All Comments on 'Mr. & Mrs. America, Aftermath'

No one is that stupid! No need to break up a happy family. Fuck him! His wife is better off with someone who appreciates her. No career is worth more than family. 1*

Fun, adventurous, and the emotion really came through. Looking forward to future installments.

Thx

Lots of misogynism in this story. I hate that and certainly don't find it erotic. I'm not going to insult the author though. It's a free story site with a strange system of vetting; if some like long tales with little sex and lots of misogyny, fine. Not for me though. One star.

Liked original. Your version sucked.

Wtf do you get misogyny? He had a 'wife' that lied to him for 23 years, that would have cheated on him if his mother had not intervened, and that did her righteous best to pull him back into a poison relationship. If you reverse the sexes so that the wife was the wronged party, THEN it would be misogyny.

As far as the length, actual writers sometimes need more than a page of text to properly do justice to the story. Now if it was a story about a 'wife' who humiliates her husband over his penis size, sleeps with multiple men including bikers, and then gets pissy when her husband dares to enjoy sex with a female that actually treats him like a man, a talent-less hack could probably fit that into a page or so. Assuming, of course, said hack could spend about half of the first page complaining that people hate her stories unfairly.

I don't claim to be a good author, but qhml1 is well recognized as one of the better ones on this site. Perhaps you would be better suited in learning from his methodology instead of criticizing it unfairly or claiming that there was hatred against women. Unless your definition of misogyny means a man can never be angry at anything a woman does or hold her responsible for her actions. If you do hold that opinion, I feel sorry for any man in your life because they are being exposed to misandry.

Not worth reading. 1*

A great story with a background and a real ending.

I like it very much. You are one of my favorite writers. Thanks!

The ending of the original just fizzled out for me. The story itself was an original idea, but left too many questions unanswered. This continuation took the story from a funeral, a letter, and a man in a funk to all the drama of a cheating wife story, the excitement of a man grabbing a second chance at the life he could have had, and enough action for an Indiana Jones movie!

In addition, the characters were fleshed out, and we understood their motivations for their fateful decisions of twenty-three years earlier and the degree of subterfuge involved in bending this boyfriend/son/friend to their wills.

I only have one quibble, and that is that the father with whom he had no desire to speak would have been at his granddaughter's wedding, would he not? That awkward situation wasn't mentioned. The wife seemed to get off easy, in comparison. Still, some great story-telling from one of my favorite authors.

If Maddie gave him Mike's letter, it was because she and her agency believed Mike was dead. If he was hiding out among ISIS, he betrayed his agency. Why did they "retire him" as an accountant? I don't think that is what we do with traitors. Otherwise, nice story.

His wife, father, and best friend conspired to control his life. His mother kept their secret, and his wife's affair a secret. Mom could have told him when she found out, there were not any other children yet, she joined the conspiracy at that point. The cheating (yes, she was cheating) should have put it over the top. I get cutting the parents out of your life completely but why continue to have anything to do with the wife? Why not tell the kids everything? Why not expose the cheating partner? The antidote to lies is truth. There is NEVER anything wrong with setting the record straight. Exposing the truth is ALWAYS the right thing to do. Running away is always the wrong thing to do. He should have stayed and blasted them all out of the water. He should have made them the ones to leave town out of sheer embarrassment and humiliation.

The worst part is his father's betrayal, he should have been able to talk to his son about what is important in life. He should have raised him well enough to have pushed any ideas of being a spy out of his head.

I get him doing the right thing and marrying his pregnant girlfriend, but his mourning a miscarriage for decades is silly.

I am doubtful that after years of marriage, raising kids and the primary caregiver that he'd regret missing the life of a spy very much. He was an educated man in the liberal world of academics. He would have known that an agent of any government is merely a pawn of power brokers. He would have known that patriotism is the ideal of youth and of fools.

He would have also known, and his friends would have made sure, Mike had to die. He was a walking, talking piece of shit and should have gotten the traditional execution for his crimes.

He would have been very wary of spies, liars and especially female spies. He would not have associated with liars, professional or otherwise. Real academics seek the truth, they do not waste time on bullshit.

After nine pages, he had a pile of lies that he had not cleaned up. Messy, and foolish and unsatisfying.

Compare this with a story about some guy having his cock caged while the wife screws some caveman. You cannot, because there is no comparison. Imagine a story with a plot, good writing, adventure, and romance. The Loving Wife part was a stretch, but this story is so much more than the usual fare. I thank Q for the hard work and his generosity.

First, totally loved it.

But, wondering what happened to dear old dad, and his mother???

Last thing about them was after the pkg arrived and Dad had to leave suddenly

Did I miss something???

Help

It was interesting although i'd like to see the attorney that almost seduced her have a little comeuppance. Maybe teach the fucker a lesson or two although i'm sure this seems trivial. Still a very good read.

I was seriously hoping for a reconciliation with Jo. However as Q is one of the best storytellers on the site IMHO I will read going forward knowing i will enjoy the hell out of the story. I pretty much agree with HDK on every point

Thanks so much for sharing

Ahaz

I hadn't read the original, by Jezzez, so I went and read it and came back on to the current continuation. I read the whole story in one sitting. I follow the chaos and tragedies in the Mid East quite closely, so the story was interesting from that angel (however we may judge the realism of it).

