All Comments on 'Mercenary'

I really like the pace and the level of character definition.

I'm sure some will say it's too long, but the level of detail is needed for a proper denouement.

You did a great job of describing scenes: I felt like a "fly on the wall" a sense of watching a movie. This is a story that cries for a re-read in a month or so.

Simply... I'm impressed!

Just a LITTLE mechanical, but otherwise well-done.

Another great story by you! All four have been winners.

Boyd

you want the evil to be stopped. callously looking at guys who fit "the profile", marrying them, abusing them, aborting kids - somehow you aren't satisfied with a mere divorce. the woman is a mercenary and possibly a future black widow.

It's 1AM on Monday morning. I've got to leave for work about 6:30AM. And here I am reading War and fucking Peace.

You're lucky the story is damned good or I'd really be mad.

BTW, Philly is a great place for a story.

Thank you for a great story to read. I know little about the correct grammar, or structure, or punctuation, but I know a story I like reading and this one was great all the way through.

I hope some time you are published as there are some of you very good writers using Literotica who deserve it.

Thank you again and please find the time to keep writing.

I really enjoy reading your work, You brought all of the characters out nicely, Keep Writing.

Bob

I have the same problem as thebullet though - I should be asleep but I couldnt put it down.

Thanks for writing.

It only seems like it's as long as that Russian epic. The only thing epic about this tale is its length, for it's about 15,000 pompous, preachy, cliched words too long. However, the unintentional humor provided by this "epic" allowed me to wade through this boring, overdone, hackneyed piece of tripe, thank God.

I'm happy for you - this was an effort for you that paid off well for us. Some will say - oh so long - I say well maybe a paragraph or two - Some will say too much detail - well the devil's there isn't he!

You framed the nuances then gave them shape and form - the flow was good moving in a path of consistancy - of real life!

The side figures contributed strongly to the show - a well painted background that enveloped realistically.

Very Impressive Author - A Story Teller of consequence - You are appreciated and well worth the wait!!

Thanks - With High Regard

Well conceived and executed tale. I enjoyed it.

Some will complain of it's length, I think you covered things well and the story flowed. I think that your character(husband) went through the emotions and handled the situation with considerable thought and restraint.(I sure as hell couldn't) However, I do think he was a wrong in one very serious regard. When he finally reads everything and understands the situation, of the two brutal and 'mercenary' sisters. I think that he should have had a 'quiet' sit down with his In-Laws. NOT for vengence or spite, but for warning and possible help. He mentioned in the story, how he liked them and got along with them. They need to know what the sisters are capable of. The sisters could very easily turn on family, just as easily as a spouse. Abuse, lying, betrayal, abortion,(not trying to be judgemental here, I can think of alot of reasonable situations for abortion, but they do not seem to apply here), these sisters need help and or forwarning to other possible innocent victims.

Just my little 2 cents worth of 'preaching' ROFL

Thanks for the tale

Gus

Very interesting tale. Just enough questionable action to keep one reading.

Good writing!

Good enough to read through in one sitting.

Thanks for posting it all in one go. These stories are so much better when we can read the lot without the melodramatic episode by episode silliness.

You left no untied ends in a long story - congratulations to you and your editor. You have left yourself a high mark to equal in future.

I look forward to your next offering.

Thanks for your efforts this was very well done and had my full attention through out.

give us more of your stories.thanks a fan.

A great story

The only thing that stopped me from finishing in one go was wanting to be in bed before my wife woke up for work.

I was delighted to see there was another story waiting for me written by you. When I checked at the bottom of page one for length, I thought, "Long, but I'll enjoy every bit of it." I did.

The characters were as fully formed as they needed to be. There was subtlety, humor and I appreciated the ambivalence in his internal dialog.

Not only a good story, but beautifully written and well paced. The story required length to be told artfully rather than just the facts ma'am. It doesn't seem to be a problem that you set a high standard for yourself, you consistently meet it.

