Magic

What happened next was totally unexpected.

As I stood there, the "magic" was suddenly back full force.

HOLY SHIT! The feelings and emotions from Allison hit me hard as they came blasting in like a torrent of flood waters. I almost fell over and had to grab the counter to steady myself.

At the same time Allison suddenly dropped her fork and knife with a loud clatter. That got everyone's attention and everyone's head turned to look at her wondering what was going on. She covered her ears with her hands as if trying to shut out the emotions from me. She then turned to her mom and like a little kid scared about something said in a questioning voice that had a quiver in it, "Moooom?"

"What dear."

She then stuttered a bit as she apprehensively explained, "ma... magic"... It's back. I can feel him... he... he's close, I can feel him. Oh god he's so anxious and afraid." She then sadly stated in a shaky voice. "He's very afraid of something. I think it's me he's afraid of."

Hearing her voice and the grief in it, I just had to take the last steps to stand behind her chair. Nancy was going to say something to her daughter, but when she saw me enter the room she chocked on her words and everyone went dead quiet. The only sound I heard was a few gasps when everyone saw me suddenly appear out of nowhere and approach her. I lightly put my hands on Allison's shoulders and she jerked to attention. I softly said "I'm here Allie, Happy Easter."

Her whole body started to shake and she started to hyperventilate. I thought she was going to faint, so I then bent down beside her ear and softly whispered, "Allie dear... Calm down please." I massaged her shoulders reassuring her and when she was breathing normal I softly asked her, "Can you come with me please?"

She sat there rigidly and started to say something. "Oh... God I'm so sor..."

That was all she got out before I stopped her by firmly saying. "NO!" Then I softly said, "No talking yet please, just come with me."

I had to take her hand to get her to stand up, and when she turned to face me I saw a frightened look on her face. Again she was going to try and say something, but I firmly told her. "Allie no talking right now, this is not the time or place. Come with me."

A big smile from me seemed to ease her fear somewhat, and after a pause she moved. Holding her hand, I led her through the kitchen, to the basement steps. She was desperately squeezing my hand and holding back as I led her along. She reminded me of a small child being reluctantly led into a dentist's office. I could feel she was as scared about this as I was. Down we went to the basement to that family room where we had spent so much time in the past.

As I led her down the stairs there sure was a lot of animated murmuring going on in the dining room.

We got to the bottom of the stairs and she tried to talk again, "You're finally here. I got to say how..."

I just put a finger on her lips and gently shushed her as I told her, "Talking right now won't be constructive, and we will probably say something that we shouldn't." She was nodding her head up and down in acceptance of that fact when I said, "Dear, could we just sit and reconnect a bit before we do the weighty stuff?" Looking confused and scared about what was happening she nodded her head in agreement. I led her to the loveseat we used to cuddle up on and sat her down. As I joined her I reminded her. "There is to be no talking just yet. Right now we'll just close our eyes, and seeing how the "magic" is back we'll let it say everything for us."

I don't know if it was her hands shaking or mine, but we held each others hands as we sat and faced each other. Then we closed our eyes and let the emotions loose. The "magic" was sure working overtime as I was overwhelmed by the roller coaster ride of emotions from her. For a while it was a never ending circle of emotions between the two of us. We found that when one of us felt a feeling from the other we naturally had our own reactions about that, which the other could feel, and then it was on to the next emotion. I was drained from just that, and I'm sure she was feeling the same way from all my emotions that were assailing her from me.

At the start, all I felt from her was lots of fear, with plenty of nervousness, anxiety and a few times, almost panic. I don't know what she felt from me and I felt her jerk a few times. At least she didn't run away. It took twenty minutes for all those frantic emotions to almost dissipate to be replaced by less drastic feelings of apprehension, relief, hope, and then finally followed by calmness, with just a bit of anxiety.

We both opened our eyes at the same time and both of our faces looked pretty messed up with all the tears that had been shed. As our eyes locked I could see out of the corner of my eye Jack was silently standing there at the bottom of the stairs checking to see if his daughter was ok. He smiled and went back up the stairs.

