Mr. Basketball Ch. 10

"Jake," I heard Uncle Burt's voice call. "Forget about that last play. It wasn't there so don't worry about it. You will get it right on the next one."

"I know," I sighed.

He moved down the line and started giving advice to the next guy as I checked the score board. We were down by four at the moment but I wasn't too concerned with that. I glanced back at Randy as he wiped his face again and looked back at me.

"Sorry I fucked that one up," he offered. "I wasn't where you thought I would be."

"We have bigger fish to fry," I offered. "We need to get back into this thing."

"We have the fourth," he smiled.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'm going to drive it right down his fucking throat if he shoves me one more time."

"That's the Jake I'm used to seeing," Randy laughed.

Uncle Burt made his way back down the line and handed me the grease board with lines drawn all over it. "Take a look at that and make it work," he said.

I looked at it and tried to make sense of it all. It looked like a three year old got ahold of it and drew with red and black marker from one end of it to the other. Words were written on it too. Life was in big bold letters. A scribbled line went from here to there then around until I lost track of it in the middle somewhere. Love was the next word that caught my attention. It went around life then got lost in the middle too.

My old number five was circled and had a line coming to or going from life and love before it got tangled in the middle with everything else. Teagan's number 24 was in there too. It went on for a while before it got tangled too. Guilt was on there. Confusion was another. A big question mark sat off to one side with the letters TT in bold. The whole damn thing was confusing as I tried to figure out what the hell it all meant.

"What the hell is this?" I asked.

"Pretty confusing isn't it?" Teagan responded.

I looked at her before I glanced back down at the board. The bench was empty, the building was silent now. It was just Teagan and I sitting there.

"You got that right," I sighed. "What the hell does this all mean? How the hell does Uncle Burt expect me to figure this out?"

I looked at the board again and tried to figure it out once more.

"Don't worry about it so much Jake," Teagan said softly. "Life is confusing. Just follow your heart and let it guide you. I want you to be happy again. Let go of what you are worried about and find happiness again."

I turned to look at her as she spoke these words to me. The seat that she had been sitting in was empty now. The gym was completely silent as I looked around and tried to make sense of everything.

Sunlight softly filtered in through the bedroom window as I woke up. I just laid there calmly thinking about the dream I had just had. Everything on the grease board was still very vivid in my mind. All the words and the lines going in every different direction ran through my thoughts. I could almost draw the thing on a paper from memory. The letters TT stood out the most in my mind. I had called Taylor that quite often over the past four seasons.

Teagan had told me to follow my heart and find happiness again. I wanted to be happy again. Was she telling me that Taylor was the way to happiness? It left me confused. Maybe I was reading into it too much. I lay there thinking still as I tried to come to some sort of conclusion.

My mind drifted from that back to the game itself. We ended up winning by ten that night and became state champions. I remember that like it was yesterday. I ended up taking control of the game in the fourth quarter and scored twenty of our final twenty two points. That asshole that had been pushing me around all night looked stunned every time I drove it down the middle and scored on him.

I missed those days. Life was so simple back then and I had everything in front of me. I tried to figure out where it all went wrong after that. Slowly my mind returned to Teagan and those words again. Then I went back to last night and Taylor. Maybe it was time to move on and try to find happiness again.

I climbed from bed and walked quietly down the hallway to the guest room. The door was open and the bed was made. I went down stairs to see if maybe Taylor was getting in a morning workout. The house was empty as I sat at the kitchen table and drank some juice. I dialed Jenny to see if she could give me some insight on the whole thing.

"Hey Jake," she answered as if she had been expecting my call.

"You sound wide awake this morning," I laughed.

"I woke up early for some reason this morning."

"Intuition," I offered.

"Maybe," she giggled. "So what can I help you with?"

"Who says I need help?" I joked.

"Well," she laughed. "I know you're not calling me to ask me out on a date."

"Why not?"

"Because you know I would say no," she giggled again.

"Ouch," I laughed.

We both laughed before she asked me again what I was calling about. I told her about the fight I had with Jeremy and the thing that had happened with Taylor last night.

