All Comments on 'Margaret'

Once in a while, if you're lucky you find a story so well written it keeps you intensely interested throughout the read. "Margaret" is such a story. Beautifully written! Such an enjoyable read.

It is not too well developed, because the development was forced, or, rather, squeezed into the second part of the story.

It would have been more "romantic", I think, if the narrator told us more about his childhood days with Robert, going from one house to another. Whether or not there was boyhood crush on Margaret during his adolescent days, if he had mentioned her, even in an innocent way,,, say, as to how memorable she's been as a loving mother to Robert and how she also treated him like her own son, giving them milk, cookies, etc. during hot afternoons when they ran back into Robert's place after a day's goofing around,,, If those days had been noted and if Margaret had been noted, we'd have a seed in our head.

I think the "suprise" at the end didn't carry the day. It's too quick, too squeezed/forced. An early "seed" of love being planted, even if subconsciously, in his head, with a woman who was faithful, loving, nurturing, and all around nice during his youth, other than his mother ---- THAT would have carried a heavier weight, in terms of why he seemed to have been searching (by not searching) for many years, silently, after he was treated badly by his first wife.

Most of us "boys" who are attracted to the opposite gender remember looking at those "older" women in their twenties and thirties, one time or another, and fantasized, when we hit our early teens, thinking how beautitiful, attractive and sophisticated they were.... So, it would not have been entirely out of the question that the narrator would have thought of Margaret, or even fantasized, about her those early childhood days..... and there's nothing wrong about that, as he went on,,, it's just a turn of bad luck that he ended up with a vicious woman after college.... Margaret or images of her had nothing to do with why or how his first wife turned out to be what she was........

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""""" Three months after school started I found Robert late one night as he was coming out of the fraternity house. I drug him into the bushes around back and literally kicked the shit out of him. I brought him back from the emergency room after getting his two cracked ribs tapped up and took him with me to my dorm room.""""

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I think you meant "dragged", not "drug".

First, I liked the story and the sentiment. Period. There were a couple of things that jarred me, however. The first was the appearance of Robert. My nearly-immediate reaction was the viewpoint had changed and now the woman was the writer. Of course, that proved to be false. The second thing was the abruptness of the revelation about Margaret being Robert's mother. I have no problem with that, in itself. I have two rather close 40-ish male friends who are married to women who are significantly older than they are--women in their fifties. Sometimes abruptness is jarring, and this is one of those times for me. Nevertheless, I liked the story and the viewpoint which it represents. I recognize that a story does not have to fit a formula to work well.

I liked your story, enjoyed the genuine emotion in it.

They don't come much better, if any better at all, than this. We could take each section apart, but like the Mona Lisa . .

To dissect it would be to dis-service it.

Yours,

Kilroy.

Looked ordinary at first. Man meets woman, both experienced, both now alone for whatever reason. They hit it off, great sex, then totally in love. Great...Then a trip to his best friend. Introduce the new main squeeze. Whoops! OH yeah...I know her...How's it hanging...MOM? Nice surprise value there Tex. A little short though. Could use a sequel follow-up. Love your stuff...

I quite enjoyed this story. It's always a pleasure to read a story where the characters are believable. The only critique I can think of is how jarring the switch to talking about Robert was. However, if that was the intention then I'd say you succeeded rather well. I'm looking forward to your next one.

How can others criticize (unsolicited) the thoughts that authors,like yourself, share with. Let them write their own.

Again, Thank You,

JLBresniker

You don't very often read a story of love defying the odds or age like this

I am 20 years old, my lover is almost 36, this story is the first and only one to speak to me personally.

So beautiful

Thank you

The plot jumped around a little bit too much.

It seemed kinda erratic and hard to follow.

Although, the surprise ending was great. After finishing this story, all I had to say was, "WHAAAT?!!"

Haha, good job. I hope you come back to Literotica.