Just an overall excellent story. The surprises to the reader of details which the main character had already known about his wife are perfectly revealed. Thanks for a great read!

I loved it. I read literotica everyday...guess i'm crazy and my fav is "Loving Wives". Your story/story line was direct, flowed so well and kept me so interested. One does not have to have any sex in a story to have a great story!

Excellent read. I enjoyed the developing love story between Peter and Noelle while we were treated to the evil antics of Paige. I know how hard it is to write a story that detailed and appreciate the effort. Keep writing.

I read here a lot and it is stories like yours that I come to find. You did a very good job developing this story and carrying it to its conclusion.

My only question would be the origin of the sister's abuse. It doesn't sound like there was abuse from their parents; but it sounds like Dana had been controlling Paige for year(mentally if not physically).

But going into that wasn't really the focus of this story; although it would be interesting to hear it from Paige's point of view.

Thanks for your story!

I'm just upset that there isn't a special ranking for stories of this calibre. Superbly written and so well plotted. I was held captive, anxious to get back to it when I was called away. My appreciation to the author for his prodigious talent and I anxiously await further submissions from him.

My only problem with you is that I don't get to read more of your stories.. Every one of your stories has been great and this is the best. Please keep them coming. A smile and a thanks....

Thank you for this great story.

I just couldn't stop reading it so I finished it in one go. Too bad I didn't get anything else accomplished this afternoon. But I got the best of it by reading your story.

I liked the way you revealed facts to us about all of the devious things she had done and was doing to him. It is sad that all he was to her was a temporary free ride. Funny how one could pull that off. You would think you could feel lack of love over that many years together.

Someone else mentioned this too, but I think the revelation to him of his love for Noelle was "cute". I think most of us knew it was going to go that way from the get go. Regardless, it added a nice touch to the story.

Thank you so much for writing this story, your gifts are greatly appreciated.

Charleybear

It is very rare that I read an article or a story by someone who knows women and speaks bluntly. It's not politically correct. Even in fiction. It was an unexpected pleasure to find this story here. For those of you who care, look up the reference to Humphrey Bogart who was indeed an abused and battered husband. But so too were John Wayne and Abraham Lincoln.

No problem with the length of this story because you made the characters breathe and come alive. Congratulations on writing one of the best story on this site. I also appreciate that you provided the whole story not bits and pieces in separate chapters.

Thanks for the great read!

SleeplessinMD

This story kept me completely enthralled.It is the first one of yours that I have read ,but it won't be the last..Welcome to my list of favourites.

That was one incredible story. It had it all; excellent word smithing and pulse pounding drama. It had the vilest of betrayals as well as the heights of romantic ecstasy. This story had it all and had it all in spades. Unfortunately you should set aside a fair amount of time to read this one. Once you start, you won’t want to stop.

Far better than OHIO's house of cards... notice how the guy didnbt take her shit. This affair had been going on a few months .... in House of Card it was 8-9 months and special fucking on thweir anniversary,...

well done... brillant... great read.... absolutely the best Lovng wife story ever presented here

Read the story for the second time and it still enthralled me. Wish I could write like this. Get this script to hollywood, it would make a good movie. With High Regards Luie

Well, of all the stuff I have read, this is by far the best. The compilation of the story and plot is fantastic. The way in which the husband acted was exemplary, getting out with very little hurt is quite tough. A great mix of betrayal, romance and revenge.

Long, but very much worth the effort. thx

i like the story idea as it is, but is it necessary to be so looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.

We should make things not too onesided. Revenge is not all we should think of. Paige should not be all evil. That's not real life. Why do we feel better if the other is a complete bitch? Then we can feel more justified. Sometimes the best IS it to forgive and forget. Sometimes not. HOWEVER, I DO LOVE A HAPPY ENDING!

This is an excellent story. Like other people said, the story really, really kept me enthralled. The length was good. It is necessary to give the people in the story more character.