"I don't commend you for getting into a fight," she sighed.

"He had it coming to him," I offered. "But that's not the reason I called you. I figured you wouldn't want to hear about me punching somebody."

"You did what you had to do," she offered.

"So what do you think about the thing with Taylor?"

"It's not uncommon for this type of thing to happen," she offered. "Especially with how close you two are to begin with. She feels very connected to you and the feelings are already there. She loves you as a brother so opening up to you is natural since she already trusts you."

"What do you think?" I asked. "Do you find it strange?"

"It depends on the circumstances I guess. I have found some of my cases over the years to be very odd but in your case I don't find it that far from the ordinary. You two have a history so it's more normal than what you might think."

"Does it work?" I questioned.

"Well," she sighed. "It's a fine line to walk. The person who had the loss has to go into it understanding that the brother, sister, cousin, or whoever, isn't going to be the same person that they lost. They have to understand they are basically starting over in a new relationship with a person that they already know. You can't compare the two against each other because the other person already knows they aren't what you had. And don't forget, they lost someone close to them as well."

"I know," I sighed. "I just don't know. I don't want to screw anything up with her and hurt the family any more than what we have already been through."

"That's very understandable," Jenny offered. "Everyone has been through a lot and you don't want to burden them with any more stress."

"Yeah," I sighed again.

"Did you feel anything?" she asked. "Was there something there when you kissed her? That should be the next question you ask yourself before you take anything any further. If there wasn't then you should sit Taylor down and explain why this isn't a good idea."

"I already love her as my sister," I said as I thought. "After the accident I started noticing her for something more than just my sister. There was a spark when we kissed. I felt my desire coming back but... I don't know."

"You feel like it's hurting Teagan in some way," Jenny said.

"Exactly. I know she's gone but I feel like I'm supposed to be there for Taylor and not, I don't know, take advantage of the situation. I couldn't forgive myself if I hurt Taylor."

"You truly loved Teagan, Jake," Jenny said. "Any woman you date will leave you feeling that way for a while. It might be stronger with Taylor because of what she means to you and what she meant to Teagan. What you really need to do is ask yourself if you are ready to date again?"

"I do want to date again. I just don't know if it should be with Taylor."

"What do you think Teagan would think?"

"It's funny you asked that," I sighed. "Jenny, do you believe in ghosts? And don't give me a clinical approach as your answer, give me what you think."

"I've never believed in ghosts," she said honestly. "Where's this going?"

"I had this dream last night with Teagan in it. She told me to find happiness and open up and let go of the pain. It felt like she was telling me that happiness was right in front of me and all I had to do was open my eyes. The only girl I have been seeing lately is Taylor. I don't know what to make of it."

"It could just be your subconscious telling you its time," she offered. "But that doesn't mean that there aren't such things as ghosts or spirits or supernatural things like that in this world. I try to give a clinical approach to everything so I may not be the best for this situation."

I sighed since she wasn't much help with this one.

"I'm going to go out on a limb for you Jake," Jenny offered. "Maybe she is telling you it's time to move on. Don't read into it too much though. She might not be telling you to date Taylor, she might just be telling you to date in general."

"Sometimes I feel that moving on is like me telling her I'm forgetting about her."

"You're not ever going to forget her Jake," Jenny quickly responded. "Time will lessen the hurt but you won't ever forget her. You're just moving forward with your life. She knew you loved her and you wanted to spend your life with her. And for all its worth, you did spend your life with her. It was tragically taken well before you wanted it to be but you gave her all you had with the time you had."

"Yeah," I sighed trying to hold it together.

"Take your time Jake and really think about what you want to do. Remember when I told you to follow your heart? This might be one of those times you need to listen to what it's telling you."

"Teagan said the same damn thing last night in my dream," I said stunned.

"Well," Jenny said. I could feel her smiling through the phone. "Us girls are pretty damn smart."

"I guess," I chuckled lightly.

"Maybe you should listen then," Jenny offered lightly.

