Mercenary

My daydream ended as I heard movement down the hall.

My wife returned to the room wearing a pair of short-shorts and a tank top. Looking her over I marveled that she certainly did not look like a twenty-eight year old married lady, a freshman undergrad perhaps...a very sexy undergrad.

She sat down close to me, our bodies touching from our hips to our shoulders. "How about we order out for Chinese tonight and watch a movie?" she said while trying to curl my hair with her fingers. I sensed a woman on a mission. She obviously ignored my lap-top sitting open in front of us on the coffee table.

"That's fine with me. We haven't done that in a long time."

"No we haven't" she said, with a sad quality to her voice. "We need to do this more often. I know I need to." Then she planted a kiss on my neck. I turned to look at her as she lifted her head, our faces a breath apart.

The next thing I knew we were kissing. It didn't last long. I felt Paige's arm move around my side. I murmured a sound and jumped as if she had touched a tender spot. "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. Poor baby, we'll have to slow down a bit tonight."

"Damn and you look good enough to eat."

"Oh well, let me order the food. What would you like?"

"I'm thinking shrimp and honey walnuts?"

"I'll get Moo Goo Gai Pan and some egg rolls and we'll share."

"Chicken for shrimp?" I laughed. "No, I'm not sharing." That started a bout of tickling and ended with me begging for mercy quickly.

The rest of the night went like that. We talked, ate, watched a movie and snuggled obscenely on the couch. We were the perfect loving couple. It was a scene with two award winning performances. I wondered if she were judging mine with the same alacrity as I viewed hers.

Later, long after she was asleep, I read about a third of the Investigator's report before my emotions overcame me. I cried as if my heart were broken, for indeed it was. I read one of the transcripts several times through tear-filled eyes, always looking for something new, hoping without hope that what I read was not true.

When I finished, whatever residual feelings I had for Paige were all but gone. The sooner she was out of my life, the better.

Chapter 7: Thanksgiving

That Saturday I survived dinner with Rob and Dana. Paige was continuing her role as the loving wife. I don't think she ever failed to have a hand on me the entire evening. This same situation had carried on for days. Had I been paranoid I would have thought that she knew of my plans in advance and was putting up a smokescreen.

After the dinner I was in a foul mood. I had had to put up a front for both sisters. It also didn't help that Rob was particularly more boastful that evening. I sat through it all pretending to be interested. I'm sure I fooled them. Once we left I was happy that this same encounter would never ever be repeated.

Thursday of the following week we were to go to her parent's home for Thanksgiving dinner. I had been making preparations for that night. I continued to work every day of that week making sure my routine was not disturbed. Paige saw the same me everyday doing the same things. I became more openly affectionate with her and she seemed responsive. Sex was still a nonstarter but it was obvious the she was feigning patience with my self proclaimed celibacy.

My job allowed me to focus my attention away from my marriage. Of course Noelle was in her office. She didn't do well during the holidays and I worried about her again this year. No matter how things went with my wife I promised myself to be there for my friend during this time.

It was a difficult promise to keep. Every since the meeting with Hollis I had become more difficult at work. I was moody, irritable, snappish with my colleagues and aloof with our clients. In short, I was becoming quite a pain in the ass.

Only Noelle seemed to handle it well. She was immune to my attempts at throwing tantrums. Once again we were seated in her office, the last of our team left in the building. It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and the mood was somber. Here we were two people with little to look forward to in the coming days, except perhaps each others company.

We should have left too; we avoided the subject of escape by reviewing our list of open sales opportunities. After exhausting the topic of our last prospect I decided to open a more personal subject. "I'm disappointed that I wasn't invited over for diner this Thursday. I assume Muriel is cooking?"

I was fond of that dimpled smile of hers. It appeared again. Her eyes sparkled as she took up the bait. "No, Mom's not cooking this Thursday. That honor is reserved for my aunt Claudia, her oldest sister. But you say that as if I couldn't cook. I'll have you know that I am a very good cook Mr. Smarty Pants."

"So say you."

"And should I assume that you're the chef this holiday?"

