All Comments on 'Marina's Adventures Ch. 02'

Keep writing,try to simplify the plot a little,cut down on the number of characters and tease a lot more in the sex scenes,I am sure you will get there.

this papi is yours and my heart is tethered on your string of words. after these marina stories, I'm going to read all your work, hopefully its all worse and you've gotten better as some say, but I don't care if you write for shit I dig it like nightshade.

write til your finger bleed. you're a Cisneros from 8th street on this skanky site.

Great theme. More chapters please. (FYI-Loved "Jail Bird Dad" and "Concha") Hope Marina continues to tease the guys in the mall and would like to hear more details of the nasty things they would like to do if "Daddy" wasen't around to protect her. For future stories how about Marina visiting her Grandfather's mansion for a long weekend to make sure she is included in his will? I'm sure she could be persuaded to show off her sexy young body for him in her tiny outfits, bikinis and heels. Garandpa may decide that he may want to do more than "just look" if she wants to be in his will. How about little Marina inadvertently teasing her BIG brother until he can no longer restrain himself? How about a show for "Daddy's" evil boss who intends to fire him? Lots of possibilities. Keep up the good work!

What else can I say? You got me hooked! Your by far my fav author on here. Please dont stop writting! I log on everyday, just to see if you've written something new. So please continue making a fan of yours happy.

...please use an editor. In your first story, and in parts of this one, you talked about Marina having breasts and cleavage, but you (probably accidentally) told us that they are 28B! She must be flat with HUGE nipples to have "big tits and cleavage"! There are also several grammatical errors that need to be addressed and some extra words that don't make sense where they were placed, but the story, even if unbelievable, was really hot! Just do a little cleaning up and it will be awesome! Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing your story because of the grammar issues, just giving you pointers on how to improve it! I gave you max points for your work because I enjoyed the story, but it does need a little bit of editing to make it perfect. Please keep writing!

You were obviously don't speak Spanish and were using a bad automatic translator. Don't try to be what you are not!