All Comments on 'MMA Meets MBA'

Fantastic. A lovely story with a different setting and very well put together.

you just keep doing it. Just when i think that you can't get to me again you pull another rabbit out of the hat. Many tears of happiness reading this one.THANK YOU

Clearly on a race with Stang to be the most popular author here.

A pleasure to read. Interesting point of view. Keep thinking and keep writing.

Woodmanone

Thanks. I will be awaiting your next posting.

Well written heart warming love story. A true loving wives story. You are a true artist.

Had a lot of heart. You're in rare company, I think this is literally the second story on this site that had an MMA style character in it.

What a great story. You certainly pulled out the stops on this one. I really enjoy a great story that everybody wins This was definately a 5. One of the best....thank you

I really liked your story except for two things: you have a few typos that make reading a little slow and I didn't like the political message near the end. I don't mind if a celebrity endorses POTUS or the First Lady, but it seemed that the delivery of the message was meant to be political and I'm not on this site for politics. Over all, a great story. Very enchanting.

One suggestion for improvement would be to work on the pronouns in the fight scenes. It sometimes took a while to figure out which "she" was doing what to whom. But keep up the fine work!

This is one of my most favorite stories here. It actually made me cry a little...As for the person complaining about politics, I personally did not see it that way. It fir the story after all. Five stars for you!

A very well written tale; one worthy of being true and hope it is. Needs editing for grammar/spelling. You have become one of my favorite authors.

Best regards!

i loved the story. lets me forget my troubles

Loved the characters & pretty much every word here written by this versatile author & I freely admit to being greedy, greedy, greedy as a reader in asking for more. Now here come my wannabe author/ constructive quibbles as to how the story could have been lengthened.

I think the author missed a clear chance to get this story more exposure by putting in the jealous boyfriend and greedy ex-wife back stories as Betty & Mark meet for the first time . This would have put story in Loving Wives genre where the biggest readership lies.

The romance was very satisfying as written but would have been sublime if their attraction had built up more slowly as the main couple recover from the demise of their past failed relationships.

Also it would have been great, if initially Betty had dismissed Mark as a effete metrosexual & he thought of her as a jock. Then as past emotional scars fade and they discover the others' true qualities- Voila ! Pent up-Tension is released. Tease us readers just a bit more, please.

A very tentative objection is raised concerning the fight scenes brevity. As a boxing/ MMA fan I would have enjoyed more nuance. Perhaps for the average reader, this aspect's prominence was just right. What blood, sweat and tears was there , I enjoyed.

In end analysis, this is a slam dunk five star read. The Ronda Rousey octagon main event was a news story that got a lot of prominence. This story takes the uncommon concept of a female MMA diamond in the rough getting polished marvelously.

I marvel at the vast array of subjects qhml1 chooses to cover & thank him for this ' knockout read ' .

I enjoyed this story from beginning to end....it's my new fave!!

Excellent, what more can I say--Thank you.

Excellent story! :) Well done!

Not particularly erotic, but pulled my heart strings. You have a future as a writer if you want it.

You're one of the best, most versatile writers on this site right now. I'm always pleased when a new story shows up. Thank you so much for this.

I felt that the last little bit about how everyone's life turned out didn't add anything to the over-all message or feeling of the story. You hit the emotional highs perfectly as far as the characters we care about are concerned but then you went on to talk about characters we had no reason to be emotionally invested in.

I'm not entirely sure why you flashed forward to when they were in their late-50's to early 60's either. While the happy ending was "nice," there was no room for our imaginations to roam.

Aside from the ending, the only other beef I have was the complete and total lack of adversity/growth. She tried, she succeeded, she was the greatest there ever was. Period. It would have been more "interesting" and "real" if she had clocked the drunkard in the bar who wanted to have sex with her or lost her temper with Alice or a sales assistant who was: "using her as a life-sized barbie." Maybe been tempted to try roids even after losing a particularly close match where the other girl was on the juice. Hell, maybe even Mark was dating someone else which caused her to loose her cool and then a match.

You narrated or "told" us that she was a human with anger issues, lacking education and had trust issues because Mark looked too "preppy" but then you "showed" us through character interaction that she was calm, collected, informed and madly in love with Mark. I didn't feel there was enough to make that switch or change. That's just my opinion though.

All in all, I liked the story and I gave it a five for the first five pages; they were extremely moving. As I mentioned before, you nailed the emotional points perfectly; I just wish there was more diversity in the emotions I was feeling.