But, as HDK said, this was a well thought-out piece. Some cliches, true (the Blonde woman, Madeline, CIA/NSA/Even More Secretive than CIA/NSA type, whom our unsung and wronged hero gets to fuck at the end and a woman who turned out to be, what was it?, his aspiring son-in-law's auntie? Everyone in the team happened to be speaking many languages like the various natives in the Mid East, etc.)

But, oddly, I actually shed some tears when our hero described how he carried deep in him a tragic pain over a daughter which turned out to be a fake pregnancy by his wife some 20 years passed, when she first deigned to marry him and to mold his life to allow her to do as she wanted...

Kind of odd to shed tears for a fictional figure who, in turn, shed tears for a fake child that never was... In other words, the story was quite gripping, if you read it slowly and use your own imagination to augment it, keeping with reality as when it comes to the truly chaotic and hear-breaking tragedies in the Middle East.

I found the angel on his former best friend and childhood buddy, Mike, to be incredibly believable, oddly enough....

I've heard of a few tales about Americans like this fictitious "Mike" guy .... from my brother in law and others who'd fought hard and had seen plenty of deaths and tragedies in the Vietnam War .... stories and tales relating to some incredibly hardened, seemingly uncaring, callous Americans and how they treated the powerless natives... Most of such hardened, callous and ultimately tragic figures (like the "Mike" character in this story), of course, were assumed to be from the CIA or other related branches of the Pentagon... since they're able to come and go at will, at least in my brother in law's eyes, as a young officer attached to those working with/for the Americans from 1965 to 1970 or so....

Again, except for a few tiny things like that, and other even tinier errors, the story was really well done, on the various dimensions and angles.

Sometimes it just amazes me what the imagination creates! Worthy of 6*

An excellent tale well told as they say. Can't wait for the next story and maybe some hints about the "changing of history scroll". Five stars.

I really wanted him to forgive Jo until halfway through when he commented that she had never actually said "I'm sorry." At that point, i just got sad. I thought the story was well written and had great pace and i love how you did the resolution at the end.

Why are you wasting your time giving away work of this caliber? I'm grateful to receive the benefits but you seriously are underselling yourself. Your writings are always A+ here but this surpasses anything I have read here.

I had to choke back tears when he spoke about the anniversary of the miscarriage and how it always made him feel and then to find out it was a lie. I can't relate to that situation directly but I could still feel his intense pain.

Thank you for the gift of this story!

and the peoples choosing in their profession. TK U MLJ LV NV

I've only just started this,but it's obvious that you are taking this in a different direction from the original ending, and for that alone, I thank you, as I felt that Jake was far too forgiving!

Now I can feel good about reading nine pages!

You can't expect a retard like SharedShit to know the definition of misogyny. He/she/it can't even spell on an 8th grade level. And the untalented idiot hasn't picked up on the fact that qhml has stories that have been favored by hundreds of fans and SharedShit is lucky if he/she/it gets a dozen fans for her pathetic attempts to write a story. When you get down to it, a one star rating from Shared/Shit is a great compliment seeing as to how he/she/it doesn't have a clue about what is erotic.

I hope you will progress with the story line it's amazing. Characters are wonderfully human. And the story was skillfully written, left with plenty of room for more. It deserves more. I gave it a five, and a heart. Hope to see more. Thank you.

I can't quite put my finger on it ... Was well written etc etc etc ...BUT .... It was just too cliched and ...well convenient for my liking. It didn't seem remotely realistic or plausible in ANY aspect. It was almost as if it was just TOO fictional. Now I know it came from Jezzaz who lets face it thrives on writing complete fantasist bullshit with his Imgrams rubbish but still I did think you just might have managed to go in a direction that was more realistic psychodrama rather then the rather redacted and implausible spook tale you ended up with.

I find myself rather disappointed that you went there...

The only one who didn't like it was WHOREDSigne. Strange. 5/5

Couldn't get past the first page.

Fantastic work. Admittedly, for the first 4 pages I kept thinking "imagine how this guy reacted when he found out 'try it, you'll like it' was a lie!" The loss of career was so much less to me than a deception involving the death of a child. As it focused more on that, I could relate to him more.

For a moment, when he was pointing out that she could pursue her career because he was at home being a full time dad, that he was going to tell her that he wanted her to prove her 'love' by doing to herself exactly what she'd done to him: take away her dream job forever.

Misogynist = noun 1. a person who hates, dislikes, mistrusts, or mistreats women.

Hence an author who writes stories about how bad a woman is and the cretins like WhackOff, ImpoTent, and Betrayedbylove aka Anonymous, who love stories like this and trash any story where the woman has sex outside the "sacred" bonds of matrimony. Not very many stories about men who do the same is there? I would write one but I'm not a man-hater. I don't need to write a story about a misogynist; this site is full of such stories as of late. So sad.

love this continuation of the original story. i don't see this a an different ending but as a continuation of the same story. love how the people move through life and how everything affects them. hope to see the next chapter soon.

Thanks for sharing such a great read!

You do know how to write a story...kept me guessing right up to the end...looking forward to sequel(s)...effective colaboration between you and Jeezaz.

You really do have to read the first story to understand your story. To be honest though, your story did no justice to the original story. Mike wasn't a bad guy, yet you turned him into pond scum. However, that was your right as the author of the sequel.

But has there ever been a more stupid man in the history of the universe.