It is easy to have a surprise ending if you are obtuse enough in telling the story but that doesn't make for a smooth flowing enjoyable tale. I thought that you did a very good job of describing the emotional commitment of the two main characters but the ending was too jarring and changed the rest of the story into something that was a litte creepy. anon jerry

I was going to comment. Unfortunately, your personal note at the end tells me that you want no useful criticism, just the compliments of sycophants. If I can't mention the negatives why should I mention any positives?

<P>

<I>-- srgeek --</I>

But, I loved the hell out of your story! Thank you for sharing it.

Your story is lovely, and you have real talent. If you see this, please write another one for us.

I think lovely is one of the best descriptions for it indeed, after going through what seems like a shit time, losing your wife and when everything seems bad he gets a new start. It doesn't matter with who, as long as that person makes you happy and you don't make anyone suffer over it, then it's alright.(Don't worry, I'm not trying to read a plot in any of your stories!)

Quite a beautiful story. I always loved this kind of setting, and even being such a short story, it hit a cord. Nice work! ^__^

The title says it all ;~)

is the next best thing. TK U MLJ LV NV P/S WHY HAVE YOU STOPPED WRITING?????

WOW...I did not see that coming!

Never saw that ending comming..Suprise,,,Suprise

An outstanding Read

Thank You

OLDED

At first, I felt as though the story progressed in a very disjointed manner, going down a few too many tangents at the same time and without any tissue to help break them up. However, as I neared the end it really came through that there was a purpose there. In telling this from a first-person perspective it enforces the narrative quality. It's disjointed because that's exactly what a normal person does when telling an emotionally charged story. Truly, it becomes an excellently well done job of matching the tonal quality to the format.

Wonderful story', the ending was not what I expected but it made the it much better.

you can flat telll a story. thought it was one thing and BAM....it was better. thank you

and collen is beautiful, God some people do get to live a life thats amazing. Your stoies are amazing.

I read this to see if the standard you set in 'Colleen' could be matched.

My Goodness Tex, you can certainly write a story.

I did think something had gone wrong when it suddenly changed, but the ending took me by surprise. I didn't see that coming at all.

Thanks again

I, too, read this after thoroughly enjoying the Colleen stories.

Thoughts:

I had to read it again, slowly, before I decided if I like it or not. I do.

It feels very real. I have to say "job well done".

Really enjoyed your sweet story. The sex was nice, but the feelings were better. Loved the surprise ending! Thank you for your gift.

I really enjoyed the romance part, however, your use of slang words in describing their lovemaking turned parts of your story into another cheap fuck story. Your base story is beautiful, the romance is great, the rest sucks.

... you said "Don't say anything." Permit me to make a small edit to that statement. I have nothing nice *enough* to say, so I will not say anything, or perhaps not much of anything. I have admired your work for long, but never found the words to sufficiently convey my appreciation for what you write, so I have not been saying anything. Suffice to say, a five has been added to your collection. I have run out, so please take an extra couple of stars out of petty cash.

You are a very good writer and I love your imagination and wit!!!

To drive an aspiring author to despair. What a wonderfully crafted short story.

Before reading this one, I did read Cooleen twice. That one I read years ago, and found it recently and knew I was going to spend sleepless nights again till I finished it a second time. Both are good and you are a talented writer. Do keep it up. I'll probably read "Colleen" at least one more time and advise any other reader to read it. Thanks

I read both of your submissions. "Colleen" is on of my all time favourites. Of-course they stirred up my groin but more so the heart. Sex is wonderful but mixed with love, I can't find anything to compare with it. Loved your stories and waiting for more. Keep up the good work...

The story is a maze of occurances that's difficult to properly sort, being it is not chronologically developed nor detailed enough when transitioning from past tense to present tense, to even future tense, There are non-clarified episodes of the past mixed with present situations and circumstances. The story offered no purpose to me the first time reading it; however, after reading it a second time with much concentration (which a reader should not have to do with a well written story) it was somewhat more sensible and clear.

My disappointment occurred because I read "COLLEEN" first--an absolutely EXCELLENT and flawless masterpiece in most every facet, including clarity and detail-- and made the mistake of expecting excellent, or at least similar, results in this story! Not even close!!

Didn't see that ending, quite a surprise. Great story/good work. Thanks!!!