And I especially like the slow build up of intimacy between Peter and Noelle. I couldn't stop reading even though it was 1am in the morning!

Umm... this guy in the story just isn't believable to me. The amount of introspection, the way he is always thinking of other's feelings, his descriptions of rooms being "welcoming", etc. I have to say, I kept asking myself, "What? Is the guy gay?" Only my gay friends go on about the lighting quality of a room, the shades of colors, etc.

Anyway, I found his persona distracting and not very believable. And as others have mentioned. A bit on the long winded side.

I'm surprised that I've not commented on this wonderful story since it's one of my favorites. The author's prose is very good and his style makes for an easy read. The characters are believable and act in ways that are realistic. If Peter seems a bit too trusting of Paige, it's an understandable flaw and, yet, one that's not fatal as he acts decisively when he suspects her of cheating.

<P>

The plot is superbly handled and the revelation of her abortions provides a wonderful plot twist that shows us the depth of Paige's evil self-centeredness. It is the crowning stroke that dooms the marriage completely and makes reconciliation impossible.

<P>

A fine tale, Salamis, and one that I'm happy to award highest marks.

Great story! All the players were well described and seemed to act consistent. I liked the slow buildup of the new romance and how careful each of them were. I thought the two sisters to be incredibly evil and got off way too easy. Throw in legal murder (husband no choice abortion) and there was no way I'd ever taken her back. All of her decisions were based strictly on taking advantage of as many people as necessary to get what the cheating wife wanted. Strange, two good parents and both daughters turned out that way. What happened with the ex-laws, did they find out about all the crap those two did? Great plotline and only parts of it were predictable to me. Thanks for sharing!

Like, are you some kind of proffessional writing guy or something? Hehehe, I enjoyed your story very much and appreciate the effort you've obviously put into this tale. Thank you, it was an entertaining read.

It's amazing that a long story with very little sex and on this web site could be the best story I've read and I've read many. Thank you so much.

... this beautiful story earlier. I can only repeat the other commentators. It's a great story. Maybe one of the best in this genre. I lived with your story-characters, suffered, laughed, trembled. I undergo all emotions by reading your story. Thank you very much for this great entertainment. You'll stand in a row with my Literotica favorites.

<p>Sincere regards</p>

<b>Matthias</b>

<p>The better I understand English the more I loves good stories. Maybe your story comes to the right time ;-)</p>

well written but the end is very bad. How is paige's abortion without his knowledge of her being pregant NOT a form of Murder?

wouldnt the fact that she has done it twice being of some consequence

Easily the best of it's type I've read. Thank you.

The best story I have read on Lit for a while. Normally, I want and love reconciliations, but not so this time. Well done.

Well written and constructed. Very entertaining. One of the best of this genre.

One word MARVELLOUS

Extremely well done both in the creation and the execution.

A little long but very good.

Outstanding story, pacing and character development. Simply one of the best on the site.

Having finally come across your work, it is very sad so see that you haven't written anything here is quite some time. Now I am off to sample the rest of your work here. anon jerry

a well balanced story, tale and or factual

I too had to read this in one sitting. Kept me spellbound. Didn't like Peter much, kind of a pompous ass in my opinion. He did get dealt a bad hand though. Probably the only character I did like was Noelle. I had to laugh at the commenters that are harping on the 2 abortions as murder, quit the bible thumping for christ's sake! Certianly one would hope there she would communicate with her husband more, oh wait, she's evil and he's divorcing her. Her actions were legal, and after all its her choice, why should she have to be a life support system for his spawn?

which I'm familiar with! Some very good conversations and depth of characters. Thank you for a great read!

Just read it for the second time. It deserves every one of the encomia given it by your fans. The story is too good to remain hidden within the secret folds of Lit and I hope it can be released to the general public.

Here are a few problems from the text, caused by an editorial lapse, for you to consider:

"That was no small fete."