This story did nothing except to solidify my opinion that you, Sir, are quite simply the absolute top writer on all of Literotica. I have been an avid reader of theses stories for way longer than I would have ever thought and my preferred reading has changed quite a bit over the years but most of your stories are always right at the top with enjoyment and sometimes suspense and surprises thrown in, Thank you.

To bad about the total collapse of the marriage of Pete and Jo. However, trust is a hard thing to regain and Jo has lost Pete's trust. I can see Madeline being an enjoyable temporary lover, but with her lifestyle being do close to Mike's I don't they in a long lasting and happy relationship or marriage. So I await your forthcoming sequels and the surprises they are sure to hold, so please hurry.

Great story.I actually liked the fact that it was long.I would have liked a reconciliation but I am not the author.I also believe that Alan j should be paid back for what he was doing by chasing a married woman.I can't wait for the next chapter.5stars

Can't wait for part 2 .

After all, I read incredibly few stories on this site. And I am a curmudgeon.

Okay, the good.

Some very sentimental scenes. GhengisKhan was correct in highlighting the poignancy of the 'dead baby' and the wildly different reactions of the husband and wife to her 'death' both made sense and gave some powerful motivation.

I am personally distressed at what ISIL is doing to ancient Sumerian sites and wish them horrible nasty but very quick and immediate deaths for this, so that touched a definite nerve.

I am 'meh' on the male fantasy elements. However, he did not start off an entire Social Network of adoring women wanting the bazzilionaire, there were no wildly improbable couples (though the Lesbian Arabs was pretty close) and he actually had to chew up some pain and death during this story, so I enjoyed this fantasy more than the others. Nor was it too sickly sweet like the last half of one of my favorite stories of yours. (Writing this makes me appreciate this story more than I originally did)

Literary Critiques:

First off, I preferred your style over the Jezzaz original. I went to read that first and the ping pong writing style between the back and forth from the past to the letter to the present to the past to...UGH! I CAN read such prose and understand such prose. But the game has to be worth the candle. I almost wanted to close the original story out of frustration.

So from a layout aspect, I liked this slightly better. However. continuity...

This man was only vaguely reminiscent of the original character. This wife was a hell of a lot more evil than the original character. One got the sense that BESIDES the manipulation, she valued and loved her husband, even as she was a bit high handed with him. (Yes, that rubbed me the wrong way too. These are not, however, low brow or newly married people. They are a challenging couple) I am not a big fan of ADDING evil to the characters and the plots. Did we need an Adler? The entire tone was also quite changed.

Let's talk about Mike.

His place in this story REALLY did not work for me. This is my third draft of addressing this issue if that means anything. No fist pump. No closure. Just a horribly jarring, unnecessary and UNEXPLAINED note in an otherwise reasonably consistent and well crafted story. He was there to be chopped to pieces. And you did not even have the moral courage to have the hero chop him up for his offenses against Peter. Nor Mike's offenses against humanity. No. You needed to make him a multiple rapist for no reason and have the women FORCE Pete to cut him up.

Quite the risk taker. If you are going to go graphic (and I think this is your most graphic story thus far) GO GRAPHIC! Drop the 'Sainted Hero' routine.

But better yet, instead of chopping off sundry body parts, you should have chopped Mike's place out of the story. It added nothing.

Still didn't like Peter much though. Keeping one's son alive...what parent doesn't want that? He is rather low on the empathy scale as well if he can't see that.

I don't rate stories but I read all nine pages in one sitting. I have to say I drifted off in the navel gazing...'reflection' in the original story, but this one kept my interest.

The writing quality and story telling is once again top notch. Various opportunities to take character off on new adventures.

Keep'm coming.....

Miscarriage lie was second worst offense. The affair with boss was worse. Caught by his mom who betrayed him again by not telling him. Ended marriage when she told him the truth about affair.

5 stars

Mike, Jo, his mother and the sperm donor. This story is just about Jake realizing it and taking action to recover the life they tricked him out of.

There's no point in another chapter if Jake's relationships with his ex wife and his ex parents are the main subjects. But if it's the story of how that scroll will change history and the pond scum are just incidentals - and preferably cameos at that - then by all means, go for it.

An excellent story and I like your premise that Mike was not a good guy at all. Thanks for an enjoyable read.

Mike, Jo, his mother and sperm donor. For 23 years. This story is Jake realizing it and taking steps to recover the life they tricked him out of.

There's no need for another chapter if it's just going to be about Jake's relations with his ex wife and ex parents. But if the story is about how that scroll is going to change history and the exes are just incidentals - and preferably, cameos - then by all means I want to know about Indiana Jake's next adventure!

another top notch story from you.....I'm surprised you didn't have Mike tell him that he was doin the wife while they were married....

few holes in the plot as others have noted, plus for me the sheer nastiness of Mike towards the end was just a bit too much of a change. And what did the poor mum do? Tell him and wreck what seemed to be a good marriage? As I saw it, she was the one trying to keep the family together. Then of course if he was so upset by others plotting his route for him, how on earth would he have survived being the pawn of the secret service. Methinks they did him a good service, if perhaps not in the best way, but then of course we wouldn't have had the story. By the way, in the UK we do call it a torch, and I thought flashlight was an american term?

Oh, I forgot ...... Actually a brilliant story! 5 stars! If part 3 is as good as the first two parts then I'm looking forward to some good surprises.

It is too bad the secret was found out.