When you mentioned that Margaret was regretful that she could not have his child I knew she was an older person but I did not figure that it might be Robert's Mother until right before the end. Good story. Stranger things have happened. Thank you for writing. I'm an old man and have read thousands of stories so I like to try to figure them out ahead of time, sometimes correctly, usually not.

I have read all your stories. I have given all four 5 stars. I am looking forward to "Lily" and "Elizabeth". It has been six and a half years. What has happened?

I too have read, with pleasure, all 4 of your submissions and would dearly like some more of your top quality story telling.

Surprise ending but I really did enjoy it. Looking forward to your other stories.

it is really difficult to figure out who is speaking, what they are talking about, and why.

I had to go back several times to make sense of the plot line.

I think you tried too hard to include the surprise twist at the end and made it "too cute by half". as the saying goes.

Out of the blue it jumps to Robert. You wonder if for some reason another story has some how two stories got mixed together in a computer file.

I very much enjoyed this story. I wrote a story a very long time ago which had a surprise ending and I appreciate the surprise ending of this story. However, I also agree with other comments that it is very abrupt and confusing at first.

On the other hand, you have written very well and your story has none of the language and mistakes that are so distracting in some other stories.

I enjoyed your story about Margaret Seems wierd because my 2nd wife's name was Margaret and her son's name was Robert so could really get into some stories also. I understand you have quit writing for some reason or at least haven't had any show up on here hope everything is alright with you.

obviously if you are lazy, you are bored and writing is not your passion. that makes me sad as you are extremely talented. I can only imagine what you could do if you gave yourself to writing. nothing worse in life than wondering "what if" imho. thanks for all your stories!

This seems to be a story about a couple that is in love and content. Your grammer is pretty good. Spelling and punctuation are much superior to much that I've seen here all too frequently. You do make a sudden jump into 'Robert'. At first I thought the Robert that you spoke of as childhood friend and friend into adulthood was - Margaret. I thought for awhile you were about to describe Robert's gender reassignment surgery and his process that ends with Margaret. Such was the confusion when you suddenly start into a long story about this person we don't know. And remember, you had already stated that you'd known Margaret all your life. Could be a little better organized and the ending just kind of 'peters-out'. When he goes to the neighbors' and borrows their shower we're never told why. What were the things he had to do on his birthday and why did he decide to show up at her door wearing a suit. Of course now I can see that he needed a place to get ready as he was probably heading over to ask Margaret to marry him. We should have known earlier that Margaret was Robert's mother, this one fact would have explained everything.

Your last story about Colleen was posted in August 2007. Regardless of its subject, Colleen is an exceptional story. I really wished you could find a way to start writing again.

George in Omaha

to make any sense of the sudden, abrupt, cataclysmic shift to Robert.

I get it, he went home.

He found Margaret.

They fell in love and

want to spend the rest of their lives together

(more power to them, I only wish I could be so lucky)

then there is the one line shift from the Romance to the Fraternity beat down of Robert.

meh...

but you can't create 'colleen' every time one sit to write. Nice little love story. Didn't see the end coming though.

by actions of a pseudo-mom by a different brother. TK U MLJ LV NV

really enjoyed the poetic way you described Margaret, at every stage there was care grafted into the deep love the characters shared,

i'm sure once robert saw the love they shred bring about the contentment in their lives, he would without a doubt accept them with open arms with a smile.

i enjoyed the suspense you created & how it exploded as fireworks when finally revealed

Oh my god! That was one of the best short romantic stories o have ever read! That was a really sweet, satisfying story. Please write more like that.

You writing is among the very best erotic sensuality that I have read.

Your ability to express such deep feelings between two people is superb.

More!!!!!!!!

...that you have stopped writing for Literotica. You have such great talent !

How can you hint at another story titled "Elizabeth" and not post it? Please come back to writing, Colleen was absolutely amazing.

I do hope that you don't let yourself be discouraged by the comments of dullards (I so wanted to say "fuckwit" but I'm not that crude) who demand linear story lines, simple declarative sentences, and no mysteries. How elitist of you to write a story of loss, discovery, and rapture that asks the reader to become immersed in the characters. Unconditionally.