"With a dozen mangers reporting to him; all but one literally feared him."

"It was me who claimed exhaustion when we finished."

"Like the cabins on a battleship, one room is compromised the others hold to their integrity, the ship stays afloat."

"If anyone could school me in my problem it was him."

"I had never ever thought of my wife as a bitch. I didn't even like the use of that epitaph."

Goering couldn't have said it better himself.

Excellent. I know I will be thinking about these people tomorrow.

I love it when craters become real enough that you think about the story after you are finished reading.

I believed the characters, even Paige and Dana. I think there is a small problem reconciling Paige and Dana vs. such 'wonderful' parents, but that's a very very minor quibble.

But that is not the thing which kept you from 5 stars. You are a bit excessively wordy. Yes, I know that to develop characters and situations takes time and effort. You made that effort, but I found myself constantly stopping myself from skimming ahead. And it was not so I could get to the 'money shot' at the end. The sex is not the reason to read the story. You could use some trimming

You could have removed all the long winded paragraphs that really said nothing and just added length to your story and shortened the entire thing by a couple of chapters, maybe three. Fast forwarding through the majority, it was possible to glean a fair story from the overly wordy mess.

The story line was fine, the plot was OK. You just included too much verbiage that was unnecessary and boring.

This is how you write a story! That is if you want to be brilliant Author. I know it would be difficult to most of you so just hunch forward and read and enjoy someones genius. I did !

well thought out and written.. one of the best on literotica. great author,one of thee best.

that the kid's name shortens to PS3?

That's just twisted.

What a well-written story! I could not have stopped reading even if the fire alarm had been sounding. I have never come across anything better at Literotica. This should be a model for all writers who aspire to be a craftsman and communicator as opposed to just a titilator. Thank you.

Great story and well written. Glad I found you as you can really tell a story that keeps you glued to every chapter. Thanks for writing and sharing.

I read the first half page and still didn't know what the story was about or where it was going so I stopped reading and rated it 1*.

Just great, I don't normally read stories this long, but i was hooked. Sucks you went through that, assumeing it's true, but I don't feel it fiction.

Totally great and well written, emotionally charged! Believable, characters are real. So well done. Bravo!

Great plot and characters and a good read. Only critism is that it is really, really wordy and there is a lot of back ground info that was really not necessary. But still a great read.

I agree with all the other writers that commented and praised the story.

I suggest that the readers who think a great story can be a short...stick with the stroke stories.

DWornack's opinion is to be ignored. He is a special needs reader. He can only read 1 page or give a 1 no matter the writer's efforts. I do not know why he reads so many. He doesn't like hardly any of them...

is a very young girl with ADD. . . . and she blames all the authors!

Great story, Long but i think thats the beauty of a story that is more like a romance novel and less about the sex.

of to many descriptions of so many other things so unimportant just to extend the story's length, making it hard to stay interested for any length of time.

I loved this story. Unlike some who have commented here, I did not find the length of the story excessive. I was drawn in by a very entertaining plot and could not stop reading until I reached the end. There were a few errors in grammar that were distracting but that was the only thing that kept me from giving it the full five stars.

I have mixed feelings in these stories about the whole reconciliation angle. On some rare occasions I feel it is justified but when a man forgives a wife that has no value whatever it makes him look weak and spineless. I pretty much knew that Paige was never going to be the beneficiary of any forgiveness as she is one of the most evil and heartless women I have encountered in fiction. God protect us all from such a vile bitch. It was also well to see the friendship of the husband and his boss develop into a happy romance, but then I'm secure enough in my masculinity to admit that I'm a sucker for that sort of thing.

Let me close with one last observation. After reading countless comments on these stories I have reached one inescapable conclusion. DWornock is an ass.

Nice story with lots of twists. Morally, he probably would have walked away with a cleaner conscious if he hadn't fooled around before the divorce was final, but whatever...