The revelation and one nasty mission sent him well on his way to the same moral bankruptcy as his friend. The exception here was he also torched his family, something that Mike resisted for decades.

Thankfully his handler, Teddy, was smart enough to keep him out.

And you couldn't be bothered to include a fucking link to the story?

<P>

Whether it is hard or easy to locate the story is immaterial. YOU know the story. YOU are creating a story the requires knowing the story. YOU think it's someone else's job to do YOUR job for you.

Women. As in ALL women, not a specific person or people who have done something that could cause said hatred. The protagonist clearly didn't hate all women, he risked his life to save one and treated others nicely. That is not misogyny unless you are a second wave, militant feminist who thinks that men should suffer in reparation because all men are bad.

As far as the sacred bounds comment, you ignore that she lied for years and was prepared to have an affair without discussion. This has nothing to do with the "madonna or whore" concept, instead it revolves around trust and the nature of the person. If a wife wants to sleep around, fine, but have the decency to talk to your partner and make sure they agree. If they don't and refuse to be part of it, or change their minds later, then you both determine where the marriage goes from there. Otherwise you are simply asking for heartbreak and creating a partner that might actually become misogynistic over your actions.

As far as a double standard, there are those who vote low when the wife is the qronged party and there is a lack of quantity of those types of stories. I do not view them as different, personally, because the dilemma is the same. You still have one partner violating the trust and love of the other, which is despicable and wrong. If someone were to write a good story where the wife was the wronged party, I would not score it negatively just because the roles were reversed.

As usual I'm writing these as I go/

"you'll be traveling a lot, to some pretty unusual places, some of them hostile." - LOL, he finally gets to be a spy!

"Please don't say that! It wasn't like that at all, it wa..." - It was EXACTLY like that! That's why his mother saw you three toasting a "successful operation"!

"There's no way I can take time off to go with you" - LOL, not that he WANTS her along, but again, it's all about HER needs! If she REALLY wanted him back she would take a leave of absence or resign so that she could join him.

"Why did he do such a thing to us?" - ???? If she hadn't conspired with his father and Mike, Mike couldn't have done ANYTHING!

"I'm just as guilty as your father, and you still talk to me." - Yes, because she's still the mother of his children, and the need to interact for them. In a way I'm angrier at his MOTHER! She wasn't part of the scheme, so had no reason not to tell him when she found out!

"The good news is we've made contact with some people who are convinced they can get you in and out before anyone is the wiser." - It's not whether THEY'RE convinced they can get you in and out, but do YOU believe that they can do it!

I hope I'm wrong, but I'm smelling reconciliation here.

How in the world can they trust the guards? Even if they are legit, they are probably very susceptible to being bought off!

"Ask her about her 'meetings' with Alan Jeffers, see how she tries to spin it." - That was probably the REAL reason she didn't get the lead counsel position!

"But why fight it, a pussy like you will always go back. It's in your nature." - He's not exactly helping Jo's cause!

Jake mentioned being scared,but functioning,and that was WITHOUT any training!

"The new you probably wouldn't hesitate to destroy me to find out the truth." - All the more reason for her to accept a reasonably amicable parting of the ways.

"If you're not in a cab before your 'date' comes back, I'm sending Jake this picture." - Another strike against his mother! That she knew Jo had a near affair and never told him!

"you've become a cruel man, Jake. I didn't think you capable of it. Could you at least tell me how you know so much?" - Gee, I wonder who made him that way?

"There will be no divorce. I simply won't allow it." - She just doesn't get it! She's a lawyer, she should know that while she can make things difficult, she can't force him to stay married! Hell, unless he wants to re-marry, he doesn't even need a divorce, he can just keep working with Teddy in England! If he WANTS to cut ties, there's always the annulment route, with all the embarrassment that would bring!

"Love, Pete." - Pete? I thought his name was Jake?

"And you're the famous Pete Trammel." - Again changing his name?

She didn't "deign" to marry him! To deign is to do something you consider beneath your dignity.

She WANTED to marry him badly enough to trick him into it!

Why is the fact that the wife was bad make this misogynist? His male best friend and his own FATHER were bad, too.

Maddy, Sherry and Fatima were good, Sherry and Fatima brave and Sherry absolutely heroic!

His daughters, while supportive of their mother were good.

So ONE bad woman character, who was actually made somewhat sympathetic at the end, makes this a misogynist story?

I always enjoy your stories, but this really was one of your better stories.

Thanks, I know it takes a lot of work and I want you to know I appreciate your efforts.

The main character in this story is different from the main character in the original story. At the end of the original, he appeared to have forgiven at least the wife, and no particular hatred was directed to his father. This one really could have stood alone with a couple of introductory paragraphs.

There is a line where Mike noted his Analyst was from Ingram, after the way Mike turns out in this version I'm not sure how good they did or if at one point Mike actually believed he was helping a friend by keeping him out. Jo certainly came out as manipulative and controlling. I'd mostly like to hear his Dad's version of what and why he did.

This is quite different than many of your stories. However, I really liked it. What a great change for you to explore this avenue. Love to see where this goes.

Never, repeat never, write a sequel to a great story. I gave up after 3 pages. This guy is immature, self-righteous and not worth the effort.