Thank you for your writing.

What happened to your other two stories?

Do you write somewhere else?

Kwrendrag@aol.com

The change to Robert caught me off guard and I wondered where it was going.

A very nice surprise.

The whole style of this is so different from "Collen" but the same silent shows through.

I can't really say anything more than the previous Poster has said, other than I liked it.

If I could remember my info I would log in to comment.

What a surprise end. As I went along this journey, I did wonder if there was something unconventional about Margaret.

And you still caught me off guard. Off guard just as Texas Refugee had expected we would be.

It's a story. The writer did it very well; he wrote a very nice captivating story.

Well done, good job. I admire your talent. I could not put this story down until I finished it. (Dangled participle? Ok, leave off the "it")

Thank you for writing Margaret.

And "Colleen"? Wow. A sweet story. A love story. Thank you for writing Colleen.

A very personal writing style in this very enjoyable read. Ending was not expected. Looking forward to reading more by this author now that I have found this story.

Didn’t see that ending coming. What a twist. Brilliant! Such a wonderful story in a compact package. Keep writing.

“Mother’s Advice” be Damned. This wasn’t a story, it was more like a series of random thoughts all jammed together in an effort to create something from nothing. Maybe that’s some writing style I’m not aware of, but if it is, it’s not a style I care for.

I was a little confused when you went from Margaret to Robert. The transition could have been a little smoother. The last line was a shock!

brilliant. the end was fantastic. lovely. and a lot of love

It is beyond belief some of the "critics" just didn't get it. Margaret was exactly what he needed and was his for a lifetime. She fell in love with him and he was hers for a lifetime. Author, thank you.

Great story with a great ending. Thanks!!,,

is that a sexy erotic word? it's what I would call an old used up street whore now living in a card board box. so is Maggie a rescued old street whore?

I have read all of your stories, but I consider the Colleen series a single

story. I loved all of them! You wrote these over 10 years ago. I've often

wondered why some people white a few or even many great stories and

then nothing from them after that. I've wondered if these people are going

through something in their lives at that time that inspire them to write and

then when it is over they stop.

You have written two great stories, Colleen and Margaret. I wish you would carry on writing similar stories - they are really enjoyable!

Please continue

Thank you for an emotional and loving story. I didn't know what to expect but was afraid it was going to be sad but greatfully I was pleased. Thank you again for writing

I liked your story but not nearly as much as “Colleen”. It’s a nice teaser but nothing in depth and no information about Margaret’s age. She was married and raised Robert si I assume she must be 20 or 30 years older than our main character. I don’t remember if he was even a named) I don’t know why the asshole below would call her below. She was a lady who owned her own home, raised her son to be a doctor and didn’t sleep with him until many months into the relationship. That surely doesn’t make her a cunt or a street walking whore. You should delete his post. It is totally inappropriate. Good job.

excellent, last line was like a WOW what a surprise

You write a beautiful love story. I was enthralled with it and the images and emotions that you invoked. Waiting for your next story.

A sweet tale, well told. Well Done and THANK YOU!!!

Wow. Nice ending. I was wondering who this woman was. It was his best friend's mother! Nice. But if he is 40 then Margret has to be 60 years old. No way will she ever have a child with this man.

Colleen was one of my favorite stories ever.

Still...I will give it a 4.

Yeah I have had a few best friends that I could have loved their mothers. A very well thought out and written story. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.

Wonderful story, I really enjoyed reading it.

Wow, this is lovely. Heart melting and ohhh so sweet! Thank you!

Loved your stories. ,Please keep writing them.

COOT540

Just like "Colleen" very well written. Wish TexasRefugee has written more work. Wonder why he had only done what he has. Anyone know why or where he's at?

@Anonymus Good question. I tried to ask him about this using Literotica's Contact Formula some time last year, but I never got a response. But then again, since he hasn't posted in 16 years, I guess that was to expected. Shame we'll never get to see the other two Stories he mentioned here.

Loved it