I don't understand why the wife contested some of the divorce terms when he could have exposed her scam forever?

Otherwise, a very compelling story.

I have read many tales and heard far more, and long ones (12 pages) are sometimes tedious; but this one was worth the read. I hope you will one day publish another where I can find it. A "5".

Great story. It has nasty villians and a great hero. The plot twists are thrilling and make the story a pager turner. The revenge is oh-so sweet. Unfortuantely, there are people who do this type of thing...that is why I really appreciated the warning at the very end of the story.

Love has to be truly blind for him not to have seen through his wife's subterfuge for so long. And his brother-in-law had to have enjoyed his wife's physical abuse.

I liked your story so gave it a 5.

Thankfully, I convinced myself to read it and I'm glad I did! It is one of the better stories on Lit. and exquisitely written. It was full of tension and twists and the chemistry between Peter and Noelle was gripping, so much so it actually numbed the dastardly actions of the psychopath, Paige.

Her character was truly scary; I'd be at ease with a wife who was content with just opportunistic cuckolding, but Paige was one nasty piece of work. Luckily, Peter had Noelle from the get-go to act as his proverbial safety net so the severance from his wife wasn't traumatic for him.

5 deserving stars!

Appreciate the time and effort you put into this.

Thx.

Good story, good writing, but too long.

Good story. Thanks a lot for your effort and keep up the great work. ^__^

There are not so many examples of good writing on this site that we can afford to complain. Would you you rather read 4 or 5 short stories by samuelx?

The only part I didn't like was the reaction of his brother and father to the fight with his wife's lover. The guy screws his wife for two month's, causes his divorce, and throws a punch at him. He retaliated with 3 punches and lays the guy low. Their response was to scold him. I would like a bit more understanding and compassion from my family.

Thanks so much for a good story line and some very good people -

This is my second read of this story having read it a few years ago before joining literotica. Believe I enjoyed the complexity of it better this time. Still a great read.

Well written, engaging storyline. I did find myself skipping a few of the meandering passages that were not related to the main plot.

A very well written and well thought out story.

than 95.99% of the crap posted on this site. very very very gooood tale.

A fine story.

Enjoyed reading this gem of a story. It certainly was worthy of the five stars. Thanks you for sharing these stories with us.

If ever a Bitch deserved to get burned, Paige is that Bitch... but clearly nothing anyone said or did would bother that sociopath...

Exceptional - thanks 5x5x5

... really liked the way that you took us, the readers, on a step by step journey through the break up of Peter and Paige while intermingling the romance between Peter and Noelle. This was my second read and actually enjoyed it more this time around. In my opinion, that's what seperates a great story from a good one.

this was a 2nd time that I read it. You are one of the best writers on this site

maybe one day you find time to write again, I am sure most of us would welcome you . thanks for those great stories..

Wonderful story -- I loved every moment. If the characters were perhaps a little too black or white, they grabbed your attention and yanked your emotions. I can't believe how many people complained that the story was too long or there were too many words. Don't these people like to read? Why else are they here? I'm not on a race to reach the end, I'm on a journey to be savored, and savor it I did.

I hope Salamis comes back some day to favor us with more fine stories.

This was an interesting story, but it was 6 pages too long. This wasn't a term paper, length doesn't count. Redundancy, redundancy, redundancy,,,

But I think you took too long to say what you were going to say

I spent many years in the employ of "Big Blue" and I think I knew some of Peter's fellow employees, especially the last branch manager.

Wonderful exhibition of creative and superbly executed wordsmithing.

This story was well put together in a classic extravagant masterpiece. It was a total delight to gently read each well organized passage. It is a story that requires rereading. The subtleties of the character development are well managed and twinkled discoveries released at intersecting junctions of dramatic events. This writer is on point and in control. Thank you for a well enjoyed read. Obviously, I rated this five stars because that is the maximum. Thank you for sharing your efforts in this masterpiece.