I don't know when it happened, but we found ourselves cuddling like we used to. My arm was around her with her head leaning on my shoulder, and both her hands were holding my other hand in her lap. I could hear her sigh and we both felt a sense of well being. After so many years we were back to feeling connected to each other even if the two of our minds were topsy turvy and our thoughts were going off in all directions.

I squeezed her hand and said, "Ok Allie, I think it's time to talk a bit. Nothing serious... Just light general stuff, OK?" To set the guidelines I said, "Have you heard they are going to stop sending more guys to the moon after these next few tries?" We talked about that for a while. Then it was her turn, she caught on to the idea and said. "Have you heard the new Rolling Stones song?" We talked about things like that for about a half hour, never once mentioning anything even remotely close to the topic that was weighing so heavily on our minds. There were still pauses as a new emotion would suddenly appear from one of us which would cause tears, but we continued with this because we both knew this was an act of reconciliation, and we were teaching ourselves to be together again.

We were still cuddled on the loveseat reconnecting by talking about what had happened in world events and just getting used to being around each other again when Nancy came downstairs with the biggest smile I have ever seen, and she held a couple of damp washcloths in her hands.

Nancy was looking at us apprehensively, and she stated, "Well at least this looks promising."

As she gave us the washcloths she said, "Here wipe your faces you both look like hell." I think she had been watching us and knew we were connecting but needed a break and letting us clean up a bit was going to help us feel a bit better.

As we wiped the tear streaks off our faces she said, "Do you two need more time? If not, could you join us in the dinning room? There are two empty chairs up there that need someone to sit in them."

We started to follow, but at the bottom of the stairs, Allison turned and frantically grabbed me in a desperate hug that seemed to last forever. I could feel her shaking as she cried into my chest and I found myself with my arms around her rubbing her back trying to console her. I became conscious of just how much I had missed feeling those arms wrapped around me and me holding her. We eventually went upstairs agreeing to seriously talk at a later date. When we entered the dining room everyone was having dessert. Again the conversation stopped, turning the room silent again.

Nancy jumped up, and to break the tension told us, "Allison I put your dinner in the oven to stay warm." She looked at me and said, "I made you a plate too. It's also in the oven, come, come, you must be hungry."

Allison and I got our meals and she went back to her chair. I stood behind my dad who was sitting directly across from Allison and asked him, "Dad, could I take this chair please, and you move to the empty one by Jack." I explained, "Allie has that sparkle in those grey eyes of hers and I want to look into them. I also want to see that little smile I remember she used to have."

I'm sure my dad had never moved faster in his life. Allison was looking in my eyes and she giggled at my dads antics. Slowly the conversation in the room resumed. Allison and I participated when asked a question, but as we ate we never spoke to each other. All communication was by looks and body language. Not once did we take our eyes off each other. We had the "magic," and let it do the talking for us.

As my mom was helping Nancy getting the coffee ready in the kitchen, I took Allison's and my dirty plates into the kitchen. Nancy hugged me and softly said. "Thanks so much for coming. How are things between you two?"

I replied by saying, "The thanks should be mine to you. It's been an eye opening day for me. Just seeing her makes me appreciate the fact that I would still like her in my life. As for how things are between us, we are just starting to feel each other with the "magic" again, and that should help when we talk about the serious stuff. Today's not the day for that, but I'm sure it will come soon enough. I should have done this year's ago."

As my mother cuffed me one on the back of the head in a frustrated voice she said, "Thank god. It's about time you started to listen to reason. I've been saying that since you came back home."

Nancy then admonished me "Yes you should have, and if you hadn't run away you could have."

Just like two mothers to point out the obvious.

Nancy then said, "Now take some of that apple pie you used to love and get Allison a piece as well. You used to devour those pies I made like you were famished, I'm sure you missed having them." Allison and I had our desert not speaking to each other, but never losing eye contact. I couldn't believe that eyes could say so much. As time passed the two of us could feel us relaxing more. Again the "magic" did all our talking.

