.

Then I saw that jerk hurtful on-so-superior ungrammatical maggot-encrusted flyblown decomposing corpse fart of a "comment" by Anonymous, and thought I should say something. Not so much to the author as to Asshole-nominous.

You, sir, are a pencil-dick viper-humping clap-ridden blowfly of a human being.

You didn't write that comment to critique the story. You wrote it to hurt the author. It was a sorry vomit-streaked completely incompetent attempt to hurt her, and I hope she prints it out on some suitably soft paper and wipes her arse on it. Cosmic justice would be best served if she wiped her arse on it and then shoved it down your gangrenous throat, but "critics" like you never have the guts to reveal themselves to their intended victims. So that will have to wait until Satan gets his hands on your dandruff-encrusted, zit-speckled soul, drops it with open and unfeigned horror into a rotting barrel full of demonic boogers, donkey dung, and the fleas of a thousand camels, and staggers off choking and gagging to send a complaint about the quality of your "soul" to God, special delivery.

You know, you useless shower of stale and stinking shit, real writers use capital letters in appropriate places. Real writers don't punctuate with a blood alcohol level so high that any mosquito that attacks them vanishes in a puff of blue fire. Real writers don't confuse "to" and "too." Real writers don't attack mistakes in constipated prose that has more errors than the text it purports to criticize. And real writers don't give someone else the lofty advice to find an editor in an illiterate and tawdry joke of a mani-fester-o that has all the fire and charm of a fermented muskrat fetus road pizza scraped off the highway with a poop shovel at the end of a long, hot summer day.

The delicious and risible climax came when you called the author a "wannabe." Well, I'm sure the author does want to be better. And I think that's within her capabilities. While YOU, on the other hand, too witless to pull in your dick before you do up your zipper but too poorly endowed for it to matter much to anyone not armed with a pair of tweezers and a magnifying glass -- YOU remain stranded and gasping in a bleak and lifeless salt flat of terminal ineptitude, laboriously spewing your pathetic and pestilential burblings, until the wild beasts, reluctant to see local property values fall any further, draw lots to see who will have the miserable and nauseating chore of finishing you off and flushing your worthless carcass down the nearest storm drain.

In other words, Anonymous -- I don't like you and I think your opinion sucked.

I remain, Sir, your most obedient servant,

heretopraise

I must have read the tale with a different purpose than the previous two reviewers. I say it's a goddamn fine story. Certainly made me cum.

I really liked the story. My only suggestion is that you get an editor before posting. We tend to miss things like the change from his to my personal reference. But, by all means, keep on writing.

Overwriting doesn't give you extra point

A workable premise was ruined by errors. Keep trying though. Try to maintain perspective. First person, third..???

Really enjoyed the way this story eased into something that you knew was coming,.

his finger at least knows how to fuck a hole...virgins forever, stupid fuckers

I have to agree with SmallTitFan,

I really enjoyed reading that story and loved it for being very plausible.

But I also couldn't give the fifth star because of the repetitions and changes of perspective during the buildup and the climax. Those are small things, but they hurt the reading flow. Missing letters and words tend to not bother me while reading.

Keep up the writing and try to edit those few mistakes and you can become one of the best.

Ps: I liked the peeing-part but can understand if some readers are disgusted by it, especially if they don't expect it.

I have to agree with SmallTitFan,

I really enjoyed reading that story and loved it for being very plausible.

But I also couldn't give the fifth star because of the repetitions and changes of perspective during the buildup and the climax. Those are small things, but they hurt the reading flow. Missing letters and words tend to not bother me while reading.

Keep up the writing and try to edit those few mistakes and you can become one of the best.

Ps: I liked the peeing-part but can understand if some readers are disgusted by it, especially if they don't expect it.

Very Good Job!!!

This was exquisite.

I agree that you would benefit from an editor, but no real "deduction" for that. Breaks the flow every so often, but hardly criminal.

I haven't read your other stories yet, but if they are of this core expressive quality then they deserve the polish that a second set of eyes will bring.

You REALLY needed and editor, or somebody to teach you some writing skills. You had tenses all fucked up, you confused person points of view, you repeated unimportant tidbits ad-nauesum. It turned a hot 5 star story into a painful 2 star read.

First off I think you're an incredibly talented writer with great possibilities, but you have a bad habit of leaving your stories unfinished. Three pages of kinky build up capped with a they had semi-weird sex - the end. Most of those of us who enjoy slow build up sibsex like to enjoy a fair bit of follow up. Did they ever speak again? Was it a one off? Do they ever have make semi-normal love? Did their relationship blossom? As for your habit of obsessing on your female protagonists having tiny breasts, okay fine, I'm one of those alpha males that prefers adult women with A and B cup breasts. Mention it one or twice but don't obsess over it in in nearly every paragraph. Some of us understand that unlike DD cup owners, A and B cup owners won't have to move them them out of the way to clean their belly button when they are in their 40s or 50s. I would have given you a 5/5 if you had finished the story but sadly you didn't.

I thought it was beautiful the way it was. Such intense love between them and thought it was a little long, it was great.

i thought it was beautiful,it really was.Ellie comes across as her brother described her ,totally beautiful.If I had a sister like Ellie and she asked me ,id have done exactly the same for her .Such a beautiful and well told story

I loved your story, well done. Kept me turned on, a the way. It certainly had some truth brimming, the mystery made it exciting. I love the way you described gorgeous Ellie, her beautiful body, her plump bottom, yes please. Suckable titties.yes please. Top job, more more more. It has certainly made me want more of you. Super hot, I've been to a cabin by a lake. I am in England, UK. Love the American thought of creeping Tina family cabin for some super sticky fun. Oooh yeh baby x I have some great stories in my head and can't wait to attempt producing something like yours. First one was rejected, oh well, when I get a chance I will try again. Love it, Thank you for keeping me rock hard.

This is a HOF story. Amazing work. Everyone needs to read this author.

A different kind of story but I loved it

So beautiful. The voyeuristic element had me shaking, really. Ellie asking him to do different things was incredibly sensual. It's going to be a masturbation fantasy for me for a long time. Well done.

A VERY slow build up to mutual touching & masturbation.

It seemed a bit strange to have her be so chaste at first after spying Ethan before. So she was both a voyeur & exhibitionist.

Given the same scenario I doubt I would have lay there without touching her & I'm sure we would have fucked our oily sexes together in a frenzy.

Ellie is MY kind of girl but sure took a lot of time to finally expose herself, pee for Ethan, & stroke him.

The story didn't finish so I could only rate 4 stars. I wanted to go 5 stars though...