I have to agree with ShawnSwift's comments overall. I liked the story, but I don't think you did as much with it as you could. When I read your intro that you've "become tired of stories of simpering females being rescued by manly hunks," I was so excited because I am tired of that too. I expected equals, or her rescuing him, but the guy still gets to rescue the girl, he just isn't a dumb-jock type. The comment that Alice made about Betty challenging his manhood really upset me. She was a professional fighter, and he couldn't let her stand up for herself when SHE was insulted, but she's not allowed to challenge his manhood when he's fighting someone over an insult that wasn't even directed at him? Sounds like a stereotypical "manly hunk" to me. The fact that she lets him get away with it kind of makes her into a "simpering female," too. It was a great idea, I was just disappointed with the execution.

I liked the story, and the choice of subject matter. That being said, there were several grammar/spelling issues, as well as a lot of subject/verb disagreement that made parts of the story difficult to understand - you can't shift between point of view characters in the same paragraph, especially if you're referring to everyone with pronouns instead of proper names. These aren't especially critical issues and could easily be cleaned up by a good editor, and would take this from good to very good.

This should be in the Non Erotic section--- not much romance in it at all. It was almost like reading a business portfolio... Just couldn't get through it. You had a great plot... It need less narrating of events and more emotion. Keep working at it. I wouldn't mind reading if it was improved.

That was a good story that entertained and had a good start middle and end. To all those who criticise either make it positive or don't say anything, it is a pathetic action to out your own inadequacies by trying transference to others. Nobody made you read it and to all those who criticise anonymously grow a pair, you are saddest of all.

The author seems able to a good job with any topic. Three cheers for him!

Don't get me wrong this is a good story, but I was a little disappointed with parts. Betty should have been more independent as others have said, like when she gives in to the prenup or the gang bang insult. There were sections you skipped over that should have a had greater detail, most notably the sex. If you asked on the forums for a good editor you'll find several willing to read over it for you.

liked it

wish we new more about ex marriage and maybe she was more aggressive in her love

I read this when Q posted it and came across it today. Interesting and smooth story. Betty was fortunate to get knocked up and go out whilst on top. Liked all of the characters.

Needed more problems for the main characters. You still are a good writer.

Great plot. I really believed in the characters. Overall, very good.

Another great story...I think I enjoy this category more than cheating wives...more happy endings.

This was a really sweet story. Thank you for the submission.

I did feel it was gratuitous to make Jeremy black. A completely unnecessary aside. Other than that, a good tale. Was Mark as rich as I think he was? And one further aside - the ending felt a little rushed. Write on!

Or any actually - it requires deep thought, consideration, attention to the other person - there was plenty of that to go around - it had lots of sincere loving activity -very nice

All endings are rushed - to some extent - we want to have more when we are enjoying - this was not that fast and all the loose ends were tied up well enough -

As for her not being independent enough - she did fine - she did have to be restrained to avoid insulting her husband in the crunch moment - but she respected him enough to let him deal with it -

Thanks -

kept me entertained from the first page to the last!

though i think it would be more suited in the "novel and novella" category than in "romance".

The author managed to slip in black drug addicts and a hispanic spouse abuser turned enforcer for a gang. He did it in a back-handed "gratuitous" way. In both cases the race of the stereotypes added absolutely nothing to the story.

Being an American in general, and a white southern male in particular, almost guarantees that you are a bigot.

I can't determine whether it is conscious and intentional, or whether the racism is so much a part of the air and the water that it's just "white noise".

Robert

I love feel good stories, but this one could have been much more. You missed all the nuances and complications that would be associated with Jeremy being black. You also missed the build up and neglected to show us why this was perfectly natural for them. Again I loved the story, but this was one shock too many without a foundation.

I can see why the commenter who wrote "clearly on a race with Stang to be the most popular author here" wanted to be Anonymous.

To compare Stang to qhml1 is to compare the puny penis of a Persian Prince with the rusty prod of a Roman Gladiator. Stang puts 10 lbs. of shit in a five pound bag while qhml1's readers are demanding more.

seems trite, but all i can say is good story

Loved the story, nuff said.

your as good as almost always, i loved it

Ed

Thank you for sharing this one I thoroughly enjoyed reading such a light and loving tale. Hope to see more like this from you.