Like Nancy's pies had always been, that slice of pie was more than good, and I took our empty plates and placed them in the kitchen sink like I always used to do. I then returned to the dining room. Instead of returning to my chair, I stood beside Allison and put one of my hands on her shoulder. Everyone stopped and watched us as I again bent down and softly spoke to her. "Thanks Allie, this was a perfect day, even if our thoughts are muddled right now." I paused and gently added, "I think I have to go now."

She spun around in her chair, and all I could feel from her was panic as she desperately grabbed my waist in an intense hug. She pleaded, "No! No don't leave me again, please don't!" It sounded like she was terrified I was going to be walking out of her life again.

I unwrapped her arms from my waist and kneeled down so I could look in her eyes and said, "Allie dear, I just have to spend some time sorting out this day. I'm completely burned out and on my last legs right now. I can feel you are feeling the same way. You're as burnt out as I am. This "magic" gets hard on a guy when there are so many emotions running wild." She was looking at me nodding her head agreeing with me. I pulled out a card I had made with my phone number on it and put it in her hands. "Wait a week and then call me. Our "magic" is back and we should be settled enough by then to not get carried away and say something rash. When the time is right that's when we will start talking about everything that needs to be talked about."

She was still nodding her head in agreement. I gave her a hug and a soft kiss on the cheek which caused her to catch her breath. I then turned and slowly left. As I opened the door, I looked back and had a long look at her. I could feel hope, as well as calmness in the "magic" and because I hadn't felt that for a long time, I felt comforted. I was hoping she felt my optimism for us too. She was still sitting sideways in her chair staring at me as her fingers were caressing the spot where I gave her the kiss. I noticed the familiar little smile she used to have was back, so I smiled back, blew her a kiss. I then left.

I was no sooner out the door when Sarah cut me off. She hooked her arm in mine and walked along with me to my car. "All the window blinds were open and I watched the whole thing," she informed me. "From what I saw I think you guys are on the road to patching things up, or I hope so anyway. You two didn't even have to talk. I guess that's that funky "magic" thing you guys have. I've got to say thanks for doing that for her. After all, she is still my best friend and I want her back the way she was before all this shit happened." We were at my car then and just before I got in she grabbed me and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek and told me, "You're a pretty nice guy when you get your head out of your ass, I hope things work out between you two."

9) Aftermath.

I don't remember one thing about driving to Dad's place. My mind was to busy remembering Allison and I at our best, and wondering if we could ever get even close to that again. I may have been uncertain that morning, but I knew I was going to try, and try damned hard, to accomplish that.

It took a while after my parents got home for my dad to tell me all the details of the day. I missed most of it because Allison and I we connecting at the time, and for us nothing else mattered. Everything that was going on around us was inconsequential.

Until they sat down to eat, Allison was on pins and needles in anticipation of seeing me again. I guess she was as nervous about seeing me as I was of seeing her. When everyone sat down at the table to eat, she became depressed and remote from everyone else, probably thinking I wasn't coming. I guess when I unexpectedly showed up as I did, when everyone thought I wasn't coming, was a shock to one and all in the room. Nobody knew what to say, or how to act.

When Allison and I had gone to the basement, Jack had to check on us because he was worried things might get out of hand. After all, I hadn't allowed Allison to speak and had almost abducted her taking her to the basement, plus no one knew what was happening. He wanted to make sure there wasn't going to be any fireworks.

When he came back upstairs he told everyone, "I don't know what to think. The two of them are just sitting in the love seat with their eyes closed holding hands and not saying a word." That surprised everyone because they expected us to be talking or yelling at each other, or anything but that. They had forgotten that Allison and I had our "magic" and didn't need to talk to each other about feelings until Mom mentioned it. Jack then added, "Those two always had a weird way of connecting. I think that is what they, in their own special way are doing now."

Dad then told me Nancy had waited a half hour and she just had to check on us. She saw the tears we were shedding and came back upstairs telling everyone what she saw and told them we were still Ok. After some more time she got us face cloths to clean up and went downstairs to persuade us to return upstairs. She was as confused as Jack had been, when she saw us talking about world affairs and she didn't know what to think. After all normal people would have been doing anything but talking about if the Russians were going to drop the bomb, but that's what we were doing.