"Actually I make a great Eggs Florentine, but no, this Thanksgiving belongs to my mother-in-law."

Noelle paused a moment before continuing. "So I assume that everything is working out for you?"

"My marriage is history Noelle."

She gave a pronounced sigh before responding "I'm so sorry for you. I know how much you loved her. I wish there were something I could do to help make it better for you."

"It will be after this Friday. That's when I make it official. She gets served. But first there's the coming out party. I'll make it public after dinner." I know my face betrayed my intent. I didn't want to hide anything from Noelle at this point.

She grimaced at that last comment. "Public? You're not going to make a scene in front of her family are you?"

"Why not? I owe her that and more. They deserve to know about the real Paige, every nauseating detail."

Noelle leaned in closer and lowered her voice.

"Peter, you can't do that. Whatever Paige has done to you, it's still between you and her. You want to punish her, that's understandable. But to do it on Thanksgiving, with her family present, that's not right. I know you're angry but you'd be hurting her parents and her siblings in the process, and I know you well enough to know that you don't want that. They will learn of your divorce soon enough. You don't need to rub their face in it, or ruin their holiday."

"Have you ever been tested for sexually transmitted diseases?" I saw Noelle recoil in horror. "Well I have. Do you have any idea how upsetting and dehumanizing that is? Paige needs to know that same level of violation."

"I can only imagine what that was like" she said. "But..."

"But nothing Noelle...he impregnated her."

I let that last statement hang. I should have said that she ALLOWED him to make her pregnant. The reason she did was not evident in the report. Noelle of course looked as hurt as I felt. Perhaps now she would understand why I HAD to do something to Paige.

"Why did she allow that to happen?" she said.

"I don't know why. She supposedly ended the relationship soon thereafter."

"I can see it your eyes that you want to burn her for that, you want payback. But you mustn't. Whatever you're planning don't. If you start down that road you may never come back. "

"There's more to it than that Noelle. There are other things I can't even talk about with you. What I'm going to do doesn't even begin to balance the scales."

"Peter there is nothing you can do to her to balance the scales. If you managed, and I mean if, you humiliated her in front of her family it still wouldn't be enough. You wouldn't be satisfied. It may sound strange at this point, but living well is the best revenge.

That last statement jolted me. She hit me with a quote from George Herbert. I thought back to freshman English recitations. Then I remembered another quote from him "the best mirror is an old friend". Noelle was right. I DID want to give Paige back some of the hurt she had inflicted upon me. While my wife might not have cared what I thought, she would care what her family thought. The problem was that it would be awkward to execute such a plan because of who I was.

My in-laws had always been nothing but kind and gracious towards me. They had welcomed me into their family and I had spent many enjoyable times in their presence. Whatever I felt about Paige, my irritation did not extend to either her parents or her brothers. In fact, the only other person in the family that I had any problem with was Dana.

I studied Noelle's face for some time before speaking. "You're right". I sighed, unable to hold her gaze. It was discomforting showing myself as being so petty to this woman.

"So I assume you're moving on Friday?" She quickly interjected.

"No, Thursday night is the night. I have most of my things at my father's house. There are only a few items remaining. I'm leaving almost everything in the place. Other than my clothes I'm only taking the car; the lease is in my name and I'm still paying on it."

A wistful silence descended over us. Noelle had a pained expression on her face and I suppose I mirrored her look. For some reason I don't fully understand I wanted to share one other piece of information, something to say I wasn't completely ruthless about the situation.

"I also gave her one parting present. I paid the rent up till the end of the year", I said with a sad smile. "It' funny you know. I'm paying two grand a month for that place and we could have gotten a nice apartment for less than half that but she wanted that particular building with that particular view." I tried to smile after saying this post mortem on my marriage. "This split is likely to save me a bundle. In my case it's definitely not cheaper to keep her."

Looking deep into Noelle's eyes I added, "Thank you for reminding me. Denouncing her on Thanksgiving would be a horrible thing to do. It was a nice fantasy though."

"I imagine it was", she laughed, and then proceeded to stand. I didn't want to leave just yet; when we parted I wanted it to be on a happier note.