Searching I fail to see how just mentioning a persons race or color makes one prejudiced, those things are a fact of life where ever you are,in fact it is more prejudiced to say that because you are a Southern white person that you have a tendency to be prejudiced. Are you saying that all Southerners are redneck trailer trash,that would make as much sense as what you said in your comments And before someone starts screaming that I'm prejudiced, I'm far from it.Life has a rainbow of colors and shades and you shouldn't judge on that basis but on individuals.If you think about it you will come to realize that every one of us is a minority of some type.And while I am not from the Deep South I am Southern in thinking and upbringing and proud of it.

I had to re-read the last few paragraphs about four times to figure out what was being said. A line about Manny with a younger boxer, then "On their thirtieth wedding anniversary, her third granddaughter..." I finally realized that you were referring to Betty & Mark's 30th anniversary.

Just a couple more thoughts: look at the difference between " 'to' 'too' and 'two'. " I have noticed this in several of your submissions. [Think of substituting 'also' for 'too' and maybe the differences will become clearer.]

Keep up the good writing - another 5-star work, IMHO. Thanks.

"...Being an American in general, and a white southern male in particular, almost guarantees that you are a bigot..."

Being a white American male who lives in the mid-south, I RESENT YOUR IMPLICATION.

Grouping all Americans, whites, males and southerners is just plain ignorant, and we ARE NOT all bigots.

[BTW, there are two kinds of countries on this planet: AMERICA and those other countries. The United States of America is, and will always be the absolute best federal presidential constitutional republic the world has ever known.]

I thank QHML1 for his submissions.

RACFGUY

except for the stereotypical minorities.

Almost every mention of an ethnicity or minority included a negative behaviour. The only exception was Jeremy, but his parents proved the rule.

I kept expecting to have the two families come together around their shared 9-11 heritage.

I claim ZERO knowledge of fight rankings, but to me it doesn’t seem to make sense that a lower-ranked fighter drawing against a higher-ranked fighter would go DOWN in the rankings. I can see not going UP, but she should at least hold steady!

“It featured Alice and Jeremy doing the fancy footwork routine with their jump ropes,” – Not that it COULDN’T be Alice, but wouldn’t it have been Betty?

I was going to "just" give this four stars, then remembered fighting back the tears when they took Jeremy, and had to give it five!

Authors can't win! If they leave things too open-ended calls go out to FTDS, then when we ARE shown the end, criticisms are made that we aren't allowed to use out imaginations!

You said: "Being an American in general, and a white southern male in particular, almost guarantees that you are a bigot."

So, you made a judgement about an entire group of people based solely on their race?

Isn't that what racism is?

Seems to me this is a case of the "pot calling the kettle black," no pun intended...

Damn you're good. I hope all your stories are this good.

either made in Heaven or Hell. TK U MLJ LV NV

a movie with Ronda Rousey as the star .. great story Scotty

Gave it a five. Nuff said!

Every time I read your stories I just end up grinning for a few hours. You have a wonderful gift. I will continue to read the stories again and again when I need that "alright, alright, alright" kind of feeling.

this one needs more stars, at least 10**********

the adoptions and other charities were excellent.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

...it's tears & laughter,and yet more tears & laughter - thanks for writing a damn GOOD story.

P.S.

Gave you forty 'leven stars....just brilliant !!

Good story over all, hurt by your lack of knowledge about MMA. Keep writing but do a little more research on what you include while you are doing it. Looking forward to future work!

In the Literotica world of Fairy Tales this was really insipid. Everything was just too convenient. And the overdone touch with the black boy being the adopted son was just too much. You usually do so much better. 2*

I think this was one of your best. Good job.

I don't get the critical people here...someone needs to lighten up.

You are a wonderful author....Keep it up.

Until you threw in the gratuitous "black child" bit. It added nothing to the story but a little shock and moral lecturing. Not exactly a Disney story.

Was combo of boxing and wrestling. Too convenient a story how it all works out perfectly. The guy at the end would have destroyed mark. 9 months of training vs. A lifetime? Unnecessary to the story.

I will not go in if this was MMA, women's boxing or any other sport of fighting, since I'm not an expert and I do not like those fighting sports.

But, the story ..., that one I loved!

Romantic, funny, a bit rough sometimes, but very good reading, easy to translate to my native language.

I hope that the author writes more stories of this style, with a good ending, that to suffer we already have the real life.

5* for you.