"I wish you had some kind of crystal ball that could tell me what was going to happen," I sighed.

"I'm not a psychic," she laughed.

"I know," I sighed. "You could have told me not to drive home that way that night."

"Jacob, stop," she said calmly. "Nobody could have known what was going to happen that night. You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened that night. There was nothing you could have done differently. It was not your fault."

"Why did I have to live and she didn't?" I questioned.

"Jacob," she said softly. "Nobody has the answer for that."

"I know, it just sucks."

"I know it does," she sighed. "The guilt will fade with each day though. You can't keep thinking about the what ifs and focus on the what now. What would she want me to do now? I can tell you this, she wouldn't want you moping around all the time."

"For the most part I don't anymore," I sighed. "I have my bad days though."

"Everyone is going to have those days. It's what you do when you have, those days, that decides if you are going to get better or keep moping around. Push forward and find happiness. Taylor might be a good start."

"Thanks Jenny," I sighed. "I think I'm going to play guitar and let my mind relax for a while."

"Keep in touch with me Jake. Don't be afraid to call me. I worry about you a lot."

"I don't want to bother you all the time," I said. "You have enough crazies to worry about besides me."

"But you're my favorite crazy," she laughed. "And the least crazy one I have."

"Thanks Jenny," I laughed.

"Hey Jake," Jenny said. "I'm glad you quit drinking. I'm proud of you that you did that all on your own."

"That makes two of us," I said smiling.

"Take care of yourself Jake."

"You too."

I picked up the guitar and started picking. I lost myself in the music for a couple of hours before my mind stopped worrying about everything and I felt relaxed.

Every Sunday evening the Tilly's had dinner at their house with the family. After the accident I hadn't been going consistently. Plus with me being drunk all the time I didn't want to show my face around them. Thom was fed up with me for doing what I had been doing. He was probably the happiest of them all when I told him I was off the sauce. I decided that I should make an appearance tonight.

"Hey Jake," Tammy cheered as I walked in the door.

"Hey mom," I smiled giving her a hug.

"It's nice to see you decided to come tonight."

"I hope you made enough to feed me."

"I always make more than enough," she laughed. "How have you been?"

"So, so," I sighed. "I had another nightmare the other night."

"It's going to get better," she smiled. "It just takes time."

"I know."

"Hey Jake," Thom cheered. "Glad you came over."

"Hey dad," I smiled and gave him a hug.

"How have you been?"

"So, so," I sighed again. "I've had better days."

"And nights to I suppose," he smiled.

"Nights?" I questioned.

"Yeah like last night," he started. "What happened last night with you and Taylor?"

The couch ran through my head as I looked at him. How the hell did he know about the kissing?

"Come on Jake," he chuckled. "I know Taylor wasn't where she said she was."

"Oh," I sighed. Now I knew what he was talking about. I had almost forgotten the fight with everything else that had happened last night.

"Where was she?" I asked trying to play it off.

He laughed. "Do me a favor and don't ever go to Vegas to play poker. You have a terrible poker face."

"What are you talking about?" I laughed.

"I know Taylor wasn't where she said she was and you went and got her."

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"Jeremy has Taylor's phone and he sent me an interesting message about last night."

"That fucking scum bag," I hissed. "What did he say?"

"He has a black eye," he said with a slight smile.

"He deserved more than just a black eye. He deserved an ass beating and I was so tempted to give him one too."

"What the hell are you doing punching him?" Thom hissed.

"Did you ask him why he had Taylor's phone?"

"He said she left it there."

"Yeah, because he took it from her and tried to kiss her. She had to hide in the bathroom until I got there to take her home. He got the black eye for being a douche bag when I tried to leave peacefully."

"Holy shit," Thom gasped. "I didn't know it was that serious."

"It wasn't that serious," I said playing it off. "He got put in his place and hopefully that's the end of it."

"Well thank you for getting her out of there safely," he said. "I guess I'm going to have to have a little talk with her."

"Don't say anything please," I begged. "I'm going to take care of it when we get back in the gym. She owes me about a hundred down and backs."