Probably could have used a brief intro describing how Jake started out trying to keep a forgiving frame of mind but as some time passed couldn't stop thinking more and more about how he'd been tricked and manipulated for so long and by so many people who he should have been able to trust. Because, really, how could anyone not?

i'm not a fan of continuing another authors story as they hardly ever match up in writing style or they go off in a totally different direction. that being said this was an outstanding effort and wonderful story line. the only issue I have is mike should have been killed. he is a horrible person and doesn't deserve to live.

This has me hooked already. I look forward the next instalment.

For me I enjoyed the original from Jezzaz, but like your development and eagerly await the twists and turns this may take. The anticipation of the next is like the "addiction" I feel waiting for the next update from Prolonged_Debut10.

thanks

Stayed with it thru page 3, then just lost interest. Characters not interesting, plot going off the rails. How it ends? I don't care.

To compare your writing with the majority of authors on here is an insult to you. This was much better than Jezzaz version. Yes it was a little long, but still great. The one problem I had,and it was a small one, was how can someone go from being raised by a spy. Spending his whole young life training himself to be a spy. Then to spend 20 plus years with his head in the sand. That didn't ring true to me. As for the wife hell yes he should've divorced her. Not one fucking time did she say she was sorry, not once did she admit she was wrong.taking that plus her semi affair. He was more than justified in his actions. Someone mentioned his mom. She both knew about wife dating another man but also the fake pregnancy. So while he should forgive her he is justified in his anger. Fuck his POS dad.

Why the wronged husbands always insist on not telling their children the truth about why their marriages are ending. Especially when the children are adults or close to being adults. Don't they realize that not knowing just makes it harder on them?

Jake or Pete???

Its Man Utd, not mann u. The car is a Bentley.

Thanks for the read.

One of the best stories on this site. Look forward to the next chapters.

I liked it with the exception of a few misused and misspelled words. But! British rye whiskey? What fevered part of your imagination did that rise from?

MichaelG

outstanding tale. thank you 5*

Jake or Pete?

A good story as usual in @qhml1...with a lot of action...let's wait what the other parts will bring...4*

The British make Rye Whisky as do a number of other nationalities.

If you want to impress someone you give the Canadian Whiskey.

A real adventure, love your work. His lawyer wife really controlled him. It finds out about her deception to get him to marry her 20 plus years later. And finding mike alive and a rapist in an Isis setting .far out. So he fiqures out its time to end the marriage. If she would have apologized early on maybe she could have saved her marriage. So you seemed to wraped this story up , what could you do. To continue it.?

http://eastlondonliquorcompany.com/east-london-liquor-company.html

and the story was a full 5* all the way through, and the joint between both authors was seamless.

Q's writing is as usual impeccable. Intresting and well paced and very creative. However, I had the same reaction as FD on the resurrection and disfigurement of Mike. This part of the story did not add anything and was not credible; story would have been much better without Mike coming back into it.

If I were Jezzaz I would be utterly furious with how you took his fair superior story and trashed it. Nine pages of wasted writing

SharedSigne

06/11/16

See dictionary.com

Misogynist = noun 1. a person who hates, dislikes, mistrusts, or mistreats women.

What that means in the SharedSigne interpretation is that if you say anything bad about any woman you are a misogynist.

Even if it is true.

What is the record time from the LW story hitting cyberspace and it getting 50 comments? How about to 100? I would guess about the time it takes 50 readers to wake up, boot up their devices, then get through 9 LIT pages!!!

Loved it ... even the 'reunion' with Mike. It served (if nothing else) to change Dad's perspective of his son!

5* (of course!)

I am constantly amazed by comments that stories on this site are "too long". This barely qualifies as a novella. Do the readers at Literotica have such short attention spans that they can't read an entire novel without complaining "it's too long"?

I enjoy novels, especially long ones. This has been a very enjoyable afternoon read, by one of the most talented authors on the site. I am anxiously awaiting the sequel.

He made her see her dream career through different eyes, which poisoned it so much that eventually she ended up quitting it and going to public interest law.

So much better ending along with a lot of stories. Great work

for reminding me why I still visit this place, to find jems like this.

re:

And for those of you unfamiliar with British Rye whisky

http://eastlondonliquorcompany.com/east-london-liquor-company.html

But if you look up the Sonoma Rye Whiskey they sell, it's made in California, USA.

While I agree with you, FD45, on most of what you said...

to me, the Mike angle actually was one of the more PROBABLE and BELIEVABLE in this story. Again, perhaps I came from a different part of the world where Americans HAD done these things to local people from whom I've heard similar stories. During war times, of course.

Two young Syrian homosexual MEN, btw, ran like hell to Germany... one ahead of the other... and they finally met up there and seemed to have gotten down to their knees, to thank their hosts for allowing them to live in Germany so they could love each other as couple, in public... so, yes... the lesbian couple in THIS STORY, too, as a couple of Muslims who must hide their love for each other in their original homelands in the Middle East... yea, it is believable, too.

In any event... by inserting this story and Mike into the Mid East... where sanity and insanity are in constant flux, in ALL PEOPLE (from the "good guys" to the "bad guys"... yes, it is very probably and believable... WE DO INDEED see people chopping off other people's hands, legs, and heads REGULARLY ON YOUTUBE and other media that last 2-5 years, mostly from the crises from the Mid East... but it's not only from there...

and it's NOT just ISIS that does that. Most of the rebels who are NOT part of ISIS also do these things; and so do Assad and his soldiers... and so do the Kurds, the Turks, the Iraqis, the Russians, the Americans, the French, the British, and EVERYONE that has embroiled themselves in this chaos in the Mid East...