I apologize (yet) for my English, is not my native language (but I´m training to learn better)

There were a few typos that should have been caught but they weren't major. I agree with some of the other commenters. You went to great lengths to avoid stereotyping a woman fighter. That fact that Jeremy was black seemed only to be used to prove that she wasn't bigoted. And Manny was used as the token gay for the story. These characters being there seemed to distract from the main storyline. I felt like Betty was saying 'Look. I have a black son and a gay trainer. Aren't I a good person?'

Dang, your a great writer. Thank you.

You made me cry again

I can't wait for more you are a talented story teller

A well told and engaging story. Nicely done.

You have the ability to cause teardrops to fall & Freddy Fender to change his name to Gibson.

5 star effort.

Sweet romance.

5-stars.

It was an enjoyable story, although the pc pandering felt forced and broke my immersion.

There wasn't much dialogue either, especially between Betty and Mark. As most of the story was narrated, it was hard to really empathise with the characters, especially during their romance.

You never fail to deliver, an instant favorite.

I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING

your stories are a highlight within this environment, please keep writing them

thank you for all that have been written so far, love them all

Please continue

God Bless the produce Isle!....Great Story!...A bit of Forrest Gump & a bit of the Midday Movie ....Shoott you gotta love it!.....5 Stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Open your final submission in your favorite word processor. Or, use Notepad or the basic viewer on your Apple/Unix/Tablet etc.

Then change the viewing margin (perhaps drag the window right hand border inward). The goal is to make the lines display a different width/number of characters than what you customarily view.

Make sure word wrap is 'on' so the lines reflow.

Now make a quick visual pass from top to bottom, looking for out of place line breaks.

Any such breaks will probably be at the "normal" end of line based on your customary viewing width, thus "hiding in plain sight". When you change the viewing margin, the out of place breaks magically move and will become very visible.

If you're really paranoid, repeat using a viewing width that's still another inch shorter.

PS: It's always my great pleasure to read your stories. Thanks again!

Your stories are exemplary, I enjoy reading them, Thankyou for taking the time to write them.

"BANG BANG!" 5 Stars!

Great story. Thank you. Not to take away from your story but I read another story with the same characters but in that one, Bang, bang married Manny instead of Mark. Both stories are very good.

I think it had been at least 3-4 years since I read this a while ago. I only remembered parts of it as I read further into the plot. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading just now!

Only gave it Five stars because there wasn’t a 6-10 star option. Best Regards,

Baton Rouge Cajun Guy

Closure, done well like this is the best part and so often dismissed in this category. Thanks!

The tone was easy to discern that this was not a "jerk" tale, but the story line was good, easy to follow and contained sufficient details without getting boring or cumbersome. Enjoyed it immensely!

Love a strong, faithful wife!!! Faithful and badass enough to stay that way!!!

Nice story, no bug turmoil or cheating going on. A few punches here and there after all the female lead is a fighter. I was always almost forced to watch the Wednesday Night fights back in the 50s when I was a teenager. Thought it was boring then and still care for the fights. Keep writing, please!

Again. Thanks for your hard work. Again

Well done. 5 stars.

What was not to like. Well Done! 5*s.

Absolutely the best! 6 stars!

Thanks for this story. you made me cry a couple times, you bastard. I want to apologize for all the dumbass readers who decided you put in politics, or implied you are racist. Gosh people, just enjoy a good story.

You are always be my favourite writer. Thank you so much for all the wonderful, romantic, beautiful and lovely story. Please keep on writing. Definitely a 5 star ✨🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨🌟 ratings.

Ali Singapore

Fantastic characters and great story

but, entertaining. three stars

A very good story, And 'Bang bang' herself is very likeable!

The only real problem I had with this piece is the annoying sloppiness in using pronouns. But this is an older story (2013) and I imagine the author's style has evolved since then.

I loved this story, and your writing style. I teared up a few times. You sure know how to draw out the emotions. Thanks for another wonderful story and unforgettable characters. An easy 5-😊😊😊😊😊

I hope that you have published by now. You are talented, capture the reader’s attention and immerse them in the story. This was an exceptional piece with drama, tearful emotion, love, romance, sex, joy, and sadness. If this had been a country song, it would be number 1 and platinum.

Old Southern Boy

This was a brilliant story and a good read! I real appreciate your longer stories. Thanking for sharing this one.

(8/24/2021)

Nicely done, this was an enjoyable read. I enjoyed how you introduced Jermey as being black. Well done.

I'm running out of words to complement your writing. This was as good as all your other stories.

but, 5 stars again.

Damn you are good.