"Is there any truth to the rumor that Sandersohn is leaving at the end of the month?"

"How did you find out about that?"

"I have my sources just like you do. So, is it true?"

She moved towards her coat. "You know I can't tell you. Besides, ask your sources. They probably know as much as I do. By the way, are you busy this evening?"

"Not particularly, why?"

"You're invited to dinner, my place. This time I'm cooking."

"Hmm, I don't know. Will Muriel be there in case you need assistance?"

"I can withdraw the invite if you'd like."

I grabbed my coat. "No I rather look forward to the critique of your cooking skills." The last comment got me the dimpled smile I wanted to see again.

Dinner proved to be delightful, especially the company. For some reason I wanted to explore that whole Kevin Connelly business. Truth is, I was a little jealous and pissed that he used my support as a green light in an attempt to play her.

When I left her home I wondered how I was going to wrangle future invitations. It was an encouraging thought in an overall shitty situation.

Two days later, on a cold Thursday afternoon, I drove myself and my wife to dinner at her parent's house. We would be the last to arrive. Paige wanted it that way. She also informed me that she wanted to go in first before I parked the car. There could be but one spotlight. We had gone though this before so I readily nodded my approval.

My in-laws lived in a modest cottage in Drexel Hill. It was a neatly maintained house with a small lawn containing a stunted yet peaceful Japanese Maple. The place had an air of humility like its owners. Perhaps that is why Paige always sought to make her entrance so dramatic.

I came in a few minutes after her. As I scanned the living room, I took in every face, every turn of the head, every hint of humor or nervousness. These were Paige's relatives, and try though I might I was still very fond of most of them. They greeted me warmly as I moved towards the coat closet. Would they feel the same about me after tonight?

I looked towards the kitchen and saw my wife speaking with her mother and sister. Paige was very close to her family. As the first to graduate college she was the object of much pride, a position she relished. Even her dress tonight was designed to declare her place as the queen bee apparent. I had planned to bring her down a notch in their eyes.

I recalled my last conversation with Noelle. Again I heard her concern that this was not the way to confront Paige. There were other ways to do this. Didn't her family deserve to maintain some sympathetic image of their daughter and sister? Involving those she loved and who loved her would cause needless pain. There was no need for a public humiliation.

I understood Noelle's reasoning. She knew me better than I wanted to admit. She knew I would find it difficult to carry out this last act as a member of the family. Her words gave me pause.

Again, I refocused on Paige under the archway leading to the kitchen. She was one very commanding presence. Tall, regal in her stance, projecting an air of confidence, I too was caught up in her image. I now knew that that confidence also masked an arrogance placing her above the rest of us. She was not my future; I should have recognized that long before this day.

This was to be my last performance in this family. I needed to behave normally, so I made my way over to Paige's father. He was sitting with his sons, all of whom were watching the football game. We exchanged greetings and they made a space for me on the couch as I merged into their fan club.

It was a good game. If I were ignorant of Paige's infidelity I might have enjoyed it. Instead I kept observing her father during his outbursts. He was a passionate man who worked hard and took comfort only in his family. I liked him. He had welcomed me as his son-in-law without any qualifications. His sons favored his trusting nature. In a way I couldn't quite define, I would miss them.

There was a high road in this home. Fortunately, I could still see it. There was no blinding rage to cloud my vision. Knowing there was a painless way out lightened my mood for the remainder of the game.

By early evening her mother's dinner further reinforced her reputation as a cook and hostess. I followed the lead of her children and ate as if it was my last meal, and in between bites, we bantered. Mom was obviously overjoyed to have us all here again to bring some excitement into her home.

I performed as the perfect guest: participating in the conversations, laughing at the jokes and being as witty as propriety allowed. The only drag on the holiday was Dana. For some reason she was having an argument with Rob. The guy looked clueless as his wife launched into a tirade about his weight. He was unprepared for her venom. Luckily Mom interceded before his wife had verbally extracted his testicles.

After dessert, when the dishes were being removed the girls decided that their mother needed a break. They took the remaining table items in the kitchen and guided her to her chair in the living room. When Mom was securely deposited, I decided that it was then time to leave. Grabbing my jacket from the closet, I strode first into the kitchen.