Let's say it's an abbreviated Literotica version of what happened in THE HEART OF DARKNESS, by Joseph Conrad... both in the Congo in Africa and in the more contemporary version of the American activities in Laos, Vietnam, and CAMBODIA...as directed by Francis Coppola, in APOCALYPSE NOW... about "sane people" going "insane" when they subject themselves, wittingly or otherwise, to such an inhumane world long enough...

So, yes, the MIKE (American "intelligence") character and what happened to him over the years... yes, totally believable... But it's not just in the Mid East that these inhumane things happen....

Here, closer to home, in our southern border, Mexico, we read about decapitation, limb cutting, mass burying, etc.

In Africa, oh, yeah... even more inhumane... villagers burning suspects or simply other ethnics in ethnic conflicts...

In South Asia, from Bangladesh to Burma, where Muslims target gays, lesbians, and atheists ON A DAILY BASIS... Remember, in Burma, it's the "peaceful" Buddhists and MONKS who have been oppressing, torturing, and actually burning MUSLIM minorities, on the street in public...

In SE Asia in southern Thailand, to much of Indonesia, Malaysia, and other enclaves, where religious and ethnic conflicts allow both states and individuals to summarily executed those they deem the bad guys....

Some Trump-like knucklehead has taken over the presidency of the Philippines and is, as president, encouraging the public at-large to kill criminals, etc.

All this is to say: YES, the "Mike" character === in terms of what he's become, after years of slowly diving into this territories where even Americans ARE NOT HELD accountable because they're NOT supposed to be there === it is totally believable.

And, again, so is the action taken against him with this land and foot chopping by our hero's "S7" team, a few of whom didn't make it out alive.

This particular activity of theirs, of course, was likely a different spin on the events at cities like Palmyra... of what ISIS did to the director of Palmyra institute of antiquities there and how they taped how they blow up and hammer away statues and buildings and other precious historical relics that's been there for hundreds to thousands of years before Islam was even invented......

Needless to say, I enjoy this part of the story very much, including what Mike did and what happened, in return, to him...I thought it was very believable and it's NOTHING compared to the reality on the ground there, even as we read and write these here in Fantasy Island...

I thought his name was Pete. Was it Pete or Jake?

GhenghisKhan: I think you mistake my problem with Michael. It is not that I don't believe sociopaths exist in society, or one can go 'heart of darkness' ala Brando (Have you MET Curtis?). Nor does one need to go to the Congo to do this. Just read enough double murder/suicides as the end result of many adulterous relationships to realize that. The 'Jungle' can exist inside a man's head as well.

My problem was twofold: This is not Mike! What did Maddy have to say about him from the original story?

**

"You've worked hard and been rewarded in the American way. It's not hard to see why Mike felt the way he did.

"You know, he used you as his scale, to take measure of the things we had to do, and how we had to do them. He'd hold up your picture and he'd say, 'If we do this, can I look these people in the eye and tell them, and will they approve?' If he didn't think you'd understand or approve, he would tell the team to 'find another way'. That's not to say we didn't cross that line on occasion -- we did, but sometimes there is no other way. Sometimes there is no good way at all."

**

The original character seemed to know that he was going into the Jungle too much and he used Pete/Jake as a lodestone. Someone and somewhere to recenter his soul. He may have turned into liar as an agent, but just like attorneys, they have to learn to turn it off when they are at home.

Everything we learned about the character from Dad, Maddy, Jo, Jake/Peter, the letter...all indicate similar things. Someone sorry he got bent and twisted into an agent even as he loved the work and thought it was important. Even within THIS STORY, he was a pretty credible guy. He as much said that HE was the reason Jake's Mom burst in on Jo about to go full on cheater. Why would a psycho, particularly one who hated his friend's comfy life, care?

THIS Mike was dog shit resembling his former described character (related, BTW, by a third party hence more credible, not less), even less than Jake...Pete...(who is Pete? Am I insane? The Horror...the horror) And all we got as an explanation was 'oh, he's a liar so everything you thought you knew about this character is a lie'. I find that cheap writing.

Additionally, Mike was Chekov's Gun, unfired. He was dead. Why was him being thought dead so important? What help would it have been that Mr. and Mrs. America thought he was dead? Would the ISIL know or even care? Did Maddy know? Had he gone rogue and was covering his tracks? (I will gloss over the absolutely ridiculous idea that an Anglo American male, not matter how well he speaks Farsi, could pose IN THE LONG TERM as a trusted member of one of their factions as credible. I obviously need to believe this to believe the Sword of God could be fooled by such a thinly veiled [hee hee] ruse) There was no credible explanation, so he was like a demon popping out of the floor in a Penny Dreadful morality play.

What did he add? Vengeful closure. He was resurrected just so he could have his 'glamorous' life stolen from him, not to further the plot, add character, add motivation. Just to give Jake something to beat. He was a pell, a stick in the ground simply placed there to be beaten by a sword, like most loving wives in these stories.

So he did nothing for me except make me angry that in an otherwise engaging and dramatic story, we put in a clown with a pratfall with the WAAA WAAA WAAAAAA sounds added.

QHML1 is usually better than this. It was a misstep.

Kudos, author. Kudos.

Any chance you can make a series out of it?