"Alright," he smiled his smile.

"What were you thinking about when I asked you about last night?" he pressed.

"We had a long night," I sighed not giving out to much information.

"Oh?" he said still curious but not pressing anymore. Geez, did the guy know everything?

"I just had a long night talking with her and then I had another screwed up dream. I spent an hour on the phone this morning with Jenny."

"That bad?" he sighed.

"Just weird," I offered.

"Let's eat," Tammy called.

"I don't know how much help I can be but you can talk to me you know," Thom offered. "It might help to get a guy's perspective sometimes."

"I know and I appreciate the offer but Jenny is better suited for what I've got going on."

"You didn't fall off the wagon?" Thom asked with concern.

"No sir," I said quickly. "Nothing like that."

He started leading the way into the dining room so we could sit at the table.

"I had this really weird dream last night," I offered. "I was back in high school and I was playing basketball and Teagan was there. It was just weird and I needed some help trying to figure it out."

"Are you ok?" Taylor asked as we sat down.

"It just rattled me. It felt like she was there...like for real."

"That is strange," Thom offered.

I grabbed the plate as it passed in front of me and took out a small portion before sending it along to Taylor. Her hand touched mine by accident but it made me do a double take. She smiled shyly as she realized what she had done. I gave her a soft smile back and took the next dish from Tammy.

We sat there and had a nice dinner. The conversation was casual and normal for the six of us. Things were a little different between Taylor and I though. We smiled a lot more towards each other and played this little flirty game as we passed things around. It didn't catch any attention from anyone but I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about the whole thing.

Dinner was almost over when I broke the news I was going to head home for the holidays. They seemed to understand the need for me to go home. Teagan and I were supposed to head to Texas this Christmas anyway since that's the way it worked out. We would spend every other here then down there. I thought about not going but I knew I had to get home and see everyone. Thom was generous and offered to take me to the airport in the morning.

I stayed a little while longer after dinner was over and talked with them all. It was nice to be back with the family that I had grown so close to over the past few years. Even with Teagan not around anymore they still loved me and wanted me around. It would be hard for me to break it to them that I was really considering moving back home permanently once Taylor graduated.

I left the house later than I had expected to and started packing for my trip home. After I was done packing I found myself strumming on the guitar in the exercise room. I just wanted to relax and unwind from the day. It was nights like these that I really missed having Teagan around.

I was strumming and singing away when I heard the door open. It wasn't unusual for somebody to stop by. It was happening more and more often now that I was sober again and people weren't afraid to come over and have a laugh with me. I was glad I had quit drinking. I kept playing on singing the next verse to the song.

"She flew up to heaven on the wings of angles, by the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees."

I glanced up and saw Taylor leaning against the door frame as I continued playing. Once I finished she came in and sat down on the love seat quietly. I cleared my throat and smiled at her. I strum a few more cords and decided on something a little lighter for her.

"In the town where I was raised, the clock ticked and the cattle grazed, time passed with amazing grace, back where I come from."

Taylor sat there and smiled as I played and sang until I was finished.

"You're pretty good," she smiled.

"I have been playing a lot these days. It helps me get through. Plus with me going back home I need to be sharp or Gus will ride my ass."

"I wish I knew how to play," she said.

"Why don't you learn?"

"Can you teach me?"

"I can certainly try," I smiled. "Go up to my room and get the other guitar out of my closet."

"Ok," she cheered.

She bolted from the couch and raced up the stairs to get it. She returned quickly and pulled up a chair next to me.

"Let's try to get three cords down for now. You can't learn overnight."

"Ok," she smiled.

"Alright, finger here and here," I started. "Now strum."

She tried but I noticed she didn't have her finger in the right place.

"Here," I said taking her hand. "Move it right here."

She smiled as my hand covered hers and made sure she had it in the right spot. I set back and let her strum. I showed her the next cord and let her find it and play it a couple of times. I let her practice switching back and forth a few times. She missed a few and had to stop and look again. I again placed her fingers on the right cords and got her switching between one then the other.