Paige and Dana were alone washing the dishes. A joke was in progress when I entered.

"The two of you work SO WELL together", I said with an obvious smirk.

Dana turned around, hand on hip ready to throw a barb my way when Paige interjected. "Peter, where are you going?"

"Home. I have some packing to do for my trip."

"I didn't know you were going on a trip. Isn't this a little usual? It is Thanksgiving. Why didn't you mention it before now? Can you at least wait a few minutes and I'll go with you?"

"No I can't wait. I'm sure your sister can drive you home."

"You're being awfully childish about this. You can't expect Dana and Rob to go out of their way to drive me home when all you have to do is wait a few minutes", Paige countered. There was no pretense of humor in her voice now. Paige was a bit confused and miffed at me for leaving so abruptly.

"Well, if they can't do it ...call Richard Lindenhall for a ride. I'm sure Dana has the number if you've forgotten it."

With that, Dana dropped the dish she was holding. Paige's eyes grew wide as she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Just then, Rob entered the room. There was his wife holding her hands across her mouth and my wife slumped against the counter.

Rob surveyed the scene and then spoke to me as I was turning to leave. "Hey, what's going on in here?" He looked lost. I disliked the guy, but at that instant I truly felt sorry for him.

"Your wife can fill you in...watch your back."

With that, I was off. I made it to the front door before I heard the commotion behind me. It didn't matter anymore. I wanted a clean break. This was about as clean as it was going to get.

I heard footsteps behind me as I reached the car. Looking up I saw Paige coming down the walk. I got in the car and drove off. She was shouting something from the curb. I didn't hear her. Paige Erickson Stuart was now dead to me; she just didn't know it yet.

I turned off my cell during the ride. When I arrived home, the other phone was ringing. I disconnected it and began the task of packing the remainder of my things. I had been quietly moving some of my clothes out each day over the past week. There wasn't much else left for me to take.

This was not a final act of altruism. When I looked over everything in the apartment, it dawned on me that most of the items were either Paige's or purchased for her benefit. In fact, most of the money spent in the place had been invested in furniture. I decided to leave it all.

I did briefly debate taking some of the cooking utensils though. I did all of our family cooking. But the thought of taking any of the things in the kitchen repulsed me. The desktop computer and home entertainment center were the only other things that had brought me any pleasure in the recent past, and she could have those too.

I had wiped the desktop's hard drive after backing up my important files. The company had given me a laptop for my use; that would have to do until I acquired a new machine. As for the home entertainment system, it could easily be replaced when I moved. In the meantime, dad had several TVs I could use.

Paige would likely think she had hit the lottery when she got home, that is until she realized what I had NOT done.

The lease was in both our names. It was paid up until the end of the year. However, the new lease for next year was still on my desk ready to be executed. If she wanted to stay in the apartment, she would be paying without me. The utilities were all in my name. The phone would be cancelled on Monday and I would schedule the shutoff of the electric and gas too. Like the lease, I had paid these others up until the end of the year.

The car lease was also in my name. I intended to trade it in for a model that was more to MY liking. There would be more debt for me, but unless she wanted additional payments, Paige would likely not contest that transaction.

Because I wanted to make an unequivocal statement I left my wedding ring on top of the papers next to the phone. Of course, there was one obligation that would hurt her the most. Her next semester's tuition bill was still unpaid. I left that in the same stack near the phone. She could pay for her own entertainment.

I took half the money in our bank accounts, leaving Paige about $ 11,000. That might seem like a lot, but she would need about $ 16,000 just to pay next semester's tuition and incidentals (which were not being paid by loans and grants).

An hour later, I was in my old bedroom at dads. Scanning the area, I found myself oddly at peace. Whatever pressure I had felt over the last couple of months, indeed over the last couple of years, was gone. Tomorrow Paige would be served the divorce papers. Even though it was a no-fault action I was having a copy sent to Lindenhall's wife along with a personal note. That final touch had cost a premium because it was the day after Thanksgiving, yet it was money well spent.