A really great read, very much up to your usual standards, gave it 5. Still, I was hoping that Jo and Pete might see the light at the end of the tunnel together. Still, here's to the hope of reconciliation in the future with a sequel or two!

Fabulous!

But I want to say that I enjoyed this story more than the original. Even though it was 23 years ago, the betrayal would be difficult to put behind me, and this sequel strikes a cord for me consistent with my feelings on the matter. I don't know about the performance of the amputations, though. I would have simply killed Mike and I would have been done with it. The U.S. Gov't could hardly try me for murder when the guy was already dead and buried. I also would have gotten a DNA test on the children. Thanks for writing.

Of course you had to make Jo, Mike, his father, and even his mother, conspirators in the plot to deny Jake of his dream life in the world of espionage. Those bastards!! But I think its fair to examine the plots basis, and the evil doers' motives.

Jo wanted Jake to be her husband, she wanted Jake to be the father of her children, to be present in all their lives, and she wanted to spend the rest of a long happy life with Jake. If Jake had become Mike II, he would be away from home and family often, and for long stretches, and had a high probability of coming home crippled, or dead. I accept that Jo manipulated and lied to get what she wanted, but what she wanted was a long happy marriage with Jake. If Jake was successful in getting the same job, and the associated lifestyle, as Mike, then the responsible thing for a potential mother to do would be to cut Jake loose and go find a permanent resident partner for her and their eventual children. So Jake would end up without Jo sooner, and Jo would have spared herself the pain and suffering of loosing her marriage and retirement partner. I agree Jo should not have deceived Jake. She should have allowed him to go play spy and found herself a more responsible and pragmatic husband, who would have put his wife and children before his dangerous and selfish dreams, and with whom she would have lived happily ever after.

Mike wanted what? To have Jake maintain Jo so she would be available for Mike to fuck when he was home on leave? To have Jake raise Mike's children that he would sire with Jo? To be able to flaunt his exciting sexy enriching and glamorous life as a James Bond while Jake suffered, lashed to a loving wife, caring for intelligent healthy children, burdened with the monotony of an academic career, a beautiful professionally successful wife, and a comfortable predictable life, with loving extended family, grandchildren, retirement, and travel? That bastard, some more. Well, no. Mike wanted Jake to avoid the empty soulless contemptible life of deceit, betrayal, killing, maiming, and probably death by assassination and/or torture. What other motive did Mike have?

Jake's father, and mother, wanted their son to stay alive, have a long happy marriage, enjoy their grandchildren being in a stable home, and have a healthy safe extended family. What selfish bastards, again. Jake's father should have accepted that Jake did not want a stable resident home life. Despite his belief that espionage would eventually destroy his son, physically and morally, Jake's father should have warned his son what was in store for him, then let his son learn that lesson for himself. Jake could then decide to quit early and reconnect with Jo, if she were still available.

Accepting the plot you wanted to construct, you of course had to make all the above characters evil and selfish and cruel. And that came off kind of contrived and concocted. None of those traits were in the first story. And there is no motive for any of the evil doers to do what you contrived in your 2nd chapter. So the whole plot comes off as lame and forced. Of course it must be very difficult to take characters crafted by another writer, and morph them into something different but believable to have your plot make sense.

I found your follow on story interesting, exciting, and well written. But it is a different story with different characters than the first chapter. Both stories were well written, but they are about different people, with different motives and personalities. The juxtaposition is a poor fit. But it was an ambitious and very thought provoking story, and I appreciate your time and effort. Thank You.

Impatiently waiting for the rest of the it.

By using the kernel of the concept and expanding it you took a nice but mundane story based in academia and turned it into an action drama. Better yet, you allowed the meek and mild professor the opportunity to experience the life he wanted but had been wrongfully deprived.

There are enough characters and material for several continuations. Wherever you want to go is up to you.

Thank you for a fun read.

Walter Winchell, "Hello Mr & Mrs America and all the ships at sea".

...seminal idea...but you raise the whole to finery well beyond its beginnings.

And it is new and different and surprising while feeling familiar. Damned if I can figure how you pull it off, but what a ride!!

Characters I like, and so,e I don't but most that I relate to, some that remind me of my wife and that whole mess, others of people I have known and loved, some I have loathed. You are masterful at seamless, subtle characterization. And the story is well deployed, filled with interesting things, the errors, omissions and fabrications, all forgivable for the enjoyment of the mostly cohesive whole. Nope, I'm so delighted, I can't bring myself to task you for the technical and logistical issues extant. Rather, I want to thank you for a thoroughly enjoyable and engaging story.....so far.

Thank you, from the bottom of my literary-heart.

I will certainly look forward to the next installments.

How can you critique a nine page story after only reading 3 pages?

The reason behind not telling the children (or parents and friends, for that matter), is that his story can come across as self-serving.

By putting the burden on the other spouse, if they tell the truth, then it will be believed. If they DON'T, then the lies can be responded to.

I've seen a couple of comments regarding the kids' parentage vis-a-vis Mike.

I didn't see ANYTHING in the story indicating that Mike even MAY have been the father, let alone actually was!

I fact, if the letter was to be believed at all (doubtful, I admit!), Mike had a vasectomy and COULDN'T father any children.

The story was interesting and generally well-written. The characters weren't much like those of the original story but it didn't matter too much.