Everyone was happy when we finally came upstairs and most of them understood us not talking and us just staring into each others eyes.

Dad said that after I left, Allison sat there for a minute staring at the door not moving a muscle. Then she suddenly jumped up squealing, and ran to her old bedroom and threw herself on the bed crying. Nancy and Jack fully expecting the worst went to console her. No consoling was needed because her tears were tears of joy. She grabbed her mom in a hug and the first thing she excitedly exclaimed was, "DID YOU HEAR HIM, did you hear him, he called me dear, oh god he called me dear." He also called me Allie. He remembered that was the name he always used for me... She then slumped down and in a defeated voice said, "He was here and like the dummy I am, I never apologized and told him what an ass I was... I so need to do that... Do you think he can ever forgive me?"

Jack then said, "I think he is feeling the same way you are right now, but today wasn't the day for anything serious. The way I see it is today set the groundwork for later, and from the sounds of it there is going to be many chances to say everything you want to each other, so just look to the future."

With there being no panic, Jack and Nancy left her there by herself to rejoin their guests. Allison stayed in her old room and didn't come out.

Dad gave me a rare hug and told me, "Jack and Nancy told me to say thanks again. I think the two of you are over the hump and on track to straightening out your lives. Remember no matter how this turns out when you two finally talk, let your heart do the talking. Be truthful and let her know how much she hurt you. But the big thing is also listen to her when she tells you what it was like for her when you ran out like that. It's going to hurt and be rough on both of you so be prepared for that. You two have that "magic" thing you do, and I don't know how it works, but you have to listen to it."

Like dad always does, he had to end it with a question, "So son what happens next?"

I took some time thinking and then told him, "I've got to get my head around this first and find out if I can truly forgive her and her the same of me. I've realized how stupid I was by reacting the way I did even if she broke my heart. It was not very mature of me was it? I never understood how much I'd missed her." After a pause I said, "This whole thing of reconnecting is going to be a hell of a lot more complicated than I imagined... I guess Allie and I will just have to take it day by day."

10) We meet, we reconnect.

After eight days Allison still hadn't called.

In the back of my mind I wondered if she was going to call at all. I was sure the "magic" was indicating our feelings were in sync, and it was time to meet. Worrying about that, I got home from work and as I unlocked the door to my apartment I could feel her. She was close... Oh boy was she ever close.

As I swung the door open she barged past me by pushing me out of the way and walked right by me into the middle of the room. Where the hell she had been hiding that I didn't see her I don't know, but there she was. She removed her coat and sat on the sofa like she owned the place. She turned to me and stated in a firm voice, "You're not getting away this time until I get to at least talk a bit more. The way you ambushed me at Easter had me so flabbergasted I couldn't think straight. I was so tongue tied I never got to say hardly anything to you."

She paused then added, "Mind you I think you were right, if we would have talked about the things we wanted to talk about, we wouldn't be here." She then vehemently emphasized, "And I do want to be here!!!"

She smiled at me as she admitted, "The "magic" felt like I should call yesterday, but I thought me surprising you would be better so I talked to your dad and he told me where you live. I thought me showing up like this would have you just as surprised as you had me at Easter. I was totally off balance then. I'm hoping things are reversed this time and I have time to say what I want, plus say the things I must say to you."

I just smiled as I closed the door and sat down beside her on the sofa. I told her, "I'm glad you want to be here. I would like you to be here too... Even if in the end it's just being best friends, but only time will tell just where things will go, and how we do."

She paused and looked me in the eyes and I could see a smile developing on her lips, "Oh God, thanks for saying that. At least I know you want to be friends with me. I'm so happy you are going to let me back in your life, even if it's just being a friend. I felt my life was so meaningless after you walked out of it." When she saw the hurt look on my face and the feelings I gave off with the "magic" she then said, "I know... I broke your heart, and I still can't forgive myself for doing that... If we can only be friends I will be happy with that, but I have to tell you truthfully I'm hoping for a lot more."