All Comments on 'Mother I Hate Ch. 02'

very good cant wait to see what happens next

You need to work a bit on your spelling as you spelled taught as thought multiple times and saying mum all the time makes you sound British and not a native of the Greater Los Angeles area. You might want to use a Word Processor with Grammar check to help you avoid some of these errors.

As far as story line, you have promising premise, which with the physical descriptions of the principles and the main character's love of his father, hatred of his mother and the meekness of the father, this all should lead to a family orgy at the end of the series, with both the mother and sister becoming submissive sex toys for the men of the family.

great work, hope you keep it going

You need to make your stories LONGER. I like the premise and your writing is good, yes you do need someone to edit them, but the story is to short. If the next one is this short I won't even read it.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to edit your submission, But here goes: ('no u's in american words;; i.e. masterbated, favored, etc); '...It was at that age that my mother stroked (?) me for the first time' ?; '...dropped, (should be left, not 'dropped'), my contact details at miss Kelly's desk'; '...I haven't ate, (should be eaten, not 'ate'), anything since I woke up'; ...I was going to bluff her with the one, (should be what, not 'the one'), I had now'; ...she has a nipple ring on both her, (should be on each, not 'on both'; women only HAVE 2 nipples, so 'both' is redundant), nipple'; These are the only errors (?) that I've found. (I usually help people who are trying to learn English, so don't judge my corrections TOO harshly). I look forward to the your instalment. Cheers!

There is nothing wrong with being a novice writer. And yes you will make mistakes. That is to be expected. But instead of rushing to get that story out, take the time to reread it slowly. If you know that you have misspelled words in the past look for those words and make sure that you have corrected them. So far this is looking to be a very good story. Don't mind the flamers, you are going to get them no matter how well you write. You will get better with your writing. Would like to hear more from you.

I believe you mean struck me or hit me. This maybe a fault of the language, rather than you however. Stroke is used more often in other ways, breaststroke, stroke that caused paralysis etc.

Actually, stroke has the exact opposite meaning than I think you are going for. To stroke someone is gentle, possibly loving, smooth not striking.

is always masturbate

Beginning the blackmail just after he has hired a detective is really a stupide idea because not only he risk to be see by him in blackmailing his mother but also it make his work harder in making her aware someone know about her lover. Also think about something for get the lover out the picture because DON'T FORGET she is supposedly a smart woman.

Not Bad for a first attempt. As for a PROOF READER try printing your work and then reading it on paper RED PENNING mistakes you find. Unless you are HORRIBLE at English that should be a help. I found it helped me.

Learn the difference between "thought" and "taught"!

... is that the protagonist, a teenage male, watches Grey's Anatomy.

don't be discouraged give us another chapter please

You switch the style of the language. Caught me off guard and lost the story for me. Perhaps you could rewrite and then resubmit.

You’re writing a first person story about an American family, but your spelling and grammar clearly indicate your British. We say mom, never mum. Programmes here in America is programs.

Yep, story started heading south almost as soon as u started. The video is a goldmine to Dad in his divorce, you could save him, but you aren’t.

And, yes you are not American, you write Mum rather than Mom. So probably from the UK. Your switch of language ruins your story

2/5 thus far, let’s see if you redeem yourself in Ch3.