The protagonist's behavior towards his wife and family was adolescently immature. His communications with Jo and his father were just like those of a rebellious teenager. If we all moaned about the way wiser people guided us onto safe and happy paths instead of letting us do dumb things (like buying a motorbike, marrying the wrong girl, not marrying the right girl, wandering round the world committing probably illegal acts against foreigners in the name of dubious patriotism, etc.) almost everyone would be resentful and bitter. He should have been eternally grateful.

At one point he says that 'unsurprisingly' Jo contested the divorce. Well it was surprise to me! She had the opportunity to ditch a childish whiner with James Bond fantasies and get on with her successful life. Thank god she eventually did.

I found this story, took your advice, and read Jezzaz's original. I was moved, touched, and appreciative of you for acknowledging a fellow author. Then I came back to your take. Ugh. It's as if the original story dropped bad acid. Then to add insult to injury, you introduce ostensibly Arabic characters who don't speak Arabic, but Farsi. In case you never did research, Farsi is unrelated to Arabic. Farsi is Persian is Iranian. Iranians don't consider themselves Arabic. Confusing common ground of religion, Islam, with non-common ground, race, is an x-factor I haven't figured out yet. Racism? Simple laziness? Just bad story-telling. What's the old adage? Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

Thank you for apprising me of the existence of Jezzaz's original story.

As a continuation of the original: it sucked. The characters changed completely. Mike's colleagues from whatever agency he worked at clearly had no clue about what he was like either. Jake had seemed grateful if angry about the whole thing and said he forgave the wife. Then we come here and he is full of anger and hate. It was like seeing the basic facts of jezzaz story from some alternate universe.

But on its own it was not that bad. A lot of contrived action and almost absurd situations but a fun read despite them.

Most impressive, and well done. I only wish you hadn't made Jake/Pete a super man. He didn't have to be a great hand to hand fighter, arms expert, friend of the spy set, and I don't see any of that much needed for the plot. Likewise I thought everybody struggling in every way to make nice to him all the while insisting it was all for the better, for his own good. Surly they would have agreed with him if only to make nice .

Lastly Jo and his father would have read Mike's letter and burned the sucker. Well that was the necessary suspension of belief bit necessary for the story.

Plus keeping the sword makes him a tomb robber, which the old Pete would never do.

Chilley

I don't have word skills enough to express how much I enjoyed reading this story. It had everything a superior novel should have.

Thank you so very much for the effort this must have required and for sharing it with us. I've loved all your work and this will be tough to top.

Just bloody outstanding, this ranks right up there with the WWWM series, surely the best series on this site. I think this is the finest start to any series I've read, it had all the vital factors, extremely well done qhml1. 5 huge * * * * *

Maddy's not Mike.

Not only psycho and sociopath exist, they too are very human. Some are seemingly "born that way" while others slow go "into their madness" over time, given the conditions. Mike SEEMS to be the latter.

Note: Mike already showed signed of extreme anti-social, even from the earlier years while they're just dating as young men: he would NEVER settle on any girl or woman, other than fucking them a bit; but he always told them from the start, a family was not what he wanted, and they had better know that from the outset. In addition, Mike revealed that in his line of work, LYING CONSTANTLY, to both friends and foes alike, WAS THE ONLY THING they abide by.

And THAT is one of the TOP TRAITS in any and all intelligence agency, in any and all countries around the world. You MUST be able to lie believably through your teeth, to both family and enemies. It is one of the things that'd save you life and the lives of your families.

To me, what's so believable about this Mike character was that he and our hero grew up as best friends and even brothers, since their respective fathers too were best of friends, living only a few dozen feet from each other all their lives.

It would have been MORE DIFFICULT to believe, if our hero tells us he was best friend with a sociopath or a psychopath like the one he met up in the Middle East.

But since they're such good friends all their lives, most of their lives, it's EASIER to believe that Mike could have gone over the deep end.

True, as our hero said, IF A PERSON truly doesn't want to go that route, he could easily/or not so easily find a way to quit his profession. After all, the Blonde Woman, Maddy, does prove that you could join these highly AMORAL governmental organizations AND NOT become out and out sociopath and psychopath.

But in REALITY ==== not in fiction but in reality === we can't know all the PERMUTATIONS of what's going on in the heads of EVERY HUMAN out there, whether they are trash collectors, teachers, policemen and women, soldiers and special forces, or covert agents.

Have you read or seen a bit about the HISTORY OF VLADIMIR PUTIN, our "decisive" and admired generalissimo in charge of Russia the last 15 or so years? What he guy HAD DONE, as he rose up through the ranks of the former KGB... and continues to do, now as the Supreme Leader... SEEMS to cast the actions of this fictional character Mike here amateur and small-time.

And, get this, most Russians, including our Great Billionaire US Presidential nominee Donald J. Trump, think Putin's just a strong, decisive leader. There's a decently investigative documentary on PBS, or one other channel, now on YouTube... about the rise of Putin in Russia from the 1990s on and how he mercilessly cut down most Russians who challenged him, using the craft he learned as an incredibly gifted former KGB colonel (posted in East Germany, from his early days at the Soviet intelligence agency... so Putin naturally excelled at several languages, like our hero here as well as Mike and others in the "S7" group)...

Reat read, nice use of current workd events to craft a mystery for us. Ur hero could surely have further adventures!! And , keep tappi g the ex for old times sake.... just to remind her that she threw her own Indiana